Have The Last Word – Write Your Own Obituary (And Learn to Live)

By Craig C. Dunford

Do you always want the last word? Write your own obituary and you can achieve that goal. While you’re at it, why not write your own funeral? Want to be buried in a biodegradable clamshell? Turned into a blue diamond? Mr. Dunford will tell you how. Afraid nobody will come to your big event? Hire a professional mourner. Not enough friends to carry you to your final resting place? Throw pallbearer cocktail parties and you can pick and choose over martinis. This resource guide invigorates, provokes and educates with pathos and humor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Floating Word Press, LLC.
• Release date: Dec 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9780984019021

Craig C. Dunford

Who is Craig C. Dunford? I'm not so sure I know the answer just yet, but born 5/22/1942 into Mormon (now mostly "Jack Mormon")family in Salt Lake City...#2 of 7. I had a normal childhood, and worked in the baking industry for approximately 55 years. I suppose I say this to imply I've had a rather normal existence. Which is why this writing is rather abnormal for me, especially regarding the subject matter of my first book. I now occupy my time with golf, fishing, pool, inventing things, computers, piano, cooking, baking, and doing pretty much what Mrs. Dunford asks me to do. If you read my obituary you'll know that I never have, nor do I expect to ever like yard work. The experience of writing my obituary was valuable to me. I thought it might be the same for other ordinary people. It is not as far out as one might instinctively suspect.

Book preview

"Mr. Obit Voices Death – Now He’s Ready to Live"

– Peggy Fletcher Stack, Salt Lake Tribune

"Craig has found obituaries to die for. Many are so compelling I’d like to borrow their deepest regrets and best accomplishments for characters in my next murder mystery."

– Doc Macomber, Author, The Killer Coin, Wolf’s Remedy, Snip, Riff Raff

"This read made me realize there are many things more regretful than a bad tattoo and nothing better than a good woman and a life well lived."

– Lyle Tuttle, 79, Tattoo Legend and Historian

Have The Last Word –

Write Your Own Obituary

(And Learn to Live)

by

Craig C. Dunford

Published by Floating Word Press, LLC at Smashwords

Copyright © 2011 by Craig C. Dunford

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is dedicated to Mitzi

for teaching me to tie a knot.

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1 – Writing Your Own Obituary

Chapter 2 – How This Book Came To Be

Chapter 3 – Getting Started

Worksheet

Chapter 4 – Self-Written Obituaries

Chapter 5 – Odds and Ends

Write Your Own Funeral – or as it’s called these days – Your Celebration of Life

Write Your Own Exit

Shoot Your Own Obituary Photo

Your Final Resting Place

Chapter 6

Miscellaneous Reflections

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Related Reading

Related Videos

Internet

About The Author

Preface

To most, obituaries bring to mind a page in the newspaper about the end of lives. Each obituary provides a brief description of the person’s statistics. We don’t generally like to think about these sad yet often rote third-person descriptions of lost lives, but if we reframe our thought process, it’s a page with great potential. Obituaries can contain some of the most interesting, amazing and touching stories imaginable. I know that I am not alone when it comes to being drawn to this subject. One first-person obituary in particular inspired me to write my own. Over time, I became more immersed in this subject, attending conferences, reading and viewing everything I could about death and dying. I discovered that health care professionals in the hospice field seemed different when compared to their counterparts in other medical areas. They seemed calmer, more caring, and centered in their lives. It occurred to me that being near those who are dying could change you in very positive way. The fabric of these lives appears to become thicker, richer. Not all, but many seem to strip away the inconsequential things. There are no pretenses, no games, and they have great enthusiasm for the life that is here now. This clarity of thought is so compelling that it is not unusual for caregivers to fall in love with someone near death. I found that there is much to be learned from those who feel they are close to death and from their caregivers.

As I read obituary pages, one of several things struck me besides the various ages at which people die. Death came to some so unexpectedly. Not many people actually know when they are going to die. But those that do have a tendency to live a more real, vital and honest life near the end. It is to our advantage to live each day as if it was the last. I understand I am not the first one to promote this idea. Hollywood has even made a movie about this subject, "The Bucket List, and country singer, Tim McGraw, had a hit with the song, Live Like You Were Dying". Since it is observable to me that most of us don’t live this way, I felt we could use a tool to achieve this goal. The tool I found was writing my own obituary. Not only was it helpful to me personally, but it also became a significant life exercise in all of the cases where I helped someone else.

I consider myself to be an ordinary guy. I grew up in an ordinary family, in a conservative city and state. I, like most, wanted to work in my family’s business, get married, have a child or two, watch some TV, and live happily ever after. For me, to be writing something like this is, to say the least, unusual. Something quite powerful has happened to me. It seems reasonable to me that if this experience could positively impact me, it might do the same for other seekers.

Chapter 1 consists of suggestions for getting started, things to think about. Chapter 2 describes what started this whole affair and contains the obituary that began this journey. To insure privacy, names and some facts have been changed. Chapter 3 is a workbook. Space is provided to use this section as a workbook. You might want to keep this book handy to record thoughts as they come to you.

Chapter 4 contains my observations and examples of the themes of self-written obituaries, beginning with obituaries by my own family.

Chapter 5 has all the extraneous odds and ends you might consider when you decide to "Have the Last Word" and Chapter 6 contains others’ reflections on this subject.

We’re all floating in the bathtub of life. Problem is, we don’t know how close we are to the drain. Make the most of it while you are still afloat. To those who find this subject as fascinating as I do, I’d appreciate hearing from you about your particular interest and observations. If you choose to write your own I would be honored if you would send me a copy of your obituary.

mailto:[e-mail]

Twitter: http://twitter.com/mrobituary

Remember, it’s about living.

Craig

Chapter 1

Writing Your Own Obituary

We peruse other people’s obituaries in the newspaper. But we try not to think about our own. For most, the concept of our own death is too troublesome. However, years ago, I came across an obituary that had been written by the deceased person herself before her death. (I discuss this further in Chapter 2.) In this obituary, I saw a story of life, not death. At that time, the idea to do the same for myself was born. This concept may seem unusual, because we don’t generally feel the presence of death. I’m guessing she felt it.

How many of us know when we will die? Would you want to know when it is your time? Do you think addressing our finiteness will hasten the end? What is it about not looking at our own death that makes us feel safer? Which are we more afraid of, dying or living?

The experience of writing my own obituary was very helpful in that it turned my attention to these difficult questions. Looking at what I’d learned crystallized thoughts about the meaning of my life, and identifying what was valuable to me. Writing my obituary also provided me with the opportunity to say what I wanted to say to those I love before it was too late. Furthermore, I feel that by creating my own obituary, I’ve lightened the load of friends and loved ones I’ll leave behind. Of course, this doesn’t mean they can’t add to what I’ve written, but they won’t have to be concerned that my wishes be conveyed. I see an obituary as a living document, one that changes and grows as you do.

As humans, we have a unique opportunity. We can contemplate why we are here. I believe anyone who tries writing his or her own obituary will derive a positive experience from it. In my observations of obituaries over the years I have discovered certain themes. Generally, these themes describe the type of person this was, i.e. young, old, well educated, hard worker, mother, etc. I have included these obituaries, as an aid to you in your writing. You may see yourself fitting into one of these themes. It may also be helpful to see how others perceived these people. I believe it is sometimes of great value for someone else to write a person’s obituary (and you will also see examples of that in this book) because sometimes they know the person better than they know themselves.

Chapter 2

How This Book Came To Be

I hadn’t really given much thought to obituaries until late 1991 when I missed the funeral of an old friend. Afterward I began to pay more attention to that section of the paper. One evening I came across an obituary self-written by Cheryl McInich Defa. I remember sitting at the dining room table with tears streaming down my face. I was amazed at how this woman’s words touched me and how much I learned from them. Below is the obituary that inspired me to pursue this project:

Cheryl McInich Defa

"I died today, January 11, 1992 at the age of 38. Awfully young, don’t you think? The culprit was breast cancer that had spread to my lungs. I fought hard for two years with the help of a great medical staff and terrific support from my friends who kept my spirits up, but cancer finally won.

I thank my parents for a great childhood, growing up on the coast of Maine. Your love, devotion, and support when I decided to leave home and see the West gave me strength throughout my life. Thanks also for all the love and support from my sister Charlene and brother-in-law Steven Bishop. I married Guy Defa, the greatest, and most caring, gentle, compassionate man on earth. I only wish we had met sooner, so we would have had more time together. Our five years together were the best. I love you. I’ll miss you. I’m going off on the ultimate adventure (and maybe earn a new merit badge). GOOD BYE!

In lieu of donations, please send flowers, as I’ve already made my contribution to the Cancer Society and besides flowers are much prettier. Please no viewing, no funeral, and no black. Instead, a celebration of life on Saturday, 12 Noon, January 18, 1992, at the Wasatch Lawn Mortuary Chapel, 3401 S. Highland Drive. Please plant a pink tulip for me. Thanks and good-bye and I’ll miss everyone! Beam Me Up Scotty!"

Feeling the strength and beauty of her relationships helped me reevaluate my own. It forced me to think about what I considered truly important in my life. Her sense of humor helped ease my own fear of dying. Reading her words led me to believe that if more people wrote their own obituaries, we would all benefit beyond our comprehension. Thank you Cheryl.

I continued to read obituaries, and observed that most contained little information beyond the deceased’s birthplace and date, marital status, a list of survivors, and instructions on how to get to the funeral. To me, this was a waste of a precious opportunity. What better place to say who you were, what you learned in this life, and to express one last message to those left behind? I cannot think of a better medium for human connection. A friend of mine once pointed out that one of the greatest gifts we can give to one another is the sharing of our true selves. Writing our own obituary is a means of offering such a