Ohh! Gods Are Online

By Rashma Kalsie & George Dixon

Ohh ! Gods Are Online..
is a surreal novel co-authored by two writers who have
never met. The story was neither contrived nor planned;
it was allowed to flow.
What if the Gods were living in the midst of mankind?
What if the Gods were as confused about life’s meaning
as humans?
What if the Gods were addicted to social
media?
Ohh ! Gods Are Online.. probes life’s questions as Christ, Krishna, Nick,
Buddy Roy and all the bigger and smaller Gods get chatting online.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Srishti Publishers
• Release date: Jun 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9789380349947

Book preview

SRISHTI PUBLISHERS & DISTRIBUTORS

N-16, C. R. Park

New Delhi 110 019

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First published by

Srishti Publishers & Distributors in 2013

Copyright © Rashma N. Kalsie and George Dixon, 2013

The author asserts the moral right to be identifited as the author of this work.

Typeset by EGP at Srishti

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publishers.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Dedication

I dedicate my first book to my parents, who struggled to domesticate me, till they realized it was an exercise in futility, and then became my biggest support system.

–Rashma

I dedicate this book to my children and to my wife who I love immensely. To my Father, who is now living in his own personal Heaven and to my Mother who is still in this world although, I am sure has some sort of influence on the Gods in their worlds.

–Phil Cherry

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Rashma

I am grateful to the teams at Srishti for believing in the story and the ‘worlds’ we created. I am also grateful to Phil Cherry, the co-author of my debut novel, for putting up with my autocratic behaviour. But for him half the book wouldn’t have been written. My salaams to Jehanara and her editorial team for giving the book the finish it lacked when it was handed over to them for editing. A special mention of Dr. Bharat Gupt, a mentor and a friend, who has helped me come to my own as a writer and a playwright. It will be unbecoming to not acknowledge my husband who has paid my bills for many years in the hope that I will write a best seller some day. And last of all an express of gratitude to my friend and teacher, Karen Phebe, who gave me a constructive feedback and to Ken, for telling me I had what it takes to be a successful writer.

Phil Cherry

I am very grateful to the teams at Srishti for having faith in the story and the rippling worlds of the Gods that myself and my co-author have created in our story. I am also extremely lucky to have met my co- author over the internet and I am grateful to her for pushing me when I was at a low ebb, so as to get this novel completed. She is a bully when it comes to my laziness and I feel that without her hard work, not only on the writing side but also in the fact that she kept me fascinated with the script, that this novel would never have been finished. My thanks also go out to Jehanara and her team who gave the work the polish that it needed. I also wish to thank my wife for her ongoing faith in me as I typed away on my own in another room and left her alone to get on with the domestic part of our existence. So many other people have had faith in me and I thank them too, especially the ones that have bought my other published works. It seems that I have a little following and I am happy that people appreciate what I have contributed towards the written word. I also hope that anyone who reads this work feels that they too have a story to tell and that this small work helps to enable them to write it.

CONTENTS

CHRIST

KRISHNA

SUNDERAMAN

THE FRIEND REQUEST

A LOVE STORY

JOANA

CASUALTY OF WAR

ARRIVAL

AFSAL

ALMA

SHINY

GODS TOGETHER

DR. AMARJEET

MIRACLE FLIGHT

FARAWAY ISLAND IN EAST

CHAN AND JO LEE

MERMAID AND RADHA

THE RETURN OF KRISHNA

BABA SOMDEV

ALMA MATTER, IN NICK OF TIME

RAJU

NICK’S SPEEL

THE PATH OF BUDDHA

LEGGY AND ALMA

THE MAGICAL SPELL

YASHODA’S FALL

YOUNG BILLY

SUNDERAMAN’S REWARD

THE BETRAYAL

GODS UNITED

SHINY FINDS HER SELF

A FLOWER

JAYWICK

A DOG’S LIFE

A QUESTION OF FAITH

JAYWICK, KINGDOM OF HELL

REVELATIONS

GODS REUNITED

LIGHT AND DARK

WINDOWS, TO VERY SOUL OF LIFE

GOD AND HIS MOTHER

PARTY ON

ROSE

OHH! GODS ARE ONLINE..

GLOSSARY OF HINDI, SANSKRIT, MALYALAM, MARATHI WORDS

CHRIST

It was warm here. Warm and wet, in a nice way though. The new life had been cooking gently in the moisture that protects this new life for some time now. It had grown naturally, fed from the moisture that had been provided. It grew, and as it grew, it aged, unknowing that it was in fact growing bigger by the minute.

This was nature’s way of course and no one questioned it. The new life was by now big enough to break free from its confines. It was time it ‘branched out on its own’, thought the new life force. It started to attack its surroundings even though it was these very surroundings that had protected it for so long.

The Hen bird looked down at the clutch of eggs and she was happy to see the first of her clutch breaking out of its shell. In her own way the Hen bird smiled as she watched the shell being broken open little by little. She did not interfere with this little struggle as it was a lesson to the new bird that life would not be an easy ride.

It was a fine female fledgling and the Hen bird was happy with the first of her clutch. Over time the rest of the clutch were born. All were nursed and fed and as they grew they eventually became independent and flew off to make their way in life, to continue the ebb and flow of the seagull community. Sometime later, the first of the clutch, who had been enjoying this new life, had an encounter with a fishing net and as she became ensnared, her wing was broken. The little seagull sat on the beach and stared out at the sea, wondering why she could not fly off and how long it would take for Death to claim her. As she waited, she sat and shivered, as she watched the approaching figures.

Clacton-on-Sea, that little English seaside village, just down the way from Frinton-on-Sea. Here the sands were beautiful and so was the view of the sea itself. Many people came down here for the relaxing hobby of sea fishing. One God had even made this haven his own, although he had made sure that his little haven was one second removed from the real Clacton-on-Sea (so as in a different dimension) and as such was his own Heaven. Here he could walk between Worlds. One second he could be in his own personal Heaven and the next, he could be in the real world. This was how he liked it.

It was on a glorious Monday morning that the Christ stood on the beach with his rod’s handle buried in the sand as he watched the line on the end of his rod bob up and down in the sea. He watched in the hope that he might ensnare a fish at the end of his fishing line.

This is truly Heaven, thought he.

Jesus Christ, or Chris as he liked to be known these days, stood about 6 feet tall. He appeared to be about 30 years of age. He was skinny with long-flowing black hair that reached down to his shoulders. He also had a full-face beard. He wore a denim shirt and jeans on this day, with his feet in a pair of garish yellow sandals. In short, the tall chap looked very much like a hippy. He did though have inviting eyes and a warm friendly smile. When you spoke to Chris, you always walked away with a feeling of warmth and a smile on your face.

As he fished, Chris noticed out of the corner of his eye that a small figure was approaching. This figure turned out to be a young child of around six years of age and he looked very scared.

Hello, said the young child shyly as he neared Chris. Chris smiled warmly and radiated warmth as he looked down.

Hello, he said in return.

What are you doing? asked the boy.

Why, I am fishing, my boy, came the happy reply.

I have lost my parents, said the little boy who then burst into tears.

Chris smiled sadly as he knew what had happened. At that moment a seagull swooped at his line and he said excitedly. Hey, did you see that? I think we have a bite. As he said it, he grabbed a hold of the fishing rod and began trying to real in his catch.

Help me boy, grab a hold, we must try to real this one in. The little lad was now as excited as Chris and all his worries were lost to him for a moment as he too held onto the fishing rod and the two of them began to real home the catch.

Look at the size of it, smiled Chris.

It’s a big fish, said the little boy, smiling broadly, as they both hauled with all their combined might. As they hauled, tugged, and sweated, eventually the fish was brought onto the beach. Chris looked down at the boy and said, Here, place your foot on its back as I bash its brains out. The small boy watched in wonder as he held down the fish with his foot and Chris bashed it on the head with a big stick. The fish stopped wriggling as the life went out of it and then Chris picked it up and smiled. There, what do you think of that then? he asked.

The little boy burst into tears, You killed it! It was a beautiful fish and you killed it!

It was and still is a beautiful fish, young man, and it will be a beautiful supper for us. You see, God moves in mysterious ways and one of his wonders is how we must feed ourselves. This fish was sent from the Gods above so as it can be our supper. So we won’t waste it and we will praise the Gods for our bounty today.

The little boy looked on in wonder and then continued to cry and asked for his parents. My boy, Chris sought to comfort him, your parents are both in tears about their loss too. They have lost their son and they will not see him again for some years, because he has now gone to Heaven.

Is this Heaven then? asked the boy.

It is one version, and it is a happy place. We will go along to the chip shop and ask for our fish to be cooked and all the other little children will be happy to eat it.

But I want to see my parents, said the lad.

You can look in on them from time to time, my boy. They will not see you, although I am sure that they will feel your presence.

It’s not fair, said the little boy.

No, it’s not really, it really isn’t but you will be well cared for here. And one day you will be reunited with your family.

Chris then smiled warmly at the little boy and took hold of his hand. The boy felt the warmth and love emanating from Chris’s hand and they then walked together along the beach. Chris explained all the wonders that were to come and the young boy began to smile a little.

It is quite nice here lad, said Chris, here you will encounter all kinds of things, it can be wonderful for a boy such as yourself. Here you will meet new friends of your own age and you can have any number of adventures. You can explore caves, fly kites, ride horses and bikes, climb trees, why you can even fish if you like. This is a wonderful place and it will help you recover from your loss as you travel on your own personal journey. Chris continued talking to the boy as they walked and he seemed to brighten up a little.

As they walked somewhat further along the beach, Chris spotted a young seagull chick that was caught up in some old fishing lines.

Chris pointed it out and said, Look at that young bird there, chap.

It looks hurt, said the boy, It looks as if it has a broken wing. The two of them wandered over to the bird and Chris picked it up. He studied the bird’s wing and after a moment or two’s fussing, he nurtured it back to where it should be.

There, said Chris, Everything is right again. He then placed the bird down onto the sandy beach. They both stood and watched as the seagull flew off into the sky.

That is a small wonder to behold my boy, said Chris. He then looked down towards the small chap and smiled.

Chips, chap? he asked.

Yes please, returned the boy. Chris was happy with what he had done today, what with comforting the lad and feeding the rest of the community with his fish (he had become quite adept at this over the years). He had left the boy with his new friends who were now comforting him and helping him move towards the next phase of his journey. Yes, Chris was happy and decided to take himself home to his little cottage by the sea.

This little cottage sat in both worlds, it was home to Chris both in the Heavens and on Earth; all it needed was for him to decide which place he wanted to be and at which time. While on Earth, he walked with the living but when he wished it, he could walk out of his front door and be in his own Heaven.

The Christ is a God. He can do as he pleases. If he wishes it he can walk on the sands of his chosen Heaven in Clacton-on-Sea or he can instantly cross over to the Earthly version of the place that is Clacton-on-Sea at a whim. He also lives in many other places, just slipping through the time and space barriers as he chooses.

It was a sunny day in Clacton. Holidaymakers had come from all over and were enjoying the sea and sand. Families sat on the beach and watched as their children built castles in the sand. Mothers sat wishing for fish and chip suppers and fathers thought back to when they were young and of the dreams that they had had then. Christ, or Chris as he liked to be known these days, sat on the veranda of his little cottage and stared out over the sea of the Earthly Clacton-on-Sea. I love this World, he said to himself as he watched the waves crashing. I think that Moses would like it here too, he thought. He sipped his tea as he read the daily newspaper. At this moment in time he was enjoying a little Me time and as he perused the pages, he came across a very interesting article about social networking sites on the Internet. He was very interested in social networking sites.

In a way, he thought, it’s what I am all about. It’s what life is all about really, the bringing together of people. After finishing the article and then re-reading it, Chris made a decision, I must get myself one of these computer things. Not being a prophet to profit from the powers that he possessed so as to just create what he needed, he decided to take himself off to PC Direct (the computer shop) and buy a computer, after haggling for a good price, of course. Haggling was in his blood and he was not the sort of prophet that would not profit by accepting the first offering.

Chris walked over to his VW camper van and looked at it lovingly (could a prophet drive any other kind of vehicle?). This was what life was all about. It had the tyre on the front and it was painted with a psychedelic design; in short it was as hip as Chris. After lovingly looking at the camper van, he jumped inside and tried to start the engine. Typically the engine just would not catch and Chris had to get out of the van and then reach inside for his trusted hammer. He then laid himself underneath and began to bash the starter motor mercilessly. After the good bashing, he climbed back into the driving seat and tried again to start this little beast. He inserted the key and on the first turn, this little beast of a VW camper van roared into life.

I love this life, shouted Chris over the noise from the engine as he drove off into the wilds of the countryside, heading towards the shop known as PC Direct. And as he drove along, he sang to himself, Always look on the bright side of life. Life was good.

Sometime later, when he had arrived at his destination, Chris parked his VW camper van and surveyed the complex of shops in front of him. He looked long and hard at each façade and after taking a liking to PC Direct, he decided to walk straight in and talk to a shop assistant who, he hoped, could help him in his quest for knowledge. As he approached, the shop’s doors made a shushing noise as they opened to each side of him. He said out aloud, Gosh, it’s just like Star Trek! (He was of course a secret Trecky).

Chris was about to walk over to the main counter to ask for some assistance but as he looked around, he was awestruck by the many goods that were on sale.

‘Gosh!’ thought Chris, ‘has the human race really progressed this far already? I don’t believe it!’

He then walked around the shop looking at product after product, his smile getting bigger and bigger.

‘This is wonderful stuff.’ He looked at each and every item that he could, picking up this item and fiddling with it only to replace it so that he could try something else. He continued to try various pieces of equipment until after an hour or two he was spotted by a spotty youth who thought to himself, Sale!

The spotty youth then made his way over to Chris with pound signs in his eyes. ‘Boy!’ he thought, ‘boy, am I going to make a killing.’

Hello sir, said the spotty youth to Chris, How can I help you?

Well, young chap, replied Chris, I am really interested in one of these computer thingies.

Ahh, you will want one of our top-of-the-range models then, so that you can play all the latest games with the best graphic card and the fastest RAM and ROM and of course a DVD writer/recorder capacity and broadband connectivity. You will also want a 26-inch monitor, flat screen of course and a printer too. You will also probably need some security and some INSURANCE.

I don’t think that I need any sheep chap, the whole RAM thing was over and done with long ago.

I am talking about RAM, Random Access Memory. Now look here chap, you do need it and the more you have the better, you can trust me on that at least. And because you have spent so much of your hard-earned money, you will need our INSURANCE should anything go wrong with your purchase.

Chris looked at the spotty youth and said, Listen young man, I am not used to being ripped off and I do not want your INSURANCE, all I want is a machine that can connect me to the World Wide Web. There are wonders to behold on the web and I want to be part of it.

Well I can sell you a smaller computer if you want, but you will still want our INSURANCE.

Chris watched as a smaller offering was placed in front of him and after the spotty youth had talked him through the workings, it was agreed that he would pay a cash deal of £500 for a computer that would connect him to the World Wide Web.

Chris took out his wallet from his pocket and produced the required amount in crisp £20 notes and handed them over.

You are £250 short there, chap, said the spotty youth.

£500 was our agreed price, responded Chris.

Another £250 for the INSURANCE.

For the last time, I don’t require the INSURANCE.

You would be mad to take the computer without the INSURANCE, said the spotty youth.

I do not want the INSURANCE, chap, said Chris.

The spotty youth was about to say some more, when Chris made some movements with his fingers and