Where is THERE? Finding THERE Through Your Calling, Vision and Goals

By Louise Sockett and Lien Els

The principle that goal-setting shapes your future is seldom linked to the origins of what prompts a successful outcome. Without knowing how goals are linked to our future, a goal becomes a mechanical action without a clear direction. After many years working in different industries, fulfilling different leadership roles, and practising as coaches, consultants, and educators, Lien Els and Louise Sockett discovered that goal setting is not the only tool to drive success and that we cannot set clear goals to achieve our vision without first taking each opportunity we are presented with and determining whether it aligns with our unique passion, purpose and values.
 

The pragmatic book, based on real-life situations, centers around eight key areas:

• Recognizing the need for discipline to ensure a good start
• Understanding the power of a passion-driven future
• Developing your competence and confidence
• Identifying your purpose
• Acknowledging how mindset and focus hinder or promote your journey
• Finding your core values
• Formulating your vision
• Using goal-setting processes and methods to set clear goals

This proactive guide is jam-packed with simple yet profound practices explained through stories, diagrams and tables presented in an accessible, easy-to-understand format, guiding the reader to successfully achieving their vision.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Leadership & Coaching Company
• Release date: Apr 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9780620985178

Book preview

Dedication

Lien Els

I dedicate this book to my best friend and loving husband Gert Els, and grandchildren, Anya and Talitha De Wet, Kayla-Lee and Kyle Sockett, Zoé le Roux, and Hanru and Franco Grobler.

Louise Sockett

I dedicate this book to my beautiful little family; my supportive and loving husband Jason Sockett and my two wonderful and understanding teenagers, Kayla and Kyle.

We also wish to dedicate this book to our dedicated readers.

May you enjoy the journey with us and may you achieve massive success in life.

Acknowledgements

We would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the many people in our lives who contributed to the planning, research and writing of our book in the past few months. Never did they hesitate to share their acumen or to challenge the not so good writing to replace it with better and greater thoughts. We had to select a few people from a large group of friends and partners to acknowledge in this book. It does not mean that the added value of those not mentioned here, are viewed as less important. Your selflessness will never be forgotten.

Dr Cedwyn Fernandes, for being a great friend, my mentor, and an extraordinary Director of Middlesex University Dubai. As a dynamic leader, you set the example and the pace to bring out the best in all of us. Thank you, Cedwyn for writing the Foreword of our book. Especially for your inspiration to never just do it, but to follow your vision and leave a legacy. Your legacy will always be our impetus to strive for more and to go deeper, higher, and further, but never to be complacent or allow the same old same.

Sandra Haas for her encouragement and coaching. Your reassuring voice as well as your many challenging questions that drew out the authentic vision and goals for the book will be forever remembered. Hanna du Plessis, a true friend with an endless arsenal of creative ideas, your support and contribution is highly appreciated. Michelle Fernandes for her creative and unique strategies with social media, all those countless revisions and being available whenever we needed her.

Gregg Davies for the book cover design and interior formatting. Louisa Penny for being an incredible editor. You brought wisdom and a critical mind to your questioning and interpretation which added an unmeasurable value to our work. Your sharpness to see what is lacking made the book a valuable resource.

Elze le Roux for being such a great critical reader. Your insight, level of knowledge, the practicality of things and your contribution is something we treasure and appreciate. Carien Grobler for your cheery phone calls to check how much we got done since the previous call. Our progress was on your radar screen since day one. We appreciate your contagious optimism and care. Danie de Wet who always encouraged and checked in to assess, inspire, and pray for us from London.

Our many other cheerleaders, former students, and colleagues, you are a true blessing. Your input was invaluable. Thank you, to all the authors who went before us. We have never met most of you, but your publications gave us a sound base to work from. You shaped our thinking and contributed to our understanding of how to make a difference with our book.

Finally, our family. Jason Sockett, for being a sounding board, for your reading, and unwavering support and belief in Louise. Gert Els, for your analytical observations and suggestions, your sincere care and for staying up at night with Lien to make sure all is well. What do we say to our family who have seen the worst of us when we had to work under pressure to meet deadlines, but still manage to love us unconditionally? Thank you for your friendship, the many intellectual debates, care, love, support, laughter, teasing, humor, and inspiration. You often had to do the cooking, clean the kitchen, do the shopping, and walk the dogs, … without complaining. Now that you know how, you may continue!

Foreword

In life’s journey everyone wants to be the best they can be in whatever they undertake. One does not aim at being average. A person could well turn out to be below average in a particular field or activity despite giving their best. This could be due to their inherent talent level for the task and/or lack of prior training and resources, but they don’t set average as their goal. One does not set out to be an average student, average teacher, average lawyer, average leader, average businessman or aim to make average profits. So how does one perform to the best of our abilities? What knowledge, understanding and skills are required to achieve the best version of ourselves? Where is THERE? provides the route map to lead yourself and others and changing your life from just being (average) to achieving (excelling).

The term Seva in Sanskrit means selfless service. In Vedic philosophy Seva is not an act of philanthropy that must be undertaken to attract the blessings of the Divine nor is it an act of generosity for one to become a better person. Seva transcends these goals and the ultimate purpose of Seva is to teach us to see the Divine in all creations. Seva is a means to see the unity of all creations and to develop the ability to see every human being and other creations as an extension of oneself. Michael Tomasello a Development Psychologist believes that human beings by nature are born with an urge to help. It is innate and is not done to gain something. The authors of Where is THERE have written this book to provide guidelines not only to lead ourselves but more importantly, in the spirit of Seva, to consider others to be an extension of themselves, enabling them to also lead others from just being, to achieving.

My personal philosophy is that if you are to become the best version of yourself in a chosen field or even life you need to have the (1) inherent talent to excel in that field, the (2) resilience to carry on and not quit at the first obstacle and the (3) support network of resources like family or mentors who will guide you on your path to develop competencies, provide resources, enhance personal growth and to make a difference. Where is THERE can be your mentor in this journey to equip yourself for what you want to achieve. Its authors Lien Els and Louise Sockett have shared their learnings imbibed over many years of working with people across cultures and age groups in simple and lucid terms.

I have worked with Lien for 15 years and Louise was a top performing student at the university I work in. Lien has been my mentor for many years and has always been someone who selflessly helped others to achieve to the best of their ability. During her time at the university, I have experienced firsthand the lives she touched. Just one of the examples from a student of Lien’s who had lost her sister:

"I do not know if you remember me, but I was one of your students a few years ago. You helped me through a very tough time in my life that I was not entirely sure I would make through. I just wanted to share some things with you that only happened to me because of you...

+ I graduated

+ I got married

+ I lived"

Let’s all make a positive difference to our own and the lives of others. This book is the first step in getting you THERE.

Dr. Cedwyn Fernandes

Pro-Vice Chancellor Middlesex University

Director Middlesex University Dubai

Recommendations

from our Readers

To give momentum to the distribution of our book, we have asked a few people to write a recommendation based on their experience of our book. The feedback is heartwarming, and we trust that you will enjoy reading the book, but more importantly, we trust that you will grow.

"In life, we should not just strive to achieve, but grow while on the journey. We need to be disciplined, stay the course and we need to stay true to our values in getting there. In Where is THERE Lien and Louise guide us through these truths and use their passion and gifts, underpinned by a wealth of coaching experience, to help us define where there is for ourselves. Where is THERE emphasizes that without goals we are just passengers of life, but with achievable goals, confidence, and momentum in the execution of purpose, we can leave a legacy that benefits others as well. Lien and Louise inspire us because they didn’t just write about it … they are living it."

Werner van Straaten

Senior Vice President

Country Manager

AECOM, Qatar

Where is THERE? – a question frequently asked by successful business professionals! How to bridge success to significance with the necessary tools to persevere. In this book, Lien and Louise will take you THERE, step by step!

Andre van Heerden

Managing Director: Europe and Middle East

Cape Reed

Lien Els and Louise Sockett provide a clear enunciation of the oft-quoted adage There is nothing as practical as a good theory. They write, An active learning environment nurtures both - theory is a becoming-practice, and practice is a becoming-theory. Theory provides a structure, a coherence to practice while practice provides a validation to theory. One cannot, should not, exist without the other. The theory that Els and Sockett offer is nothing short of grand: it is the theory of living one’s life to the fullest. We may not end up being the very best at what we do, but we will certainly become the best possible version of ourselves. Having known Lien Els for over a decade, I know that she lives by the values that she espouses. The advice and guidance that is offered in Where is THERE", is not advice given in a vacuum. It is advice and guidance born out of life-long practice, it recognizes the difficulties that will be present and, yet, at the end of it all, it will lead us THERE, where we would like to be."

Prof. Ajit Karnik

Professor in Economics

Middlesex University Dubai

This is a masterpiece from Dr. Lien Els, a life coach with extensive knowledge in HRM executive training in the Middle East and around the world. It would help managers and entrepreneurs to develop as mentors and leaders and enable those they lead to deliver at the highest level. They will learn how to gain momentum and get ready for their own odyssey where they would finally understand how to reach Ithaca, while being able to motivate and equip others with right set of values. The book highlights the journey of personal development that HRM and leadership requires and elaborates on key competencies and dimensions that make up a leader’s imprint.

Prof. Evangelos Moustakas

Professor in Digital Transformation

Middlesex University Dubai

"The authors manage to successfully entice the reader going to that vulnerable place of finding their THERE. One is encouraged along the journey of rediscovering one’s passions, potential and purpose, all wrapped around one’s values reaching the ultimate level of self-actualization - unique to everyone.

Once established, it doesn’t just leave you in that state of vulnerability as it beautifully transitions into practical methods and tools, assisting the reader to determine Where is THERE. It is almost a testimony of the care and responsibility the authors are demonstrating, guiding their audience towards a self-help destination by setting goals and driving toward achieving it. A testimony of passion, deep knowledge and decades of experience culminating in this masterpiece.

It is brave, it gives hope, and it could transform lives. It is a must read."

Pieter van Huyssteen

Senior Director: Europe and Middle East

Ellucian

"Practical, inspirational, life changing … that about sums up this book! This book has helped me figure out where is THERE, where is it that I wanted to go on both a personal and professional level. The authors take you on a journey of self-discovery and with their practical tools, stories, and methods the reader can answer that important question of where is it that I want to go with my life or business.

This is a must read for anyone who wants to achieve more, do more and be more!"

Dan Scarlata

Business Owner and PADI Course Director

Canary Islands

Anyone dreaming of doing more and achieving their goals should read this! This book help you discover your true passion, purpose, values and provides practical steps on setting an aligned vision and then breaking it down into goals. The tools and techniques in this book support the reader to not only dream of doing more but achieve more!

Shona Northey

PADI Instructor

Canary Islands

Introduction

If there’s a book that you want to read, but if hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.

Toni Morrison

"Something powerful happens when you

put pen to paper."

Unknown

How do we grow and flourish in a world obsessed with everything but the authentic development of who we are and what we can be?

How much time do we claim for ourselves to contemplate what life beyond the borders of Monday holds?

We live in a dynamic world, known for its tectonic shifts in how people want to be developed and how they see themselves. We must learn to be vigilant to what matters in each generation, age group, cultural group, how education level, values, beliefs, and environment impact the choices people make, and how much time they want to spend on something as intangible as personal growth. Even how people learn, and their learning preferences matters more than ever before. We acknowledge the pressure of it all and what it requires to be one step ahead. The more important questions though, is, "How do we know and understand how to get from where we are, to ‘THERE’? Where is THERE?

The purpose of this book, therefore, is to simplify your journey and to guide our fellow travelers along life’s highways and gravel roads to recognize what it is that falls short. What knowledge, understanding, and skills do we need to be fully equipped for what we want to achieve? The book Where is THERE? includes the themes of personal growth, self-discipline, passion and competence, purpose, values, vision, methodical and purpose driven goal setting, goal achievement, and wellbeing. Every chapter clearly points to the central theme of goal setting and goal achievement.

Drawing on their experience, their learning, their informal and formal education, Louise, and Lien are on a mission to influence the personal growth of those they serve.

The origins of our calling

This book is unlike any other personal development book you would have picked up before. What makes Where is THERE? unique is the way the authors communicate with you, their reader. The authors are both highly educated, well-travelled, cultured and more than qualified to write this as they draw on their combined research, education, and experience. They will tell you stories, both well-known and new. They will draw on every resource from literature to science to myth. They will use examples from Elon Musk to Shakespeare to make their meaning crystal clear, and to demonstrate how interconnected and important we all individually are. But they also draw on their mother and daughter dynamic. Each chapter contains personal stories from both Lien and Louise’s lives, and it is this unique perspective and storytelling technique that sets Where is THERE? apart. Both were born in South Africa, 27 years apart, both had a passion to empower the powerless, to equip, and to challenge them to embrace change. Although they represent different generations, the foundation of a principled life is a common denominator. Furthermore, they share the desire to have an impact on the lives of those who want to grow and have the desire to realize their vision. Their mutual calling is their strongest bond.

Louise Sockett

I became captivated with personal and leadership development following a pinnacle shift in my life when my eldest sister passed away. One day we were exchanging our secrets, laughing together, and having fun, and the next day, she was gone. We all encounter adversity and grief uniquely; for me, facing the significant challenge to come to terms with her passing, was what served as a wake-up call. Through this challenging period of my life, I had a profound awakening inside of me which I couldn’t ignore. I didn’t want to carry on aimlessly, or just live life; I wanted to thrive!

With this newfound inspiration, the genesis of TLC Co began. My mother Lien and I developed TLC Co to support individuals and businesses to break through the barriers holding them back, learn to lead themselves to lead others, to create an aligned vision and go from just being to achieving.

Lien Els

Caring about others started when I was five years old. Elizabeth, my best friend, was an African girl who grew up with me on the farm where her parents worked for my dad. When the day arrived for me to start my school career, I assumed Elizabeth would sit next to me in class.

No, my mom said, Elizabeth’s dad does not want her to go to school yet.

My innocent solution was for my father to talk to Elizabeth’s dad and convince him to let her come to school with me. My mom, cornered by her own argument, explained that Elizabeth’s father could not afford tuition. Again, my simple solution was that my dad would pay her school fees. That’s when mom told me that the Government would not allow her to go to the same school.

Heartbroken, I started to teach Elizabeth what I learned in school each day. And in return she taught me to play the Grover Jaw Harp and to braid mats made from the reeds in the swamp - a partnership that lasted for many years.

That was my first encounter with Apartheid.

Many more would follow over the years, until it reached a proverbial climax in the middle eighties when I enrolled for my PhD, with the title, translated into English: Equal Educational Opportunities in a Society of Cultural Pluralism. A Historical-comparative Study.

The next day I was summoned to an urgent meeting with the Dean. The only item on the agenda was the controversy of my thesis’s title and the crucial changes required before I would be allowed to proceed. However, there was no way I was going to give up on my life’s dream. To finish my thesis, I went back to my previous University in the same city where inclusivity was familiar and acceptable. The awareness and sensitivity that developed during my research can never be minimized or denied. My sincere gratitude for the deeper understanding of what it is like for others to be regarded as different will be forever cherished. I have learned to recognize that acceptance is better than tolerance or an obsession with how people are different and why being different must be a weakness. The world was not created for the perfect among us. We live in a broken world and all we really own is who we are and who we become.

Louise and I both fight for what is right in the world - a better world is only possible when we humble ourselves and make it better. We share a passion for wanting to develop an awareness of who and what we are, and how we can make a difference in where people end up in life. Questions we always reflect on are:

What does it take to develop people in such a way that they want more, want to become more, and want to embark on an adventure of life-long learning?

What does it take to empower and equip people in such a way that they can one day look back on life and say to themselves, ‘I’ve made it … big time!’

What does it take to share the collective wisdom gathered over a period of 70 years?

The answer lies in two words: I will. We’re not here to stick our toes in the water, we’re here to make waves. And with that, we link our purpose with our vision.

The birth of our vision

It happened in 1987 in Pretoria where we lived at the time. Louise’s eyes were focused on the beautiful little girl on her lap, their laughter loud and happy. Suddenly, I saw tears running from Louise’s eyes.

What’s wrong?, I asked concerned. Louise, around ten years old, got up and whispered in my ear, The little girl has a pin in her underwear, and it is hurting me.

Both children went with me to the washroom to adjust the pin holding the shabby clothes together in a more suitable manner, and to console a teary Louise.

Why are some people so poor? Louise asked me on our way home from our weekly soup kitchen and ministry work in one of the poorest neighborhoods in the city.

How does one explain to a child what poverty is and why people are poor? I had no simplistic and honest answer to give my then ten-year-old, but my heart was bleeding. On that day a vision started forming that would change both our lives: Make a difference.

Years later, a Chinese proverb, Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime, summarized what our own words failed to explain. Our vision, together with the proverb, prompted many creative ideas of how we could develop competences and enhance personal growth to make a difference. Our conclusion was that we must dedicate our passion and time to people development and growth if we wanted to make a life-long difference. We must facilitate a learning process where people could learn "how to catch a fish" and become a confident, competent, and content person.

The intention throughout is aimed at thorough research of what works in the complex world we live in – both in theory and in practice. The content of our book challenges the reader to put a high value on their future and to go for it with grit and tenacity. The comprehensive reference list at the end, opens a door for the reader to explore some of the readings that could help them further their personal growth and awareness. This is what successful people of the likes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet did.

Bill Gates, the world-renowned tech entrepreneur and business tycoon, and Warren Buffet, American investor, business mogul, and chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, are both avid readers. They accredit their intelligence to their capacity to read excessively. Bill Gates reads a minimum of one hour per day. He even takes weeklong vacations to catch up on his reading and would literally take boxes (of books) out to a beach place and sit there for a week reading them day and night and scribbling on them.

Warren Buffet spends 80% of his day reading. In his own words, I read and read and read. I probably read five to six hours a day.¹ The more we read, the more we know, the more we understand. The more we do… the better our chances to be successful in life.

In addition to being successful businessmen, the outcome of their excessive reading granted both Bill Gates and Warren Buffet the opportunity to develop a deeper understanding of what people need to enable them to look after themselves. They invested their energy, time, and money to educate and empower those around them, and to provide learning opportunities that would enable many individuals to become successful. As Andrew Carnegie once said, "A man’s reading program should be as carefully planned as his daily diet, for that too is food without which he cannot grow mentally, and may we add, or help others to achieve success".

Where to from here?

It does not matter where we come from or where we currently are in our learning journey. What matters is where we are going. The unfortunate argument that we do not need to study the theory of anything and even that we do not need knowledge anymore, flares up every now and then. Simply horrifying, and here is why. When people engage in a debate of whether theory (knowledge) or practice (application of theory) should be the ultimate learning preference, something is wrong. An active learning environment nurtures both - theory is a becoming-practice, and practice is a becoming-theory. ²It is an endless rotation of learning and enrichment that cannot be stopped without disastrous results. If it matters where we are going, such a debate will not take us there. How many times have you heard the popular proverb knowledge is power or wisdom is power? The origin of this proverb is often attributed to Francis Bacon in his book Meditationes Sacrae, and Human Philosophy written in 1597. Knowledge is still power today. We need coherent learning materials and practices inclusive of both theory (what and why?) and practice (how?).

Diagram 1: Theory and Practice, helps you to understand the balance we need to function in the demanding world around us.

Diagram 1: Theory and Practice

Is this book for you?

Anyone can read this book. Typically, books and articles on personal growth cannot be limited to a specific gender, age, or any other group for that matter. We all need personal growth to be who we must be. In addition to anyone, the emphasis is also on our working population who must set and achieve goals on a regular basis. The book, Where is THERE?, has been designed to replace uncertainty with confidence, frustration with momentum and the ability to set achievable goals for real world problems in real time. It provides a holistic picture and depth of knowledge and practice to be successful in the execution of purpose, values, vision, and goal management.

A variety of activities, such as Identifying my Personal Values, Designing a Vision Board, our Wheel of