Coming Back: Transforming Adversity into Opportunity and Excellence

By J. Anthony Laurence

At some point everybody goes through adversity and we are forced to face situations that we are not prepared for. These are the times that define us, the times when we are writing our own legacy.
J. A. Laurence wrote; Coming Back, to inspire you to Rise after adversity and become a better version of yourself. He wants to bring stability, focus and purpose to your storm. Coming Back will assist you to discover your recipe to get back up and triumph over adversity. It will help you find yourself, your uniqueness and your purpose. Coming Back, will help you use adversity to your advantage.
He shares his insight into adversity and how to transform it into resilience, inspiration and the resolve to become extraordinary. Coming Back can guide you to design, build and live the life you always dreamed about. You already have unlimited potential; your next step is to allow J. Anthony Laurence to guide you to build an extraordinary life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Oct 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781982214739

J. Anthony Laurence

J. Anthony Laurence is a Life-and-Mental Toughness coach and speaker. He helps people and teams become mentally tough and use adversity to become excellent. Laurence guides people to discover their full potential and live extraordinary lives. He studied under the number one Leadership expert in the world, John C. Maxwell. He is an avid student of human behavior and is fascinated by the natural resilience build into the human spirit, the same resilience that helps people overcome the most extreme adversity. J. Anthony Laurence is the coach you need when you want to Get Up and Come Back, stronger than ever.

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Copyright © 2018 J. Anthony Laurence.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-1472-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-1473-9 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 10/23/2018

Contents

Introduction

Foreword

Chapter 1: 10 Reactions to Adversity

Impulsive Reaction

Identifying Your Weak Points

The Effect of Adversity on Your Focus

Discovering the Big Picture

Fear and Blame

Opinions

Attitude

Using Adversity to Your Advantage

What Hurts Makes You Stronger

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

Chapter 2: 6 Strategies to Make Tough Choices

Recognise the Choice

Gather Information

Identify Alternatives

Weigh the Evidence

Choose and Act

The Ripple Effect of My Decisions.

Chapter 3: 4 Guidelines to Do the Basics Well

The Little Things

Developing Quality Habits

Communicate

Self-Talk

Chapter 4: 13 Steps to Overcome Adversity

A Dream in Action

Setting Goals

Your Inner Circle

Control Your Schedule

Develop Your Strengths

Finding Simplicity

Focus

Become Excellent

Aligning Your Focus

Building a Winning Team

Emotional Intelligence

Be Patient

Get Support

Chapter 5: 10 Leadership Principles to Live by

Behaviour

Influence

Vision

It`s About The People

Unify

Constant Learning and Growing

The Power of Positivity

Develop Leaders

Frugality

Listen

Chapter 6: 9 Ingredients of My Recipe to Get Up

Get an Early Start

Coffee

Exercise

A Hot Shower

Water

Goals

Scripture, Prayer and Meditation

Breath

Chapter 7: 7 Tools to Build Your Brand

Your Punchline

Your Elevator Speech

Your Presence

Your Business

Entrepreneur or Freelancer

Networking

Be Extraordinary

Chapter 8: 4 Principles to Design Your Dream by

The Dream

The Habit

The Plan

The Action

Chapter 9: 8 Building Blocks of Your Dream

Fear

Vision

Purpose

Equipment

Collaboration

Opportunities

Do it for Free

Be Exceptional

Chapter 10: 10 Principles of Living Your Dream

Be Strong and Courageous

Believe in Your Potential

Learn from Failure

Commit to Your Relationships

Be Consistent

An Ethical Journey

Be an Explorer

Lead and Serve

Enjoy the Journey

Tell Your Story

Chapter 11: 20 Core Lessons of Life

A Grateful Life

Do What You Can

Plan Your Journey

Be Consistent

Be Patient

Use Your Recipe

Create Habits

Build Your Brand

Own Your Attitude

Use Your Time Wisely

It`s Not About Me

Move from Success to Significance

Be a Grower Not a Coper

Talk is Cheap

Failure is Not Fatal

It`s Not About the Goal

Don’t Regret

Faith is a Journey

Adversity Takes You to the Front

Success is About How Fast and How Many Times You Get Up

Bibliography

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Introduction

A while ago I took a group of high school kids on an adventure camp. It was quite a large group, about a hundred teenagers. We had to transport the kids 800 kilometres to the campsite at the coast. As always, the energy of the kids on the busses were electric and they were filled with anticipation as we took on the nine-hour trip.

In that group was one girl that came from a very underprivileged background. For the purposes of this book, I will call her, Hope. At that stage she was in foster care and we were excited to be able to take her with us. The purpose of the camp was to get kids out of their comfort zones and to help them to gain self-confidence and discover their potential. This was done by introducing them to nature and challenging them in ways they were not used to. On the first morning at our team meeting I told the instructors that we were going to start of slowly. We will give each child a mountain bike and go for a ride in the hills. The kids loved cycling as it was an opportunity to get out in the fresh air and up into the hills. From there we also had some spectacular views of the Indian Ocean.

As the kids and instructors rode out in small groups, Hope was standing next to me. She looked anxious and very unsure of herself. She gazed at me and then in a soft voice said; I don’t know how to ride a bike. I’ve never had a bike. I just smiled and told her that it`s not a problem and that I will help her. I explained that I will put her on a bike and give her a push so that she can find her balance. She could use the huge open field in front of us to practice. As soon as she was ready, I would ride with her. I helped her onto the bike, gave her a push and off she went. I was confident that she would find her balance fast in the safe and hazard free environment. There was only one tree and it was on the other side of the field. She was cautiously keeping her balance and not falling off the bike, however…

The further she went the more she was steering towards that tree. At first, I told myself it was impossible for her to hit the tree, it was too far, and the field was too big. I could not believe my eyes when she and the bike eventually went straight into the tree. It seemed so unreal and yet it happened right in front of my eyes. Luckily, she was riding at a snail’s pace and the collision was more of a bump than a crash. She fell of the bike and was sitting on the ground waiting for me to arrive. As I walked up to her I was thinking about the similarities between this incident and life. Many times, in life, we lack confidence and the only thing we are sure of, is failure. We then aim for failure because it is a predictable result, takes minimum effort and we don’t have to leave our comfort zones. When I got to her I helped her up, dusted her of and put her back on the bike. Off we went, and we had an enjoyable morning in the hills.

The next five days we spend a lot of time with her, working on her self-confidence. After five days I took her to a gorge and we stood at the top of a rockface, about the height of a thirty-story building. As we stood there gazing into the distance, I told her she was going down the rockface to the bottom of the gorge. For a moment she looked at me expressionless and then she turned around and without saying a word she put on her harness and safety gear. I clipped her onto the lines and down she went, no questions asked. Minutes later she was standing at the bottom of that gorge.

The girl that collided with the tree five days earlier and the girl standing at the bottom of the gorge were two different people, with two different futures, five days apart. What happened?

She realized that anything and everything is possible. She started to believe in herself and her unlimited potential. She discovered her adventurous heart and her explorer soul.

If Hope accomplished so much in five days, what can you accomplish in a lifetime? This was a breakthrough moment in my life and I use this moment to inspire me when I want to chase things that seem impossible.

The deeper your gorge, the higher your rockface, the greater your victory will be.

My prayer is that this book will inspire you right where you are, in the midst of your storm. Inspire you to build an extraordinary life with the unlimited potential that Christ has given you.

Foreword

I wrote his book as a testimony to what the human spirit is capable to overcome and achieve. Many times, I have watched in astonishment to what extraordinary feats humans are capable of. Coming Back, is about my experiences and what I have learned about adversity, getting up and the road to excellence. I wanted to keep record of the incredible journey that I am privileged to be part of. I wanted to remind the reader that we can be more, we can be better and that the best version of us, is still to come.

This book is a result of the adventurous heart God has given me, my love for Him and the people I journey with. I am writing about the experience I gained in a career spanning over 25 years and the lessons I learned as a coach, mentor and speaker.

There will always be people with more challenges than yourself and there will always be people with less challenges than yourself. It is a waste of time to try and determine your ranking in the hierarchy of adversity. For me it makes much more sense to plan for an incredible future than to find your adversity ranking. The challenges of today will fade with time and eventually disappear and in future, they will become a memory. The only thing that you can choose is where you want to meet those challenges. Do you want to meet them at the same place or do you want to meet them on your terms and on your playing field? Do you want to meet challenges where you were yesterday, or do you want to meet them on the road to an incredible future?

I intended to give you a hand and help you get back up, by giving you a basis to build your come back, on. You already have all the potential, drive and inspiration within you. You may not feel like it but that does not imply the absence of it. All you need to do is to dig deep and let it out. There is no miracle potion that you can buy to make the impossible, possible. The good news is that the miracle is already in you and you can choose to unlock it. The impossible become possible, the moment you decide to get up and unlock your God given potential. The impossible become possible by making a choice and act.

All of us has a unique recipe for getting up. I will share my recipe with you so that you can use it as a guide to uncover your recipe. Your recipe is part of who you are, it is encoded in your DNA. The only person who can unlock it, is you. You are one decision away from living an incredible life.

Chapter 1

10 Reactions to Adversity

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the LORD to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly." – Psalm 112:7 NLT

It’s a cold winters morning and I just came out of another corporate meeting with a sense of disbelieve and a feeling of emptiness. How is it possible that people have such a different point of view when it comes to our biggest asset, our people? People is, was and will always be our most valuable asset. Why are we abusing our most valuable asset in exchange for money? Yes, the economy is not looking rosy and we do not have clients falling over their feet to make use of our services. This is however not a result of weak performance by our people. This is the effect of a global economy and the current political climate. I firmly believe in Richards Branson`s philosophy - "Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients."

Dealing with global trends should be a strategic matter and be addressed by the strategic leadership of the organisation. John C. Maxwell says - "leaders should know more, and they should know before". An unfavourable economy compounds pressure but also distribute pressure evenly. Everybody experiences it, feels the pressure of not enough opportunities and not enough cash going around. Over the years I’ve seen it many times over, companies with financial challenges first turn to their most valuable asset to make a sacrifice. The employee count is reduced to lighten the financial load. At first glance this seems logical, logical only as far as the next couple of months, goes. The real impact will only be experienced in future when companies will have to make do with a reduced intellectual capacity, less experience, low morale and not enough capacity to produce. Ships in storms are not saved by throwing men overboard, they are saved by direct and inspired leaders. Captains that can chart a course out of the storm to the safety of a harbour. If we throw our people overboard, who will hoist the sails, who will steer the ship and who will be in the Crow’s nest, on the lookout for the shallows and shores?

As I walk down the long hallway with its glass walls and marble-tile floors I hear two things; my footsteps taking me away from an environment that doesn’t make sense to me anymore and the oncoming collision of my believes with those of the organisations leadership. Later that evening I receive a message asking me to attend a 7am meeting. Instinctively I know what it`s about, I’ve seen it before, I know the routine, tone of voice and rehearsed script. Instead of fear I have a sense of anticipation, a feeling of pending freedom. The feeling you get when you ran into the same wall for the last time. At 7am the next morning I`m looking into the eyes of a man forced to do something that goes against the grain of all he is. He is trying to find the words, but his eyes are saying so much more. He was the designated executioner and he hated everything within that moral dilemma. I smile and tell him it`s going to be ok, I`m going to be ok. In my heart I knew this was an opportunity for a course correction, an opportunity to steer my ship to a different destination, to set sail for uncharted waters and ports unknown.

Bad breaks, closed doors, unfairness and missed opportunities are just as much part of life as breathing. You cannot climb a mountain without bumping a toe. While we would like to avoid these, we should rather accept them as part of life. These external factors will always be there and trying to avoid them is a fruitless exercise and a waste of time and energy. Instead of trying to avoid adversity we should focus our energy on understanding ourselves so that we can learn to react in a way that will get us going again. Our reaction to a situation already set us on a specific course. Whether it`s a good or a bad course all depends on how we react. Our reaction to situations is the foundation on which we build the rest of our lives. The question is, will your reaction help you to get up or stay down.

Shortly after being retrenched I woke up one morning and found that I had nothing to do, nothing on my agenda. No meetings to attend and no people to visit. I felt empty and uncertain, maybe even guilty about letting my family down. Franticly looking for something productive to do I became even more anxious because I just couldn’t find anything of value, to do. Nothing that will change the world. While my wife, Marelize and my two daughters were preparing for school, I was sitting on the side of the bed pondering my next move. My willpower and motivation were at an all-time low. I was searching deep for the motivation that would pull me up by my collar and get my legs moving. I felt paralysed, as if I were trapped in a nightmare, not able to get away from this threat. The thought of not being in control was pressing down hard on my chest. Within this turbulence of emotions, I felt empty, afraid and desolate.

Sitting on the side of the bed I remembered the