A Families Journey with Alzheimer’s Disease

By Bob Sh'mal Ellenberg

The book is about the author and his father who had Alzheimer’s disease. Because of the author’s experience with people with AD, he knew he could care of his father. There was family conflict since the author’s mother did not want her husband to live to far from her. The son showed complete compassion for both this parents, finally agreeing on an assisted living facility. The author discusses the many trips he took to visit his father and his mother who was still living in their condo. The author’s mother was a very conflicted woman who was adamant about all she believed but sadly was, obviously at times, confused.

There were many quarrels between the mother and son. After twelve months in assisted living, the author brought his father to his home. The son wanted to do his best once his father was in his home, but having three young children living with him and working full time in a hospital as a social worker, none of it was easy.

The author concludes this trying, emotional story with a trip to Denver, Colorado. Before the author leaves, two women friends did a shamanic ritual with him, telling him he has to visit Crestone, Colorado. This visit becomes an unexpected mystical retreat for the author that also proved to have a bonded connection with his father.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Mar 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982222017

Bob Sh'mal Ellenberg

The reader will be interested in this book because of the experiences the author had caring for partially disabled people before he took care of his father. He and his wife cared for seven people in their home. He worked as the Director of Social Services in a nursing home and as a medical social worker in a Home Care Agency. The author wrote a book with the subtitle Poignant End of Life Stories.

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Copyright © 2019 Bob Sh’mal Ellenberg .

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-2200-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2201-7 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date:  02/19/2019

CONTENTS

Chapter 1   My Father’s Problem Commences

Chapter 2   Finding A Place For Dad

Chapter 3   Dad Moves In To Assisted Living

Chapter 4   Dad Moves To Gainesville

Chapter 5   The Plan

Chapter 6   Vignettes Music And A Dance For Dad

CHAPTER 1

My Father’s Problem Commences

When my mother began to complain about the difficult time she was having dealing with my 81 year old father and his Alzheimer’s-like behavior, my immediate reaction was to some how, at some point, bring him to Gainesville where I lived with my children and have him live with us. Since my ex-wife and I had cared for elderly and handicapped adults in our home for 12 years, and I had been a social worker and counselor for elderly and mentally disturbed adults, I felt comfortable letting my mother and sister know I would bring my dad to Gainesville when the time was right.

But both my mother and sister were uncertain about me doing this, expressing their reservations having him move so far from our mother. In most respects I agreed with them that it was too soon to have our father make that move while leaving our mother by herself in Ft. Lauderdale. I told them that the offer was open to both my parents when they wanted that move.

My parents were not wealthy by most standards. They had some money in savings, but my mother was afraid of not having money for herself when she was older, so she was reluctant to use what money they had for a change in life, such as moving to Gainesville where I could help them. I told my mother, Mom, you are older, you’re almost 80, now is the time to use your money for your care and the care of dad.

I wasn’t even living in a house with my children, but sharing a house with my ex-wife on alternate weeks with the children, using a trailer on the other weeks. I would need financial help getting a house to accommodate my three kids and my dad.

I think my mother and my sister also had their doubt that I could do it. I had this feeling maybe it was even expressed, that they didn’t trust me in doing this sacred work. I had never meant much to my mother because she didn’t see me as a successful person. My sister may have felt the same, and I felt put down by both, because money to them was the criteria for success. They had no clue though, who I was and what determination was in me to do right by my parents. For the time being, things were on hold, as we would wait and assess; letting the future unfold.

My mother couldn’t be persuaded. She was content where she was living, and wanted to see how things went for a while longer. It was naturally hard for her to give up on her husband of over 50 years. I understood the problem. My parents had many friends in the condo, they knew the movie theaters, streets, restaurants and didn’t want to deal with the disruption that goes with a move. But she continued to get more and more distressed dealing with my dad’s forgetfulness, odd responses during conversation, even forgetting, at times, who my mother was. He also stopped doing things he enjoyed for the almost 20 years they lived in Ft. Lauderdale. His changes were approaching being serious, but still not enough to warrant making any move yet. From my regular visits, I could see he was deteriorating, making it difficult for my mother, but to her credit, she wanted to care for him as long as she could.

My mother was never a patient woman, and she was accustomed to things being just so, with everything in its place, and now, everything was slowly coming out of its place. She liked control, especially in things they did together, and now those times were over and he wasn’t being the docile husband he had been. She was being presented with problems she never thought she would have to deal with, so it was natural for her to become unsettled and agitated when her husband began exhibiting the behavior described above.

After overcoming denial, and trying as best she could with her personality, it was a slow awakening that she was less and less able to care for him.

CHAPTER 2

Finding A Place For Dad

As his odd behavior went into its second year I began pleading with my mother and my sister for financial help to get a house so I could take him in with my kids. Although we talked about a couple of ways to negotiate this, nothing seemed right to either of them. (Later on the both helped me with fixing the house.) Under the emotional strain of it all, my sister and I even exchanged some insults. I too began to feel distressed and increasing uncomfortable about myself for not being able to just do it on my own. I became annoyed at myself for not having more money, feeling weak asking for contributions from family. In the meantime my sister and mother kept suggesting a residential care home for my dad.

I had many negative feelings about placing either of my parents in nursing homes or other facilities to do the work family members did in the past. There was something deep in me, as if in my loins, mainly my conscience that made caring for my parents something natural and important. Having worked with the