Bridge Over Adversity: True Stories About Overcoming Personal Challenges

By Kevin Desrosiers

In Bridge Over Adversity, read the stories of 12 individuals who faced harrowing situations, major obstacles, and seemingly impossible hardships. You will hear about a woman who was trafficked, about people fighting addictions, health issues, and a soldier with PTSD from his time in Iraq, as well as stories about other sobering challeng

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bridge Over Adversity LLC
• Release date: Nov 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781737500612

Kevin Desrosiers

Kevin Desrosiers, in addition to being a first-time author, is a two-time Distinguished Toastmaster, which is the highest individual award you can earn from Toastmasters International. He has delivered live speeches to organizations in Australia, Canada, South Africa, and in various cities throughout the United States. Due to COVID-19 precautions, Kevin now offers virtual presentations as well as in-person appearances.Kevin worked in a corporate environment for 38 years in two industry-leading companies and saw both taken over by companies outside of the United States. He served as a mentor and coach for people throughout his career and still is working with over a dozen people to help guide them through career, life, and public-speaking challenges. He loves to continually challenge himself and others around him to continually improve themselves. One book that influences him will paint a better picture of who he is: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book was given to him as a gift when he received a promotion in 1991, and he has read or listened to it every year since then. In his spare time, Kevin is an avid nature photographer, focusing on birds, waterfalls, and other scenes. He also enjoys competitive table tennis, a good game of Texas Hold'em, and playing with his grandchildren.

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Preface

The inspiration for this book came mostly from my parents, Marian and Al Desrosiers. Later in life, my mother-in-law and father-in-law, Pilar and Porfirio Gurrola, also influenced me and reinforced the life lessons I had learned from my parents. Their life stories had several parallels and served as lessons and inspirations. Both my dad’s and father-in-law’s parents were immigrants. English was their second language. They also grew up in poverty and, through their hard work, broke the chain of poverty in their families.

My dad’s parents immigrated from Canada and settled in Central Falls, Rhode Island, where my dad was born. They lived in a poor community and spoke only French. In school, his classes were all taught in French until the eighth grade, when they started transitioning to English. He started working when he was in the seventh grade in a bowling alley as a pinsetter. My dad also had a paper route. After starting high school, he began working at the Clover Bead Jewelry Company.

At the end of his sophomore year, he did what most of his friends did—he dropped out of school. The jewelry company hired him full-time as a grinder. Eventually, he worked his way up to become a jewelry mold maker. In 1953, when he was 19, my dad enlisted in the Air Force. After basic training at Sampson Air Force Base, he transferred to Scott Air Force Base, where he met my mom. They married in 1955, and when he was discharged in 1957, they settled in St. Louis.

My dad started a job with McDonnell Aircraft Corporation as an electrical inspector. In 1957, I was born, and in 1959, my sister entered the world. It didn’t take long after that for my dad to realize that without a GED and college education, his career was not going to allow him to provide for our family the way he wanted to. He also knew that going to college while providing for a family at the same time would be difficult. His eligibility for the GI Bill was running out, so in 1961, he passed his GED exam and enrolled at Washington University to pursue his electrical engineering degree.

He worked full-time during the day and attended classes in the evenings. He also worked most Saturdays and Sundays to make ends meet. A year later, in order to get the classes he needed to graduate, my dad flipped his schedule, going to school full-time during the day and working full-time from 3 to 11 p.m. My sister and I did not see much of my dad during those four years as he sacrificed to create a better life for our family. In his absence, my mom was the glue that held the family together. She ensured my three-year-old sister and I received the attention we craved. My mom also took on added responsibility around the house so my dad could concentrate on his studies and work. In August 1965, my dad graduated with a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering.

My parents’ sacrifice and hard work paid off. McDonnell Aircraft promoted him to a position as a flight line engineer, and my dad’s career took off. The chain of poverty had been broken, and although we did not live an extravagant life, it was a comfortable middle-class life. My dad eventually went into engineering management, where he finished his career, and after 35 years at McDonnell Douglas, he retired at the age of 57.

My parents also taught us values and the importance of hard work, and put an emphasis on our education. We had household chores to do every week so we could earn an allowance and were encouraged to earn spending money in the neighborhood by babysitting, cutting grass, and shoveling snow. When we each turned 16, my sister and I were expected to get jobs. And even though my parents could have afforded it, when we went to college, we were expected to pay half the cost, either through loans or our earnings.

One lesson my dad taught me that I will never forget happened in my junior year of college. For the previous five years, I had been working in an independent grocery store, Southtown Bi-Rite. Back then, the pay was excellent, and I was making quite a bit more than my high school friends. One morning, my parents called to let me know they had just heard on the news that the store was on fire. When I arrived at the store, it was obvious it was a total loss. The owner told me he would rebuild but did not know a timeline.

I went to my parents’ house to tell them the news. I started playing the role of the victim and was feeling sorry for myself. My dad would not have any of it. He went on to tell me that the other independent grocery store, Garner’s, which was a block away from Bi-Rite, would see an increase in business and would need additional help. He said, Get over there and apply for a job right now. It was 7:30 in the morning and they hadn’t opened yet, but I knocked on the front door. The owner answered, and I said (with my dad’s coaching), I am sure you have heard by now that Bi-Rite has burned down. I worked there the past five years, stocking, checking, and running the front end. You will be seeing a lot of their customers and will need additional help to accommodate them. They will also appreciate seeing a familiar face. I am that person. He looked at me and said, What time can you start today? I told him my classes ended at 2:00 and I could start at 2:30. He said, Be here at 3:00. I worked there until Bi-Rite reopened. I left and returned to Bi-Rite without any interruptions in my employment.

The examples my parents set for us throughout our lives enabled my sister and me to face the obstacles that life has placed in front of us. Neither of us would be the people we are today without their love and guidance.

Even though my first wife and I divorced after 21 years of marriage, her parents, Pilar and Porfirio Gurrola, were this book’s second influence. In 1917, along with a large percentage of the Mexican population, Porfirio’s parents crossed the border from Mexico to escape the ravages of the Mexican Revolution. Food was scarce in Mexico, and at the time, crossing the border to live in the United States was not regulated. His dad found work in the copper mines in Morenci, Arizona, and his mom worked in the fields picking walnuts. Later that year, Porfirio was born.

His family moved to Mesa, Arizona, to pick cotton in 1920, then to Fillmore, California, in 1922. His family remained there until 1931. The Depression made work difficult to find, so they moved back to Zacatecas, Mexico. Porfirio was in the sixth grade at the time, and that turned out to be the last of his formal education.

When he turned 18 in 1935, Porfirio moved back to Fillmore by himself. His first job was picking oranges. With many immigrants in California, competition for jobs was fierce, even for picking oranges. It forced everyone, including Porfirio, to be better workers. This taught him a valuable lesson in life. He met Pilar Garcia during his time in the fields, and they married in 1941. In 1944 he was drafted to serve in the Marine Corps. Porfirio and Pilar already had two children, with a third on the way. Seven months later, the Marine Corps released him due to the birth of his third child. This was a pivotal event in his life. A short time after his return home, the rest of Porfirio’s company was sent to the South Pacific, where they all died at Iwo Jima.

Porfirio resumed picking oranges after the war, then started working at the local gas company as a pipelayer. In 1952, he changed careers again and went into construction, digging ditches, pouring cement, and doing other general construction work. By 1960, Porfirio and Pilar had nine children.

The family struggled to make ends meet and also encountered racial biases, making it difficult to move up socially. When they were old enough, a few of the children helped in the fields on weekends. Just like my parents, Porfirio and Pilar did whatever was necessary to give their children a better life. Despite speaking little English, they insisted their children learn and speak English. They placed an importance on education for all their children. All the children worked as soon as they were old enough, and the money they earned was used to support the family. Like my mom, Pilar was the glue that held the family together.

Although Porfirio and Pilar are no longer with us, their memory lives on in their nine children. They were taught life’s values, the importance of education, and the benefits of hard work. All nine have enjoyed happy lives and have passed those values down to their children.

Reflecting on how my parents and in-laws have inspired me, it is my desire to share these feelings of inspiration and hope. By adding my story about losing 100 pounds and the stories of 12 other people who have faced and overcome varying forms of severe adversity in their lives, there should be a success story and a bridge they each used over their adversity that you, the reader, can identify with. I hope one of these success stories will help you find and identify a bridge over the adversity in your life.

Introduction

We all face adversity throughout our lives. Are you currently experiencing challenges that are making your life, or the lives of loved ones, difficult? As you face these obstacles in life, how you deal with those roadblocks will have a major impact on your life.

How do you handle the obstacles in your life? Do you allow them to completely block the path you are on, or do you see them as springboards that will allow you to achieve bigger and better things? You do not have to like or enjoy encountering adversity in your life, but you do need to develop a process for dealing with it when it rears its ugly head.

If you want to achieve your goals in life and realize your dreams, you will have to overcome some degree of adversity. Achieving almost anything worthwhile in life means you will have to overcome obstacles or find an alternative path around the obstacle. Adversity is one of the most powerful forces you will encounter in life. It can either make you or break you. In the end, the choice is yours.

Life will give you obstacles to overcome on a continual basis, small and large. They will never stop. Just when you finish overcoming your most recent obstacle, or even before you have overcome it, another one appears. How you bridge over this continual succession of adversity will define you as a person. Adversity plays a key role in your personal growth. Without it, you will stagnate as a person.

Adversity does not discriminate either. It will find you whether or not you are successful in life. Obstacles will appear in the lives of rich people, poor people, and everyone in between. Regardless of your race, religion, or ethnicity, adversity will find you. It does not care what gender you are. Does adversity hit some people harder than others? Most definitely. But some people who have faced severe adversity in their lives come out stronger and better. Other people have faced small obstacles and let them destroy their lives.

We hear about rich and famous people who overcome adversity in their lives just about every day, usually when they are trying to sell us something. But people just like you and me have overcome adversity as well. That is why this book focuses on people we can identify with and gain hope from.

Bridge Over Adversity is a collection of true stories from people who have not only survived catastrophe but risen above. I will share these tales of harrowing situations, major losses, and impossible obstacles as well as the firsthand accounts of what was necessary to overcome it all. You will hear the stories of 12 individuals who have met with severe challenges in their lives. You will read about a woman who was trafficked, about people fighting addictions, and a soldier with PTSD from his time in Iraq, as well as stories about other sobering challenges.

I did not know any of the 12 individuals you will read about before I started writing the book. The process started by sending an email to some close friends, asking them if they knew people who had faced and overcome a group of adversities I listed. After being introduced to several people, I identified 12 people’s stories that resonated with me and encompassed a wide range of challenges. We talked via Zoom multiple times until we were comfortable with each other before discussing their stories in depth. Only then did we proceed.

Writing these stories was an emotional process. Some of the people I interviewed found these conversations therapeutic. It was their first time telling anyone about some of the details they divulged. Many times throughout the process, we had to stop and compose ourselves before continuing. We shared both tears and laughter. By the end of each interview, I was emotionally drained, so much so that I could not do two interviews in one day and usually needed a few days in between interviews to recover. In the end, we developed a bond that will last the rest of our lives.

Because they bared their souls to me, before anyone else saw their chapters, they were first sent a copy so they could verify what I had written and have an opportunity to have second thoughts and remove any items too sensitive to share with the rest of the world. Most of them made some sort of correction or deletion. Only after this process occurred did I send a copy to my editor for editing.

They were also given the option to use a pseudonym, but everyone elected to use their own name. The names of a few of the people in their stories were changed to protect them, but none of the details were altered.

Everyone you will read about was able to overcome these adversities in their lives. You will learn about the common things they did that kept them mired in their problems as well as the common traits they shared that allowed them to bridge over their adversity. My mission is to use these stories, from people you can identify with, to give you a road map to overcome the adversities in your life, no matter how large or small.

If you are tired of life’s challenges detracting from your happiness, this book will give you the tools you need to meet the challenges life throws your way. People really can and do grow and prosper from their adversity.

If you or someone close to you is facing challenges in life, this book will give you hope—and a blueprint—to bridge over your adversity.

Chapter 1

My Story

Inspired by my parents and in-laws, I was able to overcome my own adversity in life. On March 17, 2018, I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I knew my weight had been going up because my clothes were no longer fitting, but I did not know how much. To say I was shocked when I read the number on the scale, 288.6, is an understatement. It scared me.

My doctor already had me on blood pressure medication. Every day after work, my legs and feet were in pain. Going up a flight of stairs or walking a moderate distance had me huffing and puffing. Several times a night, I woke up gasping for air because I had stopped breathing. Once or twice a week, I experienced acid reflux so bad while sleeping that I had to sit up for 20 to 30 minutes while the burning in my throat subsided. Physically, I was a wreck.

I was one month from the early retirement I had always dreamed of and was not in a condition where I could enjoy it. Throughout my career, I saw several of my coworkers retire, then a year or two later, I found myself attending their funerals. I did not want to be that person and knew that I had to do something. Throughout the years, I had tried many diets and was successful for a short time but always regained the weight and then some. This time, it had to be different.

We read in self-help books or hear from motivational speakers that you need to find your why. On this day, I found my why. I did not want to become a statistic. There were too many things to live for. I had a wonderful wife and family that I wanted to spend time with. As an avid nature photographer, I wanted to travel and artistically capture that beauty. I was very active in Toastmasters and wanted to continue that journey. I wanted to learn how to cook, not just barbecue. I enjoyed competitive table tennis and Texas Hold’em. And, of course, I wanted to write this book. None of that would have been possible if my health had continued on its path. My why, simply stated, was change or become that person who retires and a short time later dies.

The first step was eating healthier (at least what I thought was healthier) and signing up for a fitness boot camp. I was having moderate success, and by the first of the year, I had lost 30 pounds. It was a good start. My eating and exercise habits were changing and heading in the right direction.

But at that point, I hit the proverbial brick