Look Away: 180 Days... and Counting Series, #5

By B.R. Paulson

When Cady runs, it isn't because hell is chasing after her. It's because her daughter is in danger and Cady believes escape is the only option.

 

If she only knew.

 

As Cady and her daughter make their way north, Scott realizes just what he lost and he's willing to fight to get it back.

 

And Cady's mom? Lookout, because she's headed back to her daughter's place, and come hell or high water, she's going to make it. Who she leads there may help or hinder her survival.

 

This post-apocalyptic series is complete at 6 books. Don't tell the women that – they might not all make it.

 

Three generations of women fighting to stay alive against all odds.
Where they'll betray others, they have to stick together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Captiva Publishing
• Release date: Jan 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201272142

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

SCOTT

The gunshot from the deck startled Scott like someone had slapped him across the face. He rushed outside from where he’d stood, staring at Jessica’s sleeping form. He was detached from the last of his living family – and he knew it. But there was nothing he could do about it. Not right then. He couldn’t get his head on straight.

Gunshots in the night didn’t help anything.

Long strides carried him to the slider door where he threw it open and came to a sudden halt.

Beth’s body slumped to the side on the Adirondack rocking chair. Dark spots flecked the glass. Scott would give anything to turn on the lights to see just how bad it was. What was she thinking? He glanced out into the dark yard. Had someone else done this? But the shot had been too close to the house. He wasn’t dumb. Scott could recognize suicide when he saw it. He just didn’t want to see it.

Another moment passed and then Cady rounded the corner of the deck, squinting at Scott in the shadows. What happened? She glanced around the yard, looking for something or someone. Did she not see Beth hunched over and dead on Cady’s favorite chair?

A flashlight flicked on and she shone the small beam around the yard, then focused it on Scott. The light paused on him then slid down to Beth’s dead body on the chair. Cady whimpered, groaning as she realized what happened. Beth’s right hand had fallen back into her lap, fingers loosely gripping the .45 she’d killed Jackson with.

Not only blood speckled the glass and chair behind her. Brain matter and bone splinters cast tiny shadows in the light of the flashlight. Suddenly Scott regretted his need to see more clearly the details of the scene. He didn’t want to see anything. He wanted to go back inside and stare at Jessica, see only the innocence laying there in sleep. Reality was too much and he didn’t want to bear it any longer.

Shaking himself from the horror, Scott approached Cady, slowly taking the light from her hand and turning it off. He could take the image from their immediate view, but never would they be able to erase the grisly details from their minds. The candle light didn’t reach that far outside well enough. They could pretend for a moment that nothing was wrong while they caught their breath and didn’t speak.

A sound at the door drew Scott’s attention. He let go of his tremulous hold on Cady’s arm and rushed to the slider, shaking his head at Bailey as she moved to open it. He swallowed, trying not to let his voice shiver with emotion. Not right now. Beth is… We’ll talk in a bit. He moved his shoulders into her line of sight, blocking her view of the scene on the deck. There was no way Bailey needed to see that. She’d seen enough of terror and destruction already.

Part of Scott’s numbness had to do with Jason and Bailey. Scott recognized that. He couldn’t blame Bailey. Not until he knew what was happening, but at that point, she needed to be protected from the deck scene. Scott would talk to her before they left. He had to know what happened to Jason. But not right then. Not. Right. Then.

He glanced back at the fallen woman when Bailey turned away from the slider, sadness on her face. Why had Beth killed herself?

What happened? Scott twisted to face Cady who hadn’t moved from her spot on the deck. Did you talk to her last? What could have broken her? She’d seemed strong and present. She’d been solid mentally, enough to kill Jackson. Scott folded his arms over his chest and stared at the shadowy lines on the deck. Do you think the numbness was wearing off?

Ignoring Beth’s body, Cady swiped the gun from her friend’s lap and pushed past Scott. Inside, she leaned her head back and pressed her hand at the back of her neck. She didn’t need to have an ulterior motive or know what she was even doing. Scott looked to her for leadership and the realization threw him. He wasn’t even sure he could trust her, and there he was waiting for her to make a decision? No. He had to make up his own mind about how he was going to survive.

Ranger gave a soft woof from the edge of the dark toward the garage. His eyes reflected the slight light from the candles shining in the window closest to him. Scott motioned toward the garage. We’re okay. Get some rest.

Glancing back once more, Ranger turned and used the dog door to go into the garage.

Scott followed Cady inside. He had to tell her he couldn’t trust her and that he had to figure things out for himself. He closed the slider behind him and moved to stand at the far end of the table away from Cady. He wasn’t sure if he was still attracted to her, but he needed to keep his distance at that point. He was a mess of confusion and that wouldn’t help anything when he was trying to make a clear decision.

Bailey? Can you come in here, please? Waiting for her daughter to join them, Cady braced her arms on the table. When Bailey took a spot at the table between Scott and Cady, Cady glanced at each of them in turn. She had a tired, haggard expression with shadows under her eyes enhanced by the shadows of the candlelight. We need to get out of here. Too many things are bringing attention to our location. We can’t stay safe here. She lowered her head as if to think then lifted her gaze to study Bailey and Scott. There was more than logic in her gaze as she flicked her eyes side to side.

Panic. Cady was panicking. She wasn’t the type to panic. Something had happened and it wasn’t Beth’s suicide. He couldn’t get her to open up and that scared him.

Scott shook his head. He had to put his foot down, establish independence. There was no way he could rely on Cady when she was panicking herself and making rash decisions. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her anymore, but he couldn’t follow her blindly. That wasn’t what was going to save them – at least not him. I’m not leaving. There’s no way. He moved to stand opposite Cady, leaning on the table himself. I won’t leave my home. What about our families? What if someone shows up? We have to stay here for them. Everything we need is here. He thrust his finger at the table top, setting his jaw in determination.

Cady arched an eyebrow then folded her arms, standing with her shoulders pulled back. "No, this is my home. I’ve told you we’re leaving. You’re leaving, too." Would Cady honestly kick him from her house because she didn’t want him to stay there? Why couldn’t she say she needed him to go with her? Why couldn’t she let him stay there and protect the place? Why couldn’t she stay with him and let him make the decisions for once?

Mom, Grandma and Grandpa are coming. They’ll be here. We can’t leave. We have to give them time to come. Bailey’s voice broke, like there was too much to take in. She bent one arm and wrapped her fingers around her straight elbow.

Scott glanced at the girl with pity. She had no idea what little bits of terror they’d seen. She had no idea the things that were out there. If Cady made her leave, she would know. She would experience horrors and then she would wish she was dead.

Maybe it was better Jason was dead. Maybe Scott should kill Jessica to save her from the nightmares ahead of her. He had options. There were so many options. Hadn’t he already killed so many? What was one more on the list of sins against him?

Cady turned toward Bailey and sighed. Grandma and Grandpa probably won’t make it back, honey. Grandpa… he was really sick with cancer. There’s no way Grandma will make it back with him. It’s too much. She swiped at tears coursing down her cheeks and shook her head. Too much. This is all just too much to take in, right?

Nodding as if she’d been asked about her day, Bailey stared at Cady with her brow furrowed. They aren’t coming? No, Grandma said she was coming back, that she’d be here.

Really? When was that? She hasn’t made it. They’re not coming. We can’t wait for them. We need to leave. We can’t stay here. Do you understand me? There’s nothing safe about this place. Not anymore. Cady lifted her chin and turned to Scott, the challenge strong in her expression. You can come with us, or not, but we need to know what you’re doing.

No. Mom, I don’t understand. If we leave, Scott’s coming with us. Right? Bailey cut through the tension between Scott and Cady, glancing between the two of them. What are we going to do? Scott? You’re going with us, right? Wait. If Scott isn’t leaving, we don’t have to. Right, Mom? What are we doing? Bailey’s pleas didn’t penetrate Cady’s cold determination.

We’re going to leave. There’s nothing else we can do. Cady glanced at the wall clock above the office doors. Time hadn’t stopped when the power went out – not for battery-operated clocks. Not yet. It’s ten. Be ready to leave in an hour or so. We have no idea what will happen and I’d rather not wait to find out. She glanced at Bailey, then at Scott. If you’re going with us, I’d suggest you get your things together. I’m going to pack up as much of my stuff as I can. If you want included in that, meet me outside.

An hour? Let’s wait until the morning, Cady. We can at least do that. Sleep on it. You’re just starting to feel better, I’m still weak, too. We’ve gone through too much. We need a break, just a break. Please, we’ll both have a better handle on a plan by then. Scott couldn’t make up his mind right then. He had too much to process, too much to filter through as he tried to figure out his next step. He wasn’t lying when he said he was tired and exhausted. He couldn’t go any further and have confidence in what he was doing.

Cady stared incredulously at him. Are you hearing yourself? We can’t wait until morning. What if an hour is too long? They’re coming. Someone is coming and they won’t be as diabolical as Jackson. They’ll be killers, plain and simple. They’ll want what is here and you won’t be able to stop them. This house has too many windows. Too many weaknesses. It’s the one thing I couldn’t fix… before. She pushed from the table, disappointment in the crease between her eyebrows. No, there’s nothing to talk about. What if those people from the fence come? What if they find us… we aren’t that far away from where they are.

They weren’t, but that hadn’t been Scott’s concern. For some reason, he didn’t care. Of course, Cady was right and Scott didn’t want to give that to her. He wanted to hold onto something else for himself.

He didn’t want to leave. He’d been uprooted already. Cady hadn’t held back on rubbing his migration to her place in his face. Scott needed normalcy for just a few days. He needed to be on his own to think things through. She wanted to leave, but Scott couldn’t do that.

He avoided her gaze as she stormed away.

CHAPTER 2

BAILEY

Bailey ignored Scott as she turned from the flickering candle light and the dining room. Mom wasn’t backing down and they were leaving. She didn’t want to leave and what she wanted didn’t matter. After everything she’d done since her dad died and all the growing up she’d had to do, being treated like a child was like a slap in the face.

Walking through the living room, Bailey glanced down as she passed Jessica. The infant slept peacefully, already learning to sleep through anything. Not for the first time did Bailey wonder what was in store for the sweet baby.

Bailey didn’t envy Jessica. She was Scott’s niece. He would be in charge of her. When Cady and Bailey left – it was no longer a matter of if, Bailey had seen the look on her mom’s face – Scott would keep the baby with him. That tore at Bailey’s resilience.

She bent down, brushing her fingers across the baby’s smooth forehead. Blinking back tears, Bailey made her way to the stairs. If Scott would have her, did that mean Bailey shouldn’t worry about her anymore? What about Scott? Was he off limits as well? He’d taken on the role of a caring uncle and Bailey didn’t want to say goodbye. There’d been too much of that already.

All of her personal things were in her room. The few things she would be able to take with her had to be portable and practical. She couldn’t take everything.

In her bedroom, Bailey’s heart sank. Nothing would ever be the same again. She had to accept that. If she could accept that, then her longing to take the yearbooks, the school paraphernalia, diaries, and stuffed animals would pass. Maybe. She could hope. As it was, she avoided flipping through the pages of her friends and people she’d only known in passing. They’d all be dead by now. Wasn’t everyone dead or dying?

She grabbed her favorite paperbacks – there were only three – Anne of Green Gables, Lord of the Rings, and the Hunger Games Omnibus – and shoved them into a small paperboy-style satchel. She wouldn’t need jewelry, but she would need clothes.

Into a backpack, she stuffed some socks, underwear, tampons from her dresser drawer, some bras, t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, pajamas, and her favorite coat. The bag barely zipped, but Bailey forced it.

She ignored her makeup, the cell phone, and e-reader. Her tablet and other things she’d thought so important before were useless and she didn’t even spare them a passing glance.

Bailey passed her vanity and stopped. She didn’t need the flashlight to know the pictures tucked along the edges of the mirror. She grabbed the one of her family, her dad, her mom and her, and one of her grandparents. The pictures of her friends she left behind. She had no reason to dwell on them.

If she pretended they had never existed, the pain wasn’t quite as sharp.

No, her present-day concerns included staying alive and doing what her mom told her to do. Even though Bailey had already faced death and survived on her own. Past her pride and ego, she could recognize that she needed her mom.

At the bottom of the stairs, Scott stopped her, grabbing her wrist and peering into her eyes. Look, I’m serious. I’m not going. He glanced around like he expected Cady to come out of the shadows and kill him.

Why? Mom said it’s not going to be safe here. She wouldn’t want to leave this place. Trust me. Bailey stared at him. Something had broken inside him and the candlelight only enhanced the shadow of pain on his face. Had Bailey done that when she killed Jason? Guilt mingled with her sadness and she didn’t know if she’d ever feel normal again.

"I can’t leave my home. My home is here. It may not be this house, but this area is my home. My family might come for me. I need to… He paused, glanced at his hand gripping Bailey’s wrist and dropped it. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you. I really just wanted to know what happened… with Jason. That’s all I was going to ask you. If you… If you’re okay talking about it."

But Bailey didn’t need the clarifier. She knew what he wanted to know. She swallowed, folding her arms over her chest as if a sudden chill attacked her. I… Closing her eyes, Bailey forced herself to face her memories – which while they weren’t that long ago, hours at the most, they felt like an eternity. I took Jessica to feed the chickens and then we came back inside. He… he was waking up, but not himself. We went upstairs to get some things – just like diapers and stuff, I can’t remember. When I was up there, She pointed up the stairs and swallowed. He started screaming about killing her… um, killing the baby. That he had to kill her to save the world. Bailey blinked back tears, but to no avail. They streamed down her cheeks. She breathed deeply, trying to avoid the panting that she knew would come.

Scott backed up, leaning his shoulder on the doorjamb to the living room. He stared at Bailey in horror but didn’t say anything. Lifting his hand, he covered his mouth with a finger.

He chased me upstairs. So, I locked us in my mom’s room and grabbed her gun under the bed. We hid in the toilet room, the one past the shower? She continued at his nod, twisting her lips to the side. I… I couldn’t get out and he broke through every door. All he wanted was Jessica. That’s all he cared about – killing her. I tried reasoning with him. I begged him not to… I begged him. She had tried so hard to escape. She lifted accusing eyes at Scott. I didn’t want to shoot him. You guys left me here with him and the baby. I had to choose. Jessica or him. He wouldn’t stop. I shot him three times. Three. Then I climbed out onto the roof with Jessica and he still came after us. He wouldn’t stop. Her voice caught and she winced. He kept coming until he slipped on the ice and fell to the rock bed.

She closed her eyes, pushing her fist under her chin. I took Ranger and Jessica and we hid in the shed. I didn’t have any other choice. Did Scott believe her? She had nothing else to give him, whether he believed her or not.

Right then, as she relived the horror that she would never be able to escape, Bailey realized she didn’t care what he believed. She’d had to survive it. She’d had to make sure the baby made it.

After a lengthy pause filled with Bailey sniffing and the soft splutter of the flames in the glass candle holders, Scott leaned forward, pulling Bailey into his arms. I’m so sorry. Thank you for saving Jessica. Thank you.

Something hardened in Bailey and she pulled back. She hadn’t done it for Scott. She’d done it because she cared about Jessica. She didn’t want to leave the baby there with a man who wasn’t even sure how to stay safe himself. So, you’re going to stay. Bailey walked past him into the living room. She hadn’t checked on Jessica in a few minutes and the need to see her was strong.

Yeah, my family might come for me. They know to head up this way. Scott followed her, avoiding the baby sleeping on the couch.

What about Jessica? She’s your family. Bailey tossed the challenge out there like she expected him to make up his mind. She didn’t want him to. Not if it meant he was keeping the baby. Of course, he was keeping Jessica. She was his family. Wasn’t that what he cared about?

I… Scott glanced finally at the baby, as if unsure what to say or even what she was.

Jessica chose that moment to wake, her cries starting slowly and then growing in decibel. Bailey sat beside her and pulled her into her arms, cooing as she rocked her back and forth. Her cries slowly faded to whimpers but she didn’t calm down completely.

Scott winced. I can’t take care of her. He wouldn’t look at Jessica or Bailey as he admitted his inabilities.

What do I do? Bailey leaned Jessica down, checking her diaper. You can’t abandon her. I’m not sure my mom would let me take her. She wanted to. She wanted to keep the baby because she needed something to need her.

What’s going on? Are you ready to go already? Bailey’s mom walked in, glancing between the three of them and setting her jaw. Folding her arms, she watched them with narrowed eyes while waiting for one of them to explain what they were talking about.

Bailey didn’t break her eye contact with Scott. He didn’t say anything and his personal shame seemed to attack his vocal chords. She finally spoke up, holding his gaze. Scott won’t go with us and he doesn’t want Jessica.

Cady glanced at Bailey and her hold on Jessica as well as the challenge in her voice. She glanced at Scott. You’re really not going? Her voice was deadpan and Bailey recognized it for what it was. Resolution.

Scott didn’t answer, the slump in his shoulders more than enough.

Folding her arms, Cady peered at him. What about… She motioned her finger between Scott’s chest and hers. The challenge was clear.

Bailey finally understood the tension. There was some kind of attraction between them and she hadn’t seen it. She would have to inspect it later, when there wasn’t so much on the line. When her father hadn’t died recently.

Scott finally met Cady’s gaze. He lifted his chin. Things have changed. You have to feel it. I –

Got it. Cady held up her hand and transferred her gaze to Jessica in Bailey’s arms. She’s not our responsibility. She held her gaze hard, unwilling to yield as she faced the rejection and ignored it. One more thing she had off her plate.

I know, Mom, but I love her. Bailey tightened her hold on the baby. She didn’t want that connection to Jessica be torn from her, too. She couldn’t as easily push aside the way she felt about anything, least of all another person. She hadn’t even started her grief for Jason yet.

Bailey’s mom shifted her gaze to Scott. If we take her, I’m not bringing her back. There are no second chances. Something in her tone said it applied to more than just the baby.

Scott nodded jerkily, cocking his head to the side. I can’t take her. Please. I don’t care enough right now to do her justice. Not yet. I can’t… He reached out, tracing Cady’s jaw with his thumb. I’m sorry. I’m not who I was. Things have changed… I can’t be who you need, either. Without another word he turned and