Connecting Within: A Mother's Journey to Balance, Peace and Joy

By Jennie Askins

As a divorced single mom, Jennie Askins has been inspired to help other single mothers through her creation of an empowerment group called Single Mom Life. She is a speaker and also privately coaches moms to live their best life NOW. This is her first book.
www.singlemomempowered.com

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jul 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982232115

Jennie Askins

THE MOST POWERFUL CONNECTION YOU WILL EVER MAKE IS WITHIN YOURSELF. Being a mother is far from easy. But motherhood can become effortless when you are living every day from a place of inner strength, peace, and confidence. As mothers, we must stop trying to look outside ourselves for happiness and fulfillment and realize that we can achieve peace, balance, and true joy by connecting within—and getting to know ourselves. In Connecting Within, Creative Coach Jennie Askins will help moms find positive ways to look at parenting. With a meditation and a personal growth challenge at the end of each chapter, Askins will help guide you and give you the clarity you need to become the best mom you can be. This book will help you: • Become calmer and more confident. • Bring about positive change in the way you parent. • Help you create a better balance in your life. • Adopt more positive ways of thinking. • Start looking at motherhood as a true spiritual calling. • Accept where you are on the journey. When we first become mothers, we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking we no longer matter. Askins reassures you that you do matter and that you deserve to be happy. Motherhood is a long and winding path but it is possible to enjoy every minute of it. This book will share techniques for self-care that will enable you to enjoy a more peaceful motherhood journey. Visit the author at SingleMomEmpowered.com.

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Copyright © 2019 Jennie Askins.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Interior Image Credit: Jennie Irving

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3210-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3211-5 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 08/23/2019

Contents

Introduction

Step 1: Looking and Feeling Fabulous

Step 2: Peace Begins With Me

Step 3: Finding Balance

Step 4: I Am Love

Step 5: Grateful Living

Step 6: Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey

Step 7: I Stand in My Inner Power

Single Mom Life

In Closing

I dedicate this book to my

two beautiful daughters Viviana and Abriana and to my parents who have always been my rock.

Introduction

Loving oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.—Oscar Wilde

I came from a very loving home. I was raised by, and grew up with, a mother and a father. My dad worked all the time; he was barely home except on Sundays. My dad worked very hard and was the main financial provider.

The burden of running the household rested on my mother’s shoulders. My mom wanted to conquer the world and do everything on her own. My mother is very Type A personality, very perfectionistic. She did not know how to ask for help and did not want to. Growing up, that brought on a lot of stress for me. I had a hard time relaxing.

So there I was at age 32 bringing my beautiful baby home from the hospital. The day I gave birth to my daughter was the happiest day of my life. She was a precious gem to me. I was afraid if I made the wrong move, she would break, or I would do something that could damage her forever. I had this fear of failing, of royally messing up. I was so scared and riddled with anxiety but at the same time had so much joy, meaning, and happiness as I have never felt before. It’s normal for a new mom to feel these mixed emotions but when emotions are controlled by fear, something is wrong. It’s time to look within. That’s what I did; I realized I was creating my own anxiety.

The only role model I had was how my mother raised me. Yes, I was raised with love, but my mom deserved sainthood for the effort she made on behalf of her family. It seemed she carried the burdens of ten people and never asked for help. When I brought my daughter home, I wondered would I have to give up everything as my mom did and be the martyr for my family? Would it not be OK to ask for help, and if I did ask for help would that be a sign I was failing as a mom? These questions were swimming around in my head. Fear and negativity filled my thoughts.

I found myself completely exhausted, stressed, and unhappy. I thought: Is this what being a mother is, giving up all self-care? That’s all I knew at the time because that’s the example I had.

Within the first year of bringing my daughter home I began to be depressed. I was anxious all the time and my head wasn’t clear enough to figure out why, especially on the little sleep I was getting. My marriage was also suffering. The sad truth came one day when we both realized we couldn’t do it together any longer. We are divorced now, but we are both a lot happier.

During this struggle, I started searching my soul; I would wake and stay up all hours of the night. I kept asking myself the burning question: Why am I so depressed; why am I so anxious? Finally, after months of this reoccurring thought, it clicked:

I have completely let myself go! I don’t know who I am any longer. I know I am a different person now because I am a mother and my life has completely changed, but I don’t even feel like a person anymore. I feel like a walking zombie. I feel like I don’t matter.

It was such a scary thought process, but also the great awakening I needed. Yes, this baby needs me and I love her more than life itself, but how am I going to be any good to her and take care of her if I am not at all taking care of myself? Do I want her to bring home her new baby one day and struggle to the point of absolute exhaustion because that’s what she saw me do throughout her childhood?

The answer to these two questions is of course: No! I want her to be happy, confident, strong, and content and not feel she has to be perfect or conquer the world. I want my daughter to be the best she can be and know she’s only one person with limited resources and it’s OK to need help… it’s OK to rest and take care of yourself, even when you bring home a new baby. I think mothers who never learn the skill of taking care of themselves during those child-raising years feel a sense of resentment, robbed in some way. I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to feel like that; you shouldn’t feel like that. What makes you a good and loving mother is a mother who makes sure she is taking time out for herself. When you try to conquer the world, the only thing that will happen is exhaustion, depression, resentment, and anxiety.

How we grew up has a lot to do with how we are going to raise our own children. Some of us do the opposite of our parents and some of us follow suit. It really slaps you in the face the day you take home your precious baby from the hospital, because most of us have a lot of unhealed issues from our own upbringing. You start going over your own childhood. I started to understand my childhood more fully and the struggles my mother carried, once I had my own family. Having kids of my own did give me a new appreciation for my mom. She was a great mother and loved me and my two brothers more than anything and still does.

I can tell you it’s important to put your children first and foremost, make them your Number One priority because our babies don’t ask to be born and they need us. The younger they are, the more they need you, but I can tell you to make sure you are taking care of yourself and making time for self-care. If you don’t, it will affect your child(ren) in a negative way.

The earlier you start this as a mother, the better off you will be. Happy mom, happy kids! The more you take time to give to you, the more resources you will have to give to them. It won’t come from a place of exhaustion and deprivation.

There is a reason why, when you are on a plane, they say to put your oxygen mask on first. If you put a mask on your children first and something happens to you, you may not be there to save them or care for them. It’s the same in our everyday life. If you are the martyr giving to the point of exhaustion and not making time for self-care or loving yourself enough, then you will have little left to give to them.

Don’t you want to be giving to them happily? Otherwise, I believe you will start feeling like a robot who is just going through the motions and that’s not how motherhood should be.