Little Miss Obsessive

By Rachel Louise Finn

Sequel to The Girl In The Red Coat, Little Miss Obsessive is the next poetry journey of a borderline girl trying to survive a black and white world in any way that she can.

She lost herself in obsession to escape her pain.


Even for years before this, Little Miss Obsessive had been attaching herself to men she knew without a doubt were unavailable and unattainable because that was the only way to avoid more genuine pain and trauma.

There's a fine line between love and lies.

Sometimes you'll do anything to stay alive even if it means you embarrass yourself crazily chasing after a guy you know will never chase you back (not that you really wanted him to)

Little Miss Obsessive couldn't get him out of her head and it only caused more problems... but it was safer than the road she'd travelled to get there.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rachel Louise Finn
• Release date: Oct 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201808969

Book preview

RACHEL LOUISE FINN

Trigger Warning.

This book touches upon some triggering themes, including;

self harm

suicide

depression

abuse

Please look after yourself and practice self care if you are affected by any of these things.

lovesick

adjective

adjective: lovesick; adjective: love-sick

in love, or missing the person one loves, so much that one is

unable to act normally.

eg; you're mooning around like some lovesick teenager

People with BPD often experience intense attachment to a single person: who then can determine mood, identity, and self worth. They are known as a Favourite Person.

Many would look at you and say you are obsessed with this person.

Escapism is a way of attempting to make negative feelings disappear, without doing the necessary work in order to heal. As a result, you now may be retreating into a fantasy world or simply daydreaming your life away.

Now add these two things together...

preface

★ LITTLE MISS OBSESSIVE was trapped in a borderline world. No shades of grey, only black and white all around her. She was a traumatised girl who had grown through many heartaches but hadn’t really grown at all.

The symptoms of borderline personality disorder include emotional instability, disturbed patterns of thinking or perception, impulsive behaviour and intense, unstable relationships with others

Little Miss Obsessive felt all of this and more. She felt like nobody could understand her. She was so twisted up and hadn’t processed any of her past, moving from one day to the next in a sea of emotional agony, swimming and swimming against the tide but never getting any closer to shore.

She went from being completely alone to being part of a big group. She had never really had friends like these before and then she was thrown in the deep end and she turned to distractions in the form of people. Parties and alcohol. Friends and boys. Love, though she knew it wasn’t real, deep down, but it was better to feel pretend heartbreak than real trauma.

Though of course you cannot escape your past forever. It was constantly bleeding through the cracks in the wall she had put up around her all along, even if she never fully realised it.

JUST AS THE GIRL IN the red coat used to lose herself in fantasy worlds that would blend into reality, so did Little Miss Obsessive... on a larger, scarier scale that felt so out of control she was powerless to stop it.

The Girl In The Red Coat had become Little Miss Obsessive... and these are the love songs she left behind.

If I Sit & I Smile

What is the point of even carrying on?

You hit the ground hard every time you fall.

Lying on your back watching the clouds gather overhead.

Peering through the darkness, remembering every word that was said.

It doesn’t matter how slow you walk,

It doesn’t matter how quiet people talk,

And is there any point in living when living hurts so bad?

Is there any way I can get up, move on and not be sad?

If I sit and I smile then nobody will see

All of the anger and the pity dwelling inside of me.

If I stand up and run and shout then everyone around,

Will turn away and not see my world is tumbling down.

I’ll walk around like I’m in a bad dream,

And I’ll sit in silence, stare at the floor, and they won’t see.

I’ll look around me with my pale blue eyes

And wish I could do more than just sit and cry.

If I sit and I smile then nobody will notice

That I have no life inside of me, only this pain.

I wonder if there’s any point in even carrying on,

As I look around and see people who look so strong.

Carrying on with their lives as though everything’s bright,

It’s all I can do just to see a tiny bit of light.

Nothing seems worth it anymore, nothing seems right,

I wake up every day thinking of it as just another fight.

I’m losing this battle and I need to just give in,

If I have to go much longer there’s no way I’m going to win.

I’m moving closer to the edge,

Closer to the breakdown.

I see no good times up ahead,

Can I just give in and lie down?

If I sit and I smile nobody will know.

So I’ll sit and I’ll smile, the world will be my show.

All These Feelings

What have I told you little girl?

I remember we’ve been here before.

Screaming at the world and slamming doors.

You don’t ask for help so everyone ignores the truth.

They don’t see how hard you cry,

They don’t understand no matter how hard you try

To make them see.

It feels stronger than it did before.

How much more of this are we in for?

Will this last forever and a day?

You don’t want to step out of your front door,

Curl up on the sofa, staring at the walls.

You don’t understand why you feel this way,

All these feelings make you want to run away.

If you stopped and thought things through

You would realise just what you have to do.

I can’t make you see that you need to get help,

You need to figure that out for yourself.

Every time you get back inside

The tears roll down like shards of ice.

You walk with your eyes stuck to the ground,

You’re a little lost soul, nowhere to be found.

Nobody knows just how hard you cry

When you just can’t get to sleep at night.

Nobody knows how to make you smile,

I just wish you could see your life is worthwhile.

It’s hit you stronger than it did before.

I wonder just how much we’re in for.

I hope one day this all just goes away.

Tears stream down your face as you sit in the pouring rain.

The cold wind blows and slaps you in the face.

You’re never going to smile again, never gonna breathe

But please don’t give in to your urge to leave.

★ Little Miss Obsessive was still that little girl, walking school hallways alone, walking streets by herself, walking through life like a ghost.

Pushing the pain away, her brain switched and found her something different to obsess over, to feel.

Attaching herself to a person seemed, to her subconscious mind, easier than keeping her thoughts on the feelings she’d grown up shrouded in, that she was still living in at home, that burned at her flesh and begged to be let out.

So she attached and she obsessed and she cried about her ‘broken heart’ and she acted irrationally and came off a little crazy to those around her... but it was still better.

Better than slicing her skin open over cruel words and torment.

Little Miss Obsessive was out of school so she should be happy, right?

Trouble was, everything was still bubbling beneath the surface, hiding inside her under the guise of obsessive attachments.

You can run from the past but it always finds you.

Will You Rescue Me?

Baby you’re an actor , you remember all your lines

But when it comes to me you seem to forget them every time.

I’m stuck in my black and white life, repeating history

I know what goes on in your head and you know that I see.

We play our roles a little too well and settle for what we want,

Maybe you and I have forgotten what we need.

So set the stage,

I’ll turn the page,

And we’ll make history.

Discard our parts,

Follow our hearts

And make our lives complete.

Be the hero,

Take the lead,

And step into my scene.

I’m the damsel in distress

Will you rescue me?

Sitting in my castle in the scene where I am caught

Dreaming of a white knight  who’ll come in to take a shot.

This is it now, it’s your moment, step up to the mark.

The camera’s on and everyone’s watching so don’t tear me apart.

So set the stage,

I’ll turn the page,

And we’ll make history.

Discard our parts,

Follow our hearts

And make our lives complete.

Be the hero,

Take the lead,

And step into my scene.

I’m the damsel in distress

Will you rescue me?

When this play is over, will you remember our scene?

The one where I stood in front of you and you looked back at me?

I cried and you pulled me to you, tried to calm me down,

I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t around.

When it comes to the end of our scene, the end of our show,

Please tell me that you’ll speak the truth, that you’ll let me know.

Leaning out the window, I stare down at you

And your eyes stare right back up into mine.

Let my tangled hair down, climb up to my tower

And save me from the walls that cage me in.

So set the stage,

I’ll turn the page,

And we’ll make history.

Discard our parts,

Follow our hearts

And make our lives complete.

Be the hero,

Take the lead,

And step into my scene.

I’m the damsel in distress

Will you rescue me?

One More Song

Today I found out you were coming back.

I really wasn’t prepared for anything like that.

I’d gotten used to not