Just Breathe: Harrison Chronicles, #2

By Charlie O’Brien

Stuart Wilmington, fresh out of high school, has decided to take the leap and move in with his boyfriend, Jason Banciu. It is a huge change for him, as it means he'd have to move half an hour away to Harrison. Stuart is reluctant to change his regular routines and habits, and feels extremely overwhelmed. It will mean leaving behind his friends, and his father. His whole life will be different. At first, Stuart is glad that he'd moved in with Jason. He gets a puppy, a new house, and a new small town to explore and call his own. However, he soon begins to realize that he doesn't know as much about his boyfriend as he thought he did.

 

Jason Banciu is a man shrouded in mystery - and he is reluctant to open up to Stuart about certain topics. There are questions about Jason's family, his job, his secretive work in the basement. It quickly becomes apparent that moving in with Jason was not the best idea. Jason begins to show that he has serious anger issues, and drinks much more heavily than Stuart is comfortable with. There is a strange power dynamic between them, as Jason insists for control around the house - and in other aspects of Stuart's life. Things begin to get tense between them.

 

Book two of the Harrison Chronicles. This is a continuation of 'Limerence', by Charlie O'Brien.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charlie O’Brien
• Release date: Dec 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201606060

Book preview

For Polly, my sister and editor.

And for all my cousins.

Thank you for everything.

CHAPTER ONE

Jason hummed to himself, tapping his fingers softly against the steering wheel as he drove. He glanced over at Stuart a few times, giving him a warm smile when he finally caught his eye. The gravel road leading from Echo Lake back into town was rutted with potholes. Jason swore under his breath as the vehicle jolted and lurched as he hit a few of them. He tried his best to avoid them, but there were just too many.

Stuart bit his lip, holding back a laugh. Jason’s car was veering all over the road. He wondered what they must look like from an outside perspective. They must look ridiculous, the way Jason couldn’t keep the car driving in a straight line. He was grateful that they were the only ones on the desolate road. Stuart’s teeth chattered together, and he laughed. He glanced over at Jason, but it was clear from his boyfriend’s furrowed brow, that he didn’t find the situation humourous at all. Stuart tried to stifle his laughter and stay silent, but he was unsuccessful. It was clear that Jason was annoyed by the potholes. Still, he couldn’t help but see the humour in the situation. His teeth were chattering together from the impact, and he glanced up at his boyfriend again. Jason gave him a sharp look.

You think this is funny, Stu? Christ, someone should pave this road, Jason muttered, as he swerved to avoid a particularly deep pothole. What the hell does the government do with our taxpayer money, if they’re not even going to take care of the roads? That last pothole was massive! If I’d have hit that sumbitch, I probably would’ve wrecked my car. Then I’d have to take it into the shop. And that would set me back a shitload of money.

Stuart watched him from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge Jason’s mood. I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just – we were veering all over the place. It struck me as funny, that’s all. This camping trip was really fun. I really love Echo Lake. It just, it ended so poorly. What with getting rained out, and all. And the road is in horrible condition. Potholes everywhere.

Yeah, Jason growled. And I just hope to God that my car doesn’t get wrecked, or we’ll have to hoof it back into town. That won’t be fun. It’ll be a long walk, let me tell ya.

Ugh. The idea of ditching the vehicle, and walking into town sounded completely awful. By the time they got into Bromley, they would be sweaty and dehydrated, and practically eaten alive by all the mosquitos and no-see-ums. That sounded absolutely horrible. In the fall, it might not have been so bad. But in August? No, thank you. August was humid and sticky, and the gravel always kicked up dust when he walked on the rural roads. The dust was terrible, always getting into his hair, his lungs – it made him cough like he had a really bad sore throat.

Well, I really hope that doesn’t happen, Stuart said. I don’t want to walk all the way to Bromley. God, that would take us forever.

Stuart squinted in the bright light, and shielded his eyes with one hand. He began blindly rooting through the glove compartment for his sunglasses, sifting through the road maps and random junk. As soon as he found them, Stuart triumphantly slipped them on, and slowly exhaled in relief. There, that was better. Now he could finally see properly. The sun was too bright; it always felt like his retinas were burning when he didn’t have his sunglasses on. And especially on a hot, summer’s day like this one.

The sunglasses helped block out some of the light. He wished they were driving at night; there was something comforting about darkness. Light was so bright, so pervasive. It was nearly impossible to get away from it all. Darkness was like a great big shrouded blanket, comforting and safe. And it was always cooler at night. That was also when the crickets came out to sing, which was one of his favourite sounds.

Stuart stared out the car window, watching the trees rush past.  Apart from their vehicle, there were barely anyone else on the road. A few pickup trucks had roared past them about ten minutes ago, and a van had driven past not too long ago. But compared to driving in town, the traffic here was especially light. Just other campers, eager to set up their tents at Echo Lake, eager to enjoy the last of summer.

The hot August sun poured through the windshield, a blessed sight after the torrential rain that had fallen earlier that afternoon. Puddles had formed in many of the deeper potholes, and the ditches, the trees were wet with rain. Already, the puddles on the road were beginning to dry up, leaving just the bone-dry dust, and the distinct coppery scent of petrichor.

The blackberry bushes were dripping with glistening rainwater, and the birds were swooping in front of the vehicle before flying off. Some of them dove so close to the vehicle, and Stuart was certain that they were going to run them over. But every time, he was proven wrong. They would flap their wings a little faster, and fly off into the ditch on the other side. Every time he saw the birds fly off safe and sound, his heart would jump in his chest, awash with relief. The only casualties during the long ride, was the bugs spattering on the windshield and front fender.

Thanks for taking me camping. Stuart glanced over at him. I had fun.

Yeah, Jason said. So did I.

It was still extremely hot. According to the forecast, it was only supposed to be twenty-eight degrees today. It felt hotter with the humidex, though. Probably about thirty-four, or thirty-five degrees. He couldn’t wait to get out of the heat. It was a kind of ice-cream-cone-day, or a day for slushies. Something cold, that would give him brain freeze. There were a few good places in town, where they had ten or twelve flavours. It was too bad, though, that the ice cream stand that used to sit on the side of the road had shuttered last summer. The woman that owned it had been so friendly. She used to give a lot of kids free ice cream cones, the little baby-sized ones, with a generous scoop on top. It was sad to know the place was gone.

Stuart glanced up at Jason, studying him. Jason was staring ahead, lost in his own thoughts. Either he didn’t notice Stuart looking at him, or he was simply ignoring him. Whichever, Jason thrummed his fingertips on the steering wheel, frowning slightly. He looked troubled, like he had a lot on his mind. Stuart wondered what was bothering him. Was it just that he was trying to focus on avoiding all the potholes? Or was it something more? Maybe Jason was thinking about his surprise proposal – how he’d asked Stuart to move in with him.

Stuart stared, unblinking. His boyfriend was so beautiful. Stuart admired Jason’s thick, lustrous curls, and his long eyelashes. He was even more tanned than normal from their camping trip. It suited him. He was all freckly, and dark. Grey eyes the same shade as a stormy ocean wave. He was a mysterious man, always keeping secrets.

What? Jason asked, his eyes sliding over to meet his gaze. You’re staring at me. It’s weird.

Sorry – it’s nothing, Stuart said. He hesitated. You look good today.

Thanks, Jason said, with a wry grin. "Newsflash - I look good every day."

God, you’re so vain, Stuart said, rolling his eyes in mock derision. I love you.

Same.

They lapsed back into comfortable silence for a few minutes, Jason fighting to avoid the potholes, and Stuart watching the trees fly past the car window. He wondered how much longer until they got home. Maybe twenty minutes, or half an hour? They were going pretty slowly. Jason had been forced to slow down, because of the poor condition of the road.

Stuart smiled a little, thinking about how the gravel road would end soon, and it would be paved roads going all the way into town. It’d be less bumpy, less dusty. Then, they could fly down the road at a faster pace, without the teeth-chattering bumps. He liked the paved roads so much better. They were smoother, easier to drive on. And the roads had the nice newly painted yellow lines down the center, which he always found so mesmerizing. They were always stretching endlessly far ahead of the vehicle. They were unbroken, keeping the cars in their respective lanes, always guiding the drivers to their destination. He was glad he lived in town, instead of out in the country.

Suddenly, Stuart leaned forward in his seat as much as he could, the shoulder strap of his seatbelt straining to keep him anchored in place. He gasped in delight, pointing upwards above the tree line.

"Jason! Look! Stuart exclaimed, his eyes shiny with wonder. A double rainbow!"

Jason swore, and the car swerved, lurching as it hit a large pothole. He hit the brakes, and turned in his seat to glare at him. His face was bright red with anger.

Stuart! Jason shouted. What the hell was that?

Uh – a double rainbow, Stuart said, still pointing at the natural phenomenon. Jas, it’s –

Christ, Stuart! Jason grabbed his hand and pulling it back down. I’m trying to drive here. You’re distracting the hell out of me. Do you want me to run us off the road?

But- it’s a –

A double rainbow, yeah, I heard, Jason said through gritted teeth. You shouldn’t point stuff out like that when I’m driving, okay? You shouted like that, and you startled me.

Sorry, Stuart said, his cheeks burning. I just wanted to show it to you.

If I did that while you were driving, how would you react? Jason asked. Think about it. You’d probably panic, and do something erratic. Do you want us to end up in the ditch, or go off the road and hit a tree?

No. Stuart frowned. He tried to envision the situation with them in reverse – him behind the wheel of his beloved Jeep, and Jason in the passenger seat.  He’d have probably jumped a mile if Jason had shouted out like that. Panicky, he might’ve put on the brakes, or gone off the road. Jason was right, he shouldn’t have reacted so enthusiastically, so insistent that his boyfriend pay attention to the double rainbow. It was beautiful, of course. But was it worth them potentially dying, just for a glimpse of such beauty? Of course not. There would be other rainbows. "I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Are y-you mad at me?"

Yeah. Jason started driving again, his eyes on the road. After a minute, Jason glanced over at him from the corner of his eye. He sighed. "No, I’m not mad at you. I was just startled, that’s all. I just need you to be more cautious when I’m driving. Think about it for a minute, willya? What if we had been in traffic, instead of out in the boonies? I could’ve hit someone. What if we had been on the highway? We could’ve died, Stuart."

Sorry. I do get that. I didn’t mean to upset you, Stuart said, staring past Jason at the sky. He didn’t want them to go off the road. I just reacted. I didn’t mean to startle you. I don’t want us to go off the road. Not here, or on the highway, Stuart said with a slight shudder. No, thank you.

Well then, be more careful when I’m driving.

Stuart was quiet for a moment. He mulled over what Jason had said. His boy friend was right. But still, it hurt that Jason had barked at him like that, chastised him as if he were a child. He hadn’t meant to put either of them in danger; he had simply wanted to show Jason the rainbows.

Stuart had seen a few car crashes over the years. Mostly fender-benders, but he had seen a few more serious crashes. Vehicles that had flipped over, the pavement marred by horrible black marks as the driver tried their best to stop them from crashing. Cars that drove without snow tires in winter, skidding helplessly across huge patches of black ice, the passengers terrified as they went off the road. Drunk drivers, or people speeding. He’d heard stories from his Dad, and Avery, about the different car accidents in the county. Some of them had been really bad. Sometimes, pedestrians got hit walking across the crosswalk, or bikers getting hit late at night. That sort of thing.

There was one car crash that had scarred him as a child. It was near the end of his father’s shift, and Dad had picked him up from school. They’d been sitting in the cruiser drinking hot chocolate and eating donuts, when the police scanner had crackled to life. There had been an accident on the highway. A car was engulfed in flames. Any available units were called to the scene. There had been more information from the dispatcher, some of it in police code, so he hadn’t understood all of it. Multiple casualties. Suspected drunk driver involved and they were still looking for the other driver as he had fled the scene. An older couple were injured, a couple in their sixties.

Stuart had been young, maybe nine or ten. He remembered how grim his Dad had suddenly looked, as they set their drinks in the cupholders, and he peeled out of the parking lot with the lights flashing. Stuart had held onto the box of donuts, trying his best not to drop it, his fingers coated in powdered sugar.

Stuart had stayed in the car the whole time, as instructed by his father. But even from his seat in the cruiser, he was still able to see so much. The broken glass, the blood pooling on the pavement. The paramedics loading the old man into the back of the ambulance, strapped to the orange spine board. The man was so still, so frail-looking. And the wife, she wasn’t even crying. She was staring off into space, barely able to respond to the paramedic’s questions. Her blouse had been dark with blood, her mascara running down her cheeks, her red lipstick nearly as bright as the blood on her face.

And then Kyle had grabbed the woman by the elbow, and hustled her away from the vehicle, engulfed in flames. Out of harm’s way. The air was thick with the scent of burning plastic, and gasoline. And Stuart could hear the tires hissing. Distantly, there was the high-pitched whine of a firetruck.

A few days later, Stuart had read in the newspaper that the woman had sustained minor injuries - a broken wrist, and a moderate concussion. Her husband had died that day, only a few short hours after they’d transported him to the hospital. He had never regained consciousness, and she had never got to say goodbye to her husband of thirty-seven years. The cops found the drunk driver later that day, and he was charged.

As a kid, the car accident had freaked him out. He’d had nightmares for weeks afterwards, terrified of the blood, the car crushed and destroyed. The woman’s haunted eyes, the man’s stillness. It was like he was already dead, even before he got to the hospital. The knowledge that he was unable to do anything for the older couple. Mostly, it was the fear that that sort of accident might happen to him one day.

Since then, Stuart had tried his best to be a good, responsible driver. He’d studied the manual for weeks, poring over it before he went to driving school, determined to know all the rules and regulations as best as he could. He’d never even so much as got a speeding ticket, or parked in front of a fire hydrant before. And he’d certainly never drink and drive. He didn’t want to cause any accidents.

You’re quiet.

I was just thinking about what you said. About me causing a car accident, Stuart said. "Have you ever been in a car accident before?"

Jason stiffened. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, and when he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bulged. He didn’t say anything, and for a few seconds, Stuart thought that maybe he had misspoken. But he didn’t know why Jason would be so upset with him – after all, it was Jason who had mentioned car crashes. He was the one who had insisted that Stuart give it some thought.

Not anything big. Minor stuff, yeah, Jason finally said. He glanced over at him. What about you?

Stuart shook his head. He thought about telling Jason about what he’d seen when he was younger. He held off, though. It felt weird, talking about it. He’d never even told Scott or Natalie that story. He’d only ever talked about it with his Dad. He could still see the old woman’s face, the haunted look in her eyes, the trickle of blood running down from the cut on her temple, the way she moved erratically, how the paramedic had wrapped her in a shock blanket. He didn’t know how he could tell Jason that story.

Jason gave him an odd look, one that Stuart couldn’t interpret. He looked kind of upset, and sad. He didn’t know why. The topic was depressing, though, so maybe that was why Jason looked so perturbed. Stuart didn’t want to give any more thought to people dying in car crashes on the highway. He needed to think of better, happier things. Like the double rainbow.

I’ve only seen a few double rainbows before. Like, I’ve mostly just seen them on movies and pictures, Stuart said, trying to lighten the mood. He glanced out the window for another look. It was still visible, though it was starting to fade. Soon, it would be gone. It’s so beautiful.

Yes, it is. Jason nodded, but he was unsmiling. It’s very nice.

You should make a wish, Stuart said, breathlessly. He craned his neck to get a better look. This is a sight to behold. It’s like, a good omen or something. Wish for something good.

Jason grabbed his hand, and held it up to his lips. He kissed Stuart’s knuckles, keeping his eyes on the road. "You’re my wish, Babe."

Stuart laughed. He could feel Jason’s rough stubble against his skin, and the man’s soft lips pressed against his knuckles as he kissed them again. He pulled his hand away from his grasp, and wiped the saliva onto his t-shirt.

You have to keep both hands on the wheel, Jas, Stuart said, smirking at him. "You don’t want us ending up in a ditch, or something, right?"

Right, Jason agreed. Hey - you wanna pick some music? I can’t stand this silence.

Stuart reached over and began fiddling with the radio dial on the car, trying to decide what station to listen to. Hmm. CBC news was talking about migrants crossing the border in Manitoba, and Quebec. Pass. Beaver Brook pop channel was blasting Ariana Grande. Maybe. He kind of liked Ariana Grande. He switched to FM radio, and continued scanning. Country music. Local news report. Shawn Mendes. More country music.

Pick something. Jason glanced over at him, a slight edge to his voice. I swear to god –

Hmm, let me just scan the stations one more time, Stuart said. He bit his lip, trying to hide his smile. Gosh, there’s just so many good channels. I can’t decide what to listen to. I think we need to listen to each station again, and decide then.

Fine, if you’re not going to pick something, then I will, Jason said. You have two seconds.

Hang on! Stuart said, laughing, as Jason swatted his hand away from the radio dial. I’ve already decided, Jason.

He settled for the country music station and glanced over at Jason. It was an old Joe Diffie song, one that he knew Jason was quite fond of. He’d heard him sing it when they’d driven around Bromley over the summer, and occasionally when Jason stayed at the house, he’d sung it in the shower. Jason knew all the words, he always belted them out. They both liked country, so it seemed like a safe bet. It was either this, or the Shawn Mendes song. That was a pretty good choice, too.

Is this good? Stuart asked, raising his eyebrows. You like this? I can change it, if you want.

Yes. God, you’re so indecisive, Jason said. "Thank you, for finally picking something. This is fine."

Stuart rolled down the window halfway and stuck his hand out. He splayed his fingers, reaching out to the lower tree branches as if to catch them. They were, of course, too far away. But it was fun all the same. He could feel the wind coursing through his spread fingertips, and it felt good. He remembered how his Dad always warned him when he was a kid, that if he put his hand out of the window while they drove around, he might get it caught on something – and have his arm ripped clean off! So far, that had never happened. He figured it was just one of those stories that parents told their kids, like a cautionary tale.

Stuart smiled. The ditches were full of thorny, brambly blackberry bushes, reedy grass that grew to waist-height, and he saw all sorts of wildflowers – clusters of blues, pinks, whites, yellows that flew past the car window in a stunning nature mosaic. It was so beautiful, like a painting. Bright, and beautiful.

He could still faintly smell Echo Lake, although he wasn’t sure if the scent was carrying on the brisk wind, or if the scent of Echo Lake was from him, and the sodden belongings strewn about the backseat. Maybe it was a bit of both. It wasn’t a bad smell, just pervasive. He’d need to take a long bath when he got home. The dark clouds were already rolling fast along the sky, nearly gone from sight. It looked like the rest of the day would be blue skies. Still, Stuart shivered. Even though he’d wrung out his t-shirt, it was still damp. The material clung to his skin, and it made him feel uncomfortable.

Jason was silent as they drove down the rutted, gravel road, kicking up trails of dust behind them. He didn’t even bark at Stuart like he normally did, to keep the window shut. He was a real stickler about that sort of thing. He usually liked having the air conditioning on full blast, the windows rolled up tight. But today, it seemed that Jason had a lot on his mind. He wasn’t even singing along to the radio. And that was weird, for him. Usually, he hummed along, or sang as much of the lyrics that he could recall. Not today.

Stuart thought about breaking the silence between them, as it seemed to drag on forever, but he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to fill the silence between them, or just stay mute. It was different with every person. And with Jason, he just didn’t know which was best. He didn’t want to annoy Jason by chattering on. But he also didn’t want to stay mute, in case that Jason thought he was being rude.

Stuart opted to stay silent. He fidgeted a little, pulling at the frayed hem of his shorts. And when that wasn’t enough, he grabbed a quarter out of the cupholder, and started tossing and catching it. He liked the cool metal against his skin, the tiny, ridged edges. It was a good temporary fidget toy – allowing his mind to wander. The coin helped. Not as good as his toys at home, but it helped.

Stuart’s thoughts and emotions were muddled from the camping trip; it had been mostly good. A few rough spots when they had argued, but nothing terrible. And their relationship had furthered. They had finally slept together, which was an interesting experience. Scary as hell, kind of painful, but good. It was something he didn’t think he was ready for, and he had been putting it off since he’d begun dating Jason. Jason had been pressuring him, constantly bringing it up. And he’d finally caved. He supposed it was a relief to finally get that over with. Now, it wasn’t hanging between them anymore.

Stuart didn’t really think being intimate with his boyfriend was all it was chalked up to be. Kissing and holding hands were fine. Stuff like that he could handle most days, except when he was feeling particularly over-stimulated, and couldn’t handle anyone touching him. But sex with Jason was a whole other ball game. It was a lot of new sensations, a lot more touching and groping, Jason’s hands all over him. He wasn’t comfortable with all that. It was simpler, nicer, to just hold hands and kiss occasionally.

People always talked about sex like it was this amazing thing, earth-shattering joy – better than ice cream, or chocolates, or whatever. He’d heard people joke that it was something they couldn’t live without, like it was the only thing that mattered. Sex was alright, but not as fantastic as all that. Maybe it was just because he was inexperienced. Or maybe he was asexual, or something. He just didn’t feel like it was amazing as all that.

When he had been in grade twelve, there had been a girl in the tenth grade that was asexual. Jody. She’d had a little pin with her ace flag on her backpack. Stuart had asked her about it once, when he sat at the cafeteria table across from her. Jody had been friends with Natalie and Lindsay, and she was really into the whole musical theatre scene, and also in choir and band. Jody had tried to explain it to him, and he’d asked her a few questions about it. He’d understood the gist of it, but he was hazy on some of the terms. For the most part, it sounded like something that he might be. But then, he’d only had the one sexual experience. He just didn’t know. Sexual identity was confusing. He knew he liked guys. That was a definite. But he did have an aversion to touch, to sex. Maybe it was an autistic thing. It was confusing as hell. Maybe he was gay, and asexual? Was that an option? He didn’t know. Could people be categorized as more than one thing, or did they have to only fit in a single box?

Stuart looked down at his hand, and realized that he’d clenched the quarter so tight in his fist, that the metal had cut tiny grooves into his skin. It hadn’t broken the skin or anything, the quarter wasn’t that sharp – but there were definite imprints. He hadn’t even been aware that he’d stopped tossing the quarter around, and had begun clenching it so tightly. He had a lot on his mind, though.

Jason had asked him to move in. Taken him completely by surprise. It had all been so sudden, so overwhelming. He pondered over their camping trip, ruminating over everything they had done. The fact that Jason had asked him to move in was still so – so – well, Stuart couldn’t even think of the correct word to describe the flood of the emotions he was feeling. Happy, excited, nervous, scared – and a thousand others. It was all just so much. They hadn’t even been dating that long. Moving in was a huge leap in their relationship. It still made his heart flutter, at the very thought that Jason had wanted to move in with him, that their relationship was more than simply casual dating.

Hey, when we get into town, do you wanna grab a bite to eat? Jason asked, as a Florida Georgia Line song ended, and a new song began. The new song was sad - a woman crooning about her failed relationship, and her desperate need to get her man back.

Stuart didn’t respond right away. All he could hear was the sadness in the woman’s voice, and he yearned to comfort her, to make things better. She sounded so pained, so emotional.

Stuart, pay attention, Jason said. I asked you a question.

What? Stuart asked, trying to focus on what Jason was saying. Stuart glanced up at Jason, forcing himself to maintain eye contact briefly, before looking hurriedly away.

"I asked if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. We could go to the diner in town, the one that makes those fantastic pizzas you and Kyle are always raving about. Or we could get like, a burger or something. I mean, it depends on what you’re in the mood for."

That all sounds really tempting, Stuart said, mulling it over. The diner was one of his favourite places to eat. He loved their food, especially their pizza. They could get milkshakes. Or a soda. And maybe he could get some of those seasoned curly fries. Those were to die for. It was one of the best places in Bromley.

Well? Jason asked, impatient. You wanna go?

Stuart didn’t answer. They could drop by the police station, see if his dad was there. Maybe see if any of the deputies wanted them to bring the station a few slices. If McCullough were there, he’d certainly want a slice of Hawaiian. That was the man’s favourite kind. But even as Stuart thought about it, he realized that getting pizza probably wasn’t such a great idea. He could see the whole thing in his mind’s eye – dropping by the station, waiting to speak to his dad, deciding on what to order. There were so many steps. By the time he would get home, it would be late at night. Probably around seven or eight PM. And he was so exhausted already, mentally and physically wiped out from the camping trip. Stuart’s eyelids drooped involuntarily, and he pulled his hand back inside the vehicle. Maybe he was overthinking things. They didn’t have to bring food to the police station. It could be just him and Jason. They could talk more about the moving-in plan, make things seem more concrete. Jason liked to wing things, play it by ear. But Stuart needed to plan everything.

"Well? Jason asked. He was beginning to sound annoyed; his voice had an edge. Pizza? Or someplace else? You’re acting weird today, all space cadet. What’s going on with you?"

I’m actually kind of tired, Stuart said, yawning. He glanced over at Jason, watching him from the corner of his eye. Sorry, but I kind of just want to go home and take a long bath. Then I’ll probably crash for a few hours. It’d be nice to sleep in my own bed again.

Jason didn’t respond. His jaw clenched a little, but he just kept tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel in time to the slow song. He cracked his neck on one side, then the other. The sound was sharp, loud in the small constraints of Jason’s vehicle. Jason was frowning, staring straight ahead.

"Jas? You’re not . . . mad at me, are you? Stuart asked, hesitating. It was clear that Jason hadn’t liked his answer. He was being rude by turning down Jason’s offer. He should just say yes, and go out to grab a bite to eat.  It’s just - this trip really wore me out. Sorry, I-"

"No. If you don’t wanna go, it’s fine, Jason said, though he didn’t sound fine. I get it. I sprung this trip on you out of the blue, dragged you off to Echo Lake in the middle of a heatwave. I can tell that you’re worn out."

Yeah, I am.

I should probably head back home, anyway. I’ve got a few errands to run. The corner of Jason’s mouth raised slightly. I’ll just pick up a few groceries before heading home. I’m going to set up the BBQ, and throw a few steaks on. Mihail and some of his buddies are coming over tonight. We’re going to hang out for awhile. Poker night.

Poker? Sounds fun, Stuart said, yawning. I hope you win lots of money.

Yeah. I hope so, too.

I’m going to take a quick nap, Stuart said, yawning again. He settled against the window, and closed his eyes. Half-asleep, he listened as the song ended, and a Patsy Cline song started. Jason hummed along. They were off the gravel road, now. It was less bumpy, thank god. It was still a good twenty-minute drive to the house. He was fast asleep by the time the song ended.

Stuart must’ve been more exhausted than he thought. He didn’t awaken when Jason pulled up in front of the Wilmington residence, and parked. He gently shook Stuart’s shoulder, and waited for him to wake up.

Stuart, Jason said, softly. Hey, wake up.

Stuart frowned in his sleep, but he didn’t wake up. Jason put a hand on his arm, and repeated his name. Stuart reacted poorly, muttering under his breath, as he flinched in his sleep. Stuart jerked out of Jason’s grasp, and cracked his eyes open just a little bit.

Hey, you okay? Jason asked. Stuart –

Though his eyes were open, Stuart was still dreaming. He flailed his arms, muttering about cold water. It took Stuart a moment to fully wake up. But then when he was fully awake, he realized that he was safe and sound in Jason’s car. His boyfriend was giving him a concerned look. Disoriented, Stuart blinked in the bright sunlight. His sunglasses had fallen off. A thin line of drool had run down from the corner of his mouth. He quickly wiped it away.

You good? Jason asked.

Y-Yeah, Stuart said. He looked hurriedly away, cheeks flushing. It was embarrassing, having Jason see him like that. He didn’t like it when people saw him have a terrible nightmare. It was like when he slept walked. It was something out of his control, but people didn’t always understand it. He’d had that happen to him a few times at sleepovers, in grade school, and junior high. Some of the kids had thought it was hilarious, started calling him nicknames, cracking jokes at his expense. I’m okay. It was just a nightmare.

What were you dreaming about? Jason asked, curious. You looked upset. You were like, twitching a little. You talk in your sleep, y’know.

Umm . . . I was on the Titanic, Stuart said. It was pretty scary.

What, the ship from that movie? Jason asked. Were you first class, eating fancy food and stuff? Or second or third class?

I wasn’t any of those. I was shoveling coal, in the bottom of the ship.

He could still recall the dream as if it had really happened. The sweat had been pouring down his face. Stuart had been wearing suspenders over a white undershirt, and a pair of brown trousers. He had been shoveling coal along with a team of other men, taking breaks occasionally. They talked back and forth, in Polish, English, French. It had been a sweltering, filthy job. Hot as hell, and he’d been severely dehydrated. He wiped the sweat from his brow, his muscles aching.

And then the Titanic hit the iceberg, tearing into the side of the ship. Frigid ocean water began seeping into the boat. It covered his shoes, and then rose up past his ankles. The water kept rising – higher and higher – as everyone tried to get out. It all happened so fast! The supervisor started screaming out orders, waving his hands about to direct people to climb the ladders to safety.

And then – and then the ship was tilting, listing to the side. The compartment was filling with water, freezing cold that hit like a punch to the gut. He waded through the debris, gasping. His legs were already numb. It was so cold compared to the oppressive heat from before.

Stuart tried to hold his breath, swim upwards to reach the ladder. But he couldn’t see anything! Chunks of coal kept pelting him, some of the crew members got hit in the head with equipment. He couldn’t get out. Someone crashed into him, pinning him against the machinery. He was trapped. He couldn’t break free, couldn’t rise to the surface to get a mouthful of air. It was too late; he was going to die down there.

Stuart began relaying his dream to Jason, telling him what he had experienced. He shuddered a little at the terrifying memory of drowning in the bottom of the huge ship, and seeing his friends’ dead bodies float past him as he finally lost consciousness. It was hard to tell Jason just how horrible it was, how vivid everything had been. Finally, he ran out of words. Stuart just sat there, staring out the windshield, trying to block out the terrible nightmare.

"Jesus, Stuart, Jason said, recoiling away from him slightly. You can’t even have a normal dream. That sounds really intense, and super detailed. I’m glad you’re really alive, and that you didn’t actually drown on the Titanic."

Yeah, Stuart said, trying to smile. He was glad it was just a dream. Still, it had felt so real. He could still hear the screams of the coal workers as the burst pipes sprayed them with hot steam. He could still feel the fist-sized chunks of coal batter him as he tried desperately to reach the ladder to safety. And the bodies of his friends jostled him in the frigid water, some drowned, others like him were trying desperately to get to safety. Their shouts in their mother language, yelling out for help, or prayers to a God that didn’t heed their pleas. It all felt so real. He shivered. I’m glad I didn’t really drown, either.

Jason put a hand on Stuart’s forehead, and frowned. You’re burning up. I think you’re coming down with something, Stu.

Yeah, I don’t feel too good, Stuart said. I’m kind of rundown.

I guess it’s a good thing you’re going home, instead of the diner, Jason said. I think that bath will do you good.

Yeah.

You want me to stay awhile? Jason asked. I could like, make you some canned soup, or something. Keep you company for a bit, before I head back home.

Stuart shook his head. No, you’ve got a poker game to get to. Win big.

Jason nodded, concern still on his face. He unbuckled his seatbelt, and got out of the car. He came around, and opened Stuart’s door. He waited as Stuart got out, before slamming it shut.

Thanks again, for taking me camping, Stuart said, putting on his sunglasses. I had a really fun time.

Same. I love Echo Lake. It’s such a beautiful place – especially in late summer, Jason said. I think it’s just about one of my favourite places in the whole world.

Stuart began sorting through the stuff strewn all over the backseat, piling up his belongings on the front lawn. Sleeping bag. Busted iPod. T-shirt. Swimming trunks. Etc. Everything was dripping wet, ruined.

You got everything? Jason asked. He leaned against the vehicle, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Stuart grabbed the armful of gear. He looked down at his stuff, inwardly taking stock. Yeah, I think so.

Jason leaned forward, and kissed him on the lips. I love you, you know that? he said, his fingertips lightly grazing Stuart’s cheek. He gently put his fingers under Stuart’s chin, and lifted it up a little, until Stuart’s eyes met his. I’ll call you tonight. And no more nightmares, eh?

I’ll do my best, Stuart said, giving a short, perfunctory nod. No more nightmares.

Jason began walking back to the driver’s seat, giving a quick wave to the neighbor as he pulled out clumps of weeds from his flowerbeds. The man waved back, and continued gardening.

Stuart watched Jason drive off, before cutting through the front yard. He gingerly stepped over the garden gnomes pushing tiny wheelbarrows, and sitting on faded toadstools. The grass was still striped from when he’d cut it before leaving on his camping trip. He was still feeling glad they’d gone on the camping trip – especially because of Jason’s proposal. Even though both him and his belongings were completely drenched, Stuart was still pleased. Tired, but pleased. 

CHAPTER TWO

He pulled out his keys, and unlocked the front door. Stuart breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped inside. Outside, it was loud and bright. There were neighbours mowing their lawns, kids running around in the sprinkler, cars roaring down the street, and neighbours playing music much too loudly. But inside the house, it was the perfect sort of stillness that he craved. It was cool, and dimly-lit. The front hallway felt about ten degrees cooler than the acrid August temperature outside. He slid the lock on the front door, and closed his eyes for a moment, leaning back against the heavy wooden door. He was glad to be home.

Stuart dumped his sodden belongings in an unkept pile in the front hallway, intending on dealing with them later. He’d have to sort through everything when he had a mind to, as many of his possessions were now soaking wet and possibly destroyed from the summer deluge they’d unfortunately found themselves caught in earlier that day. The first thing on his list, was a piping hot bath. That would be so nice. He felt grungy as hell.

Stuart was about to head upstairs, but he paused for a brief millisecond. He could hear his dad’s voice in the back of his head, the one that said he ought not leave his wet things on the floor – it’d be better to sort through his possessions now, instead of procrastinating. Wet clothes and things needed to be put in the dryer or hung up to air dry. Otherwise, they’d get mildewy. Then he’d have to buy new clothes, a new sleeping bag. That would be costly.

Sighing, Stuart went to the downstairs bathroom and grabbed a handful of towels. His dad always had sage advice. There was now a small puddle forming underneath his dripping sleeping bag. Stuart set the towels down, mopping up the puddle as best as he could. He bundled up his clothes, and threw them in the laundry hamper.

He was glad he was finally home. Ah, home. What a wonderful thing, to finally set foot in such familiar surroundings after the surprise trip outdoors. The camping trip, of course, had been nice. Stuart enjoyed it as well as he could, but he hadn’t had any advance notice of the trip, and so he’d felt wholly unprepared. The trip had been a surprise from his boyfriend, a way to mark their months long anniversary.

Stuart kicked off his wet sneakers, and bent down to peel off his socks. He ran a hand through his greasy hair, annoyed at the state of it. He was glad that nobody was around to see him with such terrible hair. It was just gross. He knew he was a bit ripe, but then, he’d just spent the past few days outdoors, and had spent a considerable amount of time swimming, and canoeing at Echo Lake. It wasn’t like he’d had access to a hot shower at the campground.

Even though he’d tried to dry off in Jason’s car, he was drenched from the torrential rain. Stuart hurried upstairs, and into the bathroom. He quickly stripped out of the remainder of his sodden clothes, kicking them into the corner of the room. He was greatly relieved that he could no longer feel his drenched clothes clinging to him; the feeling had been more than uncomfortable – it had made his skin crawl, a horrid, unpleasant sensation. He hated that.

Stuart stood by the bathroom counter, his damp skin turned to gooseflesh. He was both shivering, and sweating. His body seemed to have a difficult time regulating to a normal temperature. He shivered, and looked around the small room, squinting a little from the bright overhead lights. There was a set of large bulbs above the vanity mirror that belonged more in a dressing room of a dance studio or something, than in a bathroom. The bright lighting made him feel nauseated. They were too bright, and they flickered.

Stuart stood facing the mirror, though he thought that the light was much too harsh. His skin felt on fire, as if it would become even more sunburnt simply from the sheer intensity that they gave off. He was already sunburnt from the camping trip, and from spending so much time mowing the lawn in the sweltering heat and from lounging around on the front porch prior to the camping trip. He switched off the lights, until only the single overhead light stayed on. There - that was much more tolerable.

His dad, Kyle, was still at work, and he had the whole place to himself as it was only five o’clock in the evening. He liked the solitude. It was nice. He knew that his father would normally be home in about an hour, but there were occasions when he had to stay late at the station, finishing up paperwork, or when he had a lot of things to work on.

Bromley was a small enough town, and often, it was a quiet, laid back sort of place. But there were some days, when the station had their hands full trying to keep up with all the calls. Traffic accidents, vandalism, trespassing, or people complaining that their neighbour’s music was too loud, or drunk drivers racing down residential streets in the middle of the night. Tame stuff, really. Businesses would call in, complaining about teens skateboarding in front of their buildings, or reporting shoplifters. Sometimes, there were public intoxication arrests. Nothing that the station couldn’t handle. This was a small town – nothing like the big cities like Toronto, or Calgary.

But sometimes, the station would be run ragged with their caseload. Because on those really bad days, the station would get calls about domestic abuse, or reports of gunshots (which, thankfully, were almost always kids setting off fireworks, or hunters in the woods – and the only casualties were deer, or wild pheasant).

On days like those, Kyle would come home from work mentally and physically exhausted, sometimes covered in bruises from the bar fights he’d had to break up, or from the abusive spouses he’d had to wrestle to the ground and arrest after they’d tried to end their partner’s life. Kyle relayed some of the tamer stories to him – names and personal information withheld or changed, so that Stuart didn’t always know who they were about. Sometimes, there were stories that Stuart overheard from the other deputies at the station, or the nurses at the hospital when Avery and the other nurses thought he wasn’t listening. He knew things about some of the people in his town, things he was never supposed to know.

But sometimes, Kyle couldn’t talk about what he’d seen. There were some cases that had haunted him, and he’d get quiet when he’d return from his shift. Those were the worst days, when Stuart knew that his dad had witnessed something disturbing, something that had shaken him to the core, and he’d sit numbly in front of the TV. Kyle used to drink as a coping mechanism, chasing away the bad memories. He didn’t do that anymore.

Stuart knew that if tonight was going to be one of the busier nights at the station, Kyle could be there for a few extra hours. Sometimes, it was hard to tell when he’d show up, because of his father’s erratic work schedule. He knew one thing for certain, and that was however long his father took, whenever his father finally did come home, Kyle would definitely be hungry after his long shift. And he’d want dinner - which was why Stuart planned on having a nice soak in the tub, and then ordering a pizza and chicken wings in time for his dad’s arrival. It was the best comfort food.

And once they were situated in front of the TV (preferably with a baseball game on, or a movie – Stuart wasn’t really picky tonight), he could tell his Dad all about the camping trip, and how he’d actually learned how to paddle the canoe. He could tell him about how they’d gone swimming in the middle of the night, and how they’d heard the loons. He had it all planned in his head, envisioning the scene. It wasn’t hard – the Wilmington family (which now only consisted of two members - Stuart, and his father), were creatures of habit. They would often spend their nights in the same way, in front of the TV set like two couch potatoes after a long day - especially when Kyle had a particularly grueling shift. It was a way for both of them to relax after a long day, and to connect. They’d usually talk about their day, and just chill out for a few hours before bedtime. It was pretty much the only time he’d be guaranteed to see his father.

Stuart sat down on the edge of the tub, and twisted the dials to run the bath. That was one of the best things about coming home rain-soaked – it was the perfect excuse to take a bath. Thank god it was summer. Had he been soaked like this in the winter, Stuart knew that he could easily get sick, as he often did – and he knew from personal experience that pneumonia was a bitch. He couldn’t wait for that satisfying moment when the water was good and ready, and he could sink under the scalding water’s depths up to his ears, and close his eyes. Just him, and the bathwater enveloping him like a warm blanket. He dipped his fingertips in the water, testing its temperature. The water was quite hot; it was nearly ready.

Stuart felt disgustingly filthy. His whole body felt grimy from camping at the lake, and he had sand and grit in nearly every crevice of his body. His hair stank of lake water, and it fell into his eyes in stringy, greasy strands. It was a real pleasure to have indoor plumbing at his disposal again. The trip had only been for a few days, but it felt like much longer. A week, at least. He was glad that he wouldn’t have to piss in the woods, or use the stinking outhouses near the entrance to the campsite again. Gross – the smell of those stupid wooden outhouses was absolutely horrendous.

Stuart sneezed, then continued to shiver. As he continued to sit on the edge of the cold porcelain tub, Stuart thought about Jason’s proposal to move in with him in Harrison. He had met Jason at his friend’s house party six months ago, and they’d begun dating right away. Stuart had been thrilled, as it had been his first ever relationship. It made him feel like a proper grown-up, proud that someone was interested in him romantically. They’d gone on dates, made out on occasion. Jason had met his dad, his friends. He’d even told Stuart that he loved him. And after a few months, his boyfriend had decided to up their relationship to a way more serious level; he had asked him to move in with him. Stuart had been surprised by his boyfriend’s proposal at first – after all, he’d sprung it on him during the camping trip. It had been out of the blue, completely out of left field.

Though at first the idea had taken him by complete surprise, Stuart found the concept of moving in with Jason slowly becoming more and more intriguing as time went on. Jason Banciu was a few years older than him, and he lived a half an hour away in the tiny town of Harrison. It was a town not much different than Bromley.

And now that Stuart had graduated high school, it sounded like a dream come true to leave home for the first time and live with his boyfriend. Jason was gorgeous, smart, he was amazing. And the very thought that Jason loved him, wanted to date him, and had asked Stuart to move in with him in Harrison – well, it sent such a thrill down his spine. It was exciting, it was terrifying. Mostly, it felt so good to be wanted like that.

He only had a few friends, and the ones he did have were moving on with their lives – leaving Bromley to go to University, or trips abroad, things like that. And Stuart was left in the dust. But Jason loved him so much, wanted him in his life so greatly that he wanted Stuart to move in with him. It felt good to be wanted, loved. Stuart felt a flutter in his stomach, and his heart rate increased slightly. But if he had to be completely honest with himself, Stuart was scared shitless. It was a very big step - one that could not be taken lightly.

However, Stuart had no idea how he was going to tell his Dad. He didn’t know if Kyle would be agreeable with the arrangement – after all, he’d only been dating Jason for a short while. His Dad had met Jason on numerous occasions, and they’d gotten along well enough. Over the summer, Jason had stayed overnight at the Wilmington residence a few times. He’d slept on the couch, and even in Stuart’s bed. He’d made pancakes with Stuart, helped him with meal prep like chopping vegetables. The three of them had watched baseball games together, had gone out to lunch a few times, and they had pulled an all-nighter marathoning classic Doctor Who episodes (although Jason had watched them with mild interest, Stuart suspected that the show had bored him a little, especially since some of the episodes they’d watched had been in black and white). His Dad knew how important it was for Stuart to finally have a boyfriend, to hit the milestone that he felt had been always out of reach, unattainable. Stuart loved Jason, and he loved that his father approved of their relationship. It meant a lot to him, for his dad to approve of his boyfriend.

Mostly, Kyle had worked throughout the summer. He’d taken in extra shifts, stayed late when needed. To make up for it, Stuart had spent more time with Jason. They drove aimlessly around town countless times, hanging out at the arcade and the movie theatre in Bromley, or spending time in Stuart’s bedroom. He knew that his father liked Jason. But still, Stuart knew he’d have to gently break the news to his father, because it would be such a big announcement. And preferably, he ought to break the news to him over a nice dinner. He didn’t think his father could get too upset that his only child was moving out, if he was scarfing down pizza and wings. Stuart grinned. He couldn’t wait to see his father’s face when he told him the good news; he hoped that his father would be happy for him.

Stuart stood up and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He couldn’t help but frown. How did Jason think he was attractive, when he was so ugly? And especially when his hair was so greasy? Jason had called him beautiful, and he’d told him he loved Stuart. Jason always acted like Stuart was this beautiful boy. No, beautiful man.

It was still surprising to Stuart, even after dating him for six months, that Jason found him attractive. He didn’t think he was much to look at. He shook his stringy hair out of his eyes and pushed his shoulders back, so that he was standing tall and proud. He held his head high, and gave his reflection a broad smile, trying to exude confidence in the same relaxed way that Jason always did. It didn’t work. His smile looked forced, way too fake. Stuart bit his lip, and hurriedly looked away.

Jason made it look so easy, the way he grinned at everyone with that endearing smile of his. Jason radiated strength, and charm. God, he made it look so easy. He had that sort of smile that people loved, bold and brilliant. Stuart sighed, wishing he could pull it off. He paled in comparison. He was a dull, grey flower in winter, with withered, brown leaves, whereas Jason was a warm, radiant sunflower. He could only dream of having Jason’s confidence.

Stuart’s attention was drawn back to the bath, as he listened to the water splash in the large, porcelain tub. He walked over, and switched off the tap, noting that the bath was finally ready. It was scalding hot, just the way he liked it. Finally. There were only two more things to do before he could take his bath, and that was to set out his fluffy blue towel on the closed toilet seat cover, which he promptly did. And the last thing, was to take out the large pillar pine-scented candle from the cupboard and set it on the counter.

He lit it, leaning forward slightly to inhale the sweet aroma. It reminded him of the woods near the house, where he had spent so many hours hanging out with Scott, Natalie, and Lindsay – on hazy summer afternoons just like today. He considered the woods a very freeing place, where the pervasive noise became muted to a much more tolerable level, and he could sit and enjoy watching the leaves rustle in the breeze, and the birds swooping down to rest on the lower branches of the trees. He used to play in the old abandoned treehouses, boards nailed to the tree a good ten feet up. The candle scent reminded him of the burbling stream near the train tracks, and the silent deer that walked delicately through the tall grass. The aroma from the candle made him smile, and he gingerly stepped into the tub, his body quickly adjusting to the change in temperature. 

Stuart sighed in contentment, and lay down on his back, until only his face was sticking out. He felt perfectly at home in the bathwater. The water soothed his aching muscles. He closed his eyes, glad to be home. He focused on relaxing his whole body. Stuart started with his toes, and then his feet. He worked his way up his body, feeling as if he were floating weightlessly in the water.  It was a nice sensation. The camping trip had worn him out, mentally and physically. But here, he felt himself begin to unwind. His bath time routine gave him great comfort, like he had a modicum of control in his life. Here, he was safe.

Stuart inhaled deeply, and slowly exhaled, his chest slowly rising and falling under the water. Here, he felt secure, comfortable. This was a controlled environment, a place where he had absolute control of everything in his near vicinity – from the brand of shampoo and conditioner