Maudlin and Bitter Poems
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About this ebook
Jeffrey Lamont
Jeffrey Lamont lives in Portrush, County Antrim, and Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. He has previously published two books of poetry, “Ulster Catharsis” and “Brochan Burn.” He has lived and worked in over twenty countries worldwide, which has provided inspiration for many of his poems. He also writes poems in the Ulster Scots tradition.
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Maudlin and Bitter Poems - Jeffrey Lamont
© 2022 Jeffrey Lamont. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
Published by AuthorHouse 02/11/2022
ISBN: 978-1-6655-9659-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6655-9658-9 (e)
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,
and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in
this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views
expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the
views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Contents
Academia
Alternative Ulster
Appalachia
Archie Scally’s Flight
Babushka’s Grief
Black Dog
BMW Blonde
Boy in Pink Pyjamas
Cagor 91
Camel-a the Communist
Castlerock
Celebration
Christine
Couplets
Damsels
Diplomacy (a la Libido)
Dreams
Fliegle Coma
Hole
Home Town Streams of Consciousness
Home Within your Heart
I Wish I was in Karakol
Isl na Nagh
Jamie Chambers’ Wee Penknife
Jekyll and Hyde
Kathleen Jean
Lady Aster
Lindsay Brown P.P.P. (Presbyterian Prayerful Paedophile)
Maudlin Poems
Morosovka
Moscow 93
Nurlan
Ode from a non-existent friend
Paddy’s Day
Parapet
Poets
Presbyterians
Quit Guzzlin yer Gammens
Renee
Returning
Roll the Big Wagons West
Russian Spring ‘Russkaya Vesna’
She Will Grow, a Woman
Stalingrad (Yield and Die, Push and Perish)
The Bards
The Holy Grail
The Mice, the Damned Mice
The Polnishni Kuchin
The Presbyterian Flu
The Soviets
The Springhill
Trapped Up On Union Street
Unfinished
Universal Credit
Wander East
When in Rome
Zhisn
Academia
(December 2020)
I was an academic
Yeah I lectured for a while
But because I was a Thatcherite
I got ne’er a smile.
I refused to join their union
Nor to pay their union dues
I am a free marketeer
So I chose to choose.
I researched and I published
Papers by the score
I outstripped every one of them
And so they got full sore.
An Ulster boy excelling??
Well whatever next
He didn’t go to grammar school
It’s not quite standard text.
And when I did consultancy
I was a fascist cad
Working out in Russia
Oh that was very bad.
And then they got real viscious
Plagiarism was the charge
But when I was proved innocent
An apology from the targe.
So the moral of the story
Is quite plain to see
There’s no place in academia
For a working class boy like me.
Alternative Ulster
(January 2021)
I’m an Ulsterman, a rebel
And a thrawn oul’ Ulster Scot
Presbyterian, Catholic, Muslim
I have embraced the lot.
Married in the Catholic Church
In Bavaria to boot
My family weren’t so happy
I put forward the left foot.
And then way