40 Years to Clarity: A Vietnam Veteran’s Epiphany

By Jeff Wilcox

The author has always remembered an incident that occurred during on of the many artillery swing operations. These operations involved two guns in fire support of Special Forces approximately 100 Montagnard positioned along the Cambodian border. The normal artillery battery comprised of six guns positioned in a group to produce overlapping explosive power. However, during these operations, only two guns would be sent out as fire support. The guns and crew along with the Special Forces Cadre would helicoptered out and dropped on a hill (Landing Zone) LZ and remain in place for weeks or months depending upon the situation.

The incidences that most haunted the author occurred during the Siege of Special Forces Camp Bu Prang along the Cambodian border. It was these incidents that kept the author always wondering what the meaning of the situation, and how that applied in his life. The culmination to this quest for the meaning happened forty years after the events of that time and inspired the author to write down his experiences and the epiphany about that meaning.

The book is a reflection on the author’s experiences with the realization that God has always been with him throughout his life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Feb 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9781489721129

Jeff Wilcox

The author is a husband, father, grandfather, retired project engineer, and an inventor. He decided after discussing with his father who was a World War II fighter pilot to write down his experiences to share the oral history with his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. His father completed his oral history and put it together in a booklet for his family. It was after that time that the author thought that it was important to write down his experiences. It was around ten years ago that the author had an epiphany about his time in Vietnam it was then that he decided to write down his Vietnam experiences for his children, and grandchildren in hopes of assisting them in their walk of faith. The author has often considered the experiences of his life from the early years to the present. A big part of those experiences has stayed with him throughout his life. His tour in Vietnam had a profound effect on his life since his tour to present. It is something that is important to pass along to those who follow us. For years Vietnam Veterans were instructed not to say anything for fear of causing harm to those still serving in Vietnam. This writing is a reflection of his service during his tour in Vietnam. He was an artillery gunner assigned to Charlie Battery assigned as fire support for Special Forces during his tour from January 1969 to April of 1970. His experiences have always been present in his life from those days to this writing. It was nearly ten years ago that an incident happened 40 years earlier would result in some clarity that caused the author to reflect and write about his experiences with the realization that God has always been with him throughout his life.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 Jeff Wilcox.

Interior Image Credit: Jeff Wilcox

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

LifeRich Publishing is a registered trademark of The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc.

LifeRich Publishing

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.liferichpublishing.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-4897-2113-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-2111-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-2112-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019900551

LifeRich Publishing rev. date: 02/26/2019

CONTENTS

Foreword   The Beginning Of My Walk

Accountability   The Genesis

1     Respecting My Elders

2     Respecting Our Fathers

3     Living Up To Expectations

4     On Our Way

5     My Tour Of Duty Begins

6     Dealing With The 155mm Howitzer

7     The Big Bang

8     Big Surprise

9     Hot LZ

10   Bu Prang Our First Visit

11   Return To Bu Prang

12   In The Midsts Of The Fray

13   Where Did The Blood Stains Go?

14   The Siege Subsides

15   Moving Forward With 20/20 Hindsight

16   Continuance Of Faith Building

Endnotes

FOREWORD

The beginning of my walk

I have considered my experiences during my tour in Vietnam for over four decades, and I have decided that if I do not pass this information on to my children and grandchildren, I am neglecting my parental responsibility. While I want my children to know this book is a reflection on my tour in Vietnam and a compilation of my experiences. It is my hope and prayers that by reading these experiences, they will learn from my mistakes and hopefully not have to experience the hardships to appreciate what our Lord has done for us. I am sure when they grow older, they will come to understand and apply these shared experiences in their lives without having to experience them first-hand. I know that our children are less interest in these experiences than our grandchildren; perhaps it is their generation who will benefit the most from these experiences.

I am writing this is for my grandchildren, and our yet unborn great grandchildren I dedicate this book. Hopefully, these revelations and epiphanies will help to bring them closer to God without having to go through any similar experiences. I truly hope that my reflections, revelations, and epiphanies through my life will help them apply those things to their lives and become better for the information I have shared.

I also must thank my lovely wife of over 40 years Beverly for keeping the faith and standing beside me through the difficulties of this life. She is the glue that has held our family together and kept us close through the years. I am eternally grateful that God sent me this wonderful woman to be part of my life when I was yet young and foolish.

I thank God for all those prayer warriors who upheld me in their prayers from my early years until today. Even if I was not aware of their prayers, God answers the prayers of his people. If I could, I would thank everyone for their faith, when my life on this earth has ended, I surely will thank them all.

I thank God for his constant present in my life and the lives of my family. Even when it seemed like I was alone, he has always been there for my family and me, and it is for his love I am eternally thankful. It is for his Son Jesus that I have eternal life, and I would hope and pray that God blesses everyone who reads this book and that they will come away with the blessed assurance of eternal life with God our Heavenly Father. My fervent prayer is that God Richly blesses all those who read my revelations and epiphanies and apply these shared accounts to their lives, thoughts, and daily actions.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey S. Wilcox

ACCOUNTABILITY

The Genesis

Foremost, I want to honor all those World War II veterans who are alive and remain to this writing. Perhaps are the lessor known Korean War Veterans, they truly are the forgotten and lessor remembered for their sacrifices, hardships, and heroic actions. They are truly the unsung heroes that get little to no recognition for their service. Their service is as significant as those who served during World War II. I also want to honor all those of my generation who have served in Vietnam, or during the Vietnam War. The experiences that involved me are not unique; however, every one of us Vietnam Veterans faced different challenges which were not all the same. There are so few of us who experienced the same things while we may have been only a few miles to hundreds of miles apart; each one of us had a unique perspective of the war. Not only might our challenges be different they could be the same, and our take away from that experience may be different.

I want to make sure that my perspective and take away is honorable to all those of us who lived through that war and those experiences. I am sure many Veterans have come to grips with their tour, and in many ways, we have all had to blend back into the social fabric of the country.

Some struggled with the change, and some still struggle with the demons of war. Now they call it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), in times past and previous wars it was shell shock, battle fatigue, etc.… By whatever term you used the simple fact is that what we all experienced and lived through will never leave us. Sure, they can suppress it, and we can move on. However, those wounds physical and psychological are never far from the surface. There will always be sights, sounds, smells, certain weather, the list goes on, those things can all trigger certain memories, and some have learned to cope with those memories, some have never been free from the crippling effect of those flashbacks.

I would pray that through God’s abundant grace, God comforts those who still suffer from the crippling effects of the severe flashbacks and with God’s help those flashbacks become just bad memories. The realization that has developed over the decades since my service in Vietnam, my experiences good or bad happened for a reason. I struggled to understand the reasons for decades; I now realize what those experiences mean. My understanding of why those incidents happened, and why they occurred in my life was to use those experiences to assist others. I hope and pray that all of my Vietnam brothers in arms can come to that point in their lives, and that God can use them for his intended purpose. May God richly bless my Vietnam Brothers and all those who follow us.

1

RESPECTING MY ELDERS

Before time slips away and my memory with it, I thought I should write my experiences during my tour of duty in Vietnam. After a good deal of soul searching, prayer and finally an epiphany I felt the need to give you a look through my eyes at my experiences leading up to and through my stent in the Army and my tour in Vietnam. I want to state that I as many brothers in arms before me have stated that my military service in Vietnam was and will always be a tour of duty. I was in the military during a very tumultuous time in our countries’ history. Some will say it was a political war, it was wrong, and those that died died for nothing. I cannot say for some very important reasons. Saying those that died, died for nothing would be such a disrespectful thing to say to those that died. It would be above all most hurtful to those family members that had to deal with the aftermath of their loved one’s sacrifice. First, those that died paid the highest price an individual can pay, they gave their life to save their friends and to do their duty. We should honor those who paid the highest price for family and friends along with the families that sacrificed their loved ones during this war. Second, I was in the military right or wrong; I took an oath to uphold and defend the constitution of the United States of American. In fulfillment of my sworn oath after my basic and advanced individual training, they sent me to Vietnam to carry out my military duties. That is why I can say as so many others have stated, it was a Tour of Duty.

Here is the oath that every soldier took and to my knowledge they still take when sworn into the service of our country. It is:

I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So, help me, God. ¹

I should start where I first planned my thoughts about serving in the military and why I do what some might consider stupid. I realize now that while we may think those decisions we make are our personal decisions we are not in as much control as we assume. Sure, we can decide about our lives however those choices imparted to us by God whether we think, so the important thing we need to realize and understand is that we are not in control of our lives. Whether we want to acknowledge it, God is in control. The Bible clearly states who is in control, sure we like to think we are in control of our destiny and some ways, we are, in the bigger picture we are not really in as much control as we think.

Foremost, in retrospective I have to say God has always directed my paths even though I have not always taken the right path, he has always been there for me. I grew up in a non-religious family. While my mother lived in a strict religious family until the age of 13 or 14 years old when she rebelled because she wanted to attend high school over her father and mother’s desire that as a girl she did not need education beyond the 8th grade, she left her parents to care to live with one of her Aunts.

My mother’s religious exposure until 13 or 14 years old was in a tight-knit church community known as the brethren. Referred to as Old German Baptist, they may have once started similar to the Amish however they did not ascribe to some teachings of no gas driven devices. My grandparents did not have a television the most advanced communication they used was a radio. Most modern things are considered worldly with some exceptions, automobiles for transportation and tractors for farming, electricity for the house and barn was acceptable it was as if they accepted the best things of that era and left the rest.

Old German Baptist Brethren (OGBB) descend from a pietist movement in Schwarzenau, Germany, in 1708, when Alexander Mack founded a fellowship with seven other believers. They are one of several Brethren groups that trace themselves to that original founding body. These emerged from the German Reformed and Lutheran Churches, and are historically known as German Baptists rather than English Baptists. Other names by which they are sometimes identified are Dunkers, Dunkards, Tunkers, and Täufer, all relating to their practice of baptism by immersion. They are part of the post-reformation Anabaptists (which include, among others, the Amish and Mennonites), who rejected the baptism of infants as a biblically valid form of baptism. Because of persecution, many Brethren emigrated to America, with the greatest influx being between 1719 and 1729. ²

Their dress was plain, and it always appeared it had frozen in time back in the 1800s. I went to a worship service a few times with my Grandmother and some of my Uncles who were still members of the congregation. One very interesting part of their communion during their monthly meeting service included feet washing. The hymns they sang were old classic hymns.

I am not sure if the lifestyle or the restrictions on education for girls was the exact reason for my mother’s rebellion. Perhaps a little of both I am sure this strict life style made my mother turn away from that religion. Since my early years I know she was never into attending church when we were younger nor was my father or his family. You might say we were more of what regular church attendees would refer to as C & E church goers. (Christmas and Easter)

My grandmother on my father’s side, Alma Wilcox had a heart for people I would describe as big as all outdoors, and her thinking was that being out in God’s creation was better than being in a church of hypocrites. It is hard to argue that point as we know churches are full of hypocrites and they give Christians a bad name. I know now that while their thinking may have been on track, they still needed to accept the Lord as their personal Savior. I also realize that attending church has nothing to do with what other people think and it has everything to do with humbling ourselves before our Lord and Savior. For it is written:

Whether we want to admit it, faith is the fabric of our lives it intertwines with parents, grandparents, cousins, family members, and friends. Our lives are pulled inevitably toward God. Looking around everything we see in nature points toward God even if we deny that truth it doesn’t change the facts. I guess those who believe we evolved then one would have to ask why we are not walking trees, or why we are not talking grass. Why are we the form we are and not something else? If you want to believe we evolved, then that is your choice; however some day you realize, God creates everything. If we evolved, then why haven’t we continued to evolve?

Ephesians 3:9

And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages hath been hidden in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ,

KJV – 1967 (Scofield Reference Bible)

My grandmother Wilcox could have been a church goer in her younger years. She may have accepted Jesus at a young age then got turned off to the hypocrice of the local church, I really can’t say. I do know I came to realize in her later years of my grandmother Wilcox’s life she read the Bible, and she came to accept Jesus as her savior. My mother and father while never being real church goers accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior. They made a public profession of faith in December 1969. I will explain that incident later.

My understanding of God’s presence in my life started with some experiences when I was young. Too young to remember. However, my mother related this story. Before I walked, I was nearly a year old and not walking on my own, yet I was in a child walker of the day. These walkers were nothing like the ones available today that have safety devices which will not allow the walker to go over a step.

IMAGE1br.jpg

³

The walker was on casters and would go where ever little feet wanted to direct it. During my younger life, we lived in the upstairs of a two-story duplex. The flight of stairs was straight with a very short landing and ended at the door to the outside, the rear stairs and the door was much the same. I am uncertain how many steps straight up there were, I would speculate that there were at least 14 or more steps. There was a door at the top of the stairs to enter our duplex. Normally there would be a child gate up to prevent my walker from tumbling down a full flight of stairs.

This day, however, my older sister three years old at the time had gone down the stairs to wait on the front-porch to see my father who would arrive home from work soon.

According to my mother when I realized that my sister went down stairs, I took the same route with my walker. Under normal circumstances, the walker would and should have tumbled down the flight of stairs. Most likely causing me serious injuries. That was not the outcome. As my mother explained, I held on to the handles of the walker and rode the walker down the full flight of stairs like a sled.

I know now it was God’s presence (or perhaps my guardian angel) that miraculously held that walker in the upright position all the way down the full flight of stairs. Even the strongest baby would not have the strength or mind to hold the front edge of the walker up to avoid tumbling. There is no way that a year-old child could exert enough force to hold that metal walker in a position that would allow it to skip down the stairs. One additional portion of this incident, the entrance door located at the bottom of the flight of stairs was shut. Had the door been open there would have been nothing to stop me from going out onto a concrete porch and down six concrete steps to a concrete sidewalk and out into the street. One of many incidents in my life and this is the first I now know of that God was watching over me. (We usually refer to these happenstances as our guardian angel, when I know without a doubt in my mind it is God’s divine will or purpose).

I recall one other time I can say for certain that God was watching out for me. I was 12 or 13 years old, and my folks had moved to the suburbs. We lived across the street from a river. I had met friends in the neighborhood, and I was afraid to admit that I did not know how to swim. One summer day my friends and I went out in an old boat. I did not know the boat would only partially sink and then swim to shore. You guessed it; I went out with my friends in the boat without a lifejacket. I am sure you can guess when the boat initially started to sink, and my friends swam to shore. I was afraid to get out of the boat and hollered to shore for help.

My older sister was on shore with her friends, and they thought I was pretending. She and her friends ignored my cries for help. About the time that the boat was going under with me in it, a guy in a speedboat showed up and took me to shore. During the years I lived in the neighborhood since that incident I never saw that guy or that speed boat again. That happened for a reason. After that experience, I made my mind up to learn to swim, and I did. After learning to swim, I would routinely swim across the river several times nearly every day. The river was over a quarter mile wide at our swimming spot swimming the river back and forth changed my fear of water to the enjoyment of swimming.

I am sure that God’s will for my life was as yet unfulfilled. He was watching over me, and I am sure he wanted me to learn to swim along with his plans and intentions for my life further down the road. God works in mysterious ways. We will never understand his ways this side of Heaven we have to trust and obey.

While living in the house that my parents lived from 1959 to 2003, I was fortunate to meet and have close friends. There is a couple we remain close to this day. I fondly remember our dear neighbors, Mr. & Mrs. Leroy Stanley. They have both passed on years ago. They were one of the nicest couples you could ever want to meet. They lived across the street from us and were very dear neighbors. We moved in late summer of 1959, and we neighbored with the Stanley’s since that time until they went to their reward. Mr. Stanley and I spent many days fishing during the summer. Living so close to the river made it easy to fish by walking across the street. I think Mr. Stanley enjoyed having someone to fish with as much as I enjoyed being able to fish. Perhaps the Stanley’s enjoyed having me around in place of not seeing their grandchildren. For whatever the reason I became an adopted grandchild of Mr. & Mrs. Stanley, partially because I was around, and I could share my life with them. Mr. Stanley had a wood shop and metal shop tools. If we weren’t fishing, we would work on a wood or metal project. He would make things and tinker on fixing miscellaneous household items. I soon learned these life skills that remain with me to this day. He always had the time to teach me how to use the various tools in his little shop. I learned how to use a metal lathe, drill press, and numerous hand tools. He was very much like an adopted Grandfather, and in later years I would call Mr. & Mrs. Stanley, Grandpa, and Grandma Stanley. The other very important part of these dear neighbors was that they were Christians, and I never heard a harsh word out of their mouth.

My mother heard Mrs. Mertie Stanley say a cuss word when she read a letter and photo I sent them from Vietnam. My folks and the Stanley’s would share the letters I sent home, so they kept up with my tour. Mrs. Stanley was reading a caption I had put on the bottom of a photograph of one job we took turns doing that was unpleasant. I captioned the picture the ritual of the burning of the waste before Mrs. Stanley could catch herself she had read the caption out loud.

Until that time my mother had never heard either one of them swear. I guess they had a big laugh over that, mainly because Mrs. Stanley was so embarrassed at what she had just said.

IMAGE2br.jpg

Photo provided by Jeff Wilcox

The outhouse, the black smoke is from diesel fuel and waste burning, the containers were 55-gallon drums cut in half. Every gun section had to take turns burning the drum halves weekly. You would pour diesel fuel in the barrel halves and ignite the fuel. After the fire had started, then you needed stir that mess periodically. To say the smell is overwhelming is an understatement. On the back of the photo, I wrote, The ritual of the burning of the.

The love that Mr. and Mrs. Stanley had for our family was as close as grandparents. I know growing