If I Were a Fly the Stories I Would Tell: A Tale of Adventure, Romance, Drama & Love

By Cortney Edwards

This is a book about the tales and adventures of Frankie Bassaduer Princeton. Frankie’s life is action packed with romance, love, drama, adventure and many mishaps along the way. Frankie narrates his story with the help of a unique friend. The unique friend is a fly. The fly befriended Frankie unbeknown to him. The two narrate this life story together creating an unusual bond between a person and a fly that will last a lifetime. Have you ever said that you wished that you were a fly on the wall listening to a conversation packed with a wealth of information? Sure, you have. Well, here is that wish coming true in this story. Moreover, everyone has had a friend of some kind, right! That friend could have been a Barbie Doll, a G.I. Joe action figure, the family dog or cat, a friend down the street or an imaginary made up friend only you knew. You will be intrigued how Famous gives an account of this life adventure from the comforts of walls, chandelier’s, the inside interior of a car and windshield and the shoulder of his friend Bassaduer. The two build an unbreakable bond once Bassaduer realizes he keeps seeing the same fly wherever he goes. He also noticed how the fly appeared to be helping him from time to time. Explain that one! This unique story will make you laugh and cry as you scratch your head if such a bond could exist. I sure hope you enjoy this exciting tale based on some true events.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664177826

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Copyright © 2021 by Cortney Edwards.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/27/2021

Xlibris

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1     The Shooting 2005

Chapter 2     The Year Is 1970

Chapter 3     The Next Dance 1974

Chapter 4     Teenagers Getting Some Romantic Tips 1975

Chapter 5     The Debacle 1975

Chapter 6     Dance At Summer Camp 1975

Chapter 7     Bassaduer’s Hike To Catherine’s House 1976

Chapter 8     A Hurtful Reminder 78-79

Chapter 9     Year 1980

Chapter 10   Year 1980-1981

Chapter 11   The Travel And The Affair

Chapter 12   A Fairy Tale Rollercoaster

Chapter 13   A Hoax Marriage, But A Memorable Affair

Chapter 14   Year Two Thousand And Five

CHAPTER 1

THE SHOOTING 2005

There is a disagreement between a brother and sister. The little sister is wanting to go to a dance that is for older teenagers, but she feels like she is grown and desperately wants to go to the dance desperately to see her quite older than she is boyfriend, but is not willing to accept no for an answer.

Artie starts off by saying, No, you can’t go because you are not old enough. The flyer says teenagers only and you are barely thirteen.

Angie says, "Teen; duh, which means I am a teenager."

Artie says, You are not going and that is it.

Angie says, You can’t stop me because you are not my daddy and last time I checked, he was still living five states away.

Artie, "You are not going and if you do, I will give you an F.T.A."

Angie, I hate it when you give me acronyms. Now what does that mean?

Artie says, "It means (foot to ass) and you will get one if you ignore what I said."

That was Artie talking to his sister Angie. She wants to go to the big dance, but she just turned 13 years of age. Artie leaves his sister at home and goes to the dance with his best friend Stanley. The two have been at the party for an hour now and wouldn’t you know it someone must always act a freaking damn fool. And wouldn’t you know it once again, it is yours truly, Artie and he is out of control. Several kids band together to hold him back from fighting a kid from cross town rival Western High school who he thinks stole his girlfriend. The fact is Artie’s girlfriend has been cheating on him long before they broke up and people had been telling him that, but he didn’t want to listen and believe what they had to say. The two gladiators tussled six months ago, and now it looks like one of them will get the perfect opportunity to claim some bragging rights tonight. Several kids ask Artie if he is drunk. And he says, hell no. Before I could blink my many eyes, several kids grab Artie again because he attempted to leap at the Western High kid again.

Artie yells, Get you’ll damn dirty hands off me. I’m cool. It’s all good.

A kid who knows Artie tells him, It may not be a bad idea that you leave the dance dude because the PC is coming. PC stands for Protection Counselor which is a more sophisticated name for a security officer. Protection Counselors do a lot of counseling to students keeping them from making bad choices and decisions and he gives students challenging advice and help them through tough times in their lives. PC’s spend a lot of time deescalating students on the verge of exploding and imploding. Protection Counselors or security officers are the first person a student goes to before they seek the advice of school counselors or phycologist and administrators and principals.

Artie says, If they want me out of this dance, they are going to have to drag me out on my ass and if they do, they will be sorry. The person in charge who is the dance executive informs Artie that he must leave the premises immediately or higher authority will be called to remove him. Several kids assist the PC and restrain Artie and escort Artie out of the building. Once Artie is placed outside the dance doors, they shove him slightly and he stumbles over his own feet and falls on the pavement. The kids laugh at him and say, See yaw, wouldn’t want to be yaw and the kids go back inside. Artie is furious because he feels humiliated, he then stands up, faces the crowd and forms his left hand like a handgun and recoils his index finger as if he pulls the trigger to take a shot. Artie then staggers back to his car. During the whole incident, Artie’s best friend Stanley just stood around and watched the whole thing but didn’t say or do a thing. Once Artie gets to his car, he forces his hand in his pocket and takes his keys out to unlock the trunk of his car. He searches inside his trunk and finds his .44 magnum pistol that is underneath the spare tire. He stuffs the barrel into the front of his pants and slams the trunk shut. He walks back to the dance and demands that he be let in. Everyone looks at him through the glass doors, ignores him and continue dancing. Artie is furious and stumps around in a circle and pulls the pistol out of his pants, aims and runs back to his car, but no one seemed to be moved by his threat. Artie gets in his car, starts the engine and drives past the warehouse that is on the frontage road and fires 3 shots at the warehouse and accelerates fast in excess of the speed limit. He drives through one stop sign and runs a red light on merges onto the highway barely missing several cars. He drives about a mile away and decreases his speed so that he does not draw attention to himself. Artie eventually makes it to a restaurant across town without a drawing attention to himself. Don’t it seem like there isn’t a cop around when someone runs through red lights. He enters the late-night diner and orders a Rueben sandwich with fries and eats his meal like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Simultaneously when Artie drove down the frontage road, several kids dancing in the back of the warehouse ask each other, What was that loud popping sound? Is someone firing shots at the building? Why are kids screaming? What happened? They walk to the front of the warehouse and see most of the kids on the ground yelling, Get down, someone outside is shooting. It is now quiet accept for the music playing, but no one is moving. The DJ finally stops the music. A few moments pass, and kids begin to stand up but not everyone stand up. Some kids are still on the ground and then one kid screams, There is blood, oh my God and that couple is not moving.

Dances are so predictable these days because you can always count on someone to spoil the fun for everyone else. With kids using drugs and drinking alcohol at a young age and with the kids are only getting younger, the effects of using drugs and alcohol are damaging and detrimental to their growth. They don’t comprehend how the effects of alcohol and drugs alters their mind when their mind hasn’t fully developed yet and when their mind is put to the test in the setting of a dance that channels euphoria in the mind, it puts you at risk of temptation, enticements, challenges, coercion and sometimes impulsive behaviors and therefore kids are left vulnerable beyond their reasoning. Then add a gun in the mix which drastically changes every aspect of the outing. It works against them because they lack the experience that comes with being older and receiving knowledge from wise people and nurturing from their parent’s advice. Dances provide an atmosphere to express oneself through different body movements involving various designed, demonstrated, practiced and precise dance moves and with the help of predominantly sexual connotations. The act of dance is an art and has been for hundreds of years, but the way kids dance today is not an art and it is not even an expression of art. Society today thinks that the way kids dance is a fad, a trend, that would not stick around but it has, and it’s been around for more than 10 years now which started just after the beginning of the new millennium and the nature of this generations dance style is still in the beginning stages and it will be far reaching when it’s done. Parents, school officials and administrators, and board members of ball dances don’t have an answer to stop it. An indicator and a plea to detour this dance behavior will be discussed towards the end of this book. You will also learn about a kid named Bassaduer and hear how he dances through his life being loved by others and experiencing hurt as a result of that. I, Famous Fly, will narrate and navigate you back in time and through the years of unforgettable moments that will also make you relive some moments from when you were a teenager.

I didn’t want to tell you from the beginning, but I witnessed the entire shooting incident from the comfort of a window in the warehouse, however no one saw me and let me further says no one paid any attention to me because of my fly disguise. Ok it is not a disguise, but I am an actual fly. I am that fly on the wall and I was on the wall when the entire incident went down, I saw it all. I know most of you have used the expression in your life many times of how wonderful it would be to be a fly on the wall. Yeah, a fly on the wall in places that are supposed to be private, confidential and where people are talking about things behind closed doors and behind someone’s back that they don’t want others to hear. And by the way, I was on the wall in Artie’s bedroom when he was with his friend making plans to go to the dance a month earlier. Bassaduer was visiting but he went to the bathroom when Artie and his best friend Stanley were talking about going. The dance was called the Gathering and would be held at the Kiwi warehouse. Artie and Stanley talked about this dance because it was going to be like no other dance that they had been to before. There will be lots and lots of kids there from all over town and it’s supposed to be a safe environment. Artie and Stanley have been to school dances with its chaperones, teachers, security, principals and the all annoying parents and this one is supposed to be different. They talk about how dances and parties are the same thing all the time and how they can’t have real teenage fun. They also talk about how dance parties are dangerous because someone always gets stupid and wants to fight and how a dance at someone’s house can get over crowded real fast because everyone sends text messages through the many social media network tools inviting all their friends and their friends invite their friends. Then the surrounding neighbors are forced to call the cops because they say kids are disturbing them, and the cops end up going into the house to check everyone to see if anyone is underage and if there are any drugs or alcohol. It’s just a big downer, but now some parents have rented a warehouse to have a big dance at one location with food and non-alcoholic drinks. Artie and Stanley also talk about how they were going to get high and tipsy before they went to the dance. Artie also said he was going to be packing his .44 magnum in case someone squared up at him and he would have to zip their body bag up for them.

CHAPTER 2

THE YEAR IS 1970

Oh, how dances have changed over the years. It’s 1970 and I was on the wall watching young Bassaduer when he had his first official dance and I am not talking about a dance at his elementary school or clubhouse dance, but that dance where it was his parents dance party at his own house and they try to get him to dance in front of everybody and when he refused to dance his dad would offer to give him money. His dad wouldn’t say how much, but the idea of them paying him some money was tempting and yet not quite tempting enough to make him dance and look stupid in front of their drunk friends. His dad and mom were drunk too and dad would keep asking Bassaduer to dance and then I watched his dad reach into his pants pocket but didn’t pull his hand out. Now I have seen this technique or trick before many times and if his hand was flat, he was palming some folded dollars. If his hand looked like a fist, I then knew he was holding some coins. But I see the look on Bassaduer’s face as if he is contemplating on doing it because money will make you do just about anything and then I see Bassaduer shrug up his shoulders and say OK. His dad is so excited and gives one of his buddy’s an elbow to the arm and starts the music. The first song that is put on for Bassaduer is Sugar, Sugar by the Archie’s and boy does Bassaduer dance, but all his dance was just him jumping and twisting around. His dad said that is alright, but I know you can do better. Then they play another song by Marvin Gaye, I heard it through the grapevine and Bassaduer did a little better according to his dad and then played one more song from the early 70’s called Spill the Wine by Eric Burdon and War and all Bassaduer did was spin around in circles and jump around looking like a fool which made him sick but I think he did that on purpose so he wouldn’t have to dance in front of them anymore, but it didn’t matter because it was entertainment for dad and mom and their friends because they were all drunk anyway. Since Bassaduer was acting like a monkey, his dad told him to go to his room and before Bassaduer went his to his room his dad handed him fifty cents. Over the next two to three years, Bassaduer’s dancing would get much better due to him watching dance shows like American Bandstand, Dance Fever and Soul Train and the amount of money his dad would give him increased because Bassaduer had learned how to perform dances like The Bug aloo, The Twist, The Watusi, The Funky Chicken, The Mash Potato, The Jerk, The Swim to name a few and as he learned a new dance the rewards went up to seventy-five cents and then a dollar and the last reward I remember Bassaduer receiving before he was too big to dance in front of his drunk parents and their friends was 3 dollars and three dollars to a 12-year old kid back in the mid 70’s was a lot of money. Three dollars bought a lot of chick-o-sticks, bazooka bubble gum and his favorites, snicker and payday bars. He would sometimes dance with his sister and sometimes with his mother. Bassaduer’s mother used to dance by herself up against the wall while sometimes holding a door knob performing the bump dance before it became popular telling her children that she did it to work off fat on her hips. Dancing is great, imaginative, inspiring, and artistic and a respectful expression of body movements.

Those were the first dances Bassaduer performed at his parent’s house so now let’s revisit his first dance outside his home which would be at a friend’s house and we’ll see how awkward and dorky he looked being in the same room with this girl he knew and liked named is Rosita Gonzalez. Bassaduer was so stupid shy back then and he had no idea what to say to this girl. All night long he stood in one spot hoping that she would come over to him and speak but she never did. Bassaduer hadn’t learned yet that it is the boy who should go to the girl and ask her to dance. Bassaduer had learned a collection of dances he could have used to impress Rosita, but he just didn’t have the nerve to perform them. It was so different dancing in front of some old people where their Inhibitions are lowered that released dopamine that caused them to be drunk and unable to appreciate his art of dancing. Kids look funny dancing at adult dances especially when the adults are too drunk to tell the truth about their dancing skills because the dancing is funny to them. It probably reminds them of themselves when they were kids dancing and in addition, they get to see the new dances kids are doing in case they want to try them at their next adult dance. However, Bassaduer felt like he would look stupid in front of Rosita because he wanted to impress her, not depress her. The dance would be shut down and everybody would go home and Bassaduer wouldn’t even say goodbye to Rosita. And by the way I need to catch you readers up on something in case you haven’t figured it out yet that I am a fly narrating this story for you but please don’t rush to judgment about me being a fly narrating. Let me interject some quick short knowledge on you in case you didn’t know about the life of a fly. I promise this will be quick. Per scientific studies by Entomologist, the people who study insects, they say that my life, the life span of the common housefly is about 28 days. Well Bassaduer begs to differ and in addition I am not a normal common housefly. Now per Bassaduer’s interpretation, one fly day is equivalent to 2.5 years of a human life span which means I could live to be about 70 human years old. Time really flies by in my life. No pun intended. So, I would say that I agree with Bassaduer and disagree with Entomologist. How can an Entomologist possibly know the true lifespan of a fly? An Entomologist studies thousands of different types of insects and there are over 120,000 types of flies and they are closely related. The Entomologist comes up with this fly-brain conclusion that most flies live up to 28 days and in order to have some concrete information about the 28-day conclusion, they put a few flies in a glass box and study them and it is a strong possibility that those flies die after about 28 days. Well damn it, I can tell you that most living creatures taken out of their natural habitat and locked up in some glass box for 28 days without food, water, a companion to mate with and loss of freedom, would die too. I love to fly all over the place going here and there and everywhere. I simply love landing on people’s food and getting in their glass that contains just about any beverage. It is so much fun and daring because it keeps me on edge and quick and people usually just try to only fan me away. When any living creature is free, they are most happy if you can say that an animal is happy. The animal tends to live longer and free is the key word here. Free of confinement, of stress, and free of shackles. Free to explore and love and meet new flies, it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. Let an Entomologist try to study me in my natural habitat roaming and flying free and then to track and find me after 28 days, I bet they wouldn’t find me and them hating to be wrong will probably tell other Entomologists that they did found me dead on some window pane somewhere. How would they be able to tell me apart from other flies that look just like me and no we don’t all look the same? Now that we got that settled let me continue my story and spying.

CHAPTER 3

THE NEXT DANCE 1974

Bassaduer wants to attend the next dance which will cost five dollars to get in and his parents said they would not give him the money because he needed to earn it by doing chores around the house. Doing chores around the house gave him an idea to go from house to house asking people in his neighborhood to perform chores to make money like mowing lawns, cutting hedges, sweeping driveways, washing windows, knocking down beehives, removing ant-hills etc., Bassaduer’s dad helped him further by giving him a wealth of information on how to make money because that is what he did as a teenager to make money. His dad also did things like remove snakes that were underneath porches and removed large spider webs that were spun in the corners of houses inside and out. Bassaduer’s dad did own a lawnmower and later purchased hedge clippers which was a good combination for lawn work and later added a large push broom which enhanced his abilities to perform his job that allowed him to make more money. But as far as earning money now for the dance, he would have to settle on things inside his own house like washing dishes and folding clothes and Bassaduer turned up his nose to that but did it anyway because he was desperate. Yet those chores did not allow him to make much money because his mother had already taken care of those chores. And with Bassaduer feeling frustrated, but optimistic, he went over to the house of his best friend Benjamin as I tagged along on his shoulder under the shade of his straw hat and boy it sure was hot that day. Benjamin joined him and the two of them sat outside on the front porch brainstorming about how they can come together as a team to make some money for the dance in a very short period of time when all of a sudden they heard music and usually when you hear music coming from the streets, it is the sound of an ice cream truck and when they saw the truck being driven by an old man speaking over an intercom attached to the roof of his truck yelling fresh produce, get your fresh produce here, they surprisingly look at each other and sprinted to the truck. The old man was selling lots of different types of produce like corn, peas, squash, cantaloupe and their favorite, watermelon. The man stopped and they stood at his truck door and before they could say a word, the old man asked them if they wanted to earn some money working on his farm? They looked at each other with their mouths wide open and their eyes popping out of their sockets with excitement, they overwhelmingly say, yes. Benjamin then asked the produce man how much he was going to pay them and how long they would be working and the old produce man said, I will pay you young lads 2 bits an hour for about eight hours of work. The two jumped in the air with excitement and said, thank you Mr. Produce man. Like two stupid kids with no brains, they just jumped into the old man’s truck without telling their parents and went to his farm about 2 miles away in the back country singing, "We’re going to make some money, going to taste just like honey. We’re going to make some money, and you look so funny." I tried to fly in Bassaduer’s face and get his attention so he could think to let his mother know, but he swiped at me almost hitting me. I landed back on his shoulder and enjoyed the ride. Then Benjamin said to Bassaduer, should I tell my mom? Bassaduer said, it will be fine because my parents told me I needed to earn some money doing something like this so I could go to the dance and Benjamin said, I guess my mom would be O.K. with it too since I am earning money and when we get back we will surprise them by showing them all the money have made. Bassaduer and Benjamin are about 12 years old during this time and when they arrived at the old man’s farm, they were shocked at how large the farm was. The produce man points them in the direction of where the tools are to perform the job needed to get the work done so they begin working like planation workers in the weltering hot sun and picked and pulled and grabbed and dragged bundles and baskets of produce like their lives depended on it because they wanted that dance money. It was so hot outside that there is no way I could stay on Bassaduer’ shoulder so I flew into the old man’s nice cooled air-conditioned house and found my favorite spot, on the wall in the living room. I observed the old man as he was laughing to himself and talked to his ole wife saying, Those two boys don’t have a clue how much they are getting paid. I will try to get them to work for an entire week. If I could speak English instead of insect gibberish, I would fly right into Bassaduer’s ear and tell him, but I know he wouldn’t understand. I flew to him in that sweltering heat and tried anyway to get his attention, but he tried to swat me for flying in his face and around his left ear. After I didn’t get his attention, I just flew back inside the house through a tiny hole in the screen door and found my spot on the wall. The entire time while Bassaduer and Benjamin were harvesting the produce, they were laughing and singing about all the money they were going to be paid. They walked up and down rows and rows and aisles and aisles of produce picking vegetable stems of peas, beans and struggling with stalks of corn. They march on pulling fruits vines of watermelon, cantaloupe and quash. It’s a very long and exhausting day. Eight hours of work elapses which marks the end of the day of working bringing the best part of collecting, not collecting produce but the collection of money to get paid. They walk to the farmer’s carport under the covering of the shade looking at each other noticing that they are a shade darker from when they began. The old produce farmer comes out and he tells them, You want to get paid now young lads? And they speak in unison, yes sir while rubbing their palms together. The old man hands them $2 dollars each and gave them each a watermelon, 2 cantaloupes and 5 stocks of corn. The old man thanked them and asked them if they would come back the next day to do more work? Bassaduer and Benjamin looked at each other in disbelief with somber looks on their faces and say, no we will not be coming back and then they turn and start walking back home. Once they are about a half mile down the road, I hear Bassaduer say, at least the old man could have given us a ride back home." The walk back home in the sun setting sun is blistering especially carrying a heavy watermelon. Bassaduer and Benjamin make