Goodbye to Shame: Removing the Mask

By Tina Bears

Tina Bears was overwhelmed with panic when her husband coldly told her, I have gotten away with everything, everything but murder. In this dramatic story of escape from a planned murder/suicide, Tina bravely recounts her life of hiding her shame under a mask of lies as a dutiful wife in a suburban Christian community. Tina learned to remove her mask, and shares her difficult journey through the shame of an unstable broken childhood home, the shame of a teen pregnancy, and the shame from a ten year abusive marriage.

Through her faith in Jesus Christ, God has removed Tinas shame and allowed her to overcome a life filled with brokenness and abuse. She has gone from feeling like a worthless, second-class, shamed woman in the eyes of God, to an understanding of the fact that she is valued and loved by her Heavenly Father.

Because of the love of God in Jesus Christ, my shame is gone, and now I can recognize that same shame in others who are hurting because of abuse. There is truly a great connection between the hurting and the healed. God has called me to reach out to those who are still hurting from abuse and to let them know that they are not alone in their pain.
Tina Bears

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 5, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449763466

Tina Bears

Tina Bears lives without shame in beautiful Lee’s Summit, Missouri and is now the mother of five children. She worked for over nine years as a Personal Trainer, and holds an Advanced Certification as a Life Coach through the American Association of Christian Counselors, specializing in Health and Wellness. She is also an office coordinator at a local hospital, a public speaker, and is working on a second book.

Book preview

Goodbye To Shame

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Removing The Mask

Tina Bears

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Copyright © 2012 by Tina Bears

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1966, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,

Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

All other Scripture quotations are King James Version.

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WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Author photo taken by Sarah Tucker

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6347-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6348-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6346-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012914699

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/30/2012

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1 Life’s First Heartache

Chapter 2 Deepening The Wound

Chapter 3 A New Beginning?

Chapter 4 A New Heartache

Chapter 5 A Real New Beginning

Chapter 6 A New Baby

Chapter 7 More Heartache

Chapter 8 Honeymoon

Chapter 9 New Normal

Chapter 10 Fear of the Lord

Chapter 11 Struggling to Measure Up

Chapter 12 Waking to Reality

Chapter 13 Safe Shelter

Chapter 14 God’s Plan vs. His Plan

Chapter 15 Going Home

Chapter 16 Furthering the Pain

Chapter 17 A Journey Toward Healing

Chapter 18 Total Healing

Chapter 19 No Room for Fear

Chapter 20 Ready for the Call

About the Author

Dedication

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To my brothers, the three men in my life who roll their eyes at my princess ways, but have always chosen to love me anyway. To Jim, Joe & Mickey Lumbard, I love you!

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles.

Psalm 34:4-6 NLT

Acknowledgments

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Thank you to everyone that encouraged me on this writing journey, to name you all would be impossible.

My heart would first go to honor my mom, Jackie Bock. I have witnessed your ups and downs. But the greatest lesson learned through them for me, was the fact that you were present and always in my life. Thank you Mom, for showing me how to be faithful.

To my Jessica, Shawna, and Ryan. Thank you for being willing to allow me to share our story to encourage the lives of others who hurt like we did. I love and I am so thankful to each of you!

To my Late Grandpop Fanelli and Grandma Barbara Fanelli. There is not an ounce of blood between us, but you have shown me how to reach out to the broken and love them no matter what. Thank you for your commitment to our family.

To my friend Penny Curtis. You knew I had a story and you believed God could indeed use it. Thank you for all the hours spent editing my manuscript until it was finished!

To my family at Abundant Life Baptist Church. I am so thankful God has placed me under your spiritual covering. It is an unspeakable joy to be so loved and part of this family of God!

To my sweet Ella and Lydia. You are not a part of this story but I am so glad you are a part of my life now.

Finally, to my step family, Ben, Roger & Roland Bock. I know we didn’t grow up together but I am glad we will grow old together.

Now, most importantly, all praise, honor and glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Thank you for your love, provision and protection.

God, I know I’m not worthy, but You, Father, thought I was worth it, therefore I am willing for You to use me for Your glory! In Jesus name.

Amen!

Introduction

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Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.*

What a wonderful verse to a good old hymn. Listening to my friend play this on the organ, I could feel a tear stream down my face. She played this old hymn with such passion. Although the sun was shining outside on this very crisp December afternoon, my helpless estate was certainly what I was feeling, as I looked down at my light blue suit and ivory pumps and realized I was a widow at only twenty-nine years of age.

I looked over at my three now fatherless children, only twelve, eight, and six. Their faces were scrubbed so clean that their cheeks were shiny. My children and I had just left a battered women’s shelter where we had taken refuge. Life seemed like a whirlwind. My husband had been a very controlling, abusive and bi-polar man. Then in one day it had suddenly all changed forever.

I prayed to God that He would give me a strong but sweet attitude to get through this day, for today I would bury my husband of almost ten years. Broken and sad myself, I had to face people who blamed me for his death. God gave me enough grace to move through this day and be a light to others.

How did I get to this place in my life? To tell this story, I need to start at the beginning.

*It Is Well With My Soul, By Horatio G. Spafford, from Hymn Sources: Faith Publishing House, Echoes from Heaven, 1976 (168); Anonymous/Unknown, The Blue Book (199)

Chapter 1

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Life’s First Heartache

Life started out for me in Honolulu, Hawaii, where I was born. My dad was a U.S. Marine and my mom was right by his side. I had two older brothers whose initials were J.R., just like my dad. My parents were expecting another boy when I was born. I suppose I broke the mold when Jeffery Robert wasn’t born, but instead Christina Marie entered the world. So shortly after I was born my parents got a puppy and named it Jeffery Robert. My poor, disappointed dad!

But my cute, little face won my dad over. I soon became a real daddy’s girl! As I grew older, my mom would share stories of how my dad didn’t know how to take care of a girl, but he would give it a try. Mom would run to the store leaving me with Dad and come home to find me in the bathtub, with no water and fully dressed! Dad was grossed out by changing my dirty diapers. I was told I just stood in the tub waiting for Mommy to come home and clean me up.

My dad left the Marines when I was two years old. We moved to Pennsylvania and there started our family’s journey of instability. My dad had trouble adjusting to civilian life and couldn’t hold a steady job. Our family moved all the time and we never had a real home. We would live with our aunts, uncles, and grandparents. My brothers and I wouldn’t stay in one school for very long before it was time to move again.

Three years after my family moved from Hawaii, my parents had one more boy. I was hoping they would want to trade him in for a girl so things would be a bit more even. But this didn’t happen. At least I had broken the trend and saved my little brother from another J.R. name.

I went to eleven different schools by the time I was in the eighth grade. The frequent moves and instability in my life made it so hard to cultivate true lifelong friendships with anyone. I didn’t know how to have a relationship without wondering how long it would last before we would move again.

The lack of friendships outside of my family made me grow ever-so-thankful for my parents and my brothers who loved me so much.