The Diary of Sirkan Mcgraph

By Alexandria S. Wood

My book will enlighten people to remember what was like to be a child, alone and in love, and to never forget whom you have loved. You will never read a book like this in your life; it will make you laugh, cry, and rejoice. Thank you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781532074547

Alexandria S. Wood

Alexandria S. Wood grew up in a small town in Georgia, graduated high school in 1980. 1985 she moved to New York City. She went to Audrey Cohen College in New York City from 1992 till 1996 and graduated with her Bachelor of Science.

Book preview

Fantasy

04/13/85

I sat down to analyze,

Then suddenly I realized, I only wanted to fantasize,

I thought to myself, what is a fantasy?

Someone said to me, (Hello your majesty),

What are you doing here, only the stars

Play this high up, and you are much more

Than a star

Fantasy, your majesty, star,

I wonder who you are

No one can be a star

It’s only who you are

How high can you play your majesty?

It’s dangerous up this way

The clouds can only allow so much

Next stop is on a role,

(You ‘re such a lady it’s no need to be so shady)

Fantasy, your majesty, star,

I wonder who you are

No one can be a star

It’s only who you are

I began to Fantasize, how high can I go?

Oh, No, I’m almost to the door, how high can I go,

Fantasy, Fantasy, can I analyze or must

I realize, how high I can go, must

I realize no one can go beyond the door.

Fantasy, you majesty, star,

I wonder who you are

No one can be a star

It’s only who you are, who you are,

Fantasy, Fantasy, Fantasy, Fantasy,

Your majesty, your majesty,

It’s no fantasy, it’s me; it’s me,

What about my fantasy?

Fantasy, Fantasy, Fantasy, Fantasy,

Your majesty, your majesty,

It’s no fantasy, it’s me; it’s me

Fantasy

Despair

01/24/93

Sometimes I feel really despaired, I know no other way of life. As if I was born to a cold space of life. Living in a place where the goats will eat my soul. What is it all for? Where am I going? Must I live this way? Who will answer my questions? Why am I so lost? There are no answers to any of my questions.

Will I always be lost in thought? Will I always be lost in memory? Who will save me? Can anyone save me? I’m so afraid, there is no one for me to confide in. I live to look at beautiful women. The story of my life, to dare dream of a special woman to be my mother, there are so many people who don’t have mothers or fathers. I have a mother and a father. I don’t know either of them intimately. I wish so much to be near someone to hold me oh so tight.

Sometimes I look up to the stars, oh God why have you forsaken me? I just want to live. To be in peace with my soul, why have thee let me live this way? I know who you are. I will bend down on my knees, to bow before you, please answer my prayers. The cold breeze just came across my face, please bless me oh God, not with money but with wholeness. I ‘m so afraid, I need to be held oh so tight. What is it I’m saying? I am lost. Dear God, I know who you are I also know where you are. Please my Father; do not let me live this way any longer.

Feelings

01/29/93

Sometimes the pain of fear is so great, I can’t bear it.

When I’m relaxed, I take it in stride this really affects my pride.

We can’t always let others get the best of our soul. If so they will

Rob us of our gold.

Feelings run so deep, it’s remarkably steep. I just say to myself,

What’s mine I’ll keep; that way when I feel oblique, I somehow am

Able to become complete

When the pain of fear is near, I know, my sound soul will disappear

I just have to remember it’s the foolishness of fear.

Strength

01/31/93

I am unable to reach my strength, my hair is short, and my strength is gone. For I must wait until it grows back. For I also, pray that I have longer to live than Sampson. Once a familiar name used, the familiar noun. Sampson was a huge and courageous man who perhaps was a fictional character. We must believe in ourselves, not in others for strength, Sometimes I get lost in my tormented soul, because I’m looking outwards for love.

In order to receive strength, we as human creatures must dig deep inside of our lonely souls. How will I ever overcome such fangs of pain? Oh how will I ever overcome suck fangs of pain? There is a place deep within my soul my capabilities lay still there. How will I ever receive that gold of knowledge?

There is a question of quest, in all of our souls. Only you can get that strength of courage from the bottom of that pit. It is true that others have stifled, and forbidden you to go beyond that search from their speeches of ignorance’s. We must overcome it we must overcome it, we will overcome it we will overcome it.

Life

02/093

Life is thought to be a many splendid thing. I’ve found it depressing. When I open the doors of my heart I just find that many people want to put a knife there. Must I always open my chest for that severe pain? I wonder if it is worth all the gain.

Almighty, I hate pain, therefore, I will never realize my gain. Life is like a case, if you stay on it long enough, it’ll feel like you are progressing on to a base; in that great day, you’ll see a shinning place.

Sometimes we think the pace is not fast enough, but in essence it’s faster than we can ever imagine. Life is like the twinkle of the eye; life is a many splendid thing. Even though I’ve found it so depressing. I can’t give you enough expression.

Deep in my Soul

03/15/93

I feel the pain everyone carries in their souls

For in their lonely souls carry the ashes of gold

I feel the smiles and shills they carry in their souls

For it is ice cold, I feel like I an free, I just feel

Free as a woman would when she runs her hand through your silky

Bronze hair. I am in despair I speak to all races and all faces

I am going to many different places, and I will be in my own space

In time the secret of life will be the public press and your distress

But the glory of all will be my success although I have some regrets

In my soul I feel the pain I knew at such young age of fangs

I feel your bitter and sweetness, of sourness; it is so sweet until,

It’s sour today I have a few flowers.

Brawn

04/17/93

She was a friend of mine,

Sometimes I used to have a drink of wine

With this good ole friend of mine

As life goes by we carry on with a

New wet of friends.

Who will be this friend of mine?

It is, I, Brawn, that will be this friend of yours

I crawl by the steel waters to

Look at your pictures, to see

The beautifulness of your wonderful smile

I love your crazy style.

It is, I, Brawn, who will be this friend of yours.

I kenw you for a while I always admired your crazy

Smile. It was you who invented style

I’m glad you, Brawn became this friend of mine.

Sometimes I think we will have that drink of wine

Brawn, you good ole friend of mine

Princess Mishael

04/17/93

There is a Princess, by the name of Mishael

She is dangerous people thought she was from hell

Mishael seemed very frail, only because she was a

Princess, one day a mountain climber was chasing

Mishael, she turned around and stabbed this filthy

Mountain climber, then she said, that will teach

You to a lesson to fuck with Princess Mishael

Princess Mishael became the town hailer, because

She killed the mountain climber, there was a

Man by the name of Kahn who thought he would

Shave Princess Mishael head, instead she chopped

His head off

Princess Mishael was thought of as an oddity

She cried, What are these terrible things I have done?

I have become the town heroine

I hate myself

I will kill myself

Princess Mishael was on her way to hang herself

She tied her long braid to the tree as she pulled

Out her ax, she saw two little babies one’s name was

Michael and the other Prince

Both babies were lost

They wept and they wept, she picked them both up and said,

I will help you both find your way back home.

When Princess Mishael got to the town of Ludd she saw two families

Crying oh how they lost their little boys

Princess Mishael gave them back to their mothers

Everyone thought that was very nice of Princess Mishael

Then they asked her to join them in a feast for returning the two lost souls

Michael and Prince

Princess Mishael was made the town’s Queen that everyone worshiped

She always called herself Princess Mishael

The Light of Darkness

04/17/93

The stars shine so bright every night.

I wonder why god has brought out this only at night,

Is it, because I can make a wish upon a bright light?

My wish was for darkness to become light

One Saturday I decided to take a flight

Above on a bright shiny light

This light was a magical flight,

I was startled by a dren on this particular night

She whispered in my ear a secret, as we boarded the flight

This, my friend, is a special night,

I wondered why I had never been on this particular flight

It was a ritual, a repeated light,

I found out that there is more to life than a mere spell

Of darkness, the empty feeling of darkness is the coals

Of a coal mine, the stink of smut, has brought many

Into a rut

Control

04/28/93

For one to be in control, one must fully understand

What control is; control is not a meaning it is a

Fact. For I have been in control from the beginning,

The pain that comes with control is the pain of fear.

Fear is control enemy; the two are the same thing

For that matter, no one can succeed; in life there is

A time and place for all things; the things we must

Control will be lost forever; who am I? For that

Will teach you control; it is I who will teach you

Control; to be in control is not to be; to exix\st is

To be in control; control is to exist; if I do not

Exist I do not control; control is the fact that I am

Me……………

Freedom

94/28/93

I wish to become free

If I want I can climb a tree

For it is not free: Who in the hell would want to cast a spell?

It is you I can tell, I’m afraid of that nasty smell

It is you who cast that God damn spell!!!

I wish to be free, why is it, I can’t be free

I’m able to climb a tree

Ye still will not be free

What on earth will it take for me to be free?

Freedom comes from within

You have to unfasten a clear pin

Then my friend you will be

In a Castle

04/28/93

There is a place where strangers once lived

Amongst these strangers was I,

In the Castle is where we all lived

I never felt that I was safe in this strange place.

Always, I played in the pit of the Castle

In this pit were Lions and Tigers and Pythons

The Lions ate the Tigers and the Pythons

The Tigers ate the Lions and the Pythons

The Pythons ate the Tigers and the Tigers and the Lions

None of them ate me.

In this huge Castle, sometimes I would get lost.

I was never afraid, because I was never alone.

No one ever came to this huge Castle

They thought it was people who lived there.

Sometimes I would try to go outside

But I couldn’t, the doors were always locked.

It seemed as if I didn’t exist

How come no one came to this Castle?

I wondered. It is because of me?

I did not do anything.

No one could get to the pit except for me.

Piah was a Python, who lived there.

She sometimes appeared everywhere.

She was a Python, but she looked like my mother.

Mother are you a Python?

In the Castle everything looked the same, all of the creatures.

We all are creatures?

Sometimes I flew egregiously,