A Light from Within: Inspirational Poems of a Child’s Struggle Through Trauma

By Nikki Kelly

After she was adopted into a loving family in the seventies, Nikki Kelly still struggled to belong. The internal conflict between her biological roots and her adopted family left her with a plethora of emotions and an inability to trust. As she did her best to endure her challenges, no one knew that Nikki was harboring dark secrets. It was not until she turned seventeen that she finally felt strong enough to release them, seek justice, and ultimately find a light from within.

In a compilation of poetry shared to inspire those who can relate and open the eyes of those who cannot, Nikki reflects on the struggles, frustrations, and ups and downs of her childhood trauma that included adoption, dyslexia, sexual assault, and PTSD. Each of her poems express a child’s desire to belong, to be heard, and most importantly, to succeed despite her seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

A Light from Within is a raw volume of poems that explores the journey of an adoptee as she navigates through a variety of challenges that test her courage, strength, and perseverance.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 19, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665523615

Nikki Kelly

Author Bio Nikki Kelly was born and adopted in the early 70’s. During a time when adoption was not only rarely talked about, but also very misunderstood. Though growing up in a loving family Nikki struggled to belong. The internal conflict between biological and adopted families left Nikki with a plethora of emotions and an inability to trust. In school Nikki struggled with reading, writing, comprehension and focus. At a very young age she learned to compensate, just to get by. However, as time went on hiding and compensating became a challenge, so she started to act out. Then just as she felt all hope was lost, that she’d never succeed a teacher took an interest. At 17, Nikki had had enough, it was finally time to come forward. Secrets that she had been keeping for years, she finally had the strength to release. She struggled with what to say, how to tell and who, but ultimately knew what she needed to do. She gathered everything she possibly could, afraid she wouldn’t be believed, and went to the police to make a report. While her friends sat in High School Government, she sat in a courtroom learning first hand about the law. She missed homecoming, many parties and senior prom. She may not know who was crowned king or queen that year, but she will never forget the pride she had, getting justice for her violent sexual assault. Nikki is a “tomboy”, fun-loving, outgoing and always laughing, joking and smiling. She knows she is who she is because of the struggles that she has been through, and though she would never choose to do them again, she wouldn’t change them either. It is her struggle that make her strong. Nikki is a USN Seabee disabled Veteran. After, her discharge from the Navy she returned to school earning a degree in interpreting for the hearing impaired. Nikki lives in Michigan with her husband of 26 years and two adult daughters. Nikki loves spending time with her friends and family and she loves the water.

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© 2021 Nikki Kelly. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/05/2021

ISBN: 978-1-6655-2357-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-2360-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-2361-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021920690

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Adoption

Perspectives

Through Adopted Eyes

A Not so Happy Birthday

Explanations

A Bond That Can’t Be Severed

Not the Same

Hole in My Heart

Something’s Missing

Searching to Belong

Missing Pieces

Identity Search

Wondering

Adopted Confusion

The Adoption Gap

Growing Up and Moving On

A Book of Confusion

The Adoption Puzzle

School

Mistaken Assumptions

Unseen Struggles

Getting By

Challenges

Falling through the Cracks

If They Only Knew

A Teacher Who Cared

School Dazed

Dyslexia

Dyslexic Pride

A Look into Me

A Challenging Path to Success

A Rise through Guided Failure

My Keeper

A Guiding Light

Sexual Assault

A Pedophile’s Deception

Awake in the Night

Lost and Confused

Secret Scars

Stolen Innocence

Night Creeper

A Lost Little Girl

The Wrong Kid

Rooming with Monsters

Misunderstanding Why

Moving On

Breaking Free

Finding Fault

Victim Talk

It’s Time

Listen

You Were Wrong Too

My Story

The Light within a Pedophile’s Storm

A Survivor’s Story

PTSD and Miscellaneous Emotions

The Tour

If Anyone Cares

Misdirected Apologies

K. A. R.

The Me No One Can See

Never Enough

Pain Reliever

Dreaming

Forgotten

A PTSD Wonderland

Help!

Changing History

A Toy Box of Emotions

Trash Day

Looking Back

Healing

Undefined

To Kathy Ryan

For seeing in me what no one

else did. For believing in me

and teaching me to believe in myself. For showing me the

strength I had inside and how to properly direct it. For the

countless talks and lessons learned, and for always being my

Keeper.

Adoption

If my life was a book, it would have the wrong

cover and start with chapter 2.

Perspectives

Today is so hard for me,

Just having to let you go.

It is the best choice, you see,

Made from love, I hope you know.

A part of me I can’t keep.

Loving, missing, mourning you.

Nights, crying myself to sleep,

Questioning What did I do?

I love and miss you so.

This time has been a pleasure.

They will tell you so you know.

Now you are theirs to treasure.

*

Today’s a great day for me,

Finally bringing you home.

We’ve waited so long, you see.

Now you’re here, we’re not alone.

We have tried and tried to conceive.

Depressed, looking for options,

Then it’s you we receive.

A precious gift, adoption.

We will love you, hold you tight,

This special gift from above.

We will teach you wrong from right,

Show you how much you are loved.

*

Today’s confusing to me.

I don’t know where I belong.

One mom full of joy I see.

For the other I still long.

I know I’m