The Ultimate Open Relationships Manual

By Blackdragon

In this book, you will learn a simple, step-by-step system for establishing an enjoyable, long-term, low-drama, low-cost, open or nonmonogamous relationship with any type of woman, and without having to lie or lead her on.

Taken from over a decade of experience, scores of long-term serious and casual relationships, and detailed sc

• Language: English
• Publisher: DCS International LLC
• Release date: Dec 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9780999513309

Book preview

Chapter 1

OVERVIEW

This is book will change your life.

I’m serious. When you finish this book, you will be a changed man. You will never look at relationships in quite the same way again. You will see things you’ve never seen before. Hopefully, if you take action on even a portion of the advice this book offers, you will experience things you’ve never experienced before; wonderful things, things that other men can only fantasize about.

This book describes exactly how you can create and maintain long-lasting relationships with women that do not involve sexual monogamy. These are relationships where you date multiple women, have sex with all of them, and all of them let you do it and keep dating you anyway. You do this without lying to women or tricking them in any way. Best of all, you can do this with normal, everyday women, not women who are already into polyamory or whatever else they’re calling it these days.

This book covers the entire range of nonmonogamous relationships, from very casual sexual relationships where you barely care about the woman, to very serious, committed relationships where you consider the woman your girlfriend or wife, as well as several types or relationships that are in-between these two extremes.

In all these relationships, you will have sex with other women without having to lie to anyone. You will be able to receive all those things we men want from women (sex, love, companionship, feminine energy) without having to emasculate ourselves by promising to never be sexual with anyone else, which is something most men can’t do in the long-term anyway. You will also be able to avoid the sneaking around and drama that usually comes with relationships where men cheat on women behind their backs. There is no cheating in the nonmonogamous world, since having sex with others is allowed.

Indeed, long-term sexual monogamy is near impossible for most human beings in the modern era, since the vast majority of people who attempt monogamy these days either end up breaking up / divorcing, or cheating. The statistics, studies and surveys all make this quite clear.

Moreover, if you follow the instructions in this book, these relationships will involve far less drama, arguments, and conflict than the typical monogamous relationships that society encourages. This is because drama in a relationship is a direct correlation to how many rules and restrictions a relationship involves. With nonmonogamous relationships, even more serious ones, the rules and restrictions upon you are far less; thus, the drama and conflict is far less.

More sex, more freedom, less drama; that’s what properly managed nonmonogamous relationships are all about. This book will show

you how.

How This Book Ties Into My Other Books, Systems, and Techniques

If you’ve read my other books, you know that I believe a man’s primary goal in life is long-term consistent happiness. This is only possible if you are free, at least to a strong degree, since a man who is not free cannot achieve a high degree of happiness.

In my main book, The Unchained Man, I talk about a particular type of man, the Alpha Male 2.0. One of the traits of this man is that he lives his life on his terms and no one else’s. He is completely free to live his life as he chooses, financially, logistically, romantically, and sexually. This book covers the relationship aspect of his lifestyle in detail.

To this end, I view all sexual and/or romantic interactions with women in three distinct phases: the pickup phase, the dating phase, and the relationship phase.

The first phase is the pickup phase where you meet new women, either in real life or online, and convince them to spend a little time with you one-on-one, usually in the context of what we call the first date (though first meet often describes this interaction better). I describe this phase in detail in my book, The Ultimate Online Dating Manual, though there are many other ways to meet women outside of online dating (night game, daygame, social circle, speed dating, etc).

Regardless of how you meet a woman, once you’re on that first date, the second phase begins: the dating phase. During this phase, you have sex with the woman twice, as quickly and as cheaply as possible, so that she’s locked in to you and an ongoing relationship can begin. I describe this process in step-by-step detail in my dating book, Get To Sex Fast.

After you’ve had sex with a new woman for the second time, the dating phase is now over, and you then begin the relationship phase, which lasts indefinitely. During this phase, you stop gaming and move into relationship management. You select what type of relationship you want to have with her and manage your new, nonmonogamous relationship accordingly.

Relationship Skills Are Very Different From Dating or Pickup Skills

If all you want to do is have one night stands (or similar) with women, or have sex with prostitutes, and do so for literally the rest of your life, even as you get into your 50’s and beyond, that’s fine and you should do whatever makes you happy. However, the vast majority of men, including Alpha Males and players, eventually will want something more than just regular meaningless sex. Therefore, relationships are the endgame of all of this: the bottom line reason we actually bother to take the time to learn women skills and put in the work necessary to have women in our lives.

The problem is that many men who get good at having sex with lots of women are usually dreadful at relationship management. The dating industry and PUA (pickup artist) community is full of very confident players who get laid very fast and often with hot babes, but who then have all kinds of chaos and problems whenever they fall for one girl and get into a relationship (or, heaven forbid, a marriage).

Pickup skills and relationship management skills are two very different skill sets. While many of the same frames and attitudes apply, the techniques do not. Most pickup techniques will completely backfire if you attempt them in a relationship. Relationships also require new techniques that are not needed on a first or second date when you’re just trying to get to sex.

Worse, most Alpha Males and players eventually fall for some perfect girl, become her boyfriend, and hand over their balls to her, thinking that everything will work out because they (both himself and the woman) are different and know what they’re doing. These supermen end up becoming just as silly, needy, jealous, stupid, and dramatic as any normal chump. Since they promised something they can’t deliver (long-term sexual monogamy) when these guys cheat (and they always do, eventually) they usually get caught, causing even more problems.

Eventually, after a shitload of drama, their relationships go down in flames. Then they go back to getting laid for a while, find another girl who is Not Like The Rest™, and repeat the entire painful process all over again.

If you assume that you’ll be good at relationships just because you’re good at getting laid, or worse, if you follow relationship advice given by a player or pickup artist who’s good at getting laid, but horrible at long-term, low-drama relationships, then you’re in for all kinds of catastrophes in your relationship life.

Pickup advice is good; I give that kind of advice myself. Just make sure it’s in the context of getting laid and not maintaining a long-term, low-drama, recurring relationship with a woman. Those are two different things.

Nonmonogamous relationship advice is also more mentally challenging than pickup or get laid advice. While most pickup advice makes sense to men on a logical level, much of the advice you’re going to read in this book will challenge some of your core beliefs about women, emotions, relationships, marriage, and monogamy. You’re going to be presented with some things that are completely and diametrically opposed to what you’ve been taught your entire life.

The good news is that I only talk about things that I know work in the real word. I have had many nonmonogamous relationships over the last 10 years, exactly as described in this book, and I can honestly say that those years have been the best of my entire life. I’ve had long-lasting nonmonogamous relationships with numerous women of all types and ages where I was allowed to have sex with and even date other women without having to lie to anyone or suffer the drama most men have to put up with.

Through the Blackdragon Blog, my dating and relationships blog for men, I have communicated with hundreds, if not thousands of men all over the world who are using these same concepts, principles, and techniques to have happy, nonmonogamous relationships with women.

This stuff works, and it will work for you.

The Term Nonmonogamy

Open relationships, polyamory, polygamy, swinging, monogamish, polyfidelity... there are lots of terms people use and it can get a little confusing. We will be discussing all the different types of nonmonogamous relationships in a future chapter, and I will present an easy-to-remember system that solidifies everything. I use the term nonmonogamy as an umbrella to all the different types of relationships where one or both partners are allowed to get sexual with other people. I also use this term because it doesn’t have the negative connotations that terms like open relationship or polyamory have with some people. Often, people hear these terms and immediately conjure up worst-case-scenario images of things that virtually never normally happen, like a someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend who’s out banging 12 different people without a condom and telling everyone about it on Facebook. That kind of thing is only a manifestation of peoples fears; it’s not what happens in real life.

Do Women Really Let You Do This?!?

Yep, they certainly do. But there’s a catch... and it’s a big one.

The catch is that you have to manage the first three months of the relationship in a way that is complete different than anything you’ve ever done before. If you don’t do this, then it won’t work, but it won’t fail because women won’t allow it; it will fail because you did it wrong. It’s that simple.

Assuming you follow the advice in this book and do this all correctly, approximately 90% of women under the age of 33 and 75% of women over the age of 33 will allow you to have sex with other women during a relationship that lasts at least several months. Most of my nonmonogamous relationships last several years, though sometimes there are temporary breaks in the relationship, depending on the particular woman and type of relationship I have with her. I’ll provide more specifics about this as we go along.

There are also levels of acceptance. Most women will somewhat accept what you’re doing, and date you for a very long time in a happy manner, though they will have some reservations (that may or may not diminish over time as they become more accustomed to it). A minority of women will happily accept what you’re doing with no problem at all. Some other women, another minority, will accept it, but will be upset about it and give you crap regularly. (If happiness is your goal, you’ll have to nicely dump these women. We’ll get into more specifics about that later as well.)

Once you understand how to do this, you’ll be able to structure relationships like this with any type of woman. Most men who attempt relationships like this screen for women who already desire some kind of nonmonogamy. To me, this is way too much work, and I might not even be attracted to the few women I find who are already predisposed to nonmonogamy. No, the beauty of this system is that it works on normal women. I’m talking about normal, everyday women of any age, race, nationality, intelligence level, income level, or personality type. The only requirement is that she lives in the Western world or cultures similar to the West, such as those in South America. (Women raised in more traditional cultures, like in India, will be more difficult.)

If that 90% figure sounds hard to believe, that’s because for your

entire life, you’ve seen men start relationships incorrectly. Contrary to popular belief, these days, it is men who initiate monogamy most of the time, not women. You’ve probably done it yourself. You’re out dating around, enjoying yourself, but then you start to fall for one special girl. You start getting concerned that some other guy might have sex with her, so you have the let’s be exclusive talk so you can wall her off from other men. Then the two of you start calling each other every day, hanging out all the time, and engaging in other boyfriend / girlfriend behaviors.

It’s fantastic for a while, until she starts getting a little bitchy, demanding, or bored. Then the two of you break up, and statistically she is the one who dumps you. You both then go on to repeat the entire process with someone else.

The point is that men all over the place are training women to demand and expect sexual monogamy. You’ve probably never seen a guy like me create a nonmonogamous relationship correctly, so you probably think that it either can’t be done, or can only be done with stupid, young, ugly or slutty girls. Incorrect! I’ve had long-lasting nonmonogamous relationships with attorneys, teachers, corporate vice presidents, women over 30, women over 40, women with advanced degrees, and women who’ve graduated from Ivy League schools. (And to be fair, yes, I’ve done this with young, dumb girls too. Hey, I’m nonmonogamous, so why not experience it all?)

The closest thing you’ve probably ever seen to nonmonogamy is when a guy tells his monogamous wife or girlfriend something like, Hey, I still love you, but I think I want to start having sex with other people. What do you think about that? She then proceeds to throw a drink in his face, get hysterical, and the relationship is damaged irrevocably.

Of course she would react that way! He set the stage for monogamy. Once that’s done, it’s very hard to change course. If he had never set the stage for monogamy in the first place, he would never have had a problem. I never do. Indeed, I’ve had many nonmonogamous relationships with women who later dated men (or dated men while dating me) from whom they demanded monogamy... because again, the men set the stage for that structure. I prefer to set the stage for me having sex with whomever I want. Much better.

Why Not Just Cheat?

Because the above monogamy model is the only model men have trained women to accept and expect, women don’t like it one bit when a man they’re dating is out having sex with other women. Men figure this out very quickly, usually by the end of high school.

This puts men in a bind; women won’t accept them having sex with other women (which again is what men have trained women to do), yet most men don’t like having sex with just one woman for a prolonged period of time, nor are they biologically designed to do so.

So, men default to the age old practice of cheating. They lie to women, tell them they’re the only one, and then have sex with other women on the side, cheating on the first woman behind her back, and hoping she doesn’t find out.

The cheating model is very popular. I call it monogamy in quotes. It’s a relationship that looks and feels like a monogamous relationship, but one or both partners are secretly cheating on the other. Statistically speaking, this usually means the man is cheating on the woman, since, again statistically speaking, women tend to dump men before they cheat on them. (70-80% of all divorces and 75% of all girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are terminated by the female.)

What’s wrong with cheating? Many men actually recommend it. Well, a few things.

1. You’re going to get caught eventually. As I’ve discussed in detail at the Blackdragon Blog , most men who cheat are not very careful about it. We men have strong biological wiring and social conditioning that compels us to brag about our sexual conquests to others. If you bang a super hot chick behind your wife or girlfriend’s back, you’re going to be dying to tell someone about it. This will subconsciously manifest in you not being nearly as careful as you think. And you’ll get caught.

Over the years, I’ve seen scores of men get caught cheating when they thought they were being careful. If you cheat just once or twice in your life, you’ll probably be okay. But, if you cheat as a regular activity in your relationships with women, you will get caught. Then say hello to a nice, big volcano of drama, arguments, and hurt feelings. If you’re married, you’re possibly in for a divorce and the loss of your children too. Not my idea of fun.

2. You’re going to have to spend the rest of your life sneaking around, not living congruent to the man you are. When you live your life in a way that is opposed to who you really are, this causes real and painful psychological damage over time. Cheating on a woman is hugely stressful. Living incongruently is not the path to long-term, consistent happiness or peace.

Sneaking around. Hiding your phone from her. Managing multiple phones, email accounts, etc. Regularly lying to the woman you (supposedly) love and care for. Making up excuses. Living like a thief in the night. This is not Alpha, at least not in my opinion. A real Alpha Male does whatever the hell he wants, and if the woman in his life doesn’t like it, she should leave and go date someone else.

It’s true that women sometimes cheat too. That doesn’t change anything I said above. The cheating model is only for men who do not seek true, long-term happiness. You should have higher standards for yourself.

Will She Sleep With Other Guys?

This all sounds great, you might say, But I don’t want a woman I’m dating to be sleeping with other guys! Screw that! We’ll talk about that in detail a little later, I will state something that will help change your outlook on this, if you accept it.

In my experience, and in the experience of many other nonmonogamous men, generally speaking (and there are always exceptions), the only women who will regularly have sex with other men in a nonmonogamous relationship are women who would have eventually cheated on you anyway. Women who would have never cheated on you, women who think it’s disgusting for them to be having sex with more than one man at a time, will stay monogamous to you by her own choice, even while she knows you’re out having sex with other women.

In my own experience of dating scores of women like this over the last ten years, it’s been about a 50 / 50 split between the women who were having sex with other men, and the women who never did, even when they knew I was having sex with other women. When you go over the age of 28, this 50% drops to about 30%. When you go below the age of 23, the 50% rises to about 80%. Younger women have less internal rules about sex and tend to cheat on men more often, so younger women in nonmonogamous relationships are much more likely to sleep with other men. Older women have many more concerns about doing this, and will thus sleep with other men much less frequently, if at all.

I want to repeat what I said: the vast majority of the time, the women who will be regularly having sex with other men in a nonmonogamous relationship tend to be the same women who would have cheated on you eventually anyway. Though women are indeed sexual creatures, women are not like men. It’s not like they’re hungrily waiting for you to give them permission to go fuck other men, dashing off to some other guy’s cock as soon as you say it’s okay. A significant percentage will have no desire to have sex with other men even when you’re having sex with other women. They consider it inappropriate, gross, or just not something they want to do.

There are exceptions to this of course, and I can’t guarantee anything, but stop thinking that 100% of the women you’ll have in relationships like this will be banging other guys left and right just because you’re doing the same with women on the side. They won’t.

Even if they do, we’ll cover some jealousy management techniques in future chapters.

Can I Prevent Her From Having Sex With Other Men?

This question eventually comes up from a lot of men. Can I have sex with other women, but forbid her to have sex with other men? That’s every man’s fantasy!

First, as I said above, your odds are decent that this will happen anyway, without any forcing whatsoever.

Secondly, you having sex with other women while none of the women are allowed to have sex with any other men is called polygamy. Polygamy does not work in the Western world (unless you’re a Mormon extremist). No woman living in the West is going to tolerate you having sex with other women while you demand she doesn’t at least have the option of doing so with other men, at least in the long-term, even if she never intended on having sex with other men in the first place. Polygamous relationships in the Western world are simply not going to work long-term. If you don’t mind having a string of very short relationships, then go for it. If you want something polygamous and long-term, you’ll have to move to somewhere like Africa or the Middle East. Long-term polygamy simply isn’t a viable, long-term option for men living in the Western world.

How I Started - Now vs. Then

Though I lost my virginity later than most (age 22 or 23), once I started dating women as a young man, I was pretty much like everyone else. I dated and had sex. Once I started having sex with a woman I really liked, she had to become my girlfriend. Soon, she would start to boss me around, give me drama, and/or try to change me. I would start to take her for granted, and start guiltily thinking about sleeping with other women.

Very typical.

Eventually, the woman I was dating would dump me, and I would feel like shit. Then I’d have to figure out how to go get a new woman in my life so I wouldn’t go alone or go without sex.

Very typical.

At age 25, like most everyone else, I got married. I was in love. I wanted a wife. I wanted children, so what other choice did I have? I had to get married, of course! How else can you have kids? There’s no other proper way to do it other than oppressive, traditional, legal, monogamous marriage! Right?

Very typical.

In the beginning, it was great. I felt fantastic, and so did she. Over time, she slowly started to get a little more whiny, a little less affectionate, and her desire for sex waned. Like most monogamous, married people, sex went from two or three times a day when we were dating to about twice a month after many years of marriage, living together, washing each other’s dirty underwear, and regularly arguing about money and parenting.

Very typical.

Like most people, we eventually got divorced. After nine years of marriage, we were done. She was furious and thought it was all my fault. Though I didn’t get divorce raped like a lot of men do, I indeed lost a decent amount of money that took me a long time to make and save. She ended up with the kids most of the time.

Very typical.

I have seen this same story, or stages of it, or a story very similar to it, repeated thousands of times with just about every single person I know. Though it’s a system pushed by society, it not a system conducive to long-term, consistent happiness.

After my divorce, I was determined to find a better way to be with, have sex with, and love women. I knew there had to be a better way than getting sexually monogamous, never having sex with anyone else (unless you cheat, which creates a whole new set of problems), and incurring drama and limitations in your life.

I did a great deal of research, both on the internet and offline with many books. While there seemed to be bits and pieces of how to create and manage these kinds of nonmonogamous relationships, no one presented a step-by-step system. I was driven to find one, even if I had to create one on myself.

Taking the fragments I learned, I went out into the world and started dating women. This time, however, it was under my terms, not society’s.

I experimented with different relationship methods and techniques. I kept careful notes on what I tried and what the results were. Lots of things didn’t work and blew up in my face, but some things worked shockingly well. I kept the things that worked, avoided the things that didn’t, and kept trying new things.

After about two years of work, trial, error, and tracking, I finally had it! A repeatable system, where I could meet any normal woman, and with very high odds of success, bring her into a nonmonogamous relationship where I could have sex with her and have sex with other women, without lying to her and without ever promising monogamy. Since then, this system has been successfully replicated by thousands of men all over the world who read my blogs and books. It is this very system that you will learn in this book.

Today, my life looks very different from when I was the typical guy. At any given point in time, I am usually dating and having sex with at least three different women. Some are regular, some are sporadic. Some I really care about, and some are just friends with benefits. I don’t lie to any of these women about what I’m doing. All the women know I am not monogamous to them, yet they happily and eagerly keep dating me anyway. These women are not sluts or swingers. 95% of the women I’ve dated in these relationships over the last ten years have been normal, suburban, girl-next-door types who have always had typical monogamous boyfriend relationships in the past, and have never dated a nonmonogamous guy like me. I train them to learn how to accept, and in most cases enjoy these kinds of relationships. When you’re done with this book, you will know how to do the same thing.

In my relationships, I don’t have drama. I don’t have arguments. I don’t have demands, barking orders, or screaming matches. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve received any drama from any woman during any 12-month period. This is quite different from the typical guy with a wife or girlfriend who has to put up with woman-drama on a regular basis.

Drama, fighting, arguing, demands, cheating, ultimatums…these things are not a part of my existence. My relationship life is happiness, from start to finish. The women in my life are happy to be with me, and I’m happy to be with them… which is the way it should be.

If a relationship with one of these women ends, it’s not a problem. 94% of the women who leave me eventually come back. Sometimes it’s two months later, sometimes it’s two years later, but they always come back. I’ve dated so many women like this, I now have a large list of women who are constantly returning to me with minimal, and sometimes zero effort. If, for whatever reason, I want new women (and I usually don’t need any), I just execute the system I laid out my other books, The Ultimate Online Dating Manual and Get To Sex Fast, bring in some new women, plug them into my nonmonogamous relationship system, and I’m good to go.

I have sex whenever I want. I can have female companionship whenever I want. I can have love whenever I want. Yet, because I don’t have the typical, monogamous girlfriend I can still do whatever I want, just as if I was single. (Note: This changes slightly if you have an OLTR, one of the relationship types we’ll get to in a later chapter.)

I follow no woman’s orders, demands, or expectations. I do literally whatever I want with my life, whenever I want, and still have long-term women in my life I really care about. I can even be in love. It’s the best of both worlds.

Since I’ve tracked my entire woman life on spreadsheets for the last ten years, I can give you some very specific numbers regarding my success rates using this system.

•77% of every new woman I have sex with ends up becoming an ongoing relationship. A 77% success rate means 23% of women I have sex with the first time end up one-night-standing me. However, my 23% is far lower than most pick-up artists / players / Alphas out there. Most men teaching dating or pickup advice are experiencing numbers that are inverse of mine (i.e. 80% of women they have sex with, or more, are just one or two night stands, and only 20%, at best, become ongoing relationships).

•98% of every new woman I get to Lock-In (meaning I have sex with her twice) becomes an ongoing relationship. This is why my goal with a new woman is not to have sex with her once, but twice. (I show exactly how I do this in the book, Get To Sex Fast .)

•65% of women who get into an ongoing, nonmonogamous relationship with me stick with me for literally years; two years, three years, five years, six years, and sometimes longer. Multi-years-long nonmonogamous relationships are the norm for me. Sometimes these are consistent relationships. Other times women will come and go, often getting boyfriends and then coming back. My longest consistent nonmonogamous relationship (so far) was 5.5 years. My longest inconsistent nonmonogamous relationship (so far) is eight years. Note that these were all relationships where I did not live with the woman, by choice (those obviously tend to last longer).

•94% of women who leave me eventually come back to me. So whenever a woman leaves me, I’m not concerned. She’ll be back. We’ll be talking about exactly how to do that in great detail later.

It’s all pretty awesome. It’s a dream come true for me. It can be yours, too.

You may not want a lifestyle exactly like what I’m describing, and that’s fine. Perhaps you want to date six women all at once. Maybe you want a main girl who you love, and an occasional friend with benefits on the side. Maybe you just want a girlfriend who’s less of a pain in the ass. Maybe you are deeply in love and she wants to get married, and you’re unsure about what to do.

Whatever your objective is, I’m here to help, and maybe introduce some new options to you along the way that you may have never considered.

Let’s get started...

Chapter 2

THE RELATIONSHIP TYPES

One the biggest causes of problems in men’s relationships (incluiding monogamous ones) is men’s failure to both compartmentalize and understand the different categories of relationships there are. There are many different types of both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships, some covered by