A Beautiful Human Heart

By Margaritë Camaj

Do you believe in the power of love? This book will show you how our society has abandoned love. It will show you how everyone is too focused on technology.

We live in a world where weak bonds have been developed through our phones. We have become desensitized to the point that we have forgotten our humanity. Some have turned into robots and have abandoned their emotions altogether. The main character, one of the only humans left, tries to use her love to save humanity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546255628

Margaritë Camaj

In her movements, you can feel the love in her heart. And, in her eyes, you can see the resistance in her mind. She has Albanian roots, but she is the product of the "unprivileged" parts of New York City. She may have innocent-looking eyes, but they grew up seeing everything but what was pretty. She is usually the opposite of anything they can all think of, a walking contradiction. She goes against any false depiction. Writing from a deep-rooted love was the only way that she knew how to destroy their predictions.

Book preview

© 2018 Margaritë Camaj. All rights reserved.

Cover By Nicholas ‘NickyChulo’ Fulcher

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/17/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5563-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5561-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5562-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018909772

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Dedicated to my beautiful human heart for its strength. For never running out of love. It kept beating even when the world was trying to silence it. And, it will keep beating. Louder and louder and LOUDER. And, to my beautiful human mind for never being afraid to keep learning about love. For having the courage to analyze love. For having the ability to turn my thoughts into words through my pen. For being able to project my inner voice about love so that the entire world can hear it. Or better yet, feel it. This is a revolution of self-love.

To those who know that the only real thing is love. To love’s warriors who try to make skeptics, believers. To the healers who try to patch up scars with love. To those who give so much love to those who are empty, even though others are constantly trying to drain them of their own love. To those who don’t use that hurt as an excuse not to love. To those who get hurt, but still love more. To those who choose love again and again and again—over everything.

This is for us all.

This is a revolution of love.

Long ago, people used to think that the heart was the center of all emotion. They thought of love as an emotion. In turn, they thought that love came from the heart. Now, the center of emotion is thought to be in the mind. What if these two theories can become one? Love is rooted in the core of the human—the soul—and flows everywhere. The heart and the mind, together, allow love to freely move throughout the human body. Without the heart, love couldn’t exist. Love is recognized when the heart and the mind agree. Love lives in both the heart and the mind. They both need to be at peace. The heart and the mind make it possible for love to reach every single part of the human body by using their vessels and nerves to spread that love. This process allows love to live inside every inch of the human body.

Your heart spreads blood around the body—this means that it distributes your oxygen. The rest of the body uses this oxygen to produce the energy that it needs to keep you alive.

Love might

live in the heart,

but it flows

throughout

the whole body—

continuously

building on this

force of

love

that keeps you

alive.

—

Why would you—

Destroy it?

Ignore it?

Throw it all away?

Keep your human.

Don’t throw your heart away.

I Will Never Run Out Of Love…

…COME LOOK.

My name is Poezi.

His name is Zemërgur.

I made a promise.

Give me that robot—

the one over there.

Give me the most broken one.

Give me him—

The one who thinks that his heart has died.

The one who thinks that his heart has turned

his veins into wires.

Give me the one who has

led a mechanical life—

without love,

but filled with structure,

logic,

and intelligence.

Give me the one who thinks

that love lives only in his mind

because he was led to

believe that love kills,

instead of being taught that it gives you life.

Give me the one who thinks that love

hurts instead of heals—

one who believes that love will damage your

heart instead of helping it beat easier.

Give me that one.

Give me the things that have harmed him.

Give me the things that have made him broken.

Give me the parts of him that they call ugly

and I will turn them into beautiful roses—

into a beautiful red,

like a smoker’s lungs after he has finally quit smoking.

Give me some time with him and he will heal again.

I will do this,

with my beautiful human heart.

A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN HEART

Day 1

Hello! Hello!! Hello!!!

I kept knocking on the door. But, no one would answer. I wondered if anyone was home. I turned the doorknob, which I probably shouldn’t have done. But, it was something that I needed to do. They told me that no one saw him in such a long time. I needed to see if he was okay. I needed to see what had happened to him. It was normal for me to be worried about him even though I didn’t see him in forever. We used to be close. Really close. I finally got the strength to open the door and to look inside. There was complete silence.

My eyes finally reached his—except his didn’t look like mine. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know anything at all. All I knew was that I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. I couldn’t believe what time did. My heart started to sting. I had to yell. I had to say something—anything.

What happened to you? Hello! Wake up! You need to wake up! Do you hear me? WAKE UP!

Silence. That was the only thing that I heard. But, I knew that God also spoke in silence. As humans, we felt love in silence. So, I didn’t want to make any judgments. I just had to be careful. I had to pay attention and I knew that the universe would reveal things to me, with time.

I got closer to him. Yet still, he didn’t make a sound. My heart started to beat faster and faster and faster. I think that it was beating uncontrollably fast because I had no idea what was happening. I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t know anything regarding this situation. I didn’t even know what to expect. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t responding to me. My eyes had never seen someone in this state. His eyes were open. But, they may as well have been closed. And, his body—well, his body made minimal movements. He was breathing, which meant that he was alive. He wasn’t dead—or at least I had thought. He just wouldn’t talk. At all. I mean it. Not even a word. My mind started to spin. I did not know what to do. I started to ask myself questions. I thought: What do I do? Do I ask for help? Do I stay? Do I go? What happens next? I had a bunch of questions. I just didn’t know where to begin.

I got closer to him and decided to place my hand over his heart. His heart was supposed to be his home. I unfolded my fingers so that I could touch him. I was just really scared. I didn’t know if I would get a response. I didn’t know if he would say something. I didn’t know if he would even be okay. I think that was the scariest part of it all. I got shivers that ran throughout my entire body. I finally got the strength to do it. I touched him. He felt cold. No. That word doesn’t even do it justice. He was absolutely freezing.

He was something else. He was anything—but human. I never saw a human like that before. I was never in the presence of that—whatever that was. It was as if I was touching someone who wasn’t human. Was that even possible? My mind started to question everything. Tears filled my eyes. My hands started to shake. I started to feel emotions that I did not know were possible. I thought that I had felt everything. But this…this was different. I didn’t know how, when, or why this happened. But, something was wrong. My mind kept replaying these thoughts: Humans aren’t supposed to be like this. It isn’t supposed to happen this way. I started to scream his name in hopes that he would wake up. I started to shake him over and over again. I yelled it once again:

WAKE UP!

Him: Hello.

Me: He didn’t need to say anything else. At that moment, it all connected. He didn’t have to say a word. I was staring into eyes that had neither emotion nor depth. They were supposed to show you the soul. But, all I saw was an empty place where you could not see a trace of fire. They had no light. They had…nothing. I knew it. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t what it was like to be human. So, I simply said, Hi. And then, I walked away.

I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to help him or fix him. I left because I didn’t really know what I could possibly do to save him. I needed to make a decision. Should I leave him alone? Should I let him be the way that he is or should I actually try to fix him? There was one thing that I knew for sure—my mind was in a chaotic state. A few questions kept replaying in my mind: Could you fix someone who wasn’t willing to fix themselves? Did he want to change? If not, was he willing to try to change? I kept thinking about these questions over and over again, until my thoughts got lost in a whirlwind.

I know that everyone is different. Everyone is unique. I know that most people think that only the person going through pain must decide to fix their own self in order for it to actually happen. But, how do you just let someone drown themselves in their own pain? How do you let someone drown in their own misery? If they might be given the chance to open their eyes—isn’t that enough to try and save them? You may disagree. But, for me, it was always enough.

If I was being honest with you—and myself, I didn’t even know what could heal him. But, I couldn’t help but think about love. Love could heal almost anything. The human heart had to produce love at such rapid speeds—at least my human heart. Maybe it could even produce love faster than the speed of light because the speed of light is something that you can measure. It is something that humans have figured out. But, love—love hasn’t been able to be figured out to this moment. And, I doubt that it ever will be. No one really knows how to heal a broken heart. No one knows how to make someone fall in love. No one knows how you fall in love. No one knows how to measure love. There isn’t a formula for any of this. All we know is that it varies from human to human.

I am not really certain of much. But, I am certain of one thing: Love can heal anything and the absence of love can kill someone—slowly, but surely. And, if a human lacks love, the human may still breathe. They may still appear to be alive. They may still appear to be human—walking, talking, laughing, working, and even achieving their greatest dreams. But, their insides will be completely empty. And, when they rest their heads to go to sleep at night, they will feel a void that nothing will be able to fill—except for love—whether they are willing to admit it or not. I just didn’t know if I was strong enough to turn him back to a human.

Day 2

I tried to go away for a few hours so that I could try to figure out everything on my own. It came natural to me that I needed to go to my escape in the city. I frequently sat there and reflected for long periods of time. This time, I had a specific reason to go there. I needed to make a decision regarding him. I had a habit of analyzing different people’s behavior whenever they walked by. I watched their movements. I started to pay attention to the details. I noticed a whole lot—more than they would have expected. They moved like him, too. At that moment, I was sure that he wasn’t the only one.

I started to pay attention to the way that these humans did daily basic things that would typically be human nature. They were on their phones—texting. They barely communicated with each other. They didn’t dare speak of love. They barely spoke—at all. Instead, they spoke of temporary bonds. They spoke. But, they didn’t really hold conversations with other people. They had small talk here and there. And then, they quickly disconnected and isolated themselves. Yet, they would brag about how they lived in this world.

You see, the irony is that they thought that they were living. But, they really weren’t. If you’re not being your true self—who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose? The sad thing was that they would talk about being heartless. They would talk about using their partners. They would lie. They would cheat. They would talk about getting married and then constantly divorcing without reason—as if love meant nothing and it was an easily breakable bond. They didn’t really believe in God. I noticed it all.

They had more belief in the things that they created. They seemed to only love what was man-made. They had more trust and faith in technology. Human connection seemed to be dying. I’m not sure where the human connection was going. When they talked to someone, it would become very awkward. I realized that most of the communication that occurred between them was through these social media outlets or through their cellphones.

There was a whole other world out there—a world that was preferred over the one that we were in. There was a world that was more isolated. A world where you could pretend that you had a heart, but not use it. A world where hearts were connected with wires. A world where hearts could have masks because you couldn’t get too close to even notice. A world where distance was okay. A world where you didn’t even keep family too close. A world where bonds were here one day and then gone the next. A world where everyone was replaceable. A world where you used humans over and over and over and over again. But then, you spoke of humanity as if it were a dying art. A world that you saw. But, you didn’t care to fix.

You see, it is easy to feel something for a split second. It is easy to think of everything as art. It is easy to talk about love, but not live it. It is easy to give up. It is easy not to commit. It is easy to disconnect. But, it is harder to go out into the real world and live that message. It is easy to talk about wanting love. But, it is harder to show love and to give love and to accept love. It is easy to hide from real things—the things that last. It is harder to bring down the walls that we have created and give love a chance. But, no. They wanted what was easy. They wanted a world where nothing was permanent, except for the world that they created—a world that didn’t even exist. They wanted an illusion. They wanted a world that was made for robots—not humans.

Me: I opened the door. I’m back. I think that we should talk.

Him: How do you come in without knocking? Where are your manners?

Me: Sorry. I just had to come back. I had to talk to you. Look at me! He looked up.

I felt it in my core. He was looking at me again. He wanted to feel. But, he couldn’t. He had neither emotion nor depth inside of his eyes. He was empty. I had to be strong. I had to do this—not just for me. But, for everyone. I thought about how my future kids would be if the people in this world didn’t change. I didn’t want them to come into a world that was so cold that it would freeze their souls. I didn’t want them to live in a world that desperately needed and craved emotions, but they were impossible to get from anyone. I had to do this for them. I had to do this for him. I knew that there was hope. He was human. They were human. I believed that they would be human again. So, I knew that I would try my best to be stoic at times even though being stoic was not natural for me because I am used to showing all of my emotions. I was going to channel all of the love that was inside of me and use that to get my power. First question:

Why don’t you believe in love anymore?

Him: What? So you come into my home without knocking and you expect me to just answer your random question?

Me: I need to know.

Him: Just leave!

Me: No! I need to know.

Him: Well, I don’t want to talk about it.

Me: Why not?

Him: I just don’t want to talk about it. There doesn’t have to be an explanation for everything. There doesn’t have to be an answer for everything.

Me: I stared at him as he got up to leave. Oh, so you’re just going to leave in the middle of our conversation? Actually, no. It is the beginning of the conversation and you are just going to walk away! We didn’t even get through one question. I thought that we could actually talk.

Him: I have more important things to do!

Me: That, right there, is the problem. You don’t even care to fix any problems, even if they are your own. You just want to leave things when they don’t benefit you. Actually, you want to leave things when you think that they don’t benefit you. If you were actually in touch with yourself, you would know that this conversation would benefit you. Or maybe, subconsciously, you know that it does benefit you and that it could help you, but you want to bury these problems deep inside of you so that you don’t have to fix them. You want to leave the wound there—just as it is. You want to cover up the void by filling it up with temporary things. Doing this makes you forget about everything. Right?

Him: I said that I don’t want to talk about this. I’m doing fine and I can figure it out on my own. I don’t need anyone and I certainly don’t need you.

Me: But, that is the problem once again. You haven’t cared to fix it on your own and you want to throw away people who are actually willing to help you. You want to push away people who want to make you see your problems and actually give you solutions to them. Why is it that everyone thinks that they can do everything on their own? Why can’t they realize that they actually need help? I mean, I know that it starts with the individual. But, I wish that I had someone to actually help me get through something or figure something out whenever I had issues or problems. I didn’t have anyone. Okay? I know that it would make it a little easier, especially when the help is coming from the heart. I want to help you. I mean that with my whole heart. I promise.

I noticed him stare at me. It was as if he was hearing the words, but they were not registering inside of his mind. It was as if my words went over his head—completely.

Him: Listen. I don’t want your help.

Me: At that moment, I knew that this was going to be harder than I had previously thought.

Day 3

I had to leave yesterday. Don’t judge me. I went out into the world again. I needed to get some more answers. I felt like I was trapped inside of a room talking to someone who wasn’t human.

I had all of these questions: Is there anyone out there who is still human? Is there anyone who still feels? Is there anyone out there who still wants to love? Who still wants to hold hands? To write letters? To feel a touch? Is there anyone out there who fears love, but still wants to love anyway? Or, have we been conditioned to go against who we are? Humans—we are complex. Sometimes, we are so complex that we want to give up our souls.

I mean, we can’t even accept ourselves and who we are supposed to be. We are going against nature. We are going against our own selves.

We were created to love. At least, that is what I believed. I started doubting myself again. I felt like the more that I tried to figure everything out—including the way that he worked, the more that I kept doubting myself. I kept questioning my own love and myself. I thought that maybe he was right and that humans weren’t made to love. Was he right? Maybe it was love that destroyed the human. Maybe we needed to guard ourselves to the best of our abilities. Maybe we shouldn’t just love everything. Maybe we shouldn’t love with our whole souls. Maybe we should just use people. I mean, that was what everyone else was doing and it seemed to be working for them. Right? It seemed that the choice to become a robot was helping them in the long run. They wouldn’t get hurt. Right?

NO! My mind started to freak out at its own thoughts. This is what happens when anyone is around this behavior for too long. You start to question your own humanity. You start to think that there is something wrong with you because you’re the one feeling. You start to think that there is something wrong with you because you’re the one loving and you’re the one giving emotion, but nothing is reciprocated. You start to feel like the outcast. You start to feel like maybe everything is wrong with you because you are who you are. But, no. There is nothing wrong with you. There is everything right with you. You, not only, have a beautiful human mind—you have a beautiful human heart.

This didn’t work yesterday. But, I needed to go back today. Today is a new day and there is always another chance.

Me: Hey, you.

Him: Hey! I’m guessing that you didn’t knock again!

Me: Sorry! It has clearly become a habit. Where’s your heart? I laughed a little bit as I said that.

Him: Right here!

Me: He pointed right to where his heart used to be, physically. I didn’t mean it that way. I know where your heart was, physically. I want you to talk to me about where your heart really is. I want you to talk to me about love because I believe that your heart is love’s home. What you love becomes what lives in your heart. Your heart protects it.

When I spoke, my mouth started to shake. I wished that I didn’t notice as much as I did. I was in touch with almost everything. I noticed when little movements altered. I literally noticed everything—whether it was eye movements or when the heart started to beat a little slower, or faster. I noticed intentions even—when they tried to hide behind faces, questions, or certain words. I noticed it all. And I noticed him start to get a little uncomfortable. I noticed the area around his eyes start to wrinkle a little bit. He felt pain whenever I spoke about love or even brought it up. Somehow, I felt connected to him. It was like he tried to avoid love and everything that had to do with it—even me. I had to build the strength in me to ask him again.

What do you love?

Him: I thought that I told you once that I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t have a heart. Enough now!

Me: He got up to leave. STOP! Where are you going? I just wanted to get some answers from you. I thought that we could have a conversation. I went out there and I tried to see how these people functioned. I wanted to see what moved them. I wanted to know what they lived for. I wanted to know why they breathed. I couldn’t help but wonder where love went.

I know the key to make you feel alive again. I know that it is love. Love heals everything. I know that you think that love breaks you and kills you and makes you feel weak. I know that you think that love destroys you and leaves you feeling vulnerable. I know that there have been people who have taken advantage of the way that you love.

Maybe you get anxiety. Maybe you are filled with fear. Maybe you are scared of loving someone so much and then they just leave. Maybe you are scared of giving your all to the wrong person. Maybe you don’t want to let your guard down because of all of these reasons or other reasons that I haven’t mentioned yet. Maybe the way that you grew up forced you to block love out. Maybe you never knew what love was because you grew up without it. Maybe you wanted love so bad that you never got it and then you ended up hating it. Maybe you loved someone so much and they never reciprocated. Maybe the love that you knew your whole life wasn’t the real thing. And, that is okay. But, I just want to talk about it. I want to understand how you let what you went through affect you like this. Maybe we can learn from each other. Just maybe.

Him: Stop talking so much. Do you think that you know everything? You’re naive. Do you think that love is a fairy tale? Do you think that it is pretty? Love is the most ugly thing that I have seen.

Me: No. Actually, it is the opposite. Love is the most beautiful thing that my soul has felt because my eyes haven’t seen it. I know that love is not a fairy tale. Fairy tales make it look easy and perfect. Did I say that love would be easy and perfect? No! And, you know what? I believe that love is the strongest force to have ever existed. And, humans hold love. So, humans carry the strongest force to have ever existed. That means that humans are very strong.

But, do you want to know what the real problem is? Humans are the real problem. We don’t recognize this force. And, if we do, we give up on it. We don’t fight for love. We don’t take care of it. Every single human is different and when you mix the strongest force, which is love, with humans, it can become dangerous.

Right when I said that, I saw the look in his eyes change once again. He tried to open his mouth to let something out. But, you could tell that the words were too powerful to leave his body. It would require him to feel too much. And, he wasn’t ready to do that. Or maybe, he didn’t want to. Or even worse—he didn’t know how.

Him: I don’t have anything to say.

Me: That is when I learned that being alive…doesn’t mean breathing.

I had no choice, but to leave again. My mind was chaotic once again. My thoughts were going in every direction. I thought: Why did you leave? You couldn’t keep pushing him until you got some sort of answer? No! Stop! I had to stop my mind. I had to stay focused. I didn’t want to push him to the point that he will decide to block me out—completely. I mean, I knew that I was blocked out at that point. But, I also knew that anyone, who did not become a robot yet, would know that there is always hope. Hope never dies. There is always a possibility to get a message through to someone. But, I just wasn’t sure about him. He was too deep into his own ways.

That wasn’t going to stop me, though. I was going to take it slow and try to get through to him so that he could possibly become human again. I just wasn’t sure what it would take to make him human again. I thought that talking to him would be a little easier. I thought that he would understand and that it would get somewhere eventually. But, it seemed almost impossible.

Most people always tell me that it is impossible to change someone who isn’t willing to change himself or herself. Perhaps. But, doesn’t it take something specific to occur in order for there to be change? Maybe, for him, this was it. I had greater faith in the human—more than I had in these robots that were walking around everywhere, almost pointlessly. What a mess! I couldn’t come to terms that the whole world was becoming like this. I will find the answer and I will make sure that a majority of us will not become robots. I needed to go home and rest. Tomorrow is another new day and I will try again. I won’t give up.

Day 4

Me: Hey! Well…I’m back. I’m not going away that easily! Can’t you see the problem? You think that everyone will leave. But, guess what? I’m not going anywhere. I started to frantically open all of the windows in the room. You’re locking yourself in here! Why? Why are you doing this? Do you think that, maybe, you’re going through something serious? Perhaps! I think that there is a way out. Listen to me! Listen to me! Listen to me! This world is bigger than just us. I want you to know that. We are so small. But, we are so big at the same time. We have a world within us. There is a world within you and there is a world within me. As I was saying all of this, his eyes looked towards me. Your heart and your mind will not be suffocated. Come to the window. Get some air. Give me your hand.

Him: Don’t touch me!

Me: What’s wrong?

Him: I said, don’t touch me!

Me: Why?

Him: I don’t want to feel anything.

Me: So, do you think that you can feel?

Him: No! I just don’t want to feel a thing at all. I don’t want to feel your touch or anyone’s touch—at all! I don’t know who you think you are! You just want to try to heal me as if a broken heart is something that can be fixed. You can’t fix anything. Believe me! The problem is that I am numb. Okay? I am completely numb! I have built walls so high that no one can even try to tear down. My heart has been broken to the point that it can’t possibly be broken anymore. I am powerful—just like this. Nothing can break me. Nothing can hurt me. Nothing. Do you understand?

Me: No! I don’t want to understand. I won’t understand. I refuse. That is exactly where you’re wrong. You think that you are healed. But, you’re not. You’re just burying the pain. But, you think that you are replacing it with something else. Let me tell you something. The metal walls that you have built around you aren’t saving you. They’re destroying you. They’re preventing everything. They’re not only preventing people from leaving. But, they are also preventing anything from coming in.

Him: You really think that you know everything. Let me break the news to you. You couldn’t be more wrong!

Me: I don’t know everything. I don’t even know close to everything. But, I do know that love saves. It heals. It gives you life.

Him: I don’t know why you came back here. I don’t care to hear this and I’m not listening to anything that you are saying. I don’t need you. Why are you here?

Me: I’m here because I’m not leaving you alone. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to help you. I’m here to save you. I’m here to make you human, again.

He stared at me as if he saw a ghost. He looked at me as if he had never heard that leave someone’s mouth before. And I thought…I thought for one second that maybe he realized it. But, who was I kidding? That was way too easy. He moved a little bit before he spoke.

Him: You can’t help me.

Me: Others probably would have given up at this point. They wouldn’t keep trying to talk to you. They would have walked right out of that door. They would have left you here. They wouldn’t try anymore. You know it as well as I do. But, you know what? I am not them. I see deeper than what some eyes are able to see. I see past the surface. I see past masks. I see past you.

He kept looking at me. He looked at me as if no one had ever told him that they weren’t leaving his side before this moment. In that, I saw a bit of hope. Hope that maybe there was a possibility that he would change. Maybe there was something that he would do about all of this.

Him: You’re being delusional. You’re seeing things. You’re imagining things that don’t exist. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me: You’ll see.

Him: You can leave now.

Me: Fine!

I left as fast as I could. I started to walk really fast—with no destination. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know what to do. Something kept pulling me back. I didn’t know how to deal with that situation. I wished that I could ask someone for help. But, they would think that I was crazy. They would think that I was wasting my time. They would think that things change. They would tell me to let people deal with things in the way that they wanted to. They would tell me that it was pointless. They would tell me that nothing would change. They would tell me that everyone was unique. I believed all of this—to an extent. But, I also believed that some people were more aware than others in certain ways and could help them.

Humans are not meant to always be isolated. We are meant to help one another. We are meant to help each other in difficult situations. At least, that is what I had always thought. That is what I had always believed.

I was getting angry with myself. I started to feel like I didn’t have the power to help him. That was when my mind started racing, again. I thought: What could I do? How could I make him see that the way he was living wasn’t the right way? I felt tears leave my eyes. It was like I could feel his pain. I knew that he had to have so much pain inside of him. But, he became so numb that he couldn’t feel it. Or, maybe his mind was ignoring it and blocking it with distractions—making him believe that he didn’t have pain. Whatever the case was, I knew that he was ignoring his human. I couldn’t believe that he wasn’t human anymore. He resembled one. But, he didn’t function like one.

My mind continued to torture me. At that point, I almost felt like it had to be something in my soul that was causing me to worry this much. I sat there for hours trying to think of a solution that would make him better. But, nothing came to my mind. I thought about everything. I thought about what questions I could ask him next. I was really nervous to even go back there. I didn’t know what was coming next.

I thought: How about if I never fix him? How about if I can’t help him—at all? How about if he doesn’t want help? If I can’t help him, then who will? How about if he ends up dying like this? How about if he never allows himself to know love? How about if he never gives himself another chance? How about if he does not think that he is deserving of something good? How about if he is too scared to love again so he just refuses to—completely?

All of these thoughts were scary. I thought about giving up while I wasn’t too invested yet. I knew that the more that I tried to help him, the more energy I would put into it. I was self-aware. I knew that I would not want all of my energy to go to waste. I knew that I would keep trying and trying. I knew the real problem. I knew that if I couldn’t help him, my insides would be partially destroyed. I would feel hopeless. I would feel like I had failed not only him, but also all of the other robots that were disguised as humans. And, trust me—I realized, the other day, that many robots existed.

I was a lot of things. But, I was never a quitter. I fought for love with every single part of me. And, the way that I fought for love was a little different than what they were used to. I didn’t fight for love—just for me. I fought for it for him and for everybody who didn’t believe in it. I fought for the robots disguised as humans. I vowed to make them break down their walls and use their beautiful human hearts.

Day 5

Me: Hey! It’s me again.

Him: Oh, you.

Me: I just had to go get a few things done and get some rest. But, I’m back. Do you remember me? I remember you.

Him: Um, yes. I remember you. You keep coming in here day after day after day. You keep trying to talk to me when I make it clear that I have no interest in talking to you. You’re getting quite annoying, you know.