Blots, Flaws, and Revelations: Discovering True Success Through the Father’s Heart

By Nicholia Miller

From the time she was a child, Nicholia Miller’s mother primed her to serve God. As Miller grew, she regularly attended Sunday school, prayed with the family in Sunday morning devotions, and saw her mother’s dependence on God and commitment to pray. Nonetheless, it took Miller many years before she finally gave her life to the Lord.

Perhaps like Miller, you have struggled in your relationship with God. She has much empathy and compassion for those who are indifferent towards God and are confused about His word. In Blots, Flaws, and Revelations, Miller shares the story of her spiritual journey, offering testimonies of God’s faithfulness. She tells how she discovered a more personal and revelatory relationship with God and how He has taken her through different seasons of knowing Him. In each season, He used the mundane and the experiences she would have considered mere blots and flaws to accomplish His purpose in her life.

Through her personal narrative, Miller helps others develop their relationship with God and an understanding of how He reveals Himself. Blots, Flaws, and Revelations examines how her encounter with God took her from instability in her faith to a deeper understanding of His word.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 5, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664217034

Nicholia Miller

Nicholia Miller was born in Jamaica and has lived in the United Kingdom since 2004. She pursued studies in both English Literature and Education in Jamaica and the United Kingdom at The Mico University College (The Mico), Middlesex University, University College London, and briefly at London Metropolitan University. She currently works as a teacher and middle leader, inspiring teenagers to develop a love for writing and analysis.

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Copyright © 2021 Nicholia Miller.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

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without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author

and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of

the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of

people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-1704-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-1705-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-1703-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020925403

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/22/2021

Sometimes the things we consider as success deceive us, and we miss God’s blessings. A seeming failure can lead to a quest for a deeper walk with God, in which we discover that love is the greatest.

Be blessed by testimonies of God’s faithfulness in varied seasons and stages of walking with Him, regardless of being curious about Him, close to Him, weak, strong, faithless, or faithful. Discover the beauty of God’s deep thoughts towards us and His willingness to reveal Himself to us when we rise above distractions and seek His face.

In this unique autobiography and devotional, Nicholia Miller shares how she came to realise what really matters.

This is dedicated foremost to the work and kingdom of the Almighty God—my Father, who gave me the vision for it and made it all possible. Your sovereignty, reliability, favour, grace and patience get all the credit for this milestone.

I also devote this piece to my immediate and extended family. To my dear mother, whose influence continues to encourage me to seek God, you remain my confidante, friend and ‘pastor’—without your guidance I would perhaps have no interest in God. Your grace, humility, dignity, determination and nurturing have been a blessing to all of us, and your life testifies to the truth that God’s approval cannot be thwarted. To my brothers, their wives, my nieces, nephews, and godchildren (especially those who are adolescents and young adults), may you come to know Christ on whom you must depend to navigate life in the twenty-first century.

To my cousins and their spouses, and to my aunts who, like my mother, have encouraged my faith over the years: you all relinquished responsibilities and fasted and prayed with me through different seasons of my life and writing this book—notably when I felt defeated and fearful, and even when you were expecting! We truly have a rich, godly heritage.

By no means least, I dedicate this to everyone, regardless of your age or the stage of your relationship with God. Whether you are simply curious or even angry at Him, ashamed because you failed Him, or committed to Him, He has given a word for you. He has a plan for your life. May you hear and respond in faith and obedience to His instructions and come to know Him more deeply.

CONTENTS

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Phase 1 The Early Years In My Walk With God; A Babe In Christ

I Will Give My Life to the Lord When I’m Ready

Beginning to Change—a Work in Progress

Learning to Trust Him from Undeserved Favour in College

Paradoxical—Following the Crowd Despite the Favour

Finishing Well

Migrating to the United Kingdom—the Unanticipated Bridge to Spiritual Growth

Jehovah Jireh—My Provider of Jobs

Blessed through Adversities—Do Not Fear

Blessed through Personalised Doors

Blessed to Encourage Others

Extended Blessings—Pursued for Promotions; Favoured through Births

Phase 2Revelations To A Student

New Driver

Greatest Achievement

Phase 3Revelations For Victory—Finally Qualified To Teach

Day 1Vengeance Is Not Ours; God Willingly Defeats Our Enemies

Day 2Recipe for Success, Joy and Peace

Day 3Trust and Honour God

Day 4Contentment and Confidence Are in His Plans for You

Day 5Promises and Struggles

Day 6Perceiving Suffering

Why Do Christians Suffer?

Day 7Perceiving Suffering

He Spares the Humble

Day 8Perceiving Suffering

A Part of the Package

Day 9Do You Know Who Your Father Is?

Day 10Faith, Trust, Rest—Results!

Day 11He Will Terrify Them on Your Behalf

Day 12The Board of Directors and CEO

Day 13I’m Watching You

Day 14You Are Good Enough

Day 15The Wilderness Temptations

Day 16When Church Leaders (and Prominent Christians) Fall

Day 17Who Is Your Advisor?

Day 18Your Sickness Is Not unto Death

Day 19When Haters (Enemies) Hate

Day 20The Enemy Is Defeated!

Day 21God plus God

Day 22Get Radical!

Day 23Get Radical!—Enter into His Rest

Day 24Get Radical!—It’s Mine!

Day 25Get Radical!—Thanks Be to God!

Day 26On the Birth of a Promise

Day 27Pass the Test

Day 28Who Really Flourishes?

Day 29One Thing

Day 30Used for His Glory; Lay It before Him

Day 31Traded Places

Day 32Controlled by Purpose

Day 33Engravements, Inscriptions, and Pictures

Day 34The Battle Is Not Yours but the Victory Is!

Day 35My Helper—His Spirit and His Name

Day 36Love This Man

Day 37Fine Silverware

Day 38Fully Loaded

Day 39Help Is on the Way

Day 40Love Is the Greatest

Final Thoughts From The Author

PREFACE

Here is another book in which the author thinks she has the steps to change your life. Here is another of those Christians who thinks she is perfect and everyone else is a loser. Here we go again!

Is that what you are thinking? I hope not, because you will be disappointed—you are wrong!

Firstly, none of God’s people are perfect—only Jesus is perfect; this is why God—the Father, chose Him to go to the cross for our sins. Secondly, nothing happens to God’s chosen people accidentally. If we understand these basic principles, we will avoid many issues. It is no accident that you are reading this book and you feel compelled to finish it, even if you are merely driven by curiosity or an innate desire for criticism! God enabled me to perceive that our imperfections may be ultimately used to qualify us for His use, because when we overcome in spite of them, He alone is glorified. It is therefore by divine destiny that you have an opportunity to learn from God through this book, and I do pray that He will speak to you as He uses me to share a few of the experiences I have had with Him and testimonies of His work in my life.

If you talk to believers about their journey with God, you will realise that we all take different paths and face varied experiences in our spiritual journeys; however, it is common for us to appreciate the things we learn while God continues to transform us.

Among the lessons I have learnt is the need for us to use our gifts to glorify God. I have always had a desire to write but eventually came to realise that if this was a gift He had given me, the glory must be given to Him when it is used. In addition to His word, He uses us as His voice and has given us the authority to bring hope to those who are yet to accept Him as their Saviour, those who have been saved but allowed the enemy to distract them from their purpose, and those who are walking with God but feel weak and discouraged. If you are like me, you have been to all extremes of that continuum, but through grace, God has sustained you and continues to work in you. We all need encouragement at some point in our lives—saved or unsaved, regardless of that need being admitted or denied.

My spiritual journey may not be as dramatic as other stories; we are somehow stereotypically moved when we hear testimonies of those who were delivered from drug addiction, homelessness, prostitution, physical imprisonment, conversions after being deeply engrossed in other beliefs, and lives which were generally rife with debauchery. However, what do we think about those like me, whose testimonies are considered less graphic and worthy of recognition by the world’s standards? What do we think of testimonies from those who were raised in Christian homes, went to Sunday school, had supportive and loving families, and though born with a sinful nature like everyone else, were not outrageous by the world’s standards? What do we think of testimonies from those who did not commit crimes or any of the other sins such as the ones stated above (which we often consider to be the worst in the world)? Do we not face difficulties and sin as well? Are our testimonies of no value?

The truth is, what may seem difficult to one may be trivialised by another. If we are not careful, when we insist on comparing ourselves according to the world’s standards, we will disregard beautiful stories of deliverance. When our lives are seemingly ‘ordinary’ and we encounter God, whatever He does for and through us is worth sharing!

I certainly have been delivered by God in many situations, some of which have been catalysts which moved me into a closer walk with Him. I do not regard myself as perfect or so close to God that I never err; indeed, it is because of His patience with my sinful nature that I have grown in understanding of His love for me, and His commitment to transforming me. It is against this context that I share the subsequent chapters; God has done amazing things in what may seem ordinary or coincidental by those who are unaware that He performs miracles in myriad ways, in His ultimate aim to bring us closer to Him. Through His commitment to my growth, my understanding of what matters to Him has been developed, and has given me the confidence to know that using a gift He has given to me is not about fame or fortune; when souls are encouraged by hearing about His deliverance from what we consider ‘ordinary’ circumstances, His work through me is not in vain.

If you have a gift that God has challenged you to use for His glory, dismiss your anxiety and excuses and focus on the fact that obedience to Him is much more important than worldly applauses or recognition, or worrying about what people may think of the value of your testimonies. If I had heard of more testimonies of people who were drawn closer to God by everyday incidents, I would perhaps have realised my sole purpose of honouring Him in all I do sooner, and realised more readily that God can use me too. All who are saved are ministers for Him in all we do, regardless of whether we do it from a pulpit while dressed in a surplice or preacher’s collar or in less conventional ways such as displaying good work ethics, singing, being hospitable, sharing a joke with the despondent, writing, or encouraging the discouraged.

Be encouraged; God is unlimited in His means of ministry through us and is exceedingly greater than our limited views of how He reaches others.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

None of this would be possible without God choosing to reveal Himself to me, giving me the content for the book, and sustaining me when the enemy tried every desperate, pathetic scheme to hinder my purpose in publishing this work. God’s purpose prevails.

To my family (immediate, extended and spiritual): your prayers and encouragement were excellent sources of support during this project—I would need to write another book to express enough gratitude for all you have done for me! God bless you all.

INTRODUCTION

Growing up in the church and having a prayerful family is a blessing but can create a false sense of security that says we do not need to relentlessly pursue God. God has taken me through different seasons or phases of knowing Him, and in each season He used the mundane and experiences I would have otherwise considered mere blots and flaws to accomplish His purpose in my life.

Whether saved, unsaved, straying, or committed, we all have the commonalities of blots from our sinful nature and battle scars as we journey through life. Despite this, we can all receive God’s revelations through scripture; despite our notable flaws, He will reveal Himself to us when we seek Him. We come to faith through various means, whether through the Holy Spirit’s work in our upbringing, a preacher, life-changing experiences, divinely orchestrated encounters, or the influence of friends or family. Our journeys prior to and subsequent to accepting Christ often meander, as we sometimes ignore His invitation to follow Him, follow Him from a distance, or wonder whether we are capable of being fully committed to Him. Regardless, they are all unique, and God has a plan for all our lives; He will use the seemingly insignificant, non-dramatic conversions, and our struggles to reveal Himself to us. Consequently, we are not assigned to distinguish whether God is at work in an individual’s life or to judge the depth of His relationship with them.

Unfortunately, we often miss God’s hand in our lives through our triumphs and failures and compare our lives to others’, but what if the things we think are mere coincidences are His perfect will? Without failing and recognising my flaws, I would perhaps not have understood what it means to seek God without prompts from a preacher or devotional, or the thrill of learning to discern His voice. Without Him getting my attention at a time when I thought I knew everything about Him, I would have continued to believe that a successful career and possessions were my greatest accomplishments. God had a different plan!

PHASE 1

THE EARLY YEARS IN MY WALK

WITH GOD; A BABE IN CHRIST

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

—Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 2–11

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

—Romans 8: 28

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand.

—Psalm 37: 23–24

I Will Give My Life to the

Lord When I’m Ready

I was primed to serve God by my mother; as I grew, I regularly attended Sunday school, prayed with the family in our Sunday morning devotions, and saw my mother on her knees every day as she sought the Lord.

We have an extremely humble background. The main breadwinner was my father, who passed away a few months before my second birthday. My mother was in her twenties and widowed, with the responsibility of raising four children, who at the time were all under the age of 10. From an early age, I could sense that God was with us; in hindsight, it could only have been the Lord who rescued us from difficult times, met all our needs, and kept us united when other seemingly prosperous families fell apart. Times were tough and the odds were against us; we were closely knit but nonetheless a single-parent family, and it was obviously difficult for my mother. We lost contact with the majority of my father’s family; there was brief contact from a few of them a number of years later, whilst I was training to be a teacher, but this communication was short-lived. I reflect on this with absolutely no sadness, firstly because God never removes anyone from our lives who we need to fulfil our purpose, and also because my brothers and I were not disadvantaged by the distance. In contrast, my mother’s siblings and extended family have always been kind to us, and helped when possible during our childhood; nonetheless, the vast majority of our needs were met by her. When I speak of family, they are the ones I refer to; I love both my immediate and extended family, as the relationships we formed are truly valuable, and have helped me through every stage of my life.

Thankfully, my mother received a monthly pension for us until we turned 18; this was because the year my father passed away was also the twelfth anniversary of him joining the Jamaica Constabulary Force. The government honoured such service by paying the monthly pension in the event of an officer’s death. From this sum, my resilient, loving, nurturing mother (who acknowledges God as her ultimate source), sacrificed to buy a small home for us, and did her best to meet all our other needs. We survived without luxuries, were content, established loving family traditions, and were blessed with a loving disciplinarian who wholeheartedly cared (and still cares) for us. I am the youngest of my siblings and as I grew older, my mother was able to start working again, beginning years of service to the postal services.

It overwhelms me now to reflect that even then, adversities were being used to strengthen my faith, as I witnessed provisions beyond comprehension which were always on time to meet our needs. I knew the power of God from a young age and had radical faith when I was younger—I believed God could do anything and even encouraged my mother whenever she felt discouraged. It amazes me to know that I had not even accepted the Lord and my faith was sometimes stronger then than it was when I first gave my life to the Lord, and even in recent years when it wavered.

My mother did not force us into a relationship with God. She strongly believed that the choice should be ours when we were of an appropriate level of maturity, convicted, and exposed to enough about God to make the right choice. She often talked to me about what it meant to be saved and made it clear that she strongly desired to see me commit to God. My excuse was always that I was not ready. That was my story and I stuck to it!

Inwardly, I always tried to rationalise my delay by arguing that I was too young to make such a decision and would give my life to the Lord when I felt I could be wholly committed to Him; I thought my feelings would indicate this readiness that I spoke about. I often smugly reminded my mother that it was her fault that I was not serving God, as she had prevented me from being baptised at age 8 when I thought I was ready, while many others from our church had been baptised at the same time. She prevented me because she knew I had no idea what I was asking! I am now truly grateful to her for being my earthly guide, because I was oblivious to what such a commitment would involve.

As I grew older, my reasons for delaying a relationship with God increased. I was somewhat rebellious as a teenager. Though I was focused on my studies and performed well in school, I loved being carefree and going out to have fun. However, my mother did not allow me to have my way and go out as much as I wanted to—indeed, I had to ask weeks or sometimes months in advance, and even so, I was not always granted permission. However, I was allowed to be out sometimes for school and community club fetes or parties, and that was the life I loved and enjoyed with like-minded friends. I fell in love like a normal teenager, got my heart broken like a normal teenager, loved fashion and trends like a normal teenager, and felt I knew all the answers to life’s problems—like a normal teenager.

Characteristically (like a normal teenager), it was not my desire to be in church every Sunday, so I devised excuses; I either had to do an assignment or was too tired from a hard week at school. Clearly that was far from reality. The truth is, I wanted to watch an interesting soap (Oshin), which was set in Japan, which everyone would have been talking about at school, and I did not want to be the one who did not know what was happening on the programme! However, my mother was not gullible and knew the importance of us hearing the word of God; even if we did not respond as we should immediately, she knew a seed planted would eventually germinate. Though I was excused from church a few times, I still had to be there for the vast majority of Sundays, and for this I am grateful, because I was still exposed to the word.

Despite being at an age of rebellion against some of the principles I was taught as a child, my mother did not want me to be utterly captivated by a lifestyle detached from God, and her prayers clearly sustained me. She prayed for me, as she did for all her children, and I suppose her vision of my salvation finally manifested. On reflection, it was her prayers that prevented me from joining the wrong crowd—every parent’s fear!

The process of salvation did not occur for me as quickly as it did for others. Being highly opinionated is one of my traits, and having a multitude of strong opinions about salvation was no exception at this stage of my life. As a teenager, I strongly felt that any teenager who claimed to be a Christian was a liar and hypocrite, and I dared to even join the crowd and refer to them with puns and Jamaican colloquialisms: ‘Grease-tian,’ ‘Greased-can’ and ‘One-day Christian’ being the most common—associated with those who mock God while pretending to be saved. I simply believed that teenagers were too young to genuinely serve God; I did not understand that though they were imperfect in their conduct, they could nonetheless have a relationship with God. Anyone who knew me in my teenage years will attest that this is perhaps when I developed the tendencies to be outspoken, brash, and often stubborn. If I had a conviction or desire to be proven right, there was very little that could be done to prevent me from pursuing it! Unlike those who were bold enough to embark on a relationship with Christ, in my eyes I was indeed my own god. I have changed to an extent but have gone through seasons in my adult life when the same determination to be right dominated my demeanour. I know I am not alone in that area; many of us battle internally to overcome our selfish, strong-willed nature.

In my eyes, it was impossible to be as young as I was yet committed to a life of what I thought was boredom and being regarded as an oddity. I thought I was too young and too ‘cool’ to abandon my life of good dancehall, reggae and R&B music, and friends that I valued to be … a nerd! I could not possibly allow that to happen. I liked being unique, but I thought becoming a Christian was too unique for me at that stage. I had also decided from age 11 to never get saved in a church like the one I was raised in, where I would have had to stop wearing jewellery and wear long skirts everyday instead of shorts, trousers, or trendy skirts. I value the people I knew there and all I learnt about God, as that was where I went to Sunday school and sang in the children’s choir; this church played a key role in my early years and knowledge of God’s word. Despite that acknowledgement, I simply had no intention of committing to a relationship with God at that age, especially in such a traditional and restrictive environment as that church was at that time. My plan was to get saved when I knew I would be serious about it and when my individuality would not be suffocated.

That is typical of the natural man; we think the world revolves around us and that we should always have our way—we can be extremely egocentric even if we do not willingly admit it. By this time, I had been exposed to other churches which presented Christianity in a more palatable manner, as their focus was not entirely on attire and how we are seen by others but on modesty and development of the inner man.

The church where I eventually accepted Jesus was conveniently located next door to my aunt’s, where I frequently visited. There I met young people who seemed to be happy and comfortable with being what I still thought was weird (being a young Christian) and who, though expected to be modest by the clergy, were not expected to solely prove their Christianity based on their outer appearance.

It is indeed a blessing that my stubbornness and opinions could not surpass God’s plans and opinions about me. The summer after I graduated from high school was when I began to feel the need for deeper spirituality, than that which simply acknowledged God. Graduation and the much-anticipated prom were over, and my friends and I were making decisions about our future studies. I realised life would not always hold me in my comfort zone and that the people I came to know and had grown up with would not all be in my life forever. There was more to life than my limited experiences. In fact, I have always had the example of my older cousins, who received salvation when they were younger and did not seem to be weird; they still had fun with us, and I truly held them as role models,