Scars to Stars

By Deana Brown Mitchell, Darryl Rodgers and Drew Robertson

"Sobbing so uncontrollably I could not take a breath, the pain was unbearable.

I washed down the pills with an open bottle of wine I grabbed from the fridge.

I just wanted it all to stop... the pain... the fighting... the lies..."

 

Scars to Stars is a series of online sum

• Language: English
• Publisher: Year of the Book Press
• Release date: Feb 14, 2022
• ISBN: 9781646492374

Book preview

Foreword

Deana Brown Mitchell

SOBBING SO UNCONTROLLABLY I COULD NOT TAKE A BREATH, heavily intoxicated but the pain was unbearable, washing down pills with an open bottle of wine that I grabbed from the fridge... I just wanted it all to stop... the pain... the fighting... the lies...

Waking up in the hospital to realize I was still alive was the ultimate feeling of failure. 

Then the silence for 23 years until a dear friend succeeded in what I couldn't.

My pain that I hid for so many years came crashing back. I kept it at bay because I was so busy running an award-winning multi­million-dollar business. But then COVID-19 shut down everything including my business, my purpose, and my sanity.

Now what? I had no clients to keep me busy and I was alone with my thoughts, not sure what to do. I had to focus on something outside of myself or I would not be okay. I felt empty like I had nothing left to contribute to the world. I needed someone to depend on me to show up for something... I needed purpose.

This was the first time in my life there was no motivation.. no promotion or achievement to strive for... no contracts to get signed... no clients holding me accountable. Work and striving for the next thing had always been my coping mechanism and now that was taken away in a day... March 13, 2020.

The months that followed were spent processing my journey of mental health and exploring new coping skills. God was calling me to a new purpose—helping other humans to realize they are not alone. The epiphany that conversations and community can save lives became my new obsession.

Scars to Stars was born to bring to life this new mission. It started as a virtual summit, then a three-day event and another summit.[1] This new community is made up of incredible people who have been on similar journeys of overcoming, and now selflessly lend a hand or an ear, along with encouragement to others who need to understand they are not alone.

In these pages you will hear from:

DARRYL RODGERS, who shares that the love you have for a child you lost can transform you into an unstoppable force for good.

DREW ROBERTSON, committed to bringing an end to the 22 Veteran suicides per day after the tragic loss of a lifelong friend. 

BRANDY AGERBECK, who teaches how to use paper and pen to quiet your mind.

DAN WALKOVITZ, who shares that emotional pain is often a disguise for something amazing—so be open to it.

DEB WEILNAU, whose pandemic experience brought suicide full circle: personal attempts, friends lost to suicide, families coping after a suicide, and how it all came together to change her.

FELICIA BROWN, who shares how racing rubber ducks saved her sanity.

JAMES BOOMHOWER, who teaches us It’s okay to not be okay. Helpers who need help aren’t bad helpers. They’re brave ones.

VALERIE S. WILLIAMS, who shares that life is our stage, and actions are our reward, but the love of a special friend has no boundaries... it is truly a gift from God.

VANESSA JADE, who awakened to her calling by finding the courage to heal from extreme childhood abuse.

JOLINA KAREN, whose encounter with death sparked life!

CORINNE STATIA THOMAS, who discovered a biological parent can help you understand your true self, and in doing so, can inspire you to do more than you thought you could.

STELLA BAISE, who learned that life and love don’t always go as planned. But it turns out, grief can be a catalyst for becoming the super-hero of your own life.

KATHERINE TATSUDA, who shares how one family and their business survived and thrived for four generations despite extreme hardships and challenges, and shaped a community for the better.

LISA ROGERS, who teaches that we become a force more powerful than our past when we take ownership of what happens next.

J.D. (JEREMY) LEISKY, who shares the revelation of unleashing your true power. What he thought was an ending was only just the beginning.

NANCY TILTON HAND, who shares how friendships helped her recover and fill the crack in her head with gold.

JOIE CHAPPAROSA, who learned how to discover the power within to recover self-worth.

DJ PRI, who recommends the road less traveled to achieving inner peace and flow through shadow work, solitude, and spirituality.

SAMANTHA ROBERTS, who teaches that your challenges have been gifted into you so that you can save a life.

We are all like diamonds in the night sky... all shapes and sizes. We are individuals formed under pressure. We are one of a kind with unique talents, skills, and character.

The authentic vulnerable stories in these pages may be similar to yours or may be so different that they are unfathomable. My hope is that they encourage, inspire, and motivate you to explore your own journey in this life to find your true purpose and happiness.

You matter... you are worthy... and you are enough.

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DeanaBrownMitchell.com/ScarsToStars

Love is Unstoppable

Darryl Rodgers

ON OCTOBER 15, 2011, I ATTENDED A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME in Virginia. It was a beautiful day for football—cloudless blue sky, perfectly manicured field, small mountain range in the backdrop, and the stands were packed full of fans. My son, Chase, was the starting cornerback on the visiting team. He would also play on kickoffs and punts, and occasionally as wide receiver on offense.

Chase was a high school senior. He was about 5'10", 150 pounds... not very big for a football player, but what he lacked in size, he made up for with speed, tenacity, hustle, and a strong desire to win—a love for the game. This day was no different. Chase had played hard. It was a close game and the lead had gone back and forth. With one minute left to play, our team was behind by a touchdown. We had the ball inside our own 5-yard line. It was 4th down and long. We needed a miracle play or our opponents would get the ball back and run out the clock, and we would go home with a loss.

All of a sudden, I saw Chase run in from the sideline into the offensive huddle. I moved to the edge of my seat, because I knew what was about to happen. The huddle broke and Chase lined up in the slot as a receiver. Our quarterback took the snap and dropped back a few steps. Chase used his speed to beat the defensive backs deep and our quarterback threw him a perfect spiral that ended up being about a 60-yard pass. I watched as the ball came in over Chase’s right shoulder. He extended his arms fully and made the catch. He tucked the ball away and took a few steps before being brought down from behind. Two plays later, with only seconds left in the game, we scored the touchdown and extra point that would tie the game. We won in triple overtime.

I celebrated the win with Chase, his teammates, and coaches outside the activity bus after the game. One by one, they made their way onto the bus and headed back to the military boarding school in Virginia while I drove home to Cary, North Carolina.

The next day, I received a call from Chase’s head coach. Mr. Rodgers, that was an amazing game Chase played yesterday! he said. I couldn’t ask for anything more from any of my players. He made tackles all day long and didn’t allow any catches when he played defense. Then at the end of the game when we needed him most, he came in and made that big catch to put us in a position to win. But there’s one more thing I need to tell you. Chase broke his foot in the first quarter and didn’t tell anybody. He didn’t know his foot was broken, though. He just knew it hurt really bad. Chase was quiet and easy going, but he was a fierce competitor and a team player. He wasn’t about to come out of the game because his foot hurt. He wanted to win!

My son was out the rest of the season on crutches. He still made First Team All-Conference and Honorable Mention All-State, despite only playing six games his senior year. In spite of his small size, there were a few college football scouts who showed interest. One small school offered him scholarship money to play football for them and he accepted their offer.

Not long after arriving at college, Chase began to associate with people who abused drugs and alcohol. Pretty soon, he began abusing drugs and alcohol. By early in his second semester, he dropped out of college. He came back home and immediately gravitated to a rough crowd.

Chase wasn’t looking for work or making any effort to improve his situation. He would sometimes be gone for days at a time without communicating with my wife and me. He lost weight rapidly and looked pale and glassy-eyed.

I was worried, so I hired an intervention company to help us get Chase into treatment. We held the intervention in our home and were able to get him into treatment in South Florida. He spent 30 days there and then moved to a halfway house, staying a total of nine months in Florida before returning home.

Back in North Carolina, Chase got a job and began attending IOP (Intensive Outpatient Care—group therapy) two nights per week. He stayed away from the people who had been a bad influence before. Close friends and family all felt like we had the old Chase back.

As the months went by, I could see things were beginning to change. Chase began to relapse. He came to me one day and said, Dad, I’m headed in a bad direction again and I’m hanging out with a bad crowd. I don’t know how to cut ties with these people, but I know I need to. The only thing I know to do is to move. I’ve taken a job transfer to Florida, back to the area where I was in treatment.

Chase told my wife Kim and I the date he was planning to leave. She made him promise he would come by and have a meal with us before heading south. The day came but he didn’t show up. We tried to call and text him but got no response.

It was about 4:45 p.m. and Kim was upset, thinking Chase had left for Florida without saying goodbye. I was standing in our front lawn when a police cruiser pulled to the curb at our house.

I met the officer in our driveway. Mr. Rodgers, there’s been a bad wreck on I-40 and your son, Chase, died at the scene. I’m so sorry.

I stood there and looked at him for what seemed like an eternity. For me, time had stopped. I had expected the officer to say that Chase was in jail or in some other kind of trouble. No! My son couldn’t be dead!

My shoulders slumped, and I felt as though all of the energy went out of me at that moment. I looked at the policeman and asked, He’s dead?

The officer dropped his head, staring at the ground as he shuffled his feet. Yes, sir, he said softly.

This must be a very difficult part of your job, I replied. I’m sorry you have to do this. I put my right arm around his shoulder and gave him a hug.

Is there anyone inside that you would like me to notify? he asked.

My wife and my other son are in there, I said, pointing at the front door. But that’s my job. Let me do that.

Would you like me to go in with you for support? he asked.

Yes, I answered.

I walked through the front door of our home, looked to my right, and immediately made eye contact with Kim. In the past when I had bad news, I would hesitate, but she had told me how much she hated that. She had let me know she would prefer that I just blurt out whatever is wrong.

Honey, there’s been a bad wreck, and Chase is dead, I announced. Kim let out a loud gasp as her open palm quickly shot up to cover her mouth.

I heard a loud sob from the back corner of the living room. It hurts so bad! Justin cried out. Our younger son was thirteen at the time.

The three of us came together and hugged as we cried. Why wouldn’t he listen to me? Why wouldn’t he listen to me, I asked over and over. I tried to warn him.

I know, honey, Kim tried to console me. You did everything you could.

I felt bad for the officer. There was nothing he could do but stand there and wait for us, then try to answer any questions we might have. Once we settled down, we asked him for more details about what had happened.

Based on eyewitness reports, it sounds like the driver tried to change lanes and there was a car in her blind spot. When that other driver blew the horn, she swerved back to her lane and lost control. Chase’s car spun out of control at about 70 mph, left the road and struck a tree. Chase died instantly. We suspect she may have been impaired, the officer said, then added, We found two marijuana cigarettes in her purse. We’re investigating. These things usually take some time.

As the weeks went by, we began to learn more. There was a rumor of a going-away party the night before the wreck where alcohol and drugs had been consumed. Chase and his friends woke late the next morning feeling hung over. They decided to visit a park near our home and smoke marijuana to cope with the nausea.

This next part was noted in the police report. After Chase and some of his friends smoked marijuana together in the park, he allowed an 18-year-old girl who had also smoked marijuana with them to get behind the wheel of his car. Chase climbed into the front passenger seat, and another young man got into the back. They traveled only a few miles before the driver lost control.

It had taken firefighters almost an hour to get the three occupants out of the car. The two survivors were transported to the hospital right away with serious injuries. They recovered over the next several weeks to the extent that they were able to return home to continue their recovery there.

Seven months after the wreck and only a few weeks prior to what would have been her first court appearance, the driver of Chase’s car died when a fire broke out in her apartment. The fire chief said that based on his department’s investigation, he believes she poured gasoline all over the floor, stood in the middle, and ignited it. Two suicide notes were found. Kim and I found ourselves grieving again, this time with the mother of the young woman.

What are the lessons that I’ve learned from this experience that might help you?

All of us experience grief. The pain that goes along with burying a child is intense, but in some respects the grief I experienced as the parent of a child struggling with a drug addiction was worse.

When your child dies, you know you will never see them again in this lifetime, but when your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol, every day you suffer in silence, wondering if today will be the day they die of an overdose or in a drug-impaired wreck.

You also grieve the loss of the child you once knew. You grieve the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for your child.

How did I get to the other side of my grief? In short, I didn’t. For the rest of my life, there will be an emptiness inside that can never be filled. I will grieve on some level until I die. The good news is that I’ve learned how to use the pain as a motivator for personal and spiritual growth. I’ve learned to harness it for personal transformation and to help others through that process.

In spite of the pain, I have gone on to live a happy, productive, and fulfilling life, and you can too, regardless of what you’re going through! In some respects, I function at a higher level now than I did before Chase died. I found the resolve to conquer fears that would have once held me back. After all, what is the worst that can happen to me now? I’ve already buried my oldest son.

I turned my pain into action. I began to write Chase’s memoir, publishing A Life Half Lived in 2015. The following year, I began raising awareness about substance abuse and impaired driving by telling Chase’s story through public speaking.

I met many obstacles along the way to delivering that message, including harsh criticism from certain groups. Through that process, I developed a thicker skin, and learned a lot about addiction.

In 2017, I