The Accord Agent: Managing Intense, Problematic Social interactions within Business Environments

By Ellis Amdur and Robert Hubal

No matter your line of work, you are pretty much assured of encountering someone who is difficult to deal with—an angry customer, a disgruntled employee, a know-it-all consultant, or simply someone off the street who is mentally ill, intoxicated, or otherwise unstable. You will find yourself in situations engaging with someone who is emoti

• Language: English
• Publisher: Edgework: Crisis Intervention Resources PLLC
• Release date: Nov 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781087824611

Ellis Amdur

Ellis Amdur received his B.A. in psychology from Yale University and his M.A. in psychology from Seattle University. He is both a National Certified Counselor and a State Certified Child Mental Health Specialist. Amdur has trained in various martial arts systems for the past fifty years, spending thirteen of these years studying in Japan. He is a recognized expert in classical and modern Japanese martial traditions and has authored three iconoclastic books on the subject, as well as one instructional DVD. Since his return to the U.S. in 1988, Amdur has worked in the field of crisis intervention as a pioneering instructor for law enforcement. He has written eighteen books on the subjects of crisis intervention, hostage negotiation and the art of psychotherapy, many with subject-matter expert co-writers, as well as several works of fiction. He is a dynamic public speaker and trainer who presents to people working in a variety of professions throughout the United States and internationally. He is noted for his sometimes-outrageous humor as well as his profound breadth of knowledge. His vivid descriptions of aggressive and mentally ill people and his true-to-life role-playing of the behaviors in question give participants an almost first-hand experience of facing the real patients in question. In addition, Amdur has developed a range of consultation services, as well as a unique style of assessment and psychotherapy. Amdur's professional philosophy can best be summed up as: The development of an individual's integrity and dignity is the paramount virtue. This can only occur when people live courageously, regardless of the circumstances, and take responsibility for their roles in making the changes they desire.

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The Accord Agent

MANAGING INTENSE, PROBLEMATIC SOCIAL INTERACTIONS WITHIN BUSINESS ENVIRONMENTS

Ellis Amdur, M.A., N.C.C., C.M.H.S.

&

Robert Hubal, M.S., Ph.D.

NOTES AND NOTICES

The Accord Agent: Managing Intense, Problematic Social Interactions Within Business Environments

© 2019 by Ellis Amdur, M.A., N.C.C., C.M.H.S. and Robert Hubal, M.S., Ph.D.

ISBN: 978-1-950678-11-2

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This book is informational only and is not to be considered an official policy manual. By purchasing this book, you agree that you will hold the authors and publisher harmless from all claims arising out of or related to your access or use of, or inability to access or use this book or information contained herein.

The information in this book is provided for general information only and provided ‘as is’ to the fullest extent permitted by law, without express or implied, including, but not limited to, any warranty of fitness for a particular purpose. The authors and publisher make no warranties about the accuracy, completeness, or timeliness of the content, services, text, graphs, graphics, and links appearing in this book.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PUBLISHED WORKS BY THE AUTHORS

LIST OF FIGURES & TABLES

IN GRATITUDE FOR EXPERT CRITIQUE

PREFACE

SECTION I:Introduction to the Accord Agent

CHAPTER 1:The Accord Agent

CHAPTER 2:Essential Accord Agent Skills

SUMMARY OF SECTION I

SECTION II :Composure: Standing with Strength in Crisis Situations

CHAPTER 3:Coordination of Self

• Adopting the Right Attitude

CHAPTER 4:Driving on Black Ice: Stillness in Motion

CHAPTER 5:It’s Not Personal Unless You Make It So

CHAPTER 6:No One Will Own Me

CHAPTER 7:Tactical Breathing—Be the Eye in the Center of the Hurricane

• Circular Breathing Method #1—Front to Back

• Circular Breathing Method #2—Back to Front

• How You Should Practice Circular Breathing

• When Should You Use Circular Breathing

CHAPTER 8:Alternative Breathing Methods: Numbered Breathing & Matching Breaths

• Numbered Breathing

• Matching Breaths

CHAPTER 9:The Intoxication and Joy of Righteous Anger

• Protecting Your Family and Team from What You Otherwise Would Bring Home

SUMMARY OF SECTION II

SECTION III:Beyond the Basics: Core Elements Necessary to Manage Intense and Problematic Situations

CHAPTER 10:Core Elements

CHAPTER 11:Dynamic Relaxation—Your Physical and Attitudinal Stance

CHAPTER 12:Correct Distance

CHAPTER 13:Eye Contact

CHAPTER 14:Interweaving

• Bracketing

• Scanning

• Entry

• Regulating

CHAPTER 15:A Few Angles on Bias

• My Way Is the Only Way (aka Egocentricity Bias)

• Attribution Bias

• Confirmation Bias

CHAPTER 16:Working With, Not Against Pattern Biases

CHAPTER 17:Positive Cognitive Dissonance (Undermining the Other’s Biases Towards the Accord Agent)

CHAPTER 18:The ‘Balancing Powers’—Fire & Water

• Fire

• Water

SUMMARY OF SECTION III

SECTION IV:What to Say and How to Say It

CHAPTER 19:A Strategic Approach to Accord Agent Skills

• Flow of Dialog

CHAPTER 20:Tactical Paraphrasing: A Core Communication Strategy to Master from the Beginning

• How to Master Tactical Paraphrasing

CHAPTER 21:Incorporating the Lessons Learned from the Discipline of Crisis Intervention

• Crisis Intervention Principles Applied to Cultural Issues

• Crisis Stages

CHAPTER 22:Pros and Cons of Different Forms of Response

CHAPTER 23:Ten Quick Tips to Help Establish Accord in Potentially Hostile Situations

• Focus on the Future

• Avoid Absolutes

• Stance

• Time Management

• Personalize and Provide Direction

• Open Response, Observe

• Invest

• No Assumption, No Speculation

• Terminology, Just Talk

• Success

SUMMARY OF SECTION IV

SECTION V:Training Yourself to Be an Accord Agent

CHAPTER 24:Embodying Accord Agent Skills

CHAPTER 25:Becoming an Accord Agent

CHAPTER 26:Self-Bias: The Ultimate Impediment

SUMMARY OF SECTION V

SECTION VI:Responding to Things Going Sideways

CHAPTER 27:Be at Your Best by Preparing for the Worst

CHAPTER 28:The Predator

CHAPTER 29:Honor and Shame

CHAPTER 30:Feeling/Emotional Based—No Internal Compass

CHAPTER 31:The Unethical Person—Pure Self-Interest

CHAPTER 32:The Eccentric/Mentally Disordered Person

SUMMARY OF SECTION VI

SECTION VII:Accord Agent Scenarios

CHAPTER 33:Scenarios for Business

• I Need My Service Animal

• Anxiety

• The Paranoid Employee

• Adversarial Business Negotiation

• Doing Business with a Local Power-Broker

• Honor & Shame

• Guilt

SECTION VIII:Putting It All Together

CHAPTER 34:A Review

• Initiation

• Nonverbal Communication

• Sensemaking

• Recognizing Social Affordances

• Perspective Tracking

• Building Rapport

• Decisive Action

• Repair

• Successful Outcomes

• Respect, Goal Direction, and Trust

CHAPTER 35:Final Word

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

PUBLISHED WORKS BY THE AUTHORS

The Accord Agent: Managing Intense, Problematic Social Interactions Within Business Environments—Ellis Amdur & Robert Hubal

The Coordinator: Managing High-Risk High-Consequence Social Interactions in an Unfamiliar Environment (2nd Revised Edition)—Ellis Amdur & Robert Hubal

OTHER WORKS BY ELLIS AMDUR

On the De-Escalation of Aggression, Crisis Negotiation, & Other Psychological Areas

Body and Soul: Toward a Radical Intersubjectivity in Psychotherapy—Ellis Amdur

Cooling the Flames: Communication, Control, and De-escalation of Mentally Ill & Aggressive Patients. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Emergency Medical Services—Ellis Amdur & John K. Murphy

Everything on the Line: Calming and De-escalation of Aggressive and Mentally Ill Individuals on the Phone. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Emergency Dispatch (9-1-1) Centers—Ellis Amdur

From Chaos to Compliance: Communication, Control, and De-escalation of Mentally Ill, Emotionally Disturbed and Aggressive Offenders. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Parole and Probation Officers—Ellis Amdur & Alan Pelton

Guarding the Gates: Calming, Control and De-escalation of Mentally Ill, Emotionally Disturbed and Aggressive Individuals. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Security Guards—Ellis Amdur & William Cooper

Grace Under Fire: Skills to Calm and De-escalate Aggressive and Mentally Ill Individuals in Outpatient Settings. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Health and Social Services Agencies, and Individual Practitioners (2nd Edition)—Ellis Amdur

In the Eye of the Hurricane: Skills to Calm and De-escalate Aggressive and Mentally Ill Family Members (2nd Edition)—Ellis Amdur

Safe Behind Bars: Communication, Control, and De-escalation of Mentally Ill and Aggressive Inmates. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Correctional Officers in Jail Settings—Ellis Amdur, Michael Blake & Chris De Villeneuve

Safe Haven: Skills to Calm and De-escalate Aggressive and Mentally Ill Individuals. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Personnel Working in Hospital and Residential Settings (2nd Edition)—Ellis Amdur

Safety at Work: Skills to Calm and De-escalate Aggressive and Mentally Ill Individuals. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Corporate Security Managers, Human Resources Staff, Loss Prevention Specialists, Executive Protection, and Others Involved in Threat Management Professions—Ellis Amdur & William Cooper

Shapeshifting for Law Enforcement CNT/HNT: Effective Scenario Training for Crisis/Hostage Negotiation Teams—Ellis Amdur & Ret. Sgt. Lisbeth Eddy

Shapeshifting for Correctional Facility CNT/HNT: Effective Scenario Training for Crisis/Hostage Negotiation Teams—Ellis Amdur & Ret. Sgt. Lisbeth Eddy

The Thin Blue Lifeline: Verbal De-escalation of Mentally Ill and Emotionally Disturbed People. A Comprehensive Guidebook for Law Enforcement Officers—Ellis Amdur & John Hutchings

Threat De-Escalation: How to Effectively Assess and Diffuse Dangerous Situations (Book & DVD). A Publication of the United States Concealed Carry Association—Ellis Amdur

Words of Power: A Guide for Ordinary People to Calm and De-Escalate Aggressive Individuals—Ellis Amdur

Published by Freelance Academy Press, Inc.—http://www.freelanceacademypress.com/

Dueling with O-Sensei: Grappling with the Myth of the Warrior Sage (Revised & Expanded Edition)—Ellis Amdur

Hidden in Plan Sight: Tracing the Roots of Ueshiba Morihei’s Power (Revised & Expanded Edition)—Ellis Amdur

Old School: Essays on Japanese Martial Traditions (2nd Expanded Edition)—Ellis Amdur

Fiction

The Cimarronin: A Samurai in New Spain. A Graphic Novel—Neal Stephenson, Charles Mann, Ellis Amdur, & Mark Teppo

The Girl with the Face of the Moon (A Novel)—Ellis Amdur

SELECTED WORKS BY ROBERT HUBAL

Technology Assisted Learning

Hubal R, Folsom-Kovarik J, Woods A, Jones R, Carbone J. Patterns of life in the foreground and background: Practical approaches to enhancing simulation-based interaction skills training. Proceedings of the Behavior Representation in Modeling and Simulation Conference (pp 75-83). The BRIMS Society; 2015

Hubal R, Parsons T. Synthetic environments for skills training and practice. In: Lin L, Spector JM (eds.), The Sciences of Learning and Instructional Design: Constructive Articulation between Communities (pp 152-185). Routledge; 2017.

Hubal R, Pina J. Serious assessments in serious games. International Journal of Gaming and Computer-Mediated Simulations, 2012; 4(3):49-64.

Stress and Social Competency

Hourani LL, Tueller SJ, Kizakevich PN, Lewis G, Strange LB, Weimer BJ, Bryant SP, Bishop E, Hubal RC, Spira JL. Toward preventing posttraumatic stress disorder: Development and testing of a stress inoculation program. Military Medicine, 2016; 181(9):1151-60.

Hubal R, Kizakevich P, McLean A, Hourani L. A multimedia environment for stressing warfighters before they deploy. Proceedings of the Interservice/Industry Training, Simulation and Education Conference (pp 1688-96). NDIA; 2010.

Hubal R, van Lent M, Wender J, Lande B, Flanagan S, Quinn S. What does it take to train a good stranger? Proceedings of the International Conference on Cross-Cultural Decision Making (pp 5076-83). AHFE International; 2015.

Hubal R. The imperative for social competency prediction. In: Yang SJ, Greenberg AM, Endsley M (eds.), Proceedings of the International Conference on Social Computing, Behavioral-Cultural Modeling, & Prediction (pp 188-95). Springer-Verlag; 2012.

Responsive Virtual Humans

Hubal R. Embodied tutors for interaction skills simulation training. International Journal of Virtual Reality, 2008; 7(1):1-8.

Hubal RC, Bonner MJ, Hardy KK, FitzGerald DP, Willard VW, Allen TM. Technical aspects and testing of a program to assess deficits in facial expression recognition in childhood cancer survivors. Journal of CyberTherapy & Rehabilitation, 2011; 4(3):363-9.

Hubal RC, Evens NR, FitzGerald DP, Hardy KK, Willard VW, Bonner MJ. Implementation of FACS for synthetic characters for use in studying facial expression recognition by survivors of childhood cancer. Annual Review of Cybertherapy and Telemedicine, 2008; 6:35-40.

Hubal RC, Fishbein DH, Sheppard MS Paschall MJ, Eldreth DL, Hyde CT. How do varied populations interact with embodied conversational agents? Findings from inner-city adolescents and prisoners. Computers in Human Behavior, 2008; 24(3):1104-38.

Paschall MJ, Fishbein DH, Hubal RC, Eldreth D. Psychometric properties of virtual reality vignette performance measures: A novel approach for assessing adolescents’ social competency skills. Health Education Research: Theory and Practice, 2005; 20(1):61-70.

Emotion and Response

Eriksson EJ, Rodman RD, Hubal RC. Emotions in speech: Juristic implications. In: Müller C (ed.), Speaker Classification I: Fundamentals, Features, and Methods (pp 152-73). Springer-Verlag; 2007.

Fishbein DH, Hyde C, Eldreth D, Paschall MJ, Hubal R, Das A, Tarter R, Ialongo N, Hubbard S, Yung B. Neurocognitive skills moderate urban male adolescents’ responses to preventive intervention materials. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 2006; 82(1):47-60.

Fishbein DH, Sheppard ME, Hyde C, Hubal RC, Newlin DB, Serin R, Chrousos G, Alesci S. Deficits in behavioral inhibition predict treatment engagement in prison inmates. Law and Human Behavior, 2009; 33(5): 419-35.

Guinn C, Hubal R. Extracting emotional information from the text of spoken dialog. Proceedings of the Workshop on Assessing and Adapting to User Attitudes and Affect: Why, When and How? User Modeling, Inc.; 2003.

Hourani LL, Council CL, Hubal RC, Strange LB. Approaches to the primary prevention of posttraumatic stress disorder in the military: A review of the stress control literature. Military Medicine, 2011; 176(7):721-30.

Hubal R, Frank G, Guinn C, Dupont R. Integrating a crisis stages model into a simulation for training law enforcement officers to manage encounters with the mentally ill. In: Hudlicka E, Canamero L (eds.), Proceedings of the Workshop on Architectures for Modeling Emotion: Cross-Disciplinary Foundations, AAAI Spring Symposium Series (pp 68-9). ACM Press; 2004.

Hubal R, Mitroff SR, Cain MS, Scott B, DeWitt R. Simulating a vigilance task: Extensible technology for baggage security assessment and training. Proceedings of the IEEE Conference on Technologies for Homeland Security (pp 543-8). IEEE; 2010.

LIST OF FIGURES & TABLES

FIGURES

FIGURE 1:Accord Agent Skills Involved in an Interaction

FIGURE 2A:Circular Breathing Method #1

FIGURE 2B:Circular Breathing Method #2

FIGURE 3:Accord Agent Stances

FIGURE 4:Example Conversational Flow Diagram

TABLES

TABLE 1:Accord Agent Learning Objective

TABLE 2:Crisis Stage Behavior or Attitude of Other Person

TABLE 3:Forms of Accord Agent’s Response

TABLE 4:Performance Questionnaire

IN GRATITUDE FOR EXPERT CRITIQUE

The following professionals have closely reviewed this book. With each draft, we have corrected errors of fact, added new information and fine-tuned the manuscript.

All responsibility for this book, however, must lie in our hands. Any errors, in particular, are our responsibility. Given that this work is intended to be directly applicable to professional and personal life, please do not hesitate to contact us if you believe that any of this book’s content is inaccurate, or requires additional material. The book will be revised, if needed, in future editions.

Jack Bieler studied Computer Science at Rice University and has pursued a 35-year career as a programmer and project manager in Aviation Training, Simulation and Logistics, primarily in large corporate environments, for both commercial and military customers. He received a B.A. in Communication and Language from the University of North Texas, with a minor in Social Sciences. Jack has studied Japanese martial arts for over three decades, earning teaching licenses in aikido, iaido, and jodo.

Chad Bruttomesso has worked in the technology industry for over 25 years, lived in Japan for more than 16, and engaged in business onsite and virtually in over 22 countries. He works closely with teams in Asia and the United States to bridge cultural gaps, and create winning teams that deliver more than expected under adverse conditions. In 2008 Chad obtained his MBA from Temple University, Japan Campus as part of furthering his ability to work in multinational, and diverse business style environments.

W. Boyce Byerly, Ph.D., is a Data Scientist for the United States Post Office. He is also the Principal at Level 6 Analytics, a consulting firm specializing in human capital and healthcare analytics, particularly in the area of continuing medical education. He is a Professor in the Business School at Bellevue University, and has been teaching modeling and statistics; he helped with the original design for the Human Capital doctoral program. His research passions include human learning and cognition, and he has published numerous works on measurement and evaluation, including the recent book Human Capital Analytics: How to Harness the Potential of Your Organization’s Most Important Resource.

Greg Chenevert is a writer, specializing in training manuals and instruction materials. As an instructor/adjunct professor, he trains senior staff in use of remote image processing and UAS platform data acquisition, and others in workplace negotiating skills for both personal and group interaction. He is a certified hypnotist and Neurolinguistic Programing Practitioner.

Stephen Kotev has over twenty years of conflict resolution experience working as a mediator, negotiator, facilitator, trainer and somatic educator for public and private sector clients. Since 2007, he has served as an Adjunct Professor for George Mason University’s School for Conflict Analysis and Resolution in Arlington, VA where he teaches graduate and undergraduate courses on how to better manage the stress of high-conflict interventions. He is the Chair of the Association for Conflict Resolution Taskforce on Safety in Alternative Dispute Resolution, and holds a black belt in the Japanese martial art of aikido and a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Matthew Krueger has been lead security analyst at Deep Forest Security for over a decade. With prior experience in both software engineering and law enforcement, he works closely with the cyber counter-intelligence community, state and federal law enforcement as a part of efforts to protect national critical infrastructure and multinational, U.S. based businesses.

Russ Qureshi is a realtor, specializing in residential sale on the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia, Canada. Russ spends his days helping folks navigate the complicated world of real estate, hanging out with his wife April Ria, his son Sasha and his daughter Athena. Russ also trains in the Japanese martial art of aikido, and has achieved the rank of yondan (4th black belt).

David Sims is a practicing attorney who has worked in a number of legal fields, including criminal defense on behalf of indigent clients and acting as guardian ad litem in child custody and CPS removal cases. He also discusses the history of famous court cases in the Trials and Errors podcast.

Dean Whittle works for the New South Wales Department of Education in Australia, managing in excess of 90,000m² of office space which accommodates over 5,500 corporate staff. His role involves directing capital works and maintenance programs across the state, engaging stakeholders across all levels of the Department to deliver projects, supervising staff, consultants and contractors. He has studied Japanese martial arts and personal protection for over 30 years and worked in the security industry as a doorman and crowd controller.

PREFACE

The contents of this book are, in large part, the result of the authors’ collaboration on a large U.S. Government-funded project that began in 2012. The goal of that project was to develop innovative, cost-effective methods for training warfighters in the basic human dynamics skills … necessary for successfully managing and conducting social interaction in which participants do not share a common language, culture or other set of defining experiences. ¹ We were a small part of the team, working alongside a number of other professional trainers, cognitive scientists, social psychologists, linguists, software engineers, and military personnel. We helped to develop the training materials and tested training technologies to see what approaches worked best to give warfighters these skills. Our first book together, entitled The Coordinator: Managing High Risk, High Consequence Social Interactions in an Unfamiliar Environment, was geared to military and law enforcement personnel. We envisioned a narrow readership: specialists one and all.

However, both of the authors have heard from people working in business—managing employees, working in human resources and/or customer relations—who have found the information within that book to be invaluable. Given that the contents of The Coordinator are a result of our combined work over the past several decades, not only with the military and civilian law enforcement, but also within clinical healthcare and businesses, this is not really surprising. Although the application may be different, the principles are universal. Therefore, we decided to write a second version of our work, directly focusing on the business environment.

Because those in the worksite face very different situations than those in law enforcement, much less those in the military, we have chosen a different term, ‘Accord Agent,’ to refer to experts applying the aforementioned skills in day-to-day life. In addition to ‘The Coordinator,’ other terms have been used for this function, most notably ‘Good Stranger’ and ‘Master of Social Engagement.’ The authors believe that Accord Agent best does justice to the multi-faceted nature of this role.²

Our goal for this book is to provide a clear overview of communication skills necessary in dealing with those who take an adversarial stance towards either your business interests or members of your organization, while maintaining a balance between integrity and contributing to the success of your organization. When ‘integrity’ becomes part of the definition of success, this involves doing everything possible to assure the wellbeing and safety of clients, customers, and employees, while treating all of those people in as respectful and tactful a way as possible given adverse circumstances.

We are grateful to those experts who contributed to this book through offering, editing,