How to Live a Life of Hope: A Roadmap for Achieving Personal Fulfillment

By Alphonsus Obayuwana M.D.

Finally, as an author, I have written the book which I personally wish I had had much earlier in my own life. As a road map, this book reveals how to discover your true calling, expand your capacity to dream, and maximize your acquirement of human hope. In plain language, it explains how to begin and continue to sustain a life of gratifying contentment. Unlike most self-help books, it contains none of the usual long list of dos and don'ts. Instead, it recommends very precise exercises and practical daily routines that are easy to follow and remember--including self-administered metrics for monitoring your own progress.

If you are, or you know someone who might be in need of a practical manual to help him or her transition into successful adulthood; or a college student searching for relevant criteria for choosing the right major or a fulfilling career; a newlywed couple or a young professional who needs a guiding philosophy for achieving personal goals and aspirations; anyone actively searching for a more meaningful life; a parent , a teacher, or a counselor who needs a blueprint for mentoring and inspiring others--this book was written with you and them in mind.

This is a book that is also full of practical tips for neutralizing the usual annoyances of everyday life as well as what to do exactly in the event of a personal misfortune or tragedy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781984588708

Alphonsus Obayuwana M.D.

Dr. Alphonsus Obayuwana has been involved in the study of Hope and Happiness since 1979, when as a medical student he first came in contact with psychiatric patients who had just attempted suicide. Forever transformed by these encounters, Dr. Obayuwana relentlessly continued his research on Human Hope for over 30 years in spite of a very demanding Ob/Gyn practice. His publications on the subject of Hope and Happiness can be found in local, national, and international (scientific and lay) journals including his 1984 national award-winning paper on “Stress, Human Hope, and Pregnancy Outcome”. His first book, The Five Sources of Human Hope: Mirror of our Humanity was published in 2012. In it, the rather elusive concept of “Human Hope” was extensively examined, analyzed, deconstructed, explained, and very successfully seperated from mythology. He demystified Hope and effectively removed it forever from abstraction by making it more tangible, real, and accessible. “How to live a life of hope” is the second book in his envisioned trilogy on the subject of Hope and Happiness. In this book, he has masterfully weaponized human hope into a practical tool for everyday optimal living. Currently, Dr. Obayuwana is the Lead Coach and CEO of the Triple-H Project, LLC -- an entity solely dedicated to the promotion of hopeful and happier human communities He is a retired Major in US Air Force Reserve, who has also previously held faculty positions at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, the University of Maryland College of Medicine, Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk, Virginia, and the Ohio University College of Osteopathic Medicine in Athens, Ohio. He is also a former Associate Chair in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at St. Vincent Medical Center, in Toledo, Ohio.

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COPYRIGHT © 2021 BY ALPHONSUS OBAYUWANA, M.D.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner except in the case of brief quotations used in articles and reviews.

Rev. date: 03/25/2022

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

805188

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1    The Three Types of People

Chapter 2    Finding Who You Are

Chapter 3    Why and How to Begin a Life of Hope

Chapter 4    Creative AIMing: A Simple Way to Find Your Calling

Chapter 5    How to Sustain a Life of Hope

Chapter 6    Monitoring Your Own Progress

Chapter 7    What to Do When Tragedy Strikes

Chapter 8    The Anatomy of Success

Chapter 9    Moments When Success Alone Is Not Enough

Chapter 10    The SORKS PHENOMENON

2Summary and Overview

Interlude

Appendix A    The Fourteen Tenets of Human Hope

Appendix B    Extrauterine Adaptation Theory

Appendix C    Human Adaptive Response Chart

Appendix D    The Chilean Miners’ Story

Appendix E    What Exactly Is a Happy Life?

About Notes and Literature References

About the Author

How to Live a Life of Hope is a unique self-help book that

explains, step-by-step and in plain language, how to find your

true calling and become fulfilled by adopting a life of hope.

To my children and

grandchildren, nephews and nieces, medical students and residents, fellow physicians and nurses with whom I have worked over the years, as well as people everywhere and anywhere who yearn for hope, peace of mind, fulfillment, and contentment.

Preface

As humans, one of the most remarkable of our universally shared endowments is the capacity to hope, which grants each of us the ability to dream and the strength to pursue the goals that arise out of our imagined possibilities.

In addition to this amazing capability that we all share, each of us is also individually and uniquely gifted with an exceptional talent in one or two particular areas of human endeavors—such as music, poetry, mathematics, carpentry, masonry, law, entertainment, engineering, business, parenting, oratory, surgery, sports, or journalism. A successful discovery of one’s natural talent, niche, or true calling, when combined with the capacity to hope, can make an immense difference in the quality and scope of personal achievements and overall fulfillment in life.

Lamentably, there are many who live their entire lives without ever identifying their true callings. Consequently, they never achieve their full potential or become optimally accomplished and fulfilled. I have often wondered what could have become of Beethoven and Marie Curie if their talents in music and science had never been unmasked. What other possible endeavors could they have pursued as successfully, and how accomplished or consequential to humanity would they have turned out to be under this alternative scenario?

Dan Gilbert, Scholar of Happiness

Some of us seemingly stumble on our true callings purely by chance and, as a result, become quite successful and accomplished in life. Such was the case with Dan Gilbert, the now world-famous psychologist who, at the age of nineteen, was a high school dropout daydreaming about writing science fiction. When he attempted to enroll in a creative writing class at a community college, the class was already full, so he instead registered in the only available course, which happened to be psychology. There he found his passion and the opportunity to express his latent aptitude in the study of human behavior. He excelled and ultimately earned a doctorate degree in psychology at Princeton University, became a professor of psychology at Harvard, and wrote a best seller on the subject of happiness with translations available in over twenty languages due to popular demand. Among his other many laurels was the Phi Beta Kappa award for excellence in teaching. All his accomplishments were made possible as a result of the serendipitous discovery of his true niche.

Adam Steltzner, NASA Team Leader

There is often a provoking event that ignites the hidden talent or awakens a latent passion in us and ultimately causes us to soar, sometimes much further than we ever dreamed. Such a triggering event or incidental catalyst commonly arises in one of four possible situations:

1. As a result of a transformative relationship or encounter with an iconic personality

2. Following a momentous spiritual inspiration or profound religious experience

3. After a painful loss, severe deprivation, or tragic event

4. During an occasion of personal curiosity or solemn introspection

Curiosity was the trigger in the case of Adam Steltzner, a young man who floundered around, seemingly without any aim in life. He was a wannabe hard-rock star with pierced ears and a funny haircut. His apparent priorities during high school were sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll. Even his father believed Adam would never amount to anything other than a ditchdigger.

One night, while on his way home after playing bass guitar at a club, Adam became fascinated after happening to observe the movements of the stars in the constellation Orion. Though at the time he was a high school dropout who had earned the grade of F twice in the same geometry class, he became somehow driven by personal curiosity to enroll in an elementary physics course at a community college with the intention of gaining some basic understanding about the movements of stars. While attending that class, he got intellectually hooked, found his true niche, and eventually ended up with a doctoral degree in physics. He later became a top rocket scientist and eventually the team leader of the NASA unit that designed, built, and directed the unmanned space exploratory rover named Curiosity, which successfully landed on Mars on August 5, 2012.

As inspiring and enviable as these and other stories of triumphs and successes are, it is, of course, never advisable to leave one’s personal fate and fulfillment in life entirely to chance by passively waiting until a sudden event, encounter, misfortune, or tragedy jolts us into action on the right path. On the contrary, these stories reveal that each of us has a calling waiting to be unveiled so we can be set free to soar—if and when we also have the right dose of hope and the power to dream.

During my thirty-five years of research on the subject of human hope, including a thorough review of hundreds of biographies, I have consistently found that those who are full of hope and pursuing their personal passions are invariably the ones who ultimately achieve a sustained satisfaction and true contentment in life. I believe that when the human capacity to hope is combined with the pursuit of one’s true calling, a life of fulfillment is not only predictable but actually inevitable. Accordingly, my one and only advice for you, if indeed you want to achieve a truly gratifying and fulfilling life, is to start living what I call a life of hope.

Why and for Whom This Book Was Written

As a road map, this book was written to basically reveal how to discover your true calling, expand your capacity to dream, and accrue human hope to the fullest. It explains, in plain language, how to begin and sustain a life that leads to gratifying contentment, including a number of practical tips for neutralizing the usual annoyances of everyday life, and how to avoid despondency in the event of major personal misfortune. Also included in this book is a self-administered and self-scored personal instant self-assessment scale (or PISA metrics) for self-monitoring at any point before, during, or after any transformative personal experience that occurs in your life. Unlike most self-help books, it contains none of the usual lengthy lists of dos and don’ts. Instead, it recommends very precise exercises and practical daily routines that are easy to follow and remember.

If you are or you know someone who is one of the following, this book was written with you and that person in mind:

■ a graduating high school senior who needs the right road map to help himself or herself transition into successful adulthood

■ a young man or woman already in college and searching for relevant criteria for choosing the right major and planning a fulfilling career

■ a recent graduate or newlywed who needs a guiding philosophy for achieving his or her personal goals and aspirations

■ a person actively searching for more meaningful and better rewarding life experiences

■ a parent, a teacher, a counselor, a nurse, a physician, or other community stakeholder who needs a blueprint for assisting, mentoring, and inspiring others

■ a person currently grieving due to a personal loss, a misfortune, or a painful tragedy and is therefore in acute need of hope

The Story behind This Book

Very briefly, the story behind this book can be divided into three parts—A, B, and C.

A. How I became Interested in the Subject Matter of Human Hope

In 1979, during my six-week rotation in psychiatry as a third-year medical student, I was struck by the degree of pessimism and profound sense of helplessness on the part of several depressed patients in the psychiatric ward, especially those who were admitted because of attempted suicide. With encouragement from my mentors, I applied for and was awarded a generous two-year grant to do a research project on human hope. Little did I know at the time that it would take me over thirty years of my adult life (beyond medical school) to complete the task of deciphering human hope to my personal satisfaction.

B. The Three Findings That I Made

For over three decades, I kept searching for answers to every question I had about human hope. I conducted national and local surveys—including hundreds of one-on-one interviews in a wide range of settings. I studied mothers and children under various life circumstances; closely followed international news and local stories about the plight of refugees and victims of natural disasters; read the biographies, memoirs, eulogies, and obituaries of both beloved and ostracized citizens—including heroes and villains of different eras and cultures. Most unfortunately, I also had a very heart wrenching opportunity to observe and document the daily dispositions of my own beloved sister, Theresa, during the last nine months of her life, as she struggled with breast cancer, radiation therapy, mastectomy, and chemotherapy. During those precious nine months that she and I spent together—alone, in one bedroom apartment—I became well educated about the central role of human hope in everyday life. At the end of it all, I made three findings.

Finding No. 1: There are five (real or potential) human assets: intrinsic assets, human family assets, educational assets, economic assets, and spiritual assets.

We derive that thing we call hope from these five assets. Those who are the richest in these five essential human assets are the people fullest of hope in life. (See appendix A, particularly tenets 5 and 6, for more details.)

Finding No. 2: There are five permanent inborn human hungers—the hunger for inclusion and acknowledgment, hunger for intimacy and trusted companionship, hunger for food and comfort, hunger for answers and information, and the hunger for certainty and continuity—with which we are all saddled at birth.

Our response to these five inborn hungers largely determines what we eventually become in life—including what we do and how we feel. (See appendix B and appendix C for details.)

Finding No. 3: Those who are full of hope are better equipped to cope with inborn hungers, to succeed in spite of hardships, to rebound faster after tragedy, and to best endure the threat of imminent death.

C. The Conclusion That Emerged

Based on these three findings and bolstered by the fourteen tenets of hope as described in appendix A, the extrauterine adaptation theory presented in appendixes B and C, the Chilean miners’ story told in appendix D, and the definition of a happy life as explained in appendix E, I eventually connected the dots and arrived at the conclusion that hope, hunger, and happiness are precisely related as follows:

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My burning desire to share these findings with others, like you, is the major reason for writing this self-help book. Every claim and every recommendation in this book is based on or derived from the above