I Decided to Laugh

By MJ Stroman

The purpose and mission of my writing this book is to bring awareness to parents, especially single parents, about Childhood Sexual Abuse. I have shared my story hoping that it will ring the alarm in homes where there are children on how Childhood Sexual Abuse is a silent, invisible killer in our community. I decided to shine a light on how Trau

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tamika INK
• Release date: Mar 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9781088022979

Book preview

Introduction

L

et’s be clear; this is not a book to bash my mother. I am simply telling my story to educate other parents, especially single mothers. My goal is to spread awareness, educate, and get the government to make stiffer laws and rehabilitation for child sex offenders to stop the cycle of repeated sex offenders. I wanted to be candid and transparent to show the real emotions and effects that childhood trauma has on a child. I felt I needed to show the scars, the pain, and the damage that one has to mask when violated. I needed to sound the alarm to show the long-term effect of childhood trauma on a child that grows into an adult. I also wanted to acknowledge that the trauma of childhood sexual abuse, if not treated, will show up later in our adult lives. And if not treated, it will spill out on our children while we are raising them.

One of my goals for writing this book is to allow single parents, especially single mothers, to know what happened to them has not gone overlooked or unnoticed, it was not their fault, and that they can start their healing process today. I want all mothers, especially single mothers, to know that they are very important, they have the most important job on the face of the earth, and they matter. We can not change the past, but we can learn from it and reshape our future.

My mother was a great provider, and her love language was giving my sister and me the best that money could buy. My mother was not affectionate, but she loved us. My mother ruled her household with fear and an iron fist due to a father not being in the home. She did not know that having a candid conversation with her children could have worked out better than fear.

I have found as a mother that talking with my children is extremely important and very effective. Keeping it real and telling them the truth about everything with boundaries works. I spoke to my children in their language so they could understand and hear me. I tried to meet them individually where they were. My mother was doing the parenting job alone, some things fell through the cracks.

Both parents are essential because what one parent doesn't see, the other parent is supposed to see. Due to the weakness that is evident with one parent, the person who raped me, who was supposedly a friend to my mother, not a boyfriend, was able to betray her trust. Sex offenders need to be rehabilitated and incarcerated for their crimes. Sex offenders need mental help and therapy.

During my research, I found that most sex offenders were raped or molested. They either assume the role of a sex offender, or they act out with intense and uncontrollable anger. I found that some people are bitter. Rage can lead to a possible murder. The reason why sex offenders act out in rage is to prevent anyone from violating them again.

Parents need to talk to their children about sex offenders and being sexually violated. That should be a topic of conversation in the home the same way you talk about boys, girls, sex, drugs, and sex trafficking. It should also be discussed in our churches, schools, recreation centers, and even the White House. We need to teach our children that a sex offender could be in our family, a family member, a close family friend, or someone they do not know.

Single parents often work to provide for their children, and things sometimes happen on our watch that we didn’t see coming. Not because we were negligent or not a good parent, but because we are focused on doing a job meant for two people. My mother was a single parent, and she did a great job. The person that raped me repeatedly was someone that my mother trusted, and she believed he had her back. That is the profile of most pedophiles. Our children need to be in healthy, well-rounded environments.

A healthy environment provides the necessary ingredients our children need to develop into the great people they were destined to be. God has great things in store for us; however, the devil's goal is to steal them, kill them, or ultimately destroy everything God has stored up for us. We must learn how to combat the devil and get back what was stolen from us. We also need to teach our children how to submit themselves to the Lord, and the devil will flee from them. What I mean is, we must start to tell our children the truth about life and what goes on in life. We must stop assuming they are too young to talk to about certain things.

When we as a parent fail to talk to our children and explain the right way and tell them why it is imperative to listen and be obedient, that’s when we open up the door for the streets to talk to them and train them. I know this sounds impossible, but it will be if we don’t do anything. We must save our children and provide great examples (even if we are parenting as a single parent). Ask your children questions but provide a comfortable and conducive environment for them to trust you with their conversation. That is very important in a relationship between children and their parents. So much stuff happens in the course of the day with us parents, can you imagine what your children must go through?

If we start talking to them when they can speak, the conversation won’t be hard later. Parents, talk to your sons and daughters. Make them comfortable to talk to you about anything and everything. However, you must set boundaries because they are your children and not your friend. We are raising great sons and daughters. God has entrusted us with the greatest assignment in the world, raising His children. Always remember we have to give an account to God for the job we’ve done. So let’s do the best job ever!

What The Devil Meant For Bad

W

hen a woman is pregnant with a child, that is supposed to be one of the happiest times in her life. Bringing new life into the world is a sign that God is still doing great things. But sometimes, we can make things complicated with the decisions that we make. I am a child born out of a secret affair. It was secret because my father was married and had a family. I was conceived out of an unhealthy situation.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

We must think about the decisions that we make. My parents did not plan my conception. However, God knew about my arrival. My parents were messing around, and my mother got pregnant. The Bible says in Numbers 32:23 that our sin will find us out. My father knew that he had a wife and children at home, but he still decided to mess around with my mother. I do not believe that he would have messed around with my mother if he knew that a child would be conceived from his actions. My parents decided without thinking about the ramifications of their actions. These kinds of decisions are made every day. Children are born in these kinds of situations, which leads to single parenting, broken homes, and our children being broken due to these decisions.

This is the first problem I encountered as a newborn baby entering the world. This is a situation that a lot of children face at the beginning of their lives. Shortly after I was born is when I encountered abandonment and rejection. As a child, the devil had already set a trap for my life in plain sight, and nobody recognized his moves. That’s how the devil works. He gets a foothold into your space when you’re not looking, and he sits there until he can make a bigger impact. He’s quiet, cunning, and strategic about his work because his purpose is to ruin your life and keep you from your destiny and the great things God has stored up for you.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

Life is like a maze with a lot of paths. You have to decide which path you want to take. As a parent, you are the authority for your children. Parents make the initial decisions for their children, and those decisions determine which paths and directions your children will take in life. And that’s exactly what he did in my life.

He came after me as a baby, and he started with eliminating my father from my life.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

The first man that a girl falls in love with is her father. If her father is absent, it leaves a void in her heart and her life. Suppose her father has abandoned and rejected her from the beginning of her life; that sets a pattern for her life unless that cycle is broken. How are other men that she meets after the rejection and abandonment of her father supposed to treat her? A girl looks for the same kind of love she received from the beginning of her life. A boy whose father is absent automatically assumes the father of the house role. He tries to fill in for the absent father, and he has to figure the role out according to the needs of his single mother.

I grew up the first part of my life estranged from my father because he was married. That meant the nurturing and reassuring love that I needed from my father I didn’t get. Due to the circumstances that I was conceived and born into, I was deprived of that important relationship.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

This is something that should be taken into consideration before a child is conceived. A child, a new life is a responsibility, a shared responsibility. It’s an assignment from God. Always remember that you will have to give an account to God at the end of your days for your child's life. So fathers don’t allow the mother of your child to keep you from your child's life. However, mothers have to allow the fathers to be fathers to their children.

My father was not present in his role because of his circumstances. It was an accident and a secret due to the decisions my father and mother made.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

Both parents are very important to the development of a child. Each parent has a significant role in the development of a child’s life. As children (especially girls), we need balance, and that’s what both parents are supposed to provide for their children. Fathers are a unique part of that balance. For girls, their father is the first man in their lives. They are the first man they love, their protector, their provider, and the man who sets the role for every man she will meet from that day forward. Fathers give their daughters the gift of self-confidence and high self-esteem. Daughters that are given these tools from their fathers grow up to be happy and successful adults. When that man (father) is absent, there is a void left in the daughter’s life. That void she tries to fill with her first boyfriend. Father’s right here is when your daughters need you to be present in their lives. This is the time when the boyfriend's words are the most effective.

My mother told me another man was my father due to my father being married.

Miz Melanie’s Moments:

Right here is where turmoil enters the picture. How do we expect children to process this? This is a lie, and then we teach our children not to lie to us. That lie made things much more complicated. Remember, we lie to hide and cover-up something (the truth).

My father also had children that did not know he had fathered a child outside of his marriage. I grew up thinking my father was a family friend that favored me. He would come over on some Saturdays, and my mother would always call me in the house to see him. He would ask me questions about how I was doing. He would tell me to be a good girl and listen to my mother. He would say things like, I better not get a bad report on you. I would pay close attention to every