Living with the Scarlet Letters: When Life Manifests Evil Spoken

By Connie T. Blake

Author Connie T. Blakes life is a work in progress, constantly being designed by Gods hand. With each passing year, she realizes that Gods protective arms have been her shelter and strength. Now she seeks to share her story in the hopes of guiding others to overcome their life challenges.

In October 1995, Blake, a forty-four-year-old divorced mother of two, found herself feeling faint. A trip to the emergency room and subsequent tests revealed that she was HIV positive, the result of a brief relationship five years in the past. Over the next several years, Blake faced numerous health challenges resulting from the virus. But with the help and love of her church family, she experienced miracles and wonders and began to work her way back to health. Through collective displays of compassion and love, Blake believes that generational curses, such as child molestation and domestic violence, and societal ills, such as addiction and HIV/AIDS, can and will be broken.

In this memoir, one woman shares her personal testimony of illness, recovery, and triumph through faith in the face of overwhelming odds.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: May 14, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480862647

Connie T. Blake

Connie T. Blake is a life coach and author who was born in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and raised in Washington, DC. After high school, she attended business school and then began working in corporate America. Active in her community and church, she now coaches others to embrace individuality while respecting the power of God. A mother of two children and grandmother of one, she currently lives in North Carolina.

Book preview

1

Reality and Wake Up Call

Here is how my journey begins. Two weeks had passed and I was still lying in a hospital bed. While tears streamed down my face, I remembered a biblical scripture. I am weary with my groaning all the night I make my bed to swim I water my couch with my tears. (Psalm 6:6; KJV).

A sign on the door read, Infectious Disease: Put on Face Mask and Gloves before Entering. In my room, the window shades were closed, causing the room to look dim. A tube was in my nose while others were in both of my arms. Machines with blinking lights and sounds were ticking around the clock. I noticed a few people were afraid to be in the same room with me. In particular, I remember the hands of a nurse shaking as she attempted to draw blood from my arms. On one occasion, I cried out because she was hurting me. After attempting three times to hit a vein, the nurse kept saying, I’m sorry, Ms. Blake I’m sorry. With tears in my eyes, I said, It’s okay baby. It’s okay. I thank you for helping me. But when the nurse left my room, I began to pray asking Jesus to ‘please help her and bless her with whatever she needs to calm her so she will be done."’ He must have heard my prayers because I never saw that nurse again. As I lay in my hospital bed, I began to remember my moments of clarity which began just two weeks earlier.

On the Sunday morning of October 20, 1995, I was up at 5:00 am to prep for my weekly Sunday dinner. The weather channel had predicted a clear and beautiful day. I was feeling great and looking forward to going to church. I bounced and strutted through the house full of joy while listening to my gospel station.

At this time in my life I was happy, content, and at peace regarding where and who I was. I was a Christian woman believing in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, who was my personal Lord and Savior. At forty-four years old, I was divorced and a mother of two children. My son was a junior at a university and my daughter was a junior in high school. I enjoyed my job as a data entry clerk, which provided for my children and me. I was active in a good church where I served on the pastor aide committee and as Sunday school teacher. My focus was on my children being secure and settled in school and church activities. They had engaged in football, cheerleading, movies and dancing. My children liked school and were determined to go to college. I was looking forward to seeing them accomplish their life goals, including personal achievements and going farther along in education than I had.

So, imagine my surprise when on this glorious morning with no warning – I started to feel light headed as if I might fall or faint. I thought, What in the world is this feeling? and then I sat down for a few moments. I got up and continued cooking, but again there was no pain. I started blinking my eyes because I saw black. I yelled to my seventeen-year-old daughter, who was in another room. She asked, Ma, what’s wrong? I said, Baby, I need you to drive me to the emergency room. I feel like I’m about to pass out.

2

Diagnosis of HIV

Shortly thereafter, my daughter and I arrived to the emergency room. After all the waiting and general testing, the doctors couldn’t find out the source of my feelings of faintness. As a result, I was admitted for further testing. The next day, I was moved from a semi-private room to a private room.

Then, a doctor came in to inform me what the further testing had shown. He asked me if I have ever heard of HIV or AIDS. I answered No sir. He explained that I had in my body a virus called HIV which could lead to this deadly disease call AIDS. He said, You are very sick - it appears that this virus is aggressively affecting your nervous system. There is no cure for HIV or AIDS at this time. However, there are medicines which do help in fighting the virus. It has been proven to stop the spread of the virus in some patients. To be completely honest, in some people these medicines don’t help. While in others the medicines help enough to where patients have gone on to live healthy and normal lives. He continued, In America at this time, we have about 19 medicine cocktail packages that come in different forms. One cocktail may contain one to three pills including a liquid. Some cocktails may have five or more pills. Please remember there is no cure but we hope one cocktail will stop the HIV from progressing in your body. More importantly, if and when we discover that the virus has stopped growing in you that does not mean you can stop taking medicines. You must continue taking your specific cocktail until a cure is found. Do you understand or have any questions?

Nervously, I replied "yes, I don’t understand how this could be. I mean where on earth did this come from?

The doctor answered, most people get it from having unprotected sex mainly intercourse.

I vehemently stated, But how could I have this? I know - I haven’t had intercourse or sexual intimacy for over five years. Sir, you must be mistaken. Plus, I feel fine. I don’t have any pain or discomfort in any way.

Ms. Blake, this is a silent killer. This virus has lived in some people 10 to 12 years without them knowing, the doctor responded.

No…no, no - I mean - I can’t have that. I’m a Sunday school teacher.

Yes Ma’am, I understand. As I sobbed, the doctor lightly patted my shoulder and stated, I want you to be encouraged. Keep your faith because we have very good doctors that are specialists in this area of medicine. Also, in this county and all over America there are people in research working diligently trying to find a cure for HIV/AIDS.

Afterwards, the doctor said he was going to start me on one of the medicine packages right away but I wouldn’t be released from the hospital yet. The doctor wanted to see if I would have any side effects. Which could be very challenging to most patients. He later suggested, I need you to tell your children so they can get prepared for what’s ahead.

Rejecting his suggestion, I responded, no way! I’m not telling my kids anything like this. I’ll tell them I have cancer or something. What are they going to think of me doctor? I’m their mother, I can’t. As I continued to sob, I specified: I just can’t.

The doctor replied, they must know Ms. Blake. In fact, the sooner the better. Especially because of the medicines we are going to give you.

I don’t know if they can understand or take it…I just don’t know.

"If you