Become a Provider: Overcome Tragedy, Become Stronger, and Serve Others Without Getting Burned Out

By Justin Thomas

Has your life hit a plateau? Discover how to unlock your real strength and leave a positive legacy.

 

Struggling to make headway with personal growth? Frustrated with damaging behaviors? Can't seem to recover after a tragic loss or major setback? National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach, successful ent

• Language: English
• Publisher: Justin Thomas Coaching
• Release date: Mar 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9780578334158

Book preview

Introduction

This book seeks to answer the question, How can we not only endure life's tragedies, but become a better version of ourselves through them?

Imagine you are that person, an enduring leader who has faced demanding obstacles, and come out the other side stronger and wiser. One who makes a positive difference in the world without burning out! Are you interested in achieving this future version of yourself? I certainly am, and I'm honored to partner with you on your journey through this book.

As a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, MBA graduate, and experienced entrepreneur, I'm always eager to grow personally and professionally. I've dedicated my life to coaching others to maximize their well-being and performance in life. When I'm not coaching others or building a business, I'm challenging myself to grow, get off the sideline, and back into the game of life, straddling the role of coach and player.

Like you, my journey includes some tragedy, failures, and lessons learned. I've started successful businesses, been awarded student of the year accolades, and interviewed widely successful authors and entrepreneurs through some of my adventures. However, I've also experienced the immense stress of not having enough cash to make payroll, bombing graduate admission tests (thinking my MBA experience was over before it began), and the humble beginnings of recruiting guests to join my podcast.

This book is about you and your journey of living a more intentional life. On the following pages, you will learn more about my life and my father's story. I have tried my best to share authentically to earn the right to be your seasoned guide. I have shared ways I've messed up and some successes to help serve as case studies to expedite your learning, not to show off. If I missed the mark on this objective, please accept my apologies. I am an eager and imperfect provider guide.

Let's get into it because we have some work to do together to be that leader and provider we have always wanted to become, but for some reason, we have found it elusive to grasp.

I hope we all have had at least one impactful voice in our life that positively changed the trajectory of our story. We don't come alive literally or figuratively without the assistance of others. Whether our parents lovingly brought us into this world or attentive mentors filled in the gaps, we have all been provided for, and we have the opportunity to do the same for others.

Countless books have been dedicated to the themes of self-improvement, leadership, and Christian living—this book dances between all of those genres. And if faith isn't a big deal to you, I feel even more privileged to share with you and say welcome to this provider journey!

My hope and prayer is that this book offers you a collection of timeless principles and truths revealed in new and practical ways to assist your personal and professional development.

I believe that to be the provider, we must first provide for ourselves. We need to live with self-love and care to have the energy to bless and protect others. So don't worry, this is not another book simply telling you to serve more or do more for others. Those are short-term strategies and tactics. I have gained an appreciation for sustained greatness, not just hacks as a health coach and entrepreneur.

Let's not just be one-time providers; instead, the goal is to be an enduring provider. However, there is an enemy along our path: passiveness.

When we sit on the sideline, we miss the opportunity to become a leader who truly matters, and passiveness wins. When we run away from what's most important in our development, we succumb to the enemy of passiveness. Instead, we must learn how to provide for ourselves and serve others to defeat passiveness.

Professionals predict the weather with qualifications in meteorology and climatology. However, we never know when a tragedy in our personal lives or a global pandemic will occur. The good news is that, through some intentional decisions, we can all overcome life's uncertainties.

A couple of years ago, I flew over to Dublin, Ireland to facilitate a retreat. It was for the non-profit my wife and I co-founded called the CL Thomas Fellowship, which you will learn more about in this book. The retreat was a beautiful scene. Men and women whom I had never met, all desiring to learn how to be a better spouse, parent, and friend were thanking me for the opportunity to engage in this retreat. So how did my personal desire of becoming a better provider spread from an idea I had in North Carolina to this international mix of Filipinos and Europeans in Ireland? This was crazy!

I laughed to myself during the retreat and tried to appreciate the moment the best I could. It has been a long, painful journey, and I am excited to share it with you because I believe it can help anyone become a better leader and leave a positive and lasting legacy.

So, why does this updated and expanded version exist? After mentoring more individuals, testing the original provider habits, and experiencing the first global pandemic in 100 years, there were simply more lessons to share. It's my privilege to offer more transformational story details and provide new practical tools for your benefit.

We all need those positive voices in our lives to make real, meaningful change. I hope this updated book will encourage you to surrender the habits that are holding you back and start developing new ones that will provide for you and others.

Bless & Protect,

---

Justin Thomas

November 2021

Chapter 1: Personal Development for Others

"J ustin, what do you spend your money effortlessly on?"

I felt all the other workshop participants adjust in their seats to stare directly at me. My wife, Amy, and I had been enjoying a relaxing couples’ weekend retreat together at a nice hotel, but now I was on the hot seat. The meeting facilitator started the session by asking me to open up about my finances.

How we spend our money is a personal question that most of us would rather avoid or smudge the truth. But since my wife was sitting next to me, I had extra accountability and knew what the honest answer was.

Personal development, I confided to the onlooking group.

Whenever I had a goal and believed a person, diploma, or service could help achieve it, I’d pay without hesitation. I consistently invested in my personal and professional growth through education, certifications, personal coaching, and workshops.

I immediately felt a twinge of embarrassment. After all, the theme of this retreat was generosity! My answer was like trying to mix oil and water. Personal development didn't belong in a discussion about living generously. I started feeling guilty and more uncomfortable about my response. Was I wrong to invest in myself in so many ways?

My wife’s loving laugh interrupted my thoughts, and she squeezed my hand to confirm I had passed the test through my accurate answer. I took that as a positive sign of surviving the hot seat moment, and apparently, the facilitator did as well. Satisfied with my response, he moved on, but I was stuck in thought. So I returned to the question, wrestling again with my answer: was it wrong to invest so much in myself?

I thought about my MBA diploma hanging in my office overlooking the volumes of personal help, spiritual growth, and business strategy books that filled the bookshelf. Then I recalled a meeting scheduled for Monday with my new executive coach to help discuss my work as the newly minted CEO of a small tech company.

The desire to improve seemed appropriate before the facilitator's question. Yet, as the retreat continued with stories of incredible acts of kindness and generosity, I struggled to grasp how to invest in myself while serving the greater good of others.

Perhaps you fall on the other end of the spectrum where you find it effortless to spend your money on others but struggle to find the time and money for yourself. Both have their benefits and risks.

So what should we do? I ran through the pros and cons during the weekend retreat.

Becoming the best version of ourselves is an admirable goal in life, where we are constantly learning and growing to maximize our God-given skills. However, what is nobler than laying down one's life and giving without hesitation to the needs around us in this fallen world?

The retreat ended and I left with more questions than answers. However, an unexpected letter and call would eventually clarify my thinking and redefine what it meant to grow and give sustainably; to find a comfortable balance between the slippery seesaw of investing too heavily in personal development and serving others to exhaustion. We can all achieve a healthy, lasting lifestyle of investing in our continued growth for the sake of others, or what I like to refer to as becoming a provider.

The dictionary defines provide as to make preparation to meet a need; to prepare in advance; to supply something for sustenance or support. (Merriam-Webster)

Through my father’s story and personal experimentation, I've learned a simple equation to ground me:

Provider = Bless + Protect

A provider intentionally provides for themselves in a way that allows them to bless and protect others. A provider does the necessary work in their own life to bless and protect others in a sustainable fashion that can leave a lasting and positive legacy. That is the proven provider process. Suppose you can develop the habits and skills to bless and protect others consistently. In that case, you will grow into an influential voice and example.

Personal development is necessary to serve others better. However, when we stop investing in our growth, we stunt our ability to provide for others.

I witnessed what it meant to provide for yourself and others through an unexpected call from my father, Pop.

The phone vibrated. I looked down and saw it was Pop calling. I asked my wife if it was OK if I took the call. It was Sunday night and we were right in the middle of our bedtime routine with our three-year-old and almost one-year-old daughters.

Sure, I’ve got this, my wife confidently responded as she balanced one daughter on her hip and positioned a toothbrush perfectly into the mouth of our other daughter. She knew calls from Pop were always purposeful, which meant they were direct and to the point. I should still be available to help finish up the bedtime routine. I answered the phone and stepped into my home office just in time to hear a surprising proposition.

Well, Pop said over the phone, I guess it’s time to expose myself.

I paused, waiting for Pop to continue. This direct comment came out of nowhere during what I thought was a routine call. What did he mean by that?

I’m all ears, I said as I sat down in my office chair, ready to listen, now fully concentrating on his every word. I got comfortable, no longer concerned about making it back quickly for bedtime. However, just as he often did, Pop surprised me with his next step. This call was just an initial step towards a more significant moment.

Let’s schedule time together at the Lodge with your brother, John, so I don’t have to repeat myself, and you guys can be there together. It seemed he wanted to get something off of his chest and provide something to his sons, to be known by them.

I had no idea what he meant by exposing himself, but I now knew it would not happen during this call; instead, it was a moment reserved for the Lodge. You didn’t push Pop into anything.

I gripped the phone, feeling frustrated and disappointed that I was not going to hear more now. On the other hand, I was also thrilled about the future opportunity to learn more about Pop. I had never heard anything like this come out of his mouth before. With a combination of excitement and perplexity, I wondered what story Pop had to share. He had never even indicated there was anything to expose. I had just been thrown into a mystery plot, and I was eager to hear more.

Pop, who never wanted to be a burden, continued, It doesn’t have to be soon, just a convenient time that works for everybody. Any time will work just fine.

I quickly jumped into action. I’ll talk with John and we will organize a time that works for everyone. I hung up with Pop and immediately called John.

So Pop wants to share his story with us.

Ha, what? my brother exclaimed.

That’s right, he just called out of the blue and said he wanted us both there, and it’s up to us to schedule a weekend.

My brother, John, and I quickly scheduled our trip to hear Pop's story.

EXPOSED

A couple of weeks later, I was sitting in the car with my brother. We were both lost in our thoughts, wondering what in the world to expect.

We had both packed up our wives and kids