A Hundred Days in Marriage: True Love, Keeping Promises, Sacrifice and Commitment

By Joseph Uwagaba Caleb

I am sharing a long life memory I shared with my lovely wife Sabine Mucyo, glimpse of a life I fought for and the hope that mends my broken heart. From the first day I met her, our honeymoon, our battle and the unexpected wins. It’s the story of the unexceptional wife I wished and had but not for long. A legacy started but didn't finish and my dreams to make every moment known and a fulfillment of a promise I made to her of writing about our love and sharing it with the world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664127821

Joseph Uwagaba Caleb

Mr. JOSEPH UWAGABA CALEB, was born on 06/27/1990. He holds a MA, in Development Studies, BA, in Emergency and Disaster Management and a Dip, in Theology. Uwagaba is an Event Manager. He organizes different seminars, concerts, and charity initiatives events. He is a born again, Christian, and a member of Bethesda Holy Church Rwanda where he serves as Media Director in the Youth committee. Moreover, he writes devotions, motivation articles. He professionally worked in different trade companies as a store keeper and sales manager. He has also worked with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), Kigali-Rwanda. Joseph married Sabine Mucyo, his beloved wife who died seven months after their wedding day. Sabine went to be with Lord on October 4th, 2018.

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Joseph Uwagaba Caleb.

Email address: [e-mail]

Website: www.ujcaleb.com

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020916363

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/26/2020

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

818682

CONTENTS

Preface

Reviews

Acknowledgement

Dedication

Introduction

The origin of the book’s name

Chapter 1 I Wish She Could Get A Chance To Live

We met again for the second time

She did not offer love, she sacrificed time

The sacrifice of one night, the all time solution

Our first time with our spiritual parents

Wedding proposal

The wedding day

Honeymoon

Chapter 2 Syrupy Moment Never Last

This is how hard times came

Pain of the last days

The worst day ever

The worst night ever

Chapter 3 The Feelings Of Her Beloved One’s During Funeral Day

Her Husband

Her Mother

Her Siblings

Chapter 4 Why Did You Leave Me Honey?

Death rejected me

Death, shame on me

15 things that Sabine liked

Who Lent The Hand In Sabine’s Death

Chapter 5 What Helped Me To Heal From The Wound Of Death?

Four Steps In The Healing Process

I slept alone

Always crying for her

The role of the church in our marriage

Chapter 6 The Testimonies

Tim Christine

Katabogama

Uwineza Rehema

Alice Ingabire

References

PREFACE

D EATH and illness arouse fear in us, where they remind us that we will surely die, and that we may lose the people we love. If we are choosing to deal with fear by turning away from it we are not only denying others our comfort and support, we are denying the opportunity to prepare for life events which are inevitable for most of us.

This book: A hundred days in Marriage came into existence after the most unexpected tragedy I have ever experienced! I got the privilege to meet Caleb Uwagaba and his late wife Sabine Mucyo; they connected so well spiritually, emotionally and socially, a rare combination of values in many couples. Caleb, a very gifted and talented young man, was one of my best students for four years during his undergraduate studies. He was very hardworking, committed to whatever he puts his mind and hand to. A year after his graduation, he shared with me his plans of getting married and for that I gave him a go- ahead as a god father. After all He who finds a wife, finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). Little did anyone know that the marriage Caleb was entering was to last a 100 perfect days! Since then, Caleb has sought guidance on how to manage this state of grieving. I want to believe that by the time he put together the notes in this wonderful book, he is ready to move on by sharing with others who may find themselves in a similar situation and could be in need of coping.

From my continued communication with Caleb, he has repeatedly pointed out that, when your spouse dies, your sense of helplessness, combined with your grief, often prove to be an overpowering blend of emotions. In addition, If you have lost a loved one to death; be of any relation, we tend to believe that there is no end in sight to this suffering, the key to putting this pain behind is a process–however, acknowledging the loss as a new life from God - is well within reach.

A hundred days in Marriage will help whoever reads this book to realize that, while you can’t bring back your spouse or loved one lost, you can face your grief in stages that lead toward personal healing. The experiences of bereavement shared and advice in this book is simple, but effective! You will learn not to bury your feelings, but rather, to go through the pain of death and to look ahead to the life God has provided. It is my hope that this book A hundred days in Marriage speaks acceptance and comfort to someone as needed guidance to coping with loss of a spouse.

Dr. Moses Kayongo

Vice Chancellor

University College of Health Sciences

Lusaka, Zambia

REVIEWS

I HAVE been reading your book whenever I could but to me it is simply impossible to read it all at once as it carries so huge load of emotions and a bunch of life lessons.

Frankly speaking I did not know what to expect from your testimony. I was even afraid I will not be able to really understand what you have wanted to pass to your readers as I expected it to be strongly connected to your faith (what indeed is true).

First of all very personally I found in your book an encouragement to make an attempt towards a person whom I have under my eyelids when I wake up and I think of when I am falling asleep. I do not know yet how but I am inspired already to do something, to act.

Secondly I got stunned by discovering that there are three authentic omnipotence’s in this Universe: obviously the first one is the Power of Nature. The two others are Death and Love. And then, while reading and at the same time looking at my own life challenges, for the first time I have understood the analogy from the Song of Songs: for love is strong as death. The weight of emotions in both is the same but there is very powerful difference in between them: as for Death we all stand in front of it plain and speechless, there is no one who can ever escape it. But as for Love we as human beings are equipped with several instruments to play the melody of love to attract the other person we are falling for, that is one thing, another one is that the Love is a matter of choice for both partners - whether it is the choice to love someone or to accept love from other person. So we both need to undertake an effort to love, to be loved and to be persistent in that matter. Otherwise is with Death - no matter what we are trying to do Death will take us or whoever it wants to take.

So then such load of responsibility makes us powerful towards Love, we can decide to fight for Love, we are not helpless as towards Death. Love is compelling, it can arise a true life restoration to build together as one, to create.

I have known that before but throughout your book it was resonating with great power such a rediscovery! I feel everyone in life meet for a reason, thank you for being my inspiration in such fragile and sensitive matters, thank you for uplifting hope and resetting that superficial view on the principal values we have in our lives.

Marta Tracz-Tryniecka

Author

Poland

I have read the astonishing testimony of Joseph Caleb Uwagaba and his late wife Sabine Mucyo, whom the death has separated after few days of their marriage. The book contains bunch of advices to the young generation (youth) that are genuine and pure love that have never experienced any sort of hypocrisy but only collaboration, and truthfulness before and during their wedding preparations. However their expectations as any newly married couple were the sweetness of marriage, Caleb didn’t allow his love to Sabine to ever fade, Caleb was so young to face such situation but he sustained a happy life and kept his promises to her since their first date to the last breath of his lovely wife which we consider as a heroism in marriage life.

Rev. Vincent Rwibasira

Pastor at Bethesda Holy Church-Rwanda

I found this book to be very well thought out and well written by Caleb Joseph Uwagaba, who lost his wife (Sabine) six. It was not easy for a young husband to lose his wife few months after their wedding as loneliness begins, depression sets in and the struggle continues for Caleb but he still manages to live a happy life and honor his wedding vows to his late wife (Sabine). I would recommend this book to anyone with a sense of humor and who cares about family. The sad part of this book is also important to tell, if you want to know how to overcome the pains of losing a dear one, then, this book is for you.

Mr. Prince Ohene Ansong

Birth and Death Registry - Ghana.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would like to thank all those who have helped make this

work possible, Many thanks are also order for all the people

who were kind enough to read my manuscript especially Dr.

Moses Kayongo Dr. Fidele Masengo, Dr. Rev. Cedrick, Rev. Vicent

RWIBASIRA, Past. Emmanuel Senga, and the translating team

(Pascal, Sylvie, Harri, Lilian, The Pink, Gilbert, James, Sonia,

Berwa, Frederick, Sarah), from Kinyarwanda to English.

My sincere gratitude goes to each and every one of you.

This book would not have seen the day light without your

valuable help, my thanks again to all those who believed

in this and encouraged me to publish this book.

I am very grateful to my family, in law family, friends

and colleagues whose unconditional support and words

of encouragement were a good source of motivation,

I am most fortunate to have you by my side!

Thank you all very much!

DEDICATION

I dedicate this to my late wife Sabine Mucyo and my

father-in-law who passed away two month before his

beloved daughter, my dedication goes to my family

and in-law-family, church mates, workmates, friends

and followers on different social media platforms.

INTRODUCTION

E VERY human being’s life has a beginning and an end. Every person lives within his/her own lifetime. I personally realized that; there is nothing you can do to reduce or increase the lifetime you were supposed to last on earth.

Health experts may convince you that you can live longer, if you follow well doctors’ instructions or orders, dieticians and Health advisers, For instance, specialists from Harvard University advise people saying do not smoke, do physical exercises, have a balanced diet (cereals, vegetables, fruits) plus other vitamins such as vitamin D, visiting a physician whenever needed, in case he prescribed some different medicines you have to ask him whether they don’t interfere with your body’s immunity, brushing teeth, and so much more that can prevent you from different diseases. Harvard Medical School (2010-2019), But it ends up one (or any living creature) finding oneself within that range of the beginning and the end. Based on that as an author of this book, I tried to define what the life is. What is life? It’s a complexity of what we go through in our daily duties by choice or accident, be it good or bad."

Could it be the same in marriage? Any girl or boy gets curious about the time he or she will be having a partner. His bone from my bones and flesh from my flesh, until today, marriage is one of very important things in the whole family life. Many people try to define marriage in various ways, some even call it a small heaven. I had that curiosity too. Happiness, calmness and true love, and picturing myself in that moment are what consisted my time with Sabine, whom I called ONE IN A MILLION. I could envision our future both of us living in a paradise. She was a well up brought girl, kind, stable, and God-fearing. We vowed I do in front of the church and families, to support each other in bad and worse, sickness and Health, until death parts us. Families got together and they we happy. Single friends considered us as their role model; they wished to follow our steps. For Sabine and I happiness was immense, we had acquired new titles of Mister and Misses.

But as a Rwandan expression says: akaryoshye ntigahora mu itama(sweet moment never last). Many people love meat and have it daily on their menu. For some who like kebabs (including me), it is like taking a bite on a meat after long time without eating it, and involuntarily spit it out due to certain circumstances while it had reached the point you were enjoying it.

M ucyo was an Angel that slipped out of my hands too soon. I always remember her tears roll down my cheeks. Sabine should not have died and leave me with such grief. At least she should have waited for us to celebrate the victory of our dreams and love we have loved each other (love that seemed impossible). Glory is to God who chooses what we deserve, and the one who knows our future. If it was my choice, I wouldn’t choose that; I would have been like Jesus and prayed for the cup to be taken from me. In this book, I will focus on our personal lives; I am talking of my wife, the late Sabine and me, but I hate this word (the late) to the extent that when one mentions it, my mind goes back to sorrowful moments. Can you imagine that only months after getting legally married, wedded in front of God and friends, then the same year your change marital status to that of a widower!!!.(I will discuss more in the chapter about burial, where I refused to be called a widower because I feel that my Angel (Sabine) did not die, but she is asleep instead and went to God our Father. This made me feel that I am not a widower, but also led to a moments of changes, where I found myself single again, all within one year.

I will focus more on Sabine’s and my ideas, testimonies, highlights, good and bad times, what people knew about Sabine or her legacy in general, our personal lives before and after we got married, but I wish not to go beyond December 31, 2018 especially the October. That month is the worst of all evil months in my marriage. I actually consider it as the worst in my history because I honestly can’t think of anything that can hurt me more than losing my wife whom I passionately loved.

Our love for each other made me proud; I could feel dignity among my peers and elders. So, the month of October has been wretched to the extent I can’t even find words to explain what happened. Probably images could describe better what happened hour per hour on October 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th…up to the 30th, 2018 including the day she passed away, and others worse days followed. It is the same month I have started my writings, having big dreams that they will become a book as Sabine requested me to write them down.

THE ORIGIN OF THE BOOK’S NAME

May people wonder about the origin of this book’s name and why it was named this way? But it is not me who named it, because it was a participation of three people including Sabine herself. After a long discussion between my wife, Mr. Rwandenzi (the chair committee of Youth in our Church (when he had come to visit us at King Faisal Hospital), and myself, she also counted three months she had been sick, plus other few days afterwards… She felt that the difficult situation she had gone through could not end just like that. She wanted to write something about it so that it becomes a reference for others in the future.

Three months later after our wedding, if you count well is the same period of time she had been sick. We consulted different hospitals but it seemed impossible to get treatment. The time came when we thought her being sick is coming to end, especially that the hospital we were in was about to discharge us. While we were waiting, we had a discussion with people who had come to visit us including that chairperson, and other people I don’t recall well. "Honey, this whole time I have been sick, I should write a book about all the difficult moments we have gone through after we got married.

Because she suffered enough, I asked her why she wanted to write a book. She laughed and said Don’t you realize that forgetting about all of this would be a disgrace? the chairperson asked her what the name of the book will be. Before she replied I immediately said to name it The most difficult problems I faced in my marriage. The chair person asked her again how long she had been sick, over three months she replied and she added maybe we can name it: The most difficult fist days in my marriage" We finally concluded with A hundred days in Marriage. When we asked why she would name it that way, she said that she will name it after the three months and few extra days she has been sick. I immediately promised her that I will help her to get it done because we suffered together,

I saved it in my telephone note pad immediately. We ended the conversation without any idea that time will come, and this book will have got practically written by me being alone. Despite the name of the book, even though the content exceeds the story of three months, I preferred to start from the time I met her until a little bit after she passed way, which means seven month after we got married. So, that was the origin of the name as it was a suggestion of Sabine herself to name the book A HUNDRED DAYS IN MARRIAGE.

October 22nd, 2018, that is when I started writing what I call a book, I was heartbroken, my heart is sorrowful and grieving that I am starting the process by myself while there was a partner we had agreed to do it together. As I mentioned earlier, She is the one who came up with an idea because she thought she was going to recover after three months and extra ten days she had been sick, in that we write together the bad and good we have had throughout our journey From the time we first met until the time she was discharge from the hospital. But as we all know the expression in Kinyarwanda; Inzira ntibwira umugenzi(the journey never alerts the passenger). What I thought could never happen or I could never accept, happened and received with both hands and accepted.

CHAPTER ONE

I WISH SHE COULD GET

A CHANCE TO LIVE

L IKE for other men of my age, it was quite difficult for me to decide when it is the right time to get married and who to engage with. In my dating stage, I have had different choices with which several criteria of whom should be my wife were to be satisfied. I also believe that if my beloved Sabine could have a chance to write or if the Almighty God was to grant her some few breathing moments, the same sentence would appear in this book. She could