Perilous Seas: Love the Captain : Book 2

By Amanda Sandton

Meredith's under attack.

Meredith has fallen in love with the Captain, but their relationship is threatened by her aunt's probable disapproval of their age difference and Meredith's fear of sexual intimacy. Although the Captain knows nothing about Meredith's unfortunate past, he has to date been considerate and patient with her. Meredith was so ashamed of her behavior at the end of "The Captain’s Girl" that she wouldn’t leave the cabin she shares with her best friend Kate. The Captain has tried his best to reach her, but to no avail. Meredith has shrunk back into herself again. Only an event of unexpected drama can free her from her self-imposed imprisonment.

Will the Captain continue to try to breach her defenses? Will fate lend him a helping hand?

(The adult content of the story makes the series suitable for those of 18 and over.)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karibu Publishers SAS
• Release date: Jan 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9782901556497

Book preview

1

Desolation

Yesterday was dreary, and so was today. I spent the whole time locked away in my cabin. I didn’t take my turn with Sukey, but Clara was understanding and let me alone.

It’s the evening and I could be down at dinner with the Captain, but how can I face him after what I did to him? It’s one thing to be a cock tease, but quite another to run away in the middle of things as if the man were a monster. I must have hurt his feelings, let alone marooned him on the beach of pleasure with the tide gone out. I’d hoped it was going to work with the Captain, and hate that I allowed the stinking miasma to envelop me and frighten me away. I’m desperate to move on with my life. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m ever going to be able to put the past completely behind me.

I must get back control over my life… but it’s not going to happen today, and probably not tomorrow. My feelings are in turmoil. I need time to find myself again. I hope the shame will fade.

When Clara reminded me about the security briefing this afternoon—that attendance was obligatory for adults—my stomach spasmed, and I doubled up in an effort to soothe the chilling cramps.

Clara put her arms around me. What is it, Merry? Are you ill?

I couldn’t speak, the pain was so intense. I didn’t want to see the Captain, and I’d die if he saw me.

Clara pushed me onto my bed and sat down beside me, holding me to her breast. There, there, Merry, it’s all right. Clara’s here.

I let the weight of my despair sink into her, taking comfort from her kindness.

Is this to do with what happened the other night? Are you still upset? she asked.

If she only knew how much, and why, but I couldn’t tell her that. I nodded yes to her questions.

You poor thing! You stay here until you can cope. I’ll go with Kate. We’ll tell you what they say later.

We hadn’t noticed that Sukey had come through the connecting door with Bunnylugs tucked under her arm. She was rubbing the afternoon sleep out of her eyes. What’s wrong with Merry? she asked, running up to me and stroking me.

Clara ruffled her hair. She’s poorly, darling.

Why’s she crying?

Because she’s got a very, very bad pain in her tummy.

Sukey thrust Bunnylugs at me. Here, Merry. You can take him for this afternoon. I’m going to the Playroom now.

After they had left to take Sukey to the Playroom en route to the theater for the briefing, I curled up on my bed and, yes, I hugged Bunnylugs to my chest. I’m eighteen, it’s true, but I felt like a three-year-old—confused, overwhelmed by the adult world and sorry for myself.

Here I am alone now, apart from Sukey who is fast asleep next door. Kate has gone off to party with the gang. Clara’s dining at the Captain’s table. I can’t decide whether I’m punishing myself for my behavior the night before, or whether I’m punishing myself for what caused that behavior. Every time I remember what I did, I cringe. How could I? Help! I need some help, but daren’t ask for it from Clara or Kate.

A long hot shower takes up some of my time, but the evening stretches out long before me, mimicking the slow passage of the day. My five-star dinner on a tray looks wonderful, but I can only toy with it. I’ve lost my appetite. I pace backwards and forwards around our suite of cabins, thrashing over and over what I’m going to do. Two months of confinement to my cabin is not sustainable.

Hell on wheels. I wish I could turn back the clock. The Captain was right. We should never have become involved. If I’d listened to his words of caution, I wouldn’t have put myself at risk. I could have stayed safe and untried in my little Merry-cocoon.

There’s a knock at the door and the Captain calls out, Meredith, I know you’re in there. Open up, sweetheart. I’m not angry. I’m not even annoyed.

I crouch down behind my bed. I can’t believe how scared I am, not of him but of coming face to face with him. Seeing his reaction to my bizarre behavior. I’m too ashamed.

He knocks again. Come along, sweetheart. Merry? Open up and let’s talk this over.

I stay still. I’d give anything to be able to evaporate and escape this situation.

He doesn’t knock a third time and after a while, I relax enough to leave my hiding place. I mess my dinner about. If Clara finds out I’ve eaten nothing she’ll start to fuss and I don’t want that. In fact, I’m not sure what I want.

I climb onto my bed and try to read, but can’t concentrate on romance. It seems like a cruel joke. I need to dull the ache in my heart and my soul. I take a couple of miniatures from the drinks cupboard and go out onto the balcony to sit with my feet on the railing, looking out over the Mediterranean Sea. Behind us lies Europe and ahead of us lies Africa and Arabia. A chance of a lifetime. I should be excited at what tomorrow will bring, but I’m not.

I drain the bottles and stand up at the railing. I throw them into the dark mysterious waters one by one. They sink and disappear into the depths. It would be so easy. So quick. I’d be gone long before anyone realized. No more struggling to be a normal teenager, no more fighting off the gray.

I sway, a little woozy from the cognac. It’s so close. Oblivion is so close. A fall away.

Something touches my leg and I brush it off. Warm flesh. Little fingers. It’s Sukey’s tiny hand, clutching my jeans. I turn and glance down. She’s standing right up next to me. A sleepy little barefoot girl, her hair a-tangle and her face all scrunched up.

Merry, I’m frightened. There’s a monster under my bed.

I snatch her up in my arms and retreat to the safety of the cabin, leaving the unspoken temptation behind me.

Darling, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?

Mmm, she murmurs sleepily.

I put her back to bed and make her a rabbit hole, tucking her in tightly with Bunnylugs. I’m still shaken from the notions she disturbed, but I sing her a lullaby, haltingly at first. She gazes up at me and gives me a smile. My voice grows stronger as my heart comes alive again. I love this child. I would give my life for hers in a second. How could I have allowed myself to entertain such self-piteous thoughts while she needs me in her life? I finish my song and kiss her on the forehead. Sukey snuggles down and is soon asleep.

When Clara comes in, I’m sitting on the balcony again, staring out into the night, my mind a blank. She hurries out to join me. She takes a seat beside me and gathers up my hands in hers.

Merry, you’re so cold. You should come in now and try to get some sleep?

My features are stiff, and it takes an effort to force my lips and tongue to work.

It’s all so hopeless, Clara. I’m useless. I can’t do anything right.

That’s utter rubbish, and you know it is. You’re intelligent, attractive, kind, and people like you.

I don’t feel as if they do.

Clara sighs and gives her head a shake. Why only tonight Captain Maynard was asking after you. He seemed quite concerned about you. Wondered why you weren’t at his table for dinner.

I snatch my hands away and ask her, What did you tell him? You didn’t tell him that someone attacked me, did you?

Of course, I didn’t. That’s between you and me. I told him what I told him last night when he asked—that you weren’t well, but it was nothing to worry about. He probably assumes you’re having a bad period.

If only it were as simple as that. I’d take physical pain over mental anguish any day.

I consider what Clara has told me. Was the Captain genuinely interested? He wasn’t merely being polite?

Meredith, how can I be expected to know that? But you can’t stay hidden away in this cabin for the rest of the voyage. I’ve let you be because you needed some time to get over the other night, but you’ve had long enough. You must get to grips with this or you’ll slip back again. You’ve been doing so well. Don’t let this unfortunate episode undo all the good work we’ve done together.

Clara’s lecture, with all its unconscious ambiguity, is biting.

Please, Clara, please give me time. Just love me.

She pulls me out of my chair and enfolds me in her arms, giving me a hug. Anything, Merry. I love you and want the best for you. Come to bed now.

I fall asleep knowing that Clara is right. I can’t afford to let my shame overpower my wish for a normal life. I will fight to come to terms with it and banish it. But not yet. Maybe tomorrow, or the