In the Light I Rise: A True Story of Emerging Triumphant From Setbacks

By Jackie W. Chung

"How do you know you are going to rebuild yourself after a setback in life?"

Jackie Chung defied centre of gravity to rebuild herself after a traumatic setback that brought her to her knees for ten years.

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: Mar 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885040280

Jackie W. Chung

Jackie Chung, CFA, is a senior executive and leadership coach with 20+ years of corporate accomplishments in business strategy and new market development. She has worked in Canada, the UK, France, and Hong Kong for Morgan Stanley, TD, and DuPont, among others. Jackie earned her MBA from INSEAD and her Diploma in Coaching from NYU. She is a fellow of Harvard Medical School's Institute of Coaching. Over a decade ago, while helping a friend, Jackie suffered an attack of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Syndrome, hampering her brain functions. Thus began a ten-year saga. Today Jackie is grateful to have emerged triumphant to start a new beginning. She feels called to pass on hope and light and her learning to help others rebuild themselves.

Book preview

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ADVANCE PRAISE FOR IN THE LIGHT I RISE

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What an amazing book! I started reading it this morning, and I couldn’t stop. I can relate my own experiences to the stories. Reflecting on our setbacks and changing attitudes are important. Your book will go a long way to helping people rise from adversity and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~ Al Livy, Retired Bank Manager

Jackie shares her personal journey of self-discovery, setbacks and triumphs to help us navigate our own traumas or life challenges. An inspiring book that not only shows that if she can do it, I can do it but also provides the torch light to help us find our way.

~ Jasmine Thorpe

I admire the vulnerability and I appreciate the wisdom shared in this book – everyone needs to hear it.

~ Maggie DiStasi, PCC

IN THE LIGHT I RISE offers practical guidance on how seeing possibilities in adversity can turn trauma into triumph. Author Jackie Chung’s personal journey of bouncing back from setbacks, combined with insights from psychology, neuroscience, and the business world, inspires us to escape the iron cage of expectations and self-limiting beliefs that derail our personal and professional lives. Chung invites us to rewrite the stories that we tell ourselves and offer our unique gifts to the world.

~ Kate Sikerbol, PhD, Change Practitioner

Your book, IN THE LIGHT IN RISE, is different from similar books out there. It is a heartfelt journey of discovery and resilience, full of practical advice based on real experience for those people (everyone!) who have experienced trauma of any kind. I can see why you are such an effective people builder.

~ Angus Buchanan

I felt like you’re talking to me. I see myself in your book, and it truly encouraged me to look deep inside. I’ve been suppressing my emotions to look strong for my family and friends as I marched on to chase my dream. Your book motivated me to accept my past and current challenges and allow myself to feel mad, sad, and angry. Every story you told was amazing. Anyone can relate to it and learn how we can turnaround challenges when we pause and reflect on it.

~ Getnet Ejigu, Registered Nurse at Toronto Hospital

IN THE LIGHT I RISE provides a deep and fascinating personal perspective into how Jackie dealt with a life-changing setback and her journey finding her way back to a meaningful life with her husband Henry on her side. An open and honest account of the ups and downs over many years, elegantly put into perspective by insights into how other individuals turned around their setbacks into setups for success, from Holocaust survivor Dr. Eger to young Anita dealing with her career aspirations.

~ Soren Petersen, Associate Director of Strategy

While reading IN THE LIGHT I RISE, I gained a deeper understanding of how difficult it was on my best friend when she suffered a traumatic setback in life. Now I know how to support my friend to face her difficult past bravely and rebuild herself. I found the courage and honesty to share one’s own story commendable. I could feel the passion and love coming through.

~ Maria Lau, PhD, Deputy University Librarian

As I read through your book, I started to reflect on my own life. I realized what had caused my mental struggles over the years was just my reality. Now I can talk about what had happened confidently, objectively, and with a smile.

~ Tjeerd Hendel-Blackford, Director of International Sales

Remarkable… I am deeply impressed with the marvelous job that Jackie has accomplished, sharing with us honestly and effectively how to deal with setbacks with a growth mindset. I would think the Light not only comes from the people she met but also from her deep faith in God.

~ SM Tsang, Educational Psychologist

Nuggets of wisdom throughout, from the lived experience of a great business strategist turned leadership coach who shares her ten-year journey in rebuilding herself after an unexpected health challenge brought her to her knees. This book provides insight into how to reframe and rise above adversity.

~ Colm Mulcahy, Behavioural Economist

In the Light I Rise

A True Story of Emerging Triumphant From Setbacks

Jackie W. Chung

New Degree Press

Copyright © 2022 Jackie W. Chung

All rights reserved.

In the Light I Rise

A True Story of Emerging Triumphant From Setbacks

ISBN

978-1-63730-688-8 Paperback

978-1-63730-778-6 Kindle Ebook

979-8-88504-028-0 Ebook

Contents

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Introduction

PART 1. HOW WE GET THERE

Chapter 1. The Truth about Overcoming Your Setbacks

Chapter 2. How Conventional Wisdom Leads Us Astray

Chapter 3. The Science behind Setback Grief: Your Brain and Your Psyche

Chapter 4. Why Now

PART 2. PRINCIPLES OF SETBACK GRIEF: HOW TO REGAIN YOUR STRENGTH AFTER A SETBACK

Chapter 5. Pause, Don’t Fight

Chapter 6. Reflect

Chapter 7. Feel, Accept, and Own

Chapter 8. Let Go

PART 3. BUILDING YOUR LIFE AFTER SETBACK GRIEF

Chapter 9. Bounce Forward and Build on Your Setback

Chapter 10. Flip Your Setback around to Your Advantage

Chapter 11. Create a Meaningful Life in Accordance with Your Values

PART 4. FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Chapter 12. Family and Friends: When Your Loved Ones Encounter Setbacks

Acknowledgments

Notes

About the Author

For Henry, the love of my life.

And,

for all the strangers

who lent me their helping hands

along my journey of recovery and discovery.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

—John 1:5

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.

—Joseph Campbell

Introduction

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The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

—

MARCEL

PROUST

I Call Auschwitz an Opportunity

How could she say this?

It’s March 10, 2021.

I am attending an author interview organized by my book writing program. The speaker is Dr. Edith Eva Eger, a ­ninety-three-year-old survivor of Auschwitz, the notorious Nazi death camp. She published her first book at age ninety. I am curious about the speaker because she had turned around a terrible setback in life to get to where she is. I had just begun my book writing journey to share my personal experience in rebuilding myself after an unexpected setback. So, I thought, Dr. Eger might be a good role model for me.

What I just heard is shocking. I can’t imagine she said this. How can this ninety-three-year-old woman who survived Holocaust call Auschwitz—the notorious Nazi death camp—an opportunity?

To me, this seems more like a terrible setback in life, an adversity, a trauma…

My mind drifts to my own terrible setback in life…

In late 2009, amid trying to help a friend, I was afflicted by a debilitating health challenge that affected my brain functions. Thus began a ten-year saga to Dante’s Inferno and back.

So What Happened to Me?

Let me tell you my story.

I am environmentally sensitive. I am ultra-sensitive to certain chemicals present in the environment. Even strong household cleaning products can make me sick. Unlike allergies, which chemical products I am sensitive to cannot be diagnosed upfront. My only defense is to get away immediately whenever I feel something’s wrong around me.

My medical condition had never stopped me from having a fulfilling life and a rewarding career. I earned my MBA from INSEAD (Institut Européen d’Administration des Affaires), a top-ranked global business school in its Fontainebleau campus in the suburb of Paris, France. Then I earned the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) credential and went on to become VP and head of marketing Europe for a division of Morgan Stanley, a leading investment bank, in its London, UK office.

For family reasons, I quit my big job to relocate back to Toronto, Canada. Unbeknownst to me, my last day at Morgan Stanley turned out to be the historical event 9/11. No ­suitable job could be found in the financial industry in the next three years. With luck, strong will, and grit, I built a successful research and advisory firm specializing in ­providing research insights on technology disruptions in Canada’s capital markets.

In 2009, I was running my firm for the seventh year, making presentations to securities regulators in Canada, speaking at professional conferences, and interviewing with reporters everywhere. I was on top of the mountain, feeling successful, happy, and fulfilled. The last thing I would imagine was something bad was about to push me off the mountaintop into Dante’s Inferno.

Early that year, I learned a high school friend from my hometown in Hong Kong was going through a personal trauma. So, I invited her to visit me in Toronto that summer. My friend came late in September instead, days before my planned results release for a major research study I worked on for the entire year. Worse, she brought with her the suitcase she stored her winter clothes with an old-fashioned household chemical product, to which I was highly sensitive.

When my friend opened her suitcase, a rush of chemical smells dashed out. I heard myself screaming out, Oh no! but it was too late. Within a minute or two, I was overwhelmed by an incredible headache, which I had never had before. It felt as if ten thousand twelve-inch-long needles were piercing my head from all directions, and a metallic vice was tightening around my forehead. My mind started getting blurry. The room started spinning. I fell two steps backward. My husband Henry had to grab me from behind to help me keep my balance.

Henry asked, What’s the matter, honey? Are you okay?

I knew what was the matter. It was the household chemical that had always caused me trouble. My mom and grandma used it, too. When I was a kid, it always gave me a bad headache. It’s warm and humid in Hong Kong all year round though, so families there would keep their windows and doors opened even in winter. With our severe winters in Toronto, we would keep our windows and doors closed and turn on the heat. Winter came early that year. We already had the heat on. Within minutes, the chemical fumes infiltrated our house. I felt like screaming. I should have run away immediately. I couldn’t run away this time because this was my own home. I had nowhere to escape to. Plus, I had to finish my research report, draft my press release, and get ready to talk to the media. So, I decided to persist with my willpower.

In the next few days, my incredible headache got worse. I was struggling to complete my research report, so I delayed the research results release. Another week later, my friend left for Calgary. At that point, my headache had become unbearable. I became hysterical about the chemical fumes in our home. Henry took me to his parents’ place and asked his mom to watch over me. He was wondering what was going on with me. Even though he complained about the horrible smells released by my friend’s household chemical product, he wasn’t affected the same way because he wasn’t environmentally sensitive.

At my in-laws’ place, I couldn’t think clearly anymore. For the first time in my life, the evening news sounded like Greek. When Henry called me from work, I couldn’t remember what he had said two sentences before. My five senses started getting hypersensitive. Suddenly, the kitchen fridge sounded like a ten-thousand-strong army. My father-in-law’s snores sounded like thunder rumbles. When my mother-in-law was cooking, I felt like I was trapped inside a sauna filled with unknown odd smells. When I looked outside, I could see a hummingbird flying between branches a hundred feet away.

Three days later, a conference I had signed up for came up. I decided to attend it in the financial district. At the conference, I felt like everyone was welding a chemical weapon at me. Before the day ended, I was taken to the emergency room at Toronto General Hospital in an ambulance.

Henry dashed to the hospital to find me. In the emergency room, the doctor asked me to stand up and walk. She stopped me immediately and told me I couldn’t walk a straight line. She said my four limbs were swinging in different directions. Then the doctor examined my face. She said my facial muscles were bouncing out of sync when I talked. Since I wasn’t dying immediately, the emergency room doctor gave me a long list for my family doctor to set up follow-up medical appointments. It was three o’clock in the morning when I was discharged from the emergency room. Henry was horrified. He wanted me to stay home with him so he could take care of me.

For the next five to six months, I got shuffled around the medical silos. My family doctor sent me to six different specialists. The specialists sent me to do a battery of laboratory tests. All I remembered was one CT head scan and two biopsies at the hospital. Three ultrasound scans in different places. Four blood tests with fourteen big vials of blood taken, and many other tests. I still remember how hurting and draining the two biopsies were. I slept almost nonstop for a week after that. One day, I finally looked up the mirror when I was washing my hands, and I heard myself screaming out hysterically:

No! No! No-o-o-!

I started crying uncontrollably. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me. It was my mom! In the reflections of the mirror, suddenly, I looked twenty-five or even thirty years older. My beautifully shiny and naturally black hair was gone, replaced by an avalanche of grays!

Meanwhile, I got lost everywhere—even ten minutes from my home. Henry had to dash out from work to rescue me every second day. Forget about the Harvard Business Review. I couldn’t even understand Hello! magazine. If you counted one through five with me, I could not repeat after you. For the first time in my life, I was scared. Suddenly, I lost my intelligence, my comprehension, my memory, and my ability to learn. I lost myself.

My life stopped in the middle of the air. My career got truncated. I never finished the research report I had worked on for a whole year. It took me seven years to relearn my professional skills and ten long years in total to rebuild myself. When my health challenge started, I was in my forties. By the time it ended, I was over fifty. It was a traumatizing experience for me. Even after I had returned to good physical health in 2018, for the next two to three years, I continued to have nightmares coming from my trauma.

Looking back, I realized my desire to push through my setback during the first eight years of my journey in rebuilding myself might have caused my nightmares. I was trying to overcome my unexpected health setback by pushing through with my willpower. I suppressed my negative emotions and refused to accept what had happened to me. I was just helping a friend in need. Why did I get a debilitating health crisis as my reward? I should be angry, frustrated, and sad. Instead, I pretended nothing had happened. I even made fun of myself like this:

I got one CT head scan, two biopsies, three ultrasound scans, four blood tests, five hospital visits, six specialists, and fourteen big vials of blood taken by the vampire. What a VIP treatment!

By doing this, I inadvertently built a mental prison and locked up myself in it. The harder I pushed through, the more I suppressed my negative emotions, the more it became taboo for me to talk or even think objectively about what had really happened to me. I made assumptions