You Versus Yourself: Stop Competing with Others. Start Competing with Yourself!

By Jason Carney

If you have passion and focus, and if you are willing to work hard, you can be whatever you want to be. Determination and grit are far more important than talent.”

Exceptional success comes from your talent multiplied by your behavior.

“Performance = Capability × Behavior.”

Everyone has dreams, but to achieve them, we need to stop competing with others and start competing with ourselves.

That’s the bold assertion from soccer coach Jason Carney, who has been involved in youth and professional sports for more than twenty-five years. In this goal-achieving guidebook, he explores how to:

• get more out of yourself and players—be they athletes or employees;
• work toward becoming the best version of yourself;
• focus on the things you can control;
• start thinking about “we” before “me.”

By sharing his experiences as a child, friend, father, husband, and mentor, the author provides insights on how to look at life differently as you start moving toward your dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jun 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665706933

Jason Carney

Jason Carney is a UEFA/USSF qualified soccer coach. He has been involved in youth and professional sports for more than twenty-five years. He wants to help people understand what it takes to reach your dreams. He grew up in a working-class town in England and became a United States citizen in February 2019.

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 Jason Carney.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

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without the written permission of the author except in the case

of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0692-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0693-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021909581

Archway Publishing rev. date: 5/21/2021

To my family and friends—I am a creation

from you all. Thank you.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1     Your Competition Is You!

Chapter 2     Understand Your Passion

Chapter 3     Focus On The Journey, Not The Destination

Chapter 4     No Excuses

Chapter 5     Failure Is A Bruise, Not A Tattoo

Chapter 6     Find Your Climate

Chapter 7     Learn Forever

Chapter 8     Negatives Are More Powerful

Chapter 9     Performance, Not Results

Chapter 10   Grind Away

Chapter 11   The Big P!

Chapter 12   Your Dream Is Possible

Chapter 13   Never Quitting Is A Myth

Chapter 14   Be A Team Player

Chapter 15   Keep Your Eye On The Prize

Not The End

INTRODUCTION

It’s April 2020. The world is struggling to cope with the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m in Portland, Oregon. The social distancing laws are strict enough to keep everyone at home. I am the director of coaching at FC Portland, a local soccer club in Hillsboro, Oregon. All soccer is canceled. I now feel this sense of pride that to get through this crisis, we have to work as a team. All my life, I have loved being on a team. Teamwork is so powerful. Lack of teamwork can destroy companies, sports organizations, teams, and even families and friendships. Everything I have preached to my children and my players is going to be tested in this difficult situation.

I have been involved in sports and teamwork in the United States of America for the last seventeen years, and I am concerned about how this pandemic is going to end. People struggle following guidelines and being told what to do. The hardest part for me when I’m coaching is to get the players and parents to buy into the team concept. The hardest thing for me as a director of coaching is to get the staff to buy into a culture of we before me. The hardest thing for organizations is to get their staff to think outside the box and put in that little bit extra. The hardest thing for the United States right now is for our leaders to get along and do what is right for the country. It should not matter what side of the aisle you sit on—it’s what is best for this great country that should be the motivation. The United States does not have that environment. Selfless behavior is the only way to beat COVID at the moment. Too many people are selfish. There are great people in the country, but there are too many who are not willing to work on a team.

This is why I am concerned for my children and their children. We are pressing the self-destruct button, and nobody wants to join together and work as a team. If you are not willing to work toward a shared vision, and if you think more about yourself than others, then you achieve nothing. If you are involved in an organization or a group that consists of more than one person, you must lose your ego for the good of the team. If you care more, you will do more, invest more, commit more, and accomplish more. I believe everyone has Michael Jordan talent, but what is between your ears is the most important thing. Figuring out things and being ready for constant change is how life works. Try to come up with answers without looking over your shoulder because you have done wrong by somebody. Help others to find a way to live a better life. Everyone is stranded on an island, and it seems like people don’t want to get off. I encourage my players and children to work on things alone. Self-reflecting and coming up with your own solutions is vital for your future. Too many times, young athletes are away from their team coach and then work with a private coach who has never seen them perform in a game. To get the athletes’ butt off the sofa, parents need to hire somebody because if we ask our kids to go out and work on their game by themselves, they won’t do it.

In March 2019, I became the director of coaching at FC Portland. I have seen a huge shift in young athletes’ work. When I played soccer in my teens, our coaches had around a 10 percent impact on the team. What I mean is when my coaches offered their 10 percent, we were able to carry the 90 percent through games. A modern-day coach in youth sports today has to realize the children need at least 80 percent from you. Coaches of today can give a 100 percent effort of their time and skills. If your time and skills are not engaging for the athlete, you do not inspire them, and the players do not see progression in their game, so they will either quit or move on to another sport. Coaching today is a grind. You have to convince today’s generation why they are playing the sport. Why should they come to your practice? We have to inspire the youth of today to be the best version of themselves. I have given players so many tasks to complete and seen them take forever to complete them—or not do them at all. Then they say they have dreams of becoming a Division I athlete or a professional soccer player. This is not reality. The bridge from dreams to reality is hard work. Seeing these actions repeat themselves time after time has triggered me to write this book.

In the pandemic crisis, it is you versus yourself. What are you going to do to get through the day? Are you going to set a schedule and stick to it? What weaknesses in your life or sport can you work on? I normally don’t read books, but I decided to read one book a month. I have loved it. Are you going to blame others and leadership? I do not need a leader to get me to wear a mask. I do what science tells me to do. My son has dreams of playing Major League Baseball. I ask him every morning at 7:00 a.m., Hey, bud, do you want to go out and practice your baseball?

His answers vary. When he says no, he then follows it with a question, Is that OK?

I tell him, Sure. It’s not me who has dreams to be a baseball player. I am going to be honest with you. If you practice only twice a week during this lockdown, you’ll not start on your team, never mind reaching the Major Leagues. I try to educate him that they are just dreams if you do not follow through on your goals. My wife and I never force our kids to do sports—they have to want to do it. Instead of forcing them to do it, we try to educate them and work with them. It’s so easy to say no and jump on Xbox or a smartphone. When we do play, I try to make it fun and competitive.

A good way to teach people to be successful in life is to use the you-versus-yourself approach. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your first step is believing in yourself. If you have passion and are focused and have drive, you can achieve your goals. Work on your dreams. Have goals to succeed toward your dreams. Run to your dreams—do not walk. I have a huge passion for helping youth soccer players. I want to give back the joy that soccer has given me. I have a vision. I am laser-focused on that vision while also taking in advice around me. My vision can move a little because I evolve by learning from others or from my mistakes. We have to sacrifice what we are to become who we want to be.

Youth sports in the United States can be brutal. What’s the first thing someone asks a young player when they tell them they have just finished a game? Did you win?

The young athlete could be six years old and will get the same question. I always ask, How did the team play? How did you play?

Sometimes the young player will say, We won!

I say, OK, but how did you play? I always chuckle to myself when I am in a parking lot after a game. I try to spot the players who lost or won from the body language of their parents. The parent walking ten yards in front of their child—Oh, there’s a defeat. The parents who cannot stop chatting to all the other parents—Oh, their child has scored a few goals. The next time you have the opportunity to be around a sports game, start people-watching at the end of the game and see what your observations are.

I have been dealing with youth players for twenty-five years. Now more than ever, they need role models in their life. Children in the United States are living through terrible leadership. The leadership from our politicians has turned more toxic than ever. To the majority of politicians, it does not matter if they lie or cheat—it’s about winning. Checks and balances do not work in today’s culture. You never get anything done because the opponents do not want either of them to succeed. Unfortunately, it’s not just the United States where this happens.

You versus yourself is needed more than ever. We can control this. There are certain things that are in our control. How we treat people. How we react to people. Our decisions to choose how hard we work. The choices we make when we fail. We can control these. Live every day like it is your last. I remember the famous Make Your Bed speech by Admiral William McRaven, a retired Navy SEALs officer. His commencement speech at the University of Texas on May 17, 2014, is one of the best I have heard. He talks about doing the little things first. If you cannot do the little things right, then you will not accomplish the big things. I encourage you to listen to it. I always set this kind of task with my players, especially when I take over a new team. After practice, I will call out to the group, Pick up the cones! I then step back and watch how the group reacts. Out of a squad of thirty, little groups of two or three will form and start walking to get their bags. A few others will stay on the field and chat. Six or seven will run around collecting the cones. As these players run up to me to hand me the cones, I tell them to keep hold of them for a minute. I then call in the group. The group walks toward me, oblivious to what has just happened and how important that is to me (or themselves). Come and stand by my side if you have a cone, I tell the group. I am now looking at up to twenty players without cones, and I ask them, What was my last instruction to the group? I then get in Admiral McRaven mode. If you cannot do this simple task, what chance do you have of understanding the tactics of soccer? I get my message across.

The you-versus-yourself mentality does not mean you abandon your teammates or your team’s philosophy. You need a road map in your life; you have to know where you are going. If you are working in an organization that does not have a road map, you versus yourself can be harder. It’s much easier when you are working with people who have the same vision and goals that you have. While you take the journey of being the best version of yourself, keep your integrity and ethics intact. There are people who understand integrity, and there are people who do not. Try to surround yourself with people who can make you a better person. Work for organizations that have integrity and with employees who love working as a team. Find your identity and then find an environment that enhances your talent and values your time. We are only here once. We do not get a second chance in life.

What is your story? Make sure that you leave a mark on your legacy. You must make your mark and write your chapter. Fulfill your promises and purpose and be a great human being. Even though I help lead a youth organization—and I hope that when I do leave, people I served think I made a difference—what will define my life are my children. When I am gone, I would like people to say, His kids are quality human beings. I believe they are on the right path, and I love being around them. They all have special qualities, and when I see them interacting with others, it makes me so proud. I want them to grow up while sticking to their values and being true to themselves. I am trying to teach Ryan and Quinn, my two boys, to use the you-versus-yourself theory. It’s a challenge, but I hope I can eventually get through to them. Fingers crossed.

I hope you enjoy the book. If the book can help you on your journey to become the best version of yourself, and if you can take away one thing that can help you to leave your legacy, then my efforts have been worth it. I mention quite often in the book that life is difficult. Social media and television try to make us think that life’s easy. It is not. There is no quick and easy solution to having a happy life. It’s a grind. Exceptional success comes from your talent multiplied by your behavior. If you want something in life, you must be ready to work hard for it. If you do not accept that your journey in life is going to be difficult, then you are setting yourself up for failure. Your ability to learn will diminish, and in five, ten, or fifteen years’ time, you will be the exact same person. I have seen this through my coaching career. I have seen coaches who have not changed even though they have years of experience at being a coach. They have had years of failures and success, but they are exactly the same person from when they started. Your strength as an individual depends on how you respond when you feel success or failure. As you read through my story and my thoughts, there is one component that trumps all the others: hard work. There is no secret sauce that I have for you. You must invest in yourself, and that investment at the start of your journey is hard work.

Leave your legacy.

1

CHAPTER

Your Competition Is You!

Y our best is good enough! If you can walk away from anything and say, I did my best, then that is sufficient.

We are all different. You are the only you in the world. How wonderful and unique is that? There is no other person like you on this planet. You have talent—I know you do. There are millions of talented people in this world who don’t realize the talent they have. They have been trained to believe that they are not talented. They have listened to the advice from others. How many times have you heard, You can’t do that, You can’t do this, or Don’t take those classes at school. There is no money in that?

Your environment can hinder your performance when it comes to reaching your dreams. We take advice, and as quickly as switching on a light, our dreams go away, even if we had those dreams for years. You decide to tell somebody your dream, and that person immediately ruins it for you. The saddest part is that you listen to that person. You are going to encounter many roadblocks on your journey. Some will be harder to break through than others. If you ignore roadblocks or listen to negative people on