Conscious Dying: Conscious Grieving: Creating the Change Necessary to Heal

By Cristina Whitehawk

The author welcomes you into her emotionally transforming grief journey created from six weeks before her 39-year old son died in 2013. Six months after his death, the author was diagnosed with stage IIIC cancer. Was there a connection? Conscious Dying — Conscious Grieving is the author's journal. It includes poetry by the author, messages from her son and the Spirit world, about her life, her son's life, and their healing. Access to the grief healing processes used by the author are included in the appendix.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cristina Whitehawk
• Release date: Mar 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9780967954547

Cristina Whitehawk

2 time award-winning authorGifted intuitiveCristina knows and lives beyond what her physical vision reveals.Wisdom keeperMaster Facilitator Heart of Courage Circle of Solutions Life Mastery WorkshopsFacilitates clients calling them home to themselves

Book preview

Embrace your grief. For there, your soul will grow.

- Carl Jung

Other Books by Cristina Whitehawk

Doorways to Daily Soul Nurturance

Inspirational Perpetual Calendar

My Ticket to Ride: From Cancer to Flourishing

(Two-time award winner)

Heart of Courage: Solutions for Undoing What Fear Created

Companion Workbook to My Ticket to Ride: From Cancer to Flourishing

used in the Heart of Courage Circle of Solutions Life Mastery workshops

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(c) 2021 Cristina Whitehawk

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial use permitted by copyright law.

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ISBN 978-0-9679545-8-5 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-0-9679545-4-7 (eBook)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908365

Photo Credits

Author Dedication photo Jodi Lynn Karpes

Chance Age 3, Joshua 24 David Armbruster

Chance Age 12, Joshua Age 33 David Armbruster

Flower Bouquet Cristina Whitehawk

Heart of Courage Cristina Whitehawk

Joshua, 5 months old, sister Lisa age 12 Cristina Whitehawk

Joshua & Lisa. Chance 20 months. Hannah 4 days James Eastwood

Back cover author portrait: Marcia Diane

Editors: Marie Yahner, Kathy Brown

Cover Design/Book Layout & Interior: Debra Gabriel

Contents

Dedication

Author's message

Introduction

Where to begin?

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020

2021

Appendix

Appreciation

About the Author

ReSourcing

Cristina and Joshua

Dedication

Joshua

my son of beloved courage

I salute your strength

your agility

your willingness to press on

when there seems nothing to press on to

Wondrous you are in your regal promise of always

Becoming

becoming the wholeness you already are

and always have been

Author's Message

This book is about my process over the seven plus years since my son Joshua died in 2013 at 39 years of age.

It is my grief journal, my life, my awarenesses, and my unawarenesses. It is a chronicle of the ups and downs of grief as I lived it and continue to live it.

It is not a straight-arrow missive. The story weaves in and out, up and down, around and away, turning back on itself as I come to a greater peace about the death of my son. Grief from Joshua's death is not something I will get over, get through, or fix. It is now a permanent part of my life. This story is about how I look after the grief and what learning it has offered.

How can I embrace it, honor it, tend to it? Integrate it into my life?

How will I embrace it, honor it, tend to it? Integrate it into my life?

To heal the emotional pain of grief, I used and still use the power of forgiveness. As Buddha says:

To understand everything is to forgive everything.

How does forgiveness heal?

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.(Louis B Smedes)

More examples of how I loosen the grasp of grief using forgiveness are throughout this book.

Forgiveness - a great soother - a great healer of all things.

Introduction

Friday October 4, 2019

Meditation

As I centered myself to become ready to write Conscious Dying - Conscious Grieving: Creating the Change Necessary to Heal the following information came to me:

See yourself launching a life-positive book.

See yourself bringing all you have within, without.

See how you harbor so much divine wisdom and knowledge.

Dance with the book.

Born to you was a beautiful son. You named him Joshua. You knew the importance of that name at the deepest levels. You knew he would be strong, he would be loved, and he would be looking for new ways to be on the earth.

Joshua had many talents and gifts. You felt them, yet didn't always know how to allow their expression in ways he felt safe.

All through his years, you made yourself available to him.

When it came time for the cultural separation of son from mother, it terrified him. That is when he discovered the enjoyment of drinking spirits instead of being Spirit.

This saddens your heart 45 years later as we speak of this with you.

You know he didn't do this to hurt anyone, he did it to feel safe hiding all the love you had for him.

Bringing forth this writing almost seven years since he left his physical body will be helpful to many struggling with parenting bright-star children like Joshua was. See, these beings are shocking to their parents. These children are so light filled, parents are stunned and wondering how to be with such ones. You enjoyed Joshua's awarenesses, his way of playing bump ahead with his small cars.

You enjoyed his intelligence and his intuitiveness. Nevertheless, he could not accustom himself to how much love he felt he had to separate from when he became that age.

How was he to connect as an older child/man-to-be with a mother he loved snuggling with? How was he to transfer those feelings?

Large sums of money were given to him by his father, yet there was no love connection for Joshua in that situation; just a money connection. He felt at a loss.

The spirit beverages helped him put that confusion away so he didn't have to live with it.

Eventually he became bewildered as the effects of the alcoholic spirits took their hold on him. He was no longer in charge of how he wanted to be in life, how he wanted to contribute to life, how he could enjoy being in the life of a physical form. This became his cross-to-bear, so to speak. He became hell-bent on living life as a wild child and did a fine job of it. He realizes now, nothing was wasted, nothing was lost. It was his expression of what a soul does when it is sent astray into territory it hadn't planned on. For him it was painful, it was joyful, it was confusing, and more.

For you, it was extremely painful. You wanted so much for him to live a life filled with love and joy. In our eyes, that didn't happen. In your heart, it felt as if something was missing. What was missing was your, and his, inability to let love show you the course. Allow love to set the direction. Permit love to lead the way and fill all that feels like emptiness.

As Joshua became more morose about his inability to detach from the cause of his alcoholic spirits habits, he wanted to leave the physical body and be gone. The liver transplant lengthened his earth stay by a few more years, yet he wouldn't allow himself to become attached to living an earth life. He was done! He knew it.

Why did this take place in your lives? Why was the outcome the way it was with him leaving his physical life ahead of you leaving yours?

Only Joshua can tell you. Only Joshua can be the bearer of the details.

Do you need to know? Not really.

Do you want to know? It doesn't seem you do.

As you say, Life goes on.

You have adjusted well with the healing of the grief from Joshua's leaving and then the grief-caused cancer you experienced six months after he left. You have adjusted your sails to sail seas of

greater love expression. That is good. That is healthy, and that is joyously fulfilling.

Celebrate yourself.

Now the time has come to release into the physical world the vast knowledge and wisdom contained within you. You have sent yourself to schools of mastery on the internal levels. You have grown your heart into new ways of expressing itself. This is marvelous.

Now it is time to share all you choose to share.

Hearts are filled with the beauty of the Divine.

Humans many times become filled with fear, for various reasons, which covers over the Divine beauty within. It becomes pushed to the sides or the back of the heart, covered over with fear. Then it is the fear that speaks out of the heart instead of the Divine beauty.

Occasionally, depending upon the individual, the Divine beauty speaks, and questioning as to its truthfulness ensues.

This sends individuals into a tail-chasing spin about which to believe, the fear or the beauty of the Divine. Since the outer world rarely reflects the beauty of the Divine to a heart filled with fear, this becomes quite bewildering to the individual. Wanting to believe the outer world is real, humans turn their attention to it and step away from the Divine beauty when it speaks. Eventually, when the Divine beauty is no longer allowed a voice, it becomes silent.

As you gift others this information, you are gifting perfection of heart, perfection of soul, and perfection of life. Each reader is blessed in this manner. As you follow the threads of life, you will notice how many of them are purple, how many of them are green, how many of them are yellow, and so on. Each thread looks

unique unto itself, however, it is part of the Whole. The Whole is blanketed by glory and cared-for souls. Each Soul Aspect can be any of the various colors depending upon the threads it is expressing. As the Soul Aspect expresses, it takes on additional thread colors, additional sounds, additional feelings of wholeness.

Remember the Wholeness is infinite therefore it expresses infinitely.

Humans embody certain of the Wholeness' soul characteristics each time they incarnate. Each incarnation brings about new flavors of