How To Farewell Your Ex

By Deepanwita Chakraborty

The book talks about the ups and downs one suffers while trying to get over the person who was once a lover. It highlights very important questions that remain unanswered because we as humans find ourselves in an awkward position to ask it. When a confused mind tries the best to find solace it looks up for quick solutions. The brain rather than focusing on a long-term healing process, which takes time to bring a visible effect, starts its journey for short-term options. Even though such options show quick results but do not last long. How the Confused mind be brought in track? How to Heal? You need to open your mind and of course open this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ukiyoto
• Release date: Oct 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005448011

Book preview

Preface

I will keep this brief and simple. This book has been written with the sole motive to act as a support for the one who feel lonely after a break-up. The difficulty to cope and the hope to bring happiness to the heart seems like a long journey. I just want to make that journey short.

I know break-up hurts. I have been through it. Not able to open up is one of the biggest issue. But don’t worry dear. This book will be your closest friend and make you stand strong.

I want your smile back on your face. So, bring your coffee mug, some snacks and let’s start.

Chapter 1: What About The Farewell

"There is always a sadness about packing, I guess you wonder if where you’re going is as good as where you’ve been."

-Richard Proenneke

Farewell! Means Party Time?

When I look back to my school days, life seemed easy in every way. However, it felt super tough then, to deal with all the hurdles. Hurdles like my crush being the boyfriend of a hottie in front of whom I looked like some dumb shit. So much did I tried to be the sexy, moody, savage girl, but ended up being a D.U.F.F. (Google it). Short skirts, puff on top of the head, a loosened tie, and Voila! The Queen was ready for school. Yes, Queen of the monkey species from the forest of Madagascar. The hatred burning inside my tummy and causing acidity for seeing girls having a boyfriend was unbearable. Holding hands in the lunch break and me, just staring and starving for it. Did that ever happen to you? Don’t nod side by side dear. I know it happened to you too. In addition to that, I will not miss the opportunity to tell that I know another thing about you. In the dream of that happiness you were starving for, you unknowingly found yourself caught in a relationship with a smug with spikes emerging out of his brainless head. ‘Everybody has but I don’t’ is that line that can initiate a person to make the most horrible decisions. But then boom! The Decision is taken, the spike guy is already 50-50 yours. But then after dating him for a period of time you found yourself crying for him. Why? Because the breakup happened. That’s how you experienced your first full-stop. A full-stop is what separates lines. Lines of the lives. It is very important to have a hold on it, but the emotions deliver that, free of cost, to the other person. However, during then these thoughts never occurred in your head. All you were on hold was the middle finger for the Ex and a bag full of mess for yourself.

That end of a relationship was the beginning of a whole lot of chaos welcomed into your life. You do say to yourself that you will never date again. But is it anywhere close to being stated as true? The time when you started considering yourself as the Illuminati, is the time when all the fucked up shit happened to you. Don’t worry that fucked up stuff ends anyway. After all, nobody likes it.

The first aspect is each time you get into a relationship you start considering it to be precious. Considering it precious is not the problem. The hassle is ignoring yourself and continuing a relationship that you shouldn’t have said ‘yes’ in the first place. While you are reading this, I bet you are in a stage where you want to bye-bye your Ex but stuck somewhere. So, technically you should be happy cause the bad part is over. My dear reader, you don’t need to hate or curse your Ex as I am right here to do that for you. What you need to do is to take a seat and keep on reading because I am going to bring you out of this hellhole called breakup pain.

WHAT IS THIS FAREWELL ALL ABOUT?

A relationship is the most loving engagement between two people. But sometimes it doesn’t come out the way you desired it to be. It is not because someone is bad or wrong. There is no need to blame someone if a relationship doesn’t work out. It is to understand that the spike guy was just not compatible with you. Later on, you may encounter him in a happy state of mind with some other girl. It may annoy you because that happiness may lead you to a search for where your relationship with him lacked. Then starts the fault-finding. When the thoughts of two people are contradictory, and the relationship ended, it is not a bad thing that happened. It was necessary, but what isn’t is the blame game. When it is over and you have chosen to separate then why put your energy into negativity? You may be wondering that I am being stupid for asking you to choose the option of silence whilst all you want is to punch your Ex. Ok, you punched your Ex. Now what? Did you heal? I don’t think so. That is because the question is how to liberate your happiness and not how to become a WWE Champion. I won’t lie for the thought of punching the Ex does feel good but it is temporary. There is no benefit in making things ugly. When two people depart it comes in two ways. The right way, when the couple discusses it thru and choose to end the relationship. The incorrect (easy) way is the ugly battle where two people get themselves into a dirty mud-fight (not literally but it is almost the same) to ruin each other’s life. The result nevertheless will remain the same, that is, the departure. There was a time you and your spike guy were deep in love and now the allegations on each other leave a bitter memory. Whenever you will walk down your memory lane you will feel disappointment mixed with sadness, anger, irritation, and also that grumpy face you make while thinking about it. That’s the side effects. While all the rage is acting upon you, you forget that the responsibility of yours is to keep yourself happy. That is what will take you forward in your life. Choosing to spoil your Ex’s life will just take you far and further away from being a happy person. Spoiling does not have to be in the literal sense, it can be just a negative thought targeted towards your ex that is coming into your mind again and again subsequently wasting your energy. Putting all those efforts into something that will not give you any result. So, why not choose the other way? The Farewell. Well, it doesn’t mean the 12th standard school farewell with some utter shitty dance and fights for buffet food. It means to let go when you understand that it will not work out. It does sound cliché but it works. You may prefer an opportunity to choke your Ex, knock him down or maybe kick his ass. The rage will still keep on affecting you because it is not what you actually want. What you want is to go back to him. Well, this situation comes because you loved him. But what is stopping you? Maybe the ‘reason’ for the breakup. The clash between your emotions is giving rise to rage and you just want to knock him down. I will let you know how to get over it. What you need to do is to keep yourself reminding the reason for the departure every time you think to go back to him. If the reason is something that holds ‘Dead end’ as an answer, then you should not opt to go back to him. A small span of sadness would be better than sticking yourself into a fruitless relationship forever. I was at a stage in my life when I thought that it is impossible to overcome. If I tell you about me, my last break-up, it was one fine evening when I asked my Ex about whether or not there is some future in our relationship. It was not the first time I asked him and it was not the first time he said ‘No’. Those vague statements he made of togetherness which I was holding on to as hope and repeating them to myself just faded away in a blink. It felt like a fist full of sand, sparkling like gold, sneaked out of my hand while I remained unheard and untold. Unknown to all the breathing souls on earth, love has it’s own Karma cycle. His statement of rejection came out from his mouth without a second thought. Completely resembles puke, smelly, and all at once, on my face. It felt like he was ever ready with an answer. It broke my heart to hear that but things became clear. When there is no future, why to keep on giving my heart and soul to it. The first few days were the worst. I was unable to believe what just happened. The person I loved the most shut me down on my face. Back then, all I wanted was to slap him. That was my genuine feeling but then I thought does he even deserve it. All of my time investing in hating him while he just walked away. When after a two-year-long relationship a man can say ‘No’ on my face, then he was never into the relationship. It was me alone. It was me wasting my emotions then, and again it is me wasting my emotions now. A simple question Does he worth it? changed my thought for what I was putting myself into. It was not that I overcame pain the very next day and I was some new person and sort of stuff. I was hurt, brutally and the pain was piercing my heart. Even though all of these were going on I chose to be silent. That is because he doesn’t worth my attention. I went to work, came back home, cried a lot, and then again, the next day got ready for work. That was my routine for the next few months. Yes, it was difficult, but I knew whom I love more and that will always be me. It is useless to choose rage as an answer when it will just pull you down. Move towards the brighter side. You got your life and it has a purpose. Find that purpose. Getting yourself all hooked with your ex will not let you move on. It will not happen in one day but will definitely not take forever. You had been blissful when you haven’t met him and you can be joyous when he is not there now. So, farewell your ex. Don’t want to? Why? Because of the ‘I loved him so much’ feeling staring at you? Don’t worry. Keep reading. You will find the answers. The chapters are waiting for your eyes to be on them.

"I say good-bye,

Not by my words,

Nor will I explain by my act.

You will just feel the absence."

Chapter 2: The Love Factor

"Love is always mutual, reflective."

-Swami Vivekananda

Will always love you… Wait. What!

When we enter into a relationship it is because the person has something in him that we admire. We choose to be with that person because there is a feeling of love and security developing into it. Sometimes the departure takes place because the jigsaw puzzle called relationship just don’t get solved. In that case, the brain remains confused and keeps on poking you with tricky questions that become difficult to answer.

The option to break up has already been taken. Now the thought of whether you love him or not doesn’t make any sense. It is like choking yourself in thoughts to which you don’t have an answer. A breakup doesn’t mean you have to un-love the individual you cherished being with because the hard truth is you can’t. So, trying it is useless.

We, humans, are complicated beings. Our