The Death in Your Future: Things to Think, Talk, and Do About It

By David E. Nellis

“The Death in Your Future” gives readers improved ways to 1) think of and better anticipate their inevitable death, 2) handle their realistic and unrealistic fears, 3) make it safe to die, 4) live better and longer, 5) accept and deal with knowing when death will happen or is, 6) deal with “I feel like I want to die” thinking, and 7) deal with approaching or arriving death. Overall, this book is about death and dying surrounded by living.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664172586

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 by David E. Nellis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/25/2021

Xlibris

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DEDICATION

To my mom Miriam Nellis, my wife Gloria

Mazzarola Nellis (both deceased);

and my children Kenn (deceased), Paul, and Evelyn – greatly loved.

By God’s amazing love and grace, they have given me the best of life.

To the memory of other family who were here, loved and missed:

dad Robert Nellis, three older brothers: Walter, Robert, and Fred,

and step-children Richard, Tim, and Michael.

To wonderful friends who have let me into their

lives and have been loved greatly valued

parts of mine.

To the memory of Paul Lacey, the high school

teacher who, by God’s arrangement,

turned me around when I most needed turning.

And to the millions of doctors, nurses, and other health care

workers who, at the risk of their own health and lives, serve the

millions of men, women, and children struck by the corona/

coved-19 virus that brought about world-wide pandemic.

Contents

Introduction

1 The Death In Your Future

Ten Minutes to Live

Elephant in the Room

What Is Your PDA?

Some Ways To Think About Your Death

2 Dealing With Fear Of Death

Why Fear Death?

Life Wins, Death Loses

Ways To Deal With Fear Of Death

3 Ready Now For Then

Create Certainty

Things You Can Do

Helpful Questions

4 The Life In Your Future

Do You Want To Live Longer?

How Long Do You Want To Live?

Favorable Side Effects Of Living Longer

Favorable Side Effects Of Not Living Longer

Living Better And Longer

How To Use The Following Resources

Extra: Where People Live Longer

5 When You Know When

What Would You Do If You Knew When?

How Can You Know When?

How Do People Deal With Knowing ?

Accepting And Dealing With Knowing

Things You Can Do When You Know

6 When You Feel Like You Want To Die

Some Causes Of The Want-To-Die Feeling

Getting To I Want To Live

What To Do If Ever You Think You Feel Like You Want To Die

7 When Death Happens

Having A Good Death

End-Of-Life Help When You Need It

Then What?

References

INTRODUCTION

A T ONE TIME or another, and for one reason or another, I’ve asked myself some intimidating questions about writing on this subject: Who do you think you are writing on this subject? What makes you think you’re qualified? Haven’t some good books on the subject of death already been written by people more professionally connected to death and dying? With so many books about death, what do you think is missing that this book provides? These are examples of the interrogation. So yes, what am I d oing?

The motivational path for writing this book began a several years ago at a funeral, subsequent to the death of my elder son, wife, other family, and several friends. At that funeral, before the service began, I overheard several nearby conversations, most expressing dismay, surprise and alarm that this person had died. People were virtually telling one another death should not happen. I think they knew better. In those conversational minutes, their contact with reality had been highjacked and for a good reason. Most of us avoid going so far as hear within us a pained voice telling us, You will be dead someday.

So, the motivation: These pages are aimed at giving improved ways to (1) think of and better anticipate inevitable death, (2) deal with fears as both helpful and unhelpful, (3) make it safe to die, (4) live better and longer, (5) accept and deal with knowing when death is or when death will happen, (6) deal with any I feel I want to die kind of thinking, (7) deal with approaching or arriving death, and (8) consider after-death possibilities. Overall, this it is all about death and dying in the context of living.

I have approached this from the point of view of you, the reader, are as if a close family member or friend with curiosity and questions about death. It is as though you will read and think it through. It’s as though you and I will then get together to talk it over. For real, I recommend you and someone you know read, think, and then talk over. I think it will make it safer and easier for you to die, whenever it happens.

I have been told that writer is most original who extracts from the greatest number of sources. So if and when I sound original, make no mistake, I have been helped along the way by sources listed at the end of this book.

CONFESSION:

I’ve done a lot of writing of one sort or another. Almost always, someone will point out my spelling, punctuation, and grammatical glitches and repetitions. As some may have escaped proofreading scrutiny in this book, I beg your mercy and forgiveness. I hope you will find great value in its substance and not be deterred by its form.

CHAPTER 1

THE DEATH IN YOUR FUTURE

It Can Change Your Life

In the last analysis, it is our conception of death which decides

our answers to all the questions that life puts before us.

—Dag Hammarskjold

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest

loss is what dies inside us while we live.

—Norman Cousins

Ten Minutes to Live

O N THE MORNING of January 13, 2018, actor Jim Carrey, among thousands of Hawaii residents and visitors, thought he was about to die. Just after 8:00 a.m., he was awakened by a frightening warning. The message: EMERGENCY ALERT: BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. No one knew the alert had been triggered accidentally. Thirty minutes later, a follow-up announcement revealed the mistake. While no lives were in imminent danger, Carrey, like most others, was far away from prepared to face the end. I woke up this morning in Hawaii with ten minutes to live. It was a false alarm . . . a real psychic warning.

Right now, you most likely have many more than ten minutes. But how many do you have? In Carrey’s situation, what would you have done? If today you find you have twelve months to live, what would you do differently? How would you live? How would you prepare yourself and others? These are the easy questions. These harder questions may be more difficult to answer: How sure are you that you will not be dead within the next twelve months, twelve weeks, twelve days, twelve hours or twelve minutes? If you agree and believe death can happen at any time, are you living life the way you want to be living it when it happens? In the moments before you die, if you have time to think about it, what do you think you will you regret having not done in your lifetime?

Questions like these arouse our fears of death. They spotlight a major problem we have