The Agony Within: A Woman Story

By Yanick Gilet

In this book you’ll learn:
How to live the life you were born to live.
• Learn how to stop being Codependent, and ways to recognize an abuser.
• Break the cycle of abuse by building up your self-esteem.
• Love yourself first.
• Identify the patterns that keep you emotionally trapped and take care of your inner Child.
• Recognize and understands the abusers in your life.

“A PHENOMENAL BOOK, VERY ENLIGHTEN AND FULL OF HOPE.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 19, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728339887

Yanick Gilet

Born in Port-Au-Prince Haiti, Yanick has 25 years of nursing experience. In this book she describes the life of women victim of domestic violence, emotional pain and how it resonates and deepen into the mind, body and spirit. In addition, she is also a former victim of domestic violence. Yanick’s book include: Book research, case history., and ways to help women victim of domestic violence breaking free and also break the cycle of abuse.

Book preview

© 2020 Yanick Gilet. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

The story is real; however, composites and names are fictional and have been changed to protect identities and to ensure confidentiality.

Published by AuthorHouse 12/13/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3989-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3987-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3988-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019920699

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

■     Emotional Pain

■     Domestic Violence

■     Involving Your Spiritual Community

■     Here Are Some Of The Bad Reasons For Staying:

■     What Do I Need To Do Before I Am Ready To Leave?

■     Domestic Violence And Christianity: When Will We Learn?

■     Depression

■     Anxiety Disorders

■     Dealing With Criticism: Verbal Self-defense

OVERCOMING THE DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS OF ABUSE.

UNDERSTANDING THE INFLUENCE OF EMOTIONAL PAIN, GUILT, AND SHAME.

RECLAIMING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

UNDERSTANDING THE EFFECT OF TOXIC ENVIRONMENT ON ABUSED WOMEN.

GETTING TO THE PATH OF RECOVERY FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN AND DOMESTIC ABUSE.

Emotional Pain

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Everyone has a secret. We were not placed in the universe to become victim. We were placed to become successful. As women we are expected to be nurturing and loving. I met this young lady a couple of years ago. Her name is Nellie, and we were both working for the same company. She is also of Haitian descent. Nellie was 60 years old with 20 years of experience as a Respiratory Therapist, and a darn good caring and compassionate worker. She treated every patient as she would treat her own family member, with respect and dignity. Nellie said she still feels wounded because of the severe emotional and physical damages and abuse she sustained, both as a child and as an adult, from people she thought were good friends and a family member whom she thought would have been like a protector to her. Those damages cause her to doubt herself, her perceptions, her abilities, her inner strength, and most of all, her love for herself. She said the emotional abuse she suffered from has been the hardest part of her recovery. She continues to give away different parts of herself until she had very little left for herself; by taking care of others’ needs and being generous to a fault, but she didn’t take care of her own needs. She allows herself to be victimized by a husband, friends, a family member, and even her boss.

Nellie said she was grateful for whatever small kindness anyone provided to her, because she didn’t feel like she deserved anything better and because she was so used to being ignored or taken for granted. Nellie is very quiet, charismatic, caring, and very sensitive; always with a smile on her face. However, underneath that smile appeared to be some emotionally shared experiences which deeply resonates inside of her. Nellie has always said that she grew up in a toxic environment where showing emotion was not permitted nor expressed. Emotions, particularly bad emotions were minimized and seen as a sign of weakness, invalidated, and perceived as unworthy and unruly. As a teenager, the best thing to do is to hide that in order to avoid conflicting problems and agonizing burden to your family.

One night, we were not too busy; Nellie and I were talking about our personal life. Suddenly, her facial expression saddened to the point where she began to sob immensely. She appeared to be preoccupied with something. When I insisted to know what’s was happening, Nellie started to tell me about her childhood story.

Nellie was in her sixties. She started telling me that she suffered some bad experiences in her past that she was not too proud of. Nellie said she thought she had packed the hurt so far down that it couldn’t possibly resurface; however, she noticed she started mesmerizing about her childhood memories for the past couple of years. She thought it was because of hormonal imbalances or may be someone’s else behavior had triggered her childhood wound. Scared, wounded and often traumatized from her childhood life. Nellie stated time and time again, she avoided dealing with the root of her problems, but they always resurfaced, and she continued to be miserable. She started wrapping herself in a false self-image for protection. Emotional stress drains us of the energy we need for daily life. Somehow, Nellie was still engulfed by the shame and guilt of her past and her emotional turmoil appeared to be getting stronger and stronger, and that lately her life has been substantially lonely and unfulfilled due to sadness, shame, guilt, shame, and despair.

Guilt is anger that is directed at ourselves. To feel ashamed of something we did wrong, or even of something wrong that was done to us, is not surprising; it is quite normal. But to be ashamed of ourselves because of what happened takes shame and guilt to a dangerous level that begins to poison all areas of our life. It is time to be free from shame. As unhappiness increases, so is disruption in her life. Simultaneously, her body could no longer take the stress anymore and somehow, she started developing some emotional illness. Her childhood memories have become the highlight of her daily life, which ignited within her.

She was buried under so many layers of emotional pain and fear about the future that she felt completely hopeless. Her soul has been damaged. She didn’t, feel, or behave right. That is what happens to us when our souls are wounded. We see everything through the lens of our brokenness and pain, and it is difficult to believe that anything in life will ever get better. As she cannot live peacefully within herself anymore, inner peace and her inner purpose become her priority. She started to think that she has to detach herself from her negative emotions. Which in turn carries a great potential for her spiritual awakening. She then, decided that she will turn all her negative energy into more positive energy. Nellie states that the universe has tried many times to take the blinders off her eyes in order to help her focus on her health, her life, and her family. She said she just ignored the signs and continued to focus on the external factors of her life in order to survive and dulled the emotional pain.

Bishop T.D. Jakes Motivational Speech in exhausted Emotions: The emotional and physical trauma that we suffered during abuse was often so severe that our body had to shut down to protect us from such a deluge of pain. As adults many of us still function as if in a daze, just going through the motions of being alive. We became so good at dissociating ourselves from life in order to avoid pain that we are seldom truly present when we are with other people; (since we are seldom comfortable with people). Generally, we are daydreaming about something else or obsessing about what we must do next; rarely do we fully experience the moment.

We are, in fact, so afraid of pain that we deny its existence. We feel proud of our ability to tolerate painful situations, when what we are doing is numbing ourselves. We even pride ourselves on our ability to quietly withstand even extreme physical pain, seeing it as a sign of strength. We foolishly think that it’s best to ignore pain of any kind in the hope that it will just go away. By splitting ourselves off from our physical feelings, we may, indeed, manage to avoid a good deal of pain but the price we pay is that we are never fully alive. We are now cut off from all our feelings, good as well as bad.

Bishop T.D. Jakes on one of his Motivational Speeches regarding Emotional Pain stated Don’t let your pain stop you from being who you are. Sometimes we become so engrossed with our pain, that we miss the point. Pain can traumatize you to the point where you can’t think clearly, you can’t reason, it becomes difficult to figure things out. You can have pain so deep that you lose your sense of self, your personality, you become a different person. There is a purpose in your pain, reclaim your territory, get your stuff back!

Our state of slumber has become a nightmare, and our real self is hidden from us. In order to recover, we must integrate our bodies with our minds and our emotions with our thoughts.

In the Emotionally Abused Woman Beverly Engel wrote: "It is often difficult for a woman to admit that she is indeed being emotionally abused, particularly if she is competent and successful in all other aspects. But emotional abuse is nothing to be ashamed of. While it is hard to determine the exact number of women around the world who are emotionally abused, we do know that the number is astronomical. While emotional abuse is probably the most common type of abuse, until now it has received the least attention. Many women who are being emotionally abused do not even realize what is happening to them. While all emotionally abused women share many of the same characteristics, their personality traits can differ. Identifying which type of emotionally abused woman you are will help you in several ways. Many suffer from the effects of emotional abuse-depression, lack of motivation, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, worthlessness, hopelessness, self-blame, and self-destructiveness-but do not understand what is causing these symptoms. Many women who seek help for their symptoms do so without any awareness of why they are sufferings.

Those who are being emotionally abused often grow to believe