Sacred Conflict: Resolution Skills for the Follower of Christ

By Eric Willis

Conflict is not the circumstance around you; it is the meaning you attach to those circumstances. Conflict is an inside-out progression, not an outside-in aggression. In addition to new concepts on conflict, this book will give you perspective:

the different stages of conflict
communicating through conflict
how to engage conflict
the difference between funneling and filtering conflict
moving beyond conflict
and so much more.

A bonus chapter is included answering questions about conflict and providing a way to ask your own questions as you work through the material.

“Eric is my favorite go-to for how to handle conflict as a Christ follower. I’ve seen him bring people and groups through conflict with these practical, biblical principles for over a decade. And I’ve had the benefit of sitting under his teaching to help me lead teams through potential conflict. His experience and heart shine through every page. Read this book and learn from one of the best.”
—Jackie Mosley, Sr. Publisher, RightNow Media

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973641285

Eric Willis

Eric Willis serves as Pastor of Minister Development at Bent Tree Bible Fellowship in Carrollton Texas where he oversees Bent Tree’s Network of Church Leaders and the Pastoral Launching Pad residency & internship program. He is the Executive Director of Reclaim Leadership, a ministry of encouragement to ministry leaders facing burnout. As CEO of My Conflict Mentor, Eric consults on issues of interpersonal, organizational, business, and church conflict. He has over tweny-five years of pastoral ministry experience and is a Certified Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Leadership Team. He is also a Certified Christian Conciliator.

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Copyright © 2018 Eric Willis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4127-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4129-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4128-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018911562

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/29/2018

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1 Defining Conflict

Chapter 2 Stages of Conflict

Chapter 3 Communicating Through Conflict

Chapter 4 Engaging Conflict

Chapter 5 Outcomes of Conflict

Chapter 6 Funnel vs. Filter

Chapter 7 Live What You Believe

Chapter 8 View Conflict as a Vehicle

Chapter 9 Trust In, Not Across

Chapter 10 Submit Your Agenda

Chapter 11 Moving Beyond Conflict

Chapter 12 Completed Peace

Bonus Chapter: Questions on Conflict

Acknowledgments

PREFACE

CONFLICT. JUST THE WORD can send shakes down the spine. Yet, 100% of people experience conflict throughout their lifetime.

I’ve been working in the conflict business for several years; over a decade now. My specialty is working with Christian churches where faithful Christians interact with one another regularly. I’ve come away from each of these experiences with hope and a subtle yet disturbing set of issues. This book is an attempt to help my brothers and sisters in the faith as I seek to clear up those disturbing trends.

You’ve been lied to, and you might still be believing it!

You may have been taught the Christian thing to do when you’ve been hurt or offended by someone is to forgive and forget. Start playing nice, ignore your memories of the hurt and the relationship will be restored.

To forgive and forget is impossible! But, you say That’s what the Bible tells us to do.

Really?

Scripture says For I (God) will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. (Hebrews 8:12 New International Version NIV)

God is giving insight into the New Covenant brought about by the shed blood of his one and only son Jesus through the finished work of the cross.

God doesn’t have a faulty memory! He chooses not to remember. Forgetting and choosing not to remember are two different things. To forgive is not to be forgetful of the wrong you’ve experienced. It is to choose not to allow that memory to have power or influence over you any longer. As New Covenant followers of Jesus, we get to choose to not hold others’ wrongs against them. That is what the Apostle Paul refers to when he encourages us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

There are more lies and misunderstandings to be busted as you read Sacred Conflict.

You know as well as I do that in the heat of conflict, it is not always easy to respond in a Christ-like way. You may have a marriage that just isn’t working or a rebellious teen that seems to get on your last nerve. You might be in a disagreement with a co-worker you can’t stand, or you seem to be the one person whose friends seek asking advice on how to help them with conflict.

You are reading this book because you sense there has to be a better way. A better way to handle conflict starts with a better way to think about conflict. This book is written to followers of Jesus Christ for a deeper understanding of how the spiritual realities of that relationship supersede every temporary conflict you’ll face in life.

So, why does it matter that a Christ follower engages in conflict differently than anyone else? There’s only one good answer to that question: The witness of Jesus Christ is at stake. There it is. The why this book is written and why we start with following Christ.

As far as conflict goes, a key element for all of us is why we resolve it. There are volumes written on how to resolve conflict and few that begin or even include the why. Sacred Conflict: Resolution Skills for the Follower of Christ infuses the why into a practical how-to process for filtering conflict in a healthy way. You will not only learn how to engage with proper motivation, but also how to filter your conflict in a way that leads to reconciliation.

I’ve always started with the why. It was true in my high school algebra class where multiplying and dividing letters never made sense. It was true in my bachelors’ degree where I clamored to find the meaning behind the events of history. It was true in my graduate degree in psychology as I yearned to understand human motivation and what makes us feel what we feel, think what we think, and do what we do. It is true with conflict.

Why?

So, hello Christian.

Thank