Walking with Grey Wolf: A Personal Spiritual Journey

By Cindy Crowe

Cindy remembers that in 1981 when her first child was born, the drumming began in her heart and the yearning to 'come home again' began. Home to Cindy is the area known as Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. On this land, they have the mighty Anamikiewakchu meaning Thunder Mountain, also known as Mount McKay, which is one of the world's oldest topographical features, dating back 500 million years. It is the nesting place of the Thunderbirds. The 1,600-foot plateau of Mount McKay provides a striking view of Ktichigaming (meaning big lake for Lake Superior) and faces Nanabijou (the Sleeping Giant) which is another sacred area. This is where Cindy came to remember who she is.

Missing a traditional Indigenous upbringing can be a common experience for many Indigenous people living on Turtle Island. Their culture and way of life was interrupted centuries ago and continues to be interrupted today by the dominant colonial society. This interference includes not being connected to the land, loss of community, losing their traditional languages, and a disconnect from their culture, all crucial aspects of their Indigenous identity. In some cases, the first time they are introduced to their culture is when they come to an urban setting while receiving medical services (diabetes is claiming many lives); attending post-secondary institutions; receiving rehabilitation for drugs or alcohol; or, while being incarcerated. Like Cindy's mental health and domestic abuse experiences, this disconnect can create devastating and life altering identity issues. The Spiritual and cultural support Cindy provided to the inmates at a maximum-security remand centre amplified the importance of identity and purpose especially to the Indigenous inmates that were also experiencing a disconnect from their culture and traditional practices.

The book 'Walking with Grey Wolf' was written to honour the vision that Cindy received in 2006 and describes her personal Spiritual journey and the supernatural or Spiritual experiences along the way, including being introduced to her Indigenous ceremonies and practices for the first time. The period between her breakthrough (or breakdown) in 2004 and her first years of learning to be a Lodgekeeper beginning in 2007, and more, is documented in this first book. Cindy's intention is that while you are searching for meaning within your own life, her book and sharing of her experiences may provide you with inspiration and trigger a memory within your own heart and Spirit. With an openness and a willingness to notice the many messages that you are receiving every day, you too could find your Spiritual guidance within yourself.

This was the first time she had received a vision and so it was imperative to Cindy that she share and honour this vision. One way that she is doing that is through this book. It was also extremely important to Cindy to obtain a proper interpretation of this vision. She knew intuitively that her quality of life depended on this interpretation.

Some of the supernatural or Spiritual experiences that you could read about include receiving her Spirit name and clan; experiences with the Memegwesiwag (or the Little Rock People); experiences with Sa'be (or Sasquatch); first sweat lodge; first shake tent ceremony; how waabi-ma'iingan (or grey wolf) and makwa (the bear) guided her; listening to a spider; gifts received from other dimensions; experiencing beings from other dimensions; how Cindy learned she is a Lodgekeeper and the birth of her first Teaching Lodge; being initiated into the Midewin Lodge; and so many more.

This book is dedicated to you, to remember how magnificent you are and identifying your life purpose. Cindy is extremely grateful to you for this opportunity to share her personal Spiritual journey with you. Cindy is so honoured to have you here with her. She invites you to be part of this rite of passage with her. The teachings state that if you can help one person …

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667822655

Book preview

Eastern Direction: Waabi-Ma’iingan – Physical

Focusing on Humility

Before I Remembered Who, I Am

My ethnic background on my father’s side is Ojibwe from north of Lake Superior and Cree/French from northern Manitoba. On my mom’s side, it is from England through my maternal great-grandmother. Having an Anishnaabe Spirit while being carried in a white body presented me with many opportunities to learn as I was growing up and it also provided me with some unique gifts as I am learning now in my mid-life years. My understanding of Anishnaabe means beings lowered down from the sky or human beings. I refer to myself as being in my mid-life years because I intend to live to be 150 years of age. My parents raised me as a Roman Catholic and somehow, I was always separated from my Indigenous brothers and sisters which I believe was my father’s choice. I always knew I was missing something in my life. My Spirit has always been Anishnaabe, however I was missing the Spiritual guidance that I required to feel complete or balanced.

In addition to missing a traditional Indigenous upbringing, as dad was raised as a Roman Catholic himself and did not appreciate the age-old Indigenous practices and saw them as being pagans, I was always searching for unconditional love which I previously believed I would find in a warrior, a man. I thought this man would fill the voids in my life. Three marriages, three divorces and five live-in boyfriends later proved that I would not find that unconditional love that I was desperately yearning for, at least not in another person, as I had originally thought. Even the love for and the love of my five children could not seem to satisfy my yearning for that unconditional love.

Until my Spiritual awakening, I lived with chemical imbalances which included physical challenges such as hormonal and nutrient deficiencies. In addition, I was living a life without listening to my true essence. This left me with a life of a foggy brain, anxieties, phobias, heart palpitations, lack of confidence in myself, a debilitating depression and many emotional and violent episodes which were mostly directed at my loved ones. I had been diagnosed with a mental illness when my children were still young and the depressive episodes lasted days, weeks, months and even years. Sometimes I was not able to come out of my bedroom for three or four days at a time, not even being able to make myself a cup of coffee. I remember opening mail, as an example, was very frightening and still is a challenge today. This was not a good way to raise nor care for my children.

I remember asking repeatedly, why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep having a partner that does not seem to evolve with me? Why do I keep having these emotional outbursts and violent tendencies? Why do I feel so down all the time? Of course, I understand now that every time I asked those questions, I invited more of the same into my life. The universe was answering my questions.

I remember in 1981 when my first child was born, the drumming began in my heart and the yearning to come home again began. Home to me is the Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada area. On our land here, we have the mighty Anamikiewakchu meaning Thunder Mountain, also known as Mount McKay, which is one of the world’s oldest topographical features, dating back 500 million years. It is the nesting place of the Thunderbirds. The 1,600-foot plateau of Mount McKay provides a striking view of Ktichigaming meaning big lake for Lake Superior and faces Nanabijou signifying the Sleeping Giant which is another sacred area. This is where I have come back to remember who I am. And somehow from the time that my first born arrived, I was yearning to come home, which I did finally in 1994.

There were many instances of what I would call magic, or some people may call them metaphysical experiences before I consciously remembered who I was. One example of this is a tiny bird who tried to get my attention before my wakeup call in January 2004. We were living on Court Street in Thunder Bay in a very large older home that had three levels in it. I loved that old house. It had the beautiful old wood mouldings around all the windows and doors. It was very comfortable. We were renting and a romantic relationship that I was in at the time was escalating into some high drama. One morning as I was getting ready to leave for the day to go to work, a starling had appeared on my bedroom window. Now you may think that there is nothing too special about that. Well, my bedroom window was on the third storey and the starling was tapping on my window. She was trying to get my attention. She was probably one of many trying to get my attention.

Later that day when I was attending a gathering or conference at the Victoria Inn in Thunder Bay, I approached a couple of Elders, Freda McDonald who has since gone back to the Spirit world and Isabel Mercier, to ask them what they thought about my experience with the starling. Freda asked me a couple of questions. She asked if I had put down Asemaa or tobacco to seek guidance. I said that I had not but would do so when I got home. She also asked how I felt when I heard and saw the bird. Did I feel anxious or alarmed or how did I feel. I told her that I had not felt alarmed but was unsure what the starling was trying to tell me.

When we talk about putting tobacco down, we are referring to a sacred practice of asking the Creator and/or Spirits for guidance. Asemaa is considered the Chief of the medicines. It is used for healing, and it is used as a communication mechanism to the Creator. It can also confirm a Spiritual contract between an Elder and an individual seeking guidance or healing. Asemaa has many purposes. Tobacco is like a telephone call to the guides. It is one of our sacred traditions when making a request to the Spirits or to an Elder, to honour that request with Asemaa. The amount of tobacco given is usually about a pipe full and it can be put into a tobacco tie which is a piece of broad cloth holding the pipe full of tobacco tied up with ribbon or handed to the Elder or Spirits loosely. Today I believe that the starling was trying to caution me to wake up. To realize that I was not being true to myself, listening to my true essence or being aware of the harmful relationship that I was in.

Another messenger that came around this period, was a being that appeared at the foot of my bed. I was in my bed alone. I was half awake and half asleep. When I looked up, I could sense someone in my room but could not actually see anyone. Then before my eyes, this being started to materialize like small dots coming together to form a body. I am not sure if it was a male or a female being, it seemed to be the female Midewin colours, red and green. Midewin refers to an age-old practice of a secret society. I was startled by this presence and let out a little scream which frightened it away. I learned later that this was only the beginning of many metaphysical experiences to come.

My First Experience with the Memegwesiwag

As I have mentioned before, I was not raised with my Indigenous culture, traditional language which are Ojibwe and Cree or the ancestral traditions. I have always felt extremely close to Indigenous people and remember even as a child that the attraction to the Indigenous people was very strong. If there was an Indigenous person in the room, you would probably find me right next to them. I did not really understand this attraction when I was younger. Now entering my senior years, I do understand what this attraction is. Besides having ancestral Indigenous blood within me, the connection that I have to Spirituality and Mother Earth is so deep, it is difficult to express. As you will witness along the way with me, my connection to the animals, whom I refer to as all my relations is overpowering and at times when the animals are sharing their pain with me, it is overwhelming.

I now see a very clear distinction about the choices we have in life: we can choose love, or we can choose the absence of love, fear. We could be surrounded by well-meaning people perpetuating fear-based teachings. It could be our parents, our extended family, our friends, the school, our employer and so on. An extreme example of a fear-based teaching is that if you are not a good person during your lifetime, you could go to hell. I do not believe in hell. I do not believe in a devil. I do believe in shadow which provides balance to this human experience that we are having as Spirits.

I believe that in the Spirit world, there is no such thing as right or wrong. These are simply experiences that we are having while rediscovering who we truly are. If I am having difficulty distinguishing a practice as either fear-based or love-based, I will ask myself, does this come from fear or does it come from love? If it comes from fear, then it is absent of love. If it is absent of love, then it is not true.

Receiving your Spiritual name through a naming ceremony is a common practice among many cultures, including the Indigenous cultures. Many of my Indigenous friends and colleagues refer to their birth registration name as their English name or their colonial name. It is not spoken about widely, but their Spiritual names are who they truly are. These traditional names are also referred to as their Indian names or Anishnaabe names. Receiving