Bipolar Us

By Janet S Coburn

Author Janet Coburn explores life with bipolar disorder in this collection of short, easily readable essays drawn from her popular blog. Bipolar Us includes chapters on work, family life, self-care and caregivers, society and stigma, treatments and medications, and other important issues for those who live with bipolar disorder and their familie

• Language: English
• Publisher: Janet Coburn
• Release date: Feb 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781087868714

Janet S Coburn

Janet Coburn is a writer, editor, and blogger who lives with bipolar 2 disorder, which she has had since childhood. She has degrees from the University of Dayton and Cornell University, which along with her personal experiences inform her writing. She lives in Ohio with her husband and a varying number of cats.

Book preview

Introduction

MY FIRST BOOK was Bipolar Me, and now I have gone on to Bipolar Us.

Why?

Because I’m not the only one who deals with bipolar disorder on a daily basis. There are millions of us who are affected by either bipolar 1 or bipolar 2 and millions more friends, family members, caregivers, therapists, psychiatrists, and other people who are also affected by it. They struggle, love, try to understand, encourage, get frustrated, help, and sometimes even save our lives.

I think when I speak about all these people in addition to myself, I speak with a louder voice.

Again, why?

First, I want to make explicit that I am not alone in bipolar. There are more of us than most people know. Yet we are, as Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) says, alone together in mental illness. When I share what has happened to me personally, I know that others have experienced the same and still others have different experiences. I have tried to include both me and others when writing this book.

Second, I hope that those who do not themselves have direct or indirect experience of bipolar can get something from this book. Society has a lot to learn about serious mental illness (SMI) that they’re not getting from TV shows, movies, and PSAs.

In fact, many of the messages they get are wrong. These faulty representations of what it is like to live with bipolar or another mental illness do not reveal the truth of our lives, our struggles, our triumphs.

Faulty impressions of serious mental illness lead to stigma, the idea that people with mental and/or emotional disorders are all untreatable, violent, homeless, a drag on society, and a potential danger to everyone. So, this book starts with essays about where society and illness meet, where stigma exists and needs to be overcome. Other essays try to bridge gaps between people who know what the illness is like and others who don’t, between me and other people who share the daily struggles, and between me and my own glitchy brain.

Come along with me and cross those bridges too. We can burn the stigma ones after we cross them.

Chapter One: Society, Stigma and Mental Health

What Kids Should Learn About Mental Health • Someone You Know Is Mentally Ill • Poor? Mentally Ill? Sorry, You’re on Your Own. • The Weather is Not Bipolar. I Am. • Mental Illness and Gun Violence • Lock Up the Crazies Before They Hurt Someone • The Lone Wolf Strikes Again • Why I Hate TV Drug Commercials • Does It Help When Celebrities Talk About Mental Illness? • Shortchanged: Bipolar Disorder and Money • Are Political Extremists Mentally Ill? • Stigma Won’t End Until . . . • Another Word for Stigma • Inspiration and Mental Illness • Talking to Ourselves

What Kids Should Learn About Mental Health

THE STIGMA AND THE MISINFORMATION surrounding mental illness are staggering.

How many adults believe that depression is just being sad? That the weather can be bipolar? That you can call yourself OCD because you're a little too organized? That suicide threats are never acted on? That mentally ill people are dangerous? That prayer, or sunshine, or positive thinking will cure all mental disorders?

We can't do much about educating and informing the adult population that all those beliefs are false. But we can avoid raising another generation that buys into these misconceptions – if we start now with mental health education in schools.

Whenever someone proposes this idea, there are common objections. Do you want kindergartners to learn about schizophrenia? You'll have impressionable kids thinking they have every disorder you teach about. Discussing suicide will give teens ideas.

Again, these are misconceptions. Mental health education in schools could look like this:

In kindergarten and grades 1-2, part of the health curriculum should be a unit about understanding emotions and how to deal with them. This is already being done when teachers tell kids to use your words or use your indoor voice. But more could be done in the area of teaching children how they can keep from letting anger, sadness, frustration, and other emotions cause them difficulties. Yes, this may involve techniques that resemble meditation and yes, these may be controversial, but the outcomes will be beneficial.

I also think that young children ought to be taught about the autism spectrum. While this is not strictly a mental health issue, they will certainly meet autistic children in their classes at this age. Helping them understand the condition at their age level will, one can hope, lead to more inclusion and less bullying of kids who are different.

Older children can learn about mental illness in their science or health classes. This should be a unit that covers the basic facts: that mental illness is like physical illness in some ways that treatment is available, that mental or emotional disorders will affect one in four Americans in their lifetimes, and that mentally ill persons are not generally dangerous.

Middle schoolers can be taught some more specifics: the names and symptoms of some of the most common disorders, the kinds of treatments available, famous people who have succeeded in spite of mental disorders, and ordinary people who live fulfilling lives despite them. Speakers from local mental health centers or the school guidance counselor would be helpful.

The topics of self-harm and suicide should be brought up at the middle school level. It is sad but true that children in the middle school age range are affected by both, if not directly, then by knowing a classmate who is. And suicide is the third leading cause of death for children ages 10-14. Learning the facts may encourage students who need help to find it before it’s too late.

In high school, the focus can shift to human psychology; more detail about serious psychological conditions; and the possibility of careers in mental health treatment, nursing, or advocacy. Topics of self-harm and suicide should be covered in greater detail, with discussions of how suicide affects the families and loved ones of those who die by suicide, how to recognize possible signs that a person is thinking about suicide or self-harm, and what does and doesn't work to help a person who shows those signs.

The details of mental health education in schools still need to be worked out. These suggestions come from my experience as a person with bipolar disorder, who began showing symptoms while I was a child. Organizations such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) provide resources that can help in understanding the need for mental health education among school-aged children.

Understanding mental health is as important for schoolchildren as understanding physical health. Why should one get all the attention and the other virtually none? Mental health education that begins early can help children and their families in ways that will resonate far into the future.

Most adults have little to no understanding of the realities of mental illness. It doesn't have to be the same for the next generation.

Someone You Know Is Mentally Ill

DO YOU HAVE 10 FRIENDS, family members, and co-workers? If you do, then two of them are experiencing a mental health condition this year. And of the 20 people around you, at least one has a serious mental illness such as bipolar disorder, which is what I live with.

Despite those numbers, a large part of the population knows little to nothing about mental illness except what they see in the news, on television, or online. And, as you might guess, those portrayals are largely inaccurate.

What we see in the media teaches us to fear and hate the mentally ill. It says they are violent, incurable, homeless, suicidal, and dangerous. They are terrorists and mass shooters and need to be locked away for the rest of their lives.

Now think again about those 10 or 20 people in your life. Do any of them fit that description? Probably not.

Those impressions are the result of stigma regarding the mentally ill. Here are some of the facts that can counter the stigma.

Anyone can have mental illness. From the woman who has PTSD after the trauma of a rape, to the man who has depression that lasts years after his mother dies, to the person born with a tendency toward bipolar disorder (me), mental illness can be simply a fact of a person's life that you most likely don't even realize.

You can't recognize the mentally ill just by looking at them. The wild, staring eyes, grimacing, and random outbursts are not the symptoms of most mental illnesses. Many people hide their conditions because of these stereotypes or the jokes told about crazy people.

Mental illness is often a lifelong condition. There is no cure for these conditions. With therapy, medication, and support from people like you, people with mental illness can achieve stability and relief from their disorder. But they will not just snap out of it.

Mentally ill people can live productive, useful lives. Many of them have friends, marry, have children (or not), work, go out in public, just like you and me. Some may have difficulty with some of these activities, but they're not always incapacitated. That's another reason you can't tell who's mentally ill just by looking at them.

There are places where the mentally ill can get help. Although they can be difficult to find, there are psychiatrists and therapists who specialize in mood disorders such as anxiety and depression, prolonged grief or toxic relationship issues, and other conditions. There are local mental health groups and self-help groups that can connect people with others who struggle like they do. Support groups are available online, on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, and remote therapists are becoming available. For those who worry about the cost, there are even community mental health centers with sliding fee scales.

Stigma – false beliefs – about mental illness make people less likely to get help. If someone is mentally distressed but fears the stereotypes, he or she can be afraid to ask for help from a friend, relative, or even a doctor. The disorder may become worse, not better.

Just like the stigma regarding the homeless, the foreign-born, or the poor, mental illness stigma is pervasive and can be removed only by thought, discussion, and education.

Think about the people in your life. Might one or more of them be suffering in silence? Read books, or magazines, or newspaper articles, or blogs (mine is bipolarme.blog) about depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, bulimia, or other conditions. Visit the websites of organizations that spread the word about mental illness and its treatment.

Most of all, talk to people. Some of us are open about our mental disorders and willing to help you better understand yourself, a family member, or a friend. Talk to the person you think may be in distress. He or she may share the false beliefs about mental illness. That's right, the mentally ill themselves may give in to the stigma.

Care and improved treatment for the mentally ill (including the people in your life) will come only when we have erased the stigma that surrounds the topic.

Talk.

Educate.

Poor? Mentally Ill? Sorry, You’re on Your Own.

POVERTY AND MENTAL ILLNESS have something in common.

There is a stigma attached to both.

Both are seen as moral failings. If only people tried harder, worked more, improved themselves, they could lift themselves out of poverty without relying on anyone else's help, which would be shameful.

And if only people stopped being so negative, looked on the bright side, smiled more, or thought more about others, their positive mental attitude would make all those shrinks and pills unnecessary. They wouldn't be shooting people with assault rifles and sucking up tax dollars for disability payments, which is shameful.

Society can't afford poverty and it can't afford mental illness. Why should we make the effort when the poor and the mentally disturbed don't?

Why should these two conditions both be associated with such stigma and for such similar reasons? It's simple. People don't want to think that poverty or mental illness could happen to them.

The truth, however, is that a vast number of Americans are living one paycheck or one illness away from poverty, and one in four or five Americans will face a mental or emotional disorder at some point in their lives. And they are afraid. So, they tell themselves that the conditions only affect Other People. And those people must be stupid or lazy or unmotivated or something, or they wouldn't be poor or mentally ill in the first place.

And that's where stigma begins.

And what are the consequences of stigma?

Well, first of all, it means that no one wants to spend money alleviating either condition. If these Other People can't pull themselves up by their bootstraps and improve, the thinking goes, why should we pay them not to? Job training programs, child care, higher minimum wage, insurance coverage, community mental health centers, and treatment programs for addiction need to be paid for in some way, but not with our tax dollars, by God!

And it means we don't want to look at the Other People for fear of seeing ourselves. Don't put halfway houses, group homes, unemployment offices, treatment centers, psychiatric hospitals, and other reminders in our neighborhoods. Not In My Backyard!

It's not just a failure of compassion, though it's that too. It's not just a failure of the social safety net, though it’s certainly that as well. It's also a failure of the imagination: What would it be like if poverty or mental illness should happen to me? The reality is too unpleasant to think about, so don't.

And while we're talking about unpleasant, let's mention the place where poverty and mental illness intersect: homelessness. Don't we assume that homeless people are both poor and mentally ill? As such, spending money on them is doubly wasted. Why bother? It's not like it's going to help. Poverty, homelessness, and mental illness are incurable, after all. Unless a person can cure their problems without outside help, of course.

So, what's my stake in all this? Am I a bleeding-heart liberal do-gooder who wants to cure society's ills and make us all foot the bill for it?

Well, yeah.

But I'm also living month to month on my income. My husband makes only a bit over minimum wage. We have both, at one time or another during our lives, been on unemployment and/or food stamps. We have no nest egg or emergency fund. It wouldn't take much in the way of reversals to wipe us out. Even at that, we're relatively privileged.

And I have a mental illness: bipolar disorder 2. Without insurance, I could not afford to see a psychiatrist, buy medication, or get inpatient treatment if I ever need it. Right now, my condition is moderately well controlled but if I should suffer a setback, I might not be able to work at all. And there we are, back at poverty.

These two unfortunate conditions – poverty and mental illness – affect me directly, so I can't look away and say they only happen to Other People. I know that they affect others more severely than they do me, and I don't know how those people make it through.

But I do know that stigma isn't helping any of us.

The Weather Is Not Bipolar. I Am.

YEAH, I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. The weather changes a lot, and sometimes drastically, so you say it has mood swings. And what's more associated with mood swings than bipolar disorder?

I know, it's a metaphor, a shorthand way of comparing things to each other, like comparing a choice to two roads diverging in a yellow wood.

The problem is, there are people on one side of this comparison, and they have a mental disorder. Bipolar literally means a neurochemical disorder of the brain that a person cannot control. It isn't warmth in December and snow in April. It's not just a matter of feeling happy one day and sad another. Everyone gets that.

Not everyone has bipolar disorder.

I do.

I have no control over whether I will wake up in the morning eager to get out of bed and start my day, or unable to get out of bed at all. No, you can't control the weather, either, but that's nothing compared to being unable to control your own moods, thoughts, and even actions.

Bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other mental disorders are conditions that affect, inhibit, and even ruin people's lives and relationships. They are not conditions to be made light of, any more than developmental disabilities are. Bipolar is a disorder – a disease, if you will – that can confuse, terrify, and impair you; unsettle, disrupt, and destroy your relationships; shred your memory; take you to the brink of suicide and beyond, if you're unlucky or untreated.

So, no. Your picky friend probably does not have OCD. OCD is a psychological condition that inhibits a person's actions based on a complex series of numbers, behaviors, and rituals. It's a lot worse than simply straightening picture frames. Narcissism is not just being vain. We may joke about needing insulin when a new couple overdoes the endearments, but that's a far cry from really needing insulin.

Many mental disorders involve neurons and synapses and neurotransmitter chemicals in your brain, and maybe genes. Can you control those by yourself? I thought not. Neither can I.

What I can do is go to a psychiatrist who gives me medications that help control those pesky neurotransmitters and a psychologist who shares with me ways to cope with the messiness of the life I have to deal with.

And make no mistake, those professionals and those chemicals do help. They give me more control over my emotions than you have over the weather.

So, if you shouldn't call the weather bipolar or your picky relative OCD, what about public figures? Aren't they fair game? Can we say, for instance, that Donald Trump is a narcissist? Most likely, yes. Can we say that he has a psychological condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Or Borderline Personality Disorder? Or Sociopathy?

No. The most we might say is that he displays some narcissistic traits, or that he is, in colloquial terms only, narcissistic. But can we diagnose him, say that he has one or another of these psychological conditions? It's tempting to diagnose from a distance. That's dangerous. Actual psychological disorders can be diagnosed only by a professional who has actually spoken to the person in question. Anything else is pop psychology and a disservice to the mental health profession, not to mention disrespectful to people who actually live with those conditions.

I know that psychological terms get tossed around loosely, especially in colloquial English. I get that they're shorthand for more complex ideas. Still, it bugs me when someone says the weather is bipolar or Trump is a sociopath. I like precision in language. I like it especially when it hits close to home.

What I have is not like the weather. Oh, it comes and goes. But I can't get away from it just by going indoors. I can't lessen its effects by putting on or taking off layers of clothing. I can't turn on the Weather Channel for a prediction of how I will feel later in the week. I can't move to a place where bipolar is more pleasant.

That would be crazy.

Mental Illness and Gun Violence

THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF TALK lately that not allowing the mentally ill to own guns would curb the trend of gun violence in the U.S. There are just a few things wrong with that theory.

Are background checks the answer? They aren't. Such checks at certified gun dealers screen out only the very few who have been hospitalized for serious mental illness. That's only a very small portion of those with mental illnesses. Most people with mental disorders are never hospitalized and some never receive any diagnosis or treatment from a psychiatrist, psychologist, or another counselor, which means that background checks would never turn them up. And there are loopholes in many states' versions of background checks that, for