Through Horror to Hope: A Faith Journey to Hopefulness in the Face of Evil

By Robert Bailor

The odyssey of Michael, which began with his personal struggles about the truth of religious faith in Through Fire to Faith, continues in Through Horror to Hope. He is thrust into a crisis of faith which can only be resolved if he can discover the meaning of good and evil. Furthermore, he needs to become convinced that this world and his life are meant for good. The book begins with Michael’s sincere conviction that he has been touched by God and called to genuine faith. Then this faith is sorely challenged when a massacre occurs at his church and he must reconcile this mass murder with his hope in God as his savior. He deeply questions why he prays “Deliver us from evil” when such a terrible tragedy can occur. What he thought was his solid, secure trust in God begins to crumble under the weight of his faith crisis. Along the way, Michael is joined by his wife Emilee and his friends Matthew and Rose, who came to the United States to escape just such horrors with the civil war in Sierra Leone. The reactions to the church massacre by these and others whose lives intertwine with Michael’s all work to help Michael decide whether this world is good enough to bring a new life into it. Finally, Michael’s crisis of faith climaxes with his second inspirational personal encounter with Fr. David and his second challenging professional dispute with Dr. Dorothy Stingler. This novel provides the reader with a thrilling and profound experience in terms of good and evil and their impact on religious faith.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728328751

Robert Bailor

ROBERT (BOB) BAILOR is a Philosophy Professor with a particular interest in meaning of life issues. He is also a retired Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. Bob has published two non-fiction books in philosophy (Passion, Longing and God and A Month of Wonders), one non-fiction book in addiction counseling (Chemical Addiction & Family Members) and a fictionalized self-help book on aging (Getting Older). His first three novels are a trilogy about one person’s spiritual journey from agnostic to genuine believer (Through Fire to Faith, Through Horror to Hope, and Through Loss to Love). Bob’s fourth novel (Murder in the Time of COVID) is a murder mystery set in the time of the COVID pandemic demonstrating the courage, intelligence and integrity of law enforcement personnel. AND THREE MORE BIBLE STORIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED...but maybe could have is the last in a trilogy of fictional bible stories meant for believers and nonbelievers alike. Bob’s books are available at his website: robert bailor.com and at authorhouse.com. Bob has also published numerous articles in philosophy and counseling, and he has presented talks at various professional conferences on teaching philosophy, spirituality, and advancing professional counseling skills. Bob lives in Westerville, OH with his wife, Mary Rose. They have three grown children and four grandchildren.

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© 2019 Robert Bailor. All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. However, this is not to imply that the existence of spiritual references is also fictitious.

Published by AuthorHouse  10/01/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-2874-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-2873-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-2875-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019914793

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Prologue

Part One: From Mourning to The Massacre

Part Two: The Massacre

Part Three: From The Massacre to Mercy

Part Four: From Mercy to The Mass

Part Five: From The Mass to Misery

Part Six: From Misery to Mission

Part Seven: From Mission to Meditation

Part Eight: From Meditation to The Moment

Part Nine: From The Moment to Merriment

Addendum

Chapter One

Starter thoughts on the meaning of faith

More points to make

Works Cited

Acknowledgements

Other Books by Robert W. Bailor

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all those who have struggled with

the dilemma of good and evil. Its purpose is to suggest

that religious faith is the antidote to evil and that there is

hope because there is a promise even in the face of evil that

a loving, merciful God will deliver us from evil.

PROLOGUE

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It was about two years since Michael and Emilee had married. This morning early he sat alone in his study. The birds were just beginning to sing their songs to the dawn. Emilee was still sleeping softly in their bed, and the silence enveloped and comforted Michael.

Michael liked taking this time when the world was not yet awake to sit in his easy chair with a hot cup of coffee and mindfully close his eyes to let the world and his thoughts just flow over him. Often this would lead to prayer that had a powerful tinge of an intimacy with God.

This morning he was led to a deep sense of gratitude for all the wondrous things that had happened to him. Most of all he was thankful for the gift of faith that had been his anchor and his guide ever since the day he accepted the call to believe. And it was this call that broke open into his memory. He brought to mind that fateful moment of healing through Fr. David and the immediate aftermath that set his life on a path he had never foreseen.

As he sat quietly his thoughts went back to what happened after he and Emilee left the monastery on that fateful day. He spoke gently to himself:

I was exhausted. I had arrived at my home before Emilee, and as I stepped through the doorway, I felt joyful but drained and I longed to just lie down and sleep. I wanted to rest but I kept pondering what I had just gone though.

What has happened to me? Struggle and despair and hope and love. I have been challenged to choose between being stone and being alive. But I feel like this challenge did not come from me; it came to me to confront me with the question of my own meaning. Had I been asked whether I wanted all the pain and the confusion that came with it, I surely would have declined the offer. It was all given to me as if to lead me to where I am now. I chose to deal with it; I did not choose to begin it or to sustain it or to direct its conclusion. I went through it. The whole experience was like I was living a pregnancy, and I was what the whole experience was pregnant with. Emilee and Fr. David and the others were like midwives who birthed me to become a renewed person. What I went through was a conversion, and all that had happened beforehand was preparing me for it. It was all meant for me to have new eyes to see a meaning and beauty I couldn’t see yet. Its purpose was for me to have a new heart that embraces what stands before me here and now yet longs for the Infinite. Yet like a newborn who has finally burst into the world, I am so tired from this immense labor. I need to rest, and now I can rest, for I am finally at peace.

My reverie came to an end when I heard Emilee arrive. I stopped and turned to greet her. When she came close I gently took her by the shoulders and kissed her for so long that she playfully pushed herself away protesting that she could not breathe.

Oh, Em, what would I do without you? You took care of me when I was a terrible mess, and you led me to Fr. David. What have I done to deserve you?

Emilee said nothing but smiled softly and blushed.

I really need to lie down now, I confessed, but when I get up, can we talk about all this? I think I’m beginning to understand what it means to be a believer in a way I never thought of before. I have lived the birth of genuine faith, and I really want to share that with you since it happened because of you.

Emilee replied, That sounds like a grand idea, Michael, but right now we need to get you in bed. I’m surprised you’re still standing.

We walked up the stairs and Emilee tenderly helped me get ready for bed. When I finally lied down, she kissed me and drew the covers over me. Then I drifted off to sleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

At times I slept soundly, but Emilee tells me that at times I turned my head from side to side and let out a worrisome moan. And there was one moment when I sat up and cried out a sleep-disguised Help me! Then I fell back upon my pillow and slept soundly without a stir.

It was late afternoon when I went to sleep, and it was till the next morning that Emilee slept next to my bed in an easy chair. With the morning sunlight filtering into my bedroom, Emilee stirred and decided to go downstairs and make some coffee and see if the newspaper had been delivered. When the brewing had finished, she filled two cups with the steaming beverage, tucked the paper under her left shoulder and walked upstairs.

Emilee knocked on the bedroom door then stepped in when I let her know it was OK to enter. As she entered she noticed that not only had I raised the shades and made the bed, but I was fully dressed and seemed ready for the day. Emilee took this to be a very good sign. She said with a smile, Good morning, Sleepyhead. Did you get enough rest?

I did, Sweetheart. I can’t remember when I’ve slept better. I feel refreshed and renewed.

Emilee remarked that it was not just the sun which seemed to brighten the room. She then moved close to me, and we kissed. Emilee asked, So what does today hold for us, my Love? We are free all day, and I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts on what you’ve been through.

My Princess, would you accompany me to a gourmet breakfast where I can share what I have experienced? After that, who knows? It really doesn’t matter as long as I’m with you.

Emilee responded, Since you are already dressed, I think it would be good if I got ready so that you won’t be embarrassed by how I look, since I did spend the night scrunched up in your easy chair.

I sort of felt you there, Sweetheart, but I was not all there myself. I really appreciate your doing that.

It was no problem. I just wanted to be sure you were OK. I don’t know if you remember but you seemed to have some disturbing dreams.

I did, Em, and I’d be glad to share them with you. We can talk about what has been swirling about in my head since that session with Fr. David. So, how about if I go downstairs, you freshen up, and when you emerge as the butterfly you are, we can be on our way.

It won’t take me too long.

I then went downstairs, and Emilee readied for the day.

Emilee and I walked hand-in-hand for about two blocks till we came to a mom-and-pop restaurant that looked like a room in a boarding house. It had a homey feel about it underscored by the pervasive smell of home-cooked food.

We were seated at a table draped with a shiny red and white checker-board tablecloth near a window that looked out onto a park dedicated to local fallen war heroes. We thanked the waitress for such a choice table, and we both ordered orange juice and water.

Emilee spoke first. This reminds of the first time we visited that coffee shop by your old house, remember? At that time I had an inkling there could be more to our relationship than sharing coffee and conversation. But I dared not hope too much. Yet here we are, and there is so much to look forward to now that you have come through what you have.

I looked intently at Emilee and said, Give me your hands, Em. There is hope because there is love. I love you with all my heart, and I know you love me as much. Hope arises from love, and love is sustained by hope. Isn’t that what the Bible is getting at?

"I think you’re referring to St. Paul’s teaching that there are three conditions of a full and happy life–faith, hope and love. You have caught on to the priceless worth of hope and love, but I think you have only recently come to a grasp of what faith is all about. Tell me what faith means to you now."

The waitress returned with our drinks and took our orders. I then tried to express my thoughts without stumbling over my own reflections.

My Love, faith’s meaning slipped into my soul while I was sleeping. There was this relentless dream that came to me, then receded, then returned again and again until it came to a climax.

That must have been when you sat up in bed and tried to say something. I thought I made out a breathless ‘Help me!’

"I don’t remember sitting up, but I do remember being very afraid of falling into an abyss and at one point feeling that I no longer had the strength to escape the plunge.

I recall that for some reason I was climbing a mountain, a mountain with a face that went straight up like a wall. I had no climbing gear, no gloves, no shoes. I remember wondering why I was making this climb and why I found myself already halfway up. Below me there was only darkness.

The food came, and I carried on with my narrative in between bites of my breakfast.

Like I said, I was climbing this mountain. I was too scared to look up or down. I only noticed what was directly in front of me, and that was a cluster of little ledges and rocks. As I pulled myself up onto them, I felt a burning sensation in my hands. When I glanced at them, I saw that they were bloody and raw. I felt the same sensation in my feet, so I knew they were bloody and torn as well. I was in pain but felt I had to keep on climbing, to where I didn’t know. I didn’t think I could finish the climb because the pain in my hands and feet kept getting worse, and the fatigue I felt in my arms and legs became unbearable. I remember wanting to give up, but I knew if I let go or shifted my weight even slightly, I would be swallowed up by the blackness below me. A surge of fear and despair overcame me, and I called out ‘Help me!’

I remember stopping my story at this point as if I were experiencing again that moment of terror. I then looked up at Emilee and said with a joyful intensity, And just as I cried out, I saw a rope harness flash in front of me. You can imagine my surprise! I knew that if I could put just one leg through a loop and grasp on to the line with my bloody hands, I would have a good chance to be hoisted up to safety. But I couldn’t move. I was frozen to my spot because of my fear of hurtling down into the chasm. I felt like stone once again.

I then paused considering how to best tell the most dramatic part of my story. Then I went on, "Em, the harness dangled there, and I knew I had to put it on, and I so wanted to put it on, but I was afraid, no, terrified. Then I heard a voice from above. It said, ‘Don’t be afraid. I have you.’ The voice seemed so confident and encouraging. I hesitated some more. Then the voice rang out with, ‘Trust me. You can do it. Believe, and you can move mountains.’ Was this the Lord? Then something happened to me, Em. I can’t explain what, but I knew He had me, and I could do things I could not do on my own. So I grabbed hold of the rope, carefully slipped my legs one at a time into the loops, took hold of the rope with my left hand, and began to climb the mountain with my right. Now I seemed to have the courage and strength to finish my climb. I was not alone.

I finally reached the top. As I pulled myself up to a standing position, I stood face-to-face with a figure that looked like an experienced mountain climber holding the end of the rope in his gloved hands. Then, Em, when he finally put the rope down and took off his gloves, I noticed that his hands were nail-marked. It was then that I knew it was the Lord. But suddenly He vanished from my sight. I took the rope off, stood up straight and turned to the vista that now opened before me. It seemed to extend forever. And I felt a peace and a confidence my life had only hinted at before. I believed in the Lord and I believed in myself. I guess it was then that I slept soundly, probably with a smile on my face.

Emilee gleefully exclaimed, That’s amazing, Michael! You had an Emmaus moment.

I responded, "I remember that story. Didn’t the disciples say to each other that their hearts were ‘burning within them’ even before they recognized Who was speaking to them? And when their suspicions were confirmed, I bet they just laughed and clapped their hands with joy. And when Jesus had vanished from their sight didn’t they rush to proclaim what they had witnessed?

Well, that’s how I feel now, Em. If I weren’t in a public place I would laugh and clap my hands and shout out that Jesus lives! And He is my Lord. That is the meaning of faith to me.

Thank God! exclaimed Emilee.

I stopped eating and looked Emilee squarely in her eyes. "My Love, to me faith is much more, much deeper than just intellectual conviction. It’s this deep-seated trust in the One who saves and strengthens. Faith is more a matter of encounter than of thought. I believe in God because God believes in me. He stayed with me no matter how much I screwed up. And He gave me you and Fr. David and all the others to help me climb my mountain till I was ready to recognize His power and presence.

"Like those guys on the road to Emmaus, I feel like rushing out and telling everyone about what I have experienced and what I now know. So, this is what I feel called to do, to write a book explaining what genuine faith is and why I am so happy to have become a genuine believer. I think I’ll call it An Explanation of My Faith. My Love, I feel renewed and ready to be all-in for Christ."

Emilee beamed with delight. I feel overjoyed, Michael. Our future will be colored by faith, hope and love. And we will walk down life’s path together till death do us part, and then beyond.

Emilee and I finished our breakfast and left the restaurant looking forward to what the Lord had in store for us.

Such a wondrous time that was! I have hung on to that faith experience and guided my life by it. And everything