Unexpected Gifts: If Something Happens, Would You?

By Katie McAndrews-McNeill

A small-town girl from Pennsylvania, author Katie McAndrews-McNeill harbored big dreams of working in the fashion world in New York City. After a twisty journey, she achieved that goal, enjoying success as she navigated through her career. Her priorities were dating, dining, fancying fine wines, and living in beautiful apartments in New York and on the Hudson in Hoboken, New Jersey. Life was more idyllic than she could have imagined.

All that changed in 2004 when her only and older sister, Susie, was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer and died just fourteen months later. The decisions McAndrews-McNeill made changed her life in the most wonderful and unexpected ways. In Unexpected Gifts, she shares the story of the blessings she received after her sisters passing, deciding to forgo her fashion career to become a nanny for Susies two young daughters.

Unexpected Gifts offers a message for anyone experiencing illness, death, or tragedy. Its about the strength to continue to live while you can, planning for the what ifs, and believing that in great loss can be found amazing, unexpected gifts if you allow yourself the opportunity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: May 4, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480861190

Katie McAndrews-McNeill

Katie McAndrews-McNeill graduated magna cum laude with a bachelors of arts degree. She is a former fashion executive who spent twenty years based out of Philadelphia and New York City working for well-renowned brands, fulfilling her dream of calling New York City her home office. McAndrews-McNeill now lives in Barnegat, New Jersey, with her husband of ten years. This is her first book.

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Copyright © 2018 Katie McAndrews-McNeill.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-6117-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6118-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6119-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018904953

Archway Publishing rev. date: 05/02/2018

Dedication

To my mom:

Although you were taken from us too soon, you are my inspiration, strength, and reason to believe that, no matter what, it could always be worse; live every day like it’s your last; and always find humor in everything. You will always be Stunning.

To my sister (Sis):

Without you, life is forever changed. Your short life was and still is an example and inspiration to all. I hope I’ve made you proud, and I thank you for the gifts of Shannon and Caroline and the nannyhood that you so deliberately requested of me, knowing how it would change my life in your absence.

To my dad:

Through so much loss, losing both loves of your life—Mom and Sis—too soon, you continued to be our strength and always made family the priority. The butterfly kisses were the best! Thank goodness for VO Manhattans!

To my brother-in-law, Angelo:

Thank you for trusting me to be part of the plan without your life partner and for allowing me the opportunity to be Nanny and Aunt Kate to the two most amazing young ladies I call my nieces. I couldn’t think of a better person to have gone on this journey with, despite horrific loss and your much-appreciated sarcasm!

To Shannon and Caroline:

Thank you for making me a much better person; for keeping me young always despite being your Artifact; for the magical hugs, kisses, and wonderful memories; and for being my most precious gifts. Love you infinity and beyond—no comebacks!

To all the moms, dads, carpoolers, and school personnel:

Thank you for allowing me to put a whole new twist on nannyhood. Your love, support, friendship, and unwavering trust in my career change will forever mean the world to me.

To my husband, Gene:

You are one of the biggest gifts sent to me from above—there was even a plan for that! Thank you for your support in such a transitional time in my life and your sacrifices to make us work. Thank you for making my nieces the priority. Nothing you did went unnoticed. Thank you for completing me.

To all doctors, nurses and hospice workers:

Thank you for your incredible ability to allow the patients and families such dignity in a very trying time. Your dedication, selflessness, compassion, and grace afforded all in your care a peaceful and beautiful transition on their journey home to their resting place. We will be forever grateful.

To those who read this:

Laugh with me, cry with me, and plan for whatever may happen. Live every day like it’s your last!

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1     How It All Began

Chapter 2     Angels among Us

Chapter 3     Now What?

Chapter 4     The Big Announcement

Chapter 5     Arriving in Style

Chapter 6     Let The Games and Festivities Begin

Chapter 7     House Hunting and Holidays

Chapter 8     Garanimals, Carpool, Parties, and Fun Times

Chapter 9     Adding to the Group—Incredible Neighbors

Chapter 10   Don’t Forget about the Dads

Chapter 11   Let the Wedding Plans Begin

Chapter 12   The Big Day (Actually the Big Four Days)

Chapter 13   Let the Honeymoon Begin

Chapter 14   Back to Reality

Chapter 15   Under the Same Roof

Chapter 16   Back to Work, Deployment, and Retirement

Chapter 17   Lessons Learned and Challenges Faced

Preface

As I sat to write this book, I wondered how many people had been asked that life-changing question: If something should happen to me, would you help take care of ___? Now, sometimes this question is posed as a planning question with no imminent chance of death, maybe when writing a will or just in conversation with a friend or sibling. In my circumstance, I was originally part of a planning conversation with my sister and brother-in-law when life was wonderful with no illness—just re-doing wills and life insurance policies. I, of course, thought the conversation was morbid but necessary, never thinking the conversation and question would come up again, not too many years later, in a very different circumstance—not if something happens but when it happens. The only answer possible would be yes, knowing that answer would give my sister and her husband peace of mind. However, the commitment on my end would be made in very real circumstances with no more planning conversations. I would be making a commitment with a very simple answer to a very big question that would forever change my life in amazing ways.

I hope this book touches everyone who reads it. When death happens suddenly, especially when young children are involved, a myriad of issues arise when you go from a household with two wonderful, loving parents and two young children to a single-parent household with all the same responsibilities.

If you remember anything you read in my journey, please remember that planning for death in life is not only smart but critical. Although it is very difficult to have those conversations, it truly gives the family left behind after a tragedy some peace of mind amidst the chaos and pain, knowing that there is somewhat of a plan in place and knowing the person that had to leave had a hand in determining how life would be without him or her. I hope many of the conversations are truly for planning. Take it from me: don’t sign up as part of the plan if you can’t fulfill your end of the deal! When you’re chosen as part of the plan, be honored, take it seriously, and realize that when really bad things happen to really good people, good things can continue in honoring a loved one’s dying wish.

One

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Let me begin with some simple facts about myself. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and had a great family, great friends, and great neighbors. It was the perfect little place to grow up. As teenagers, my sister and I could not have been more different. I always said I was the son that my parents never had. My sister, Susie, had an almost annoyingly perfect way about her. I was the rebel who challenged everything.

Sis always dated the smart, appropriate guys you bring home to Daddy. I, on the other hand, dated the bad boys. I should probably apologize to those who might be offended by anything I might generalize about; remember that generalities don’t necessarily include everyone!

When it came time for high school, we went to a private Jesuit institution. We played sports and got a wonderful education. My sister, of course, had to take college credit courses while in high school—just to challenge herself a little bit more. She knew exactly what she was going to study in college, she knew what she wanted to be after she graduated, and she met her future husband while in high school. I had no idea what I wanted to be or what I would study in college, but I knew I would be dating different people for quite some time!

My sister proceeded to graduate from college, undertake an amazing career, graduate from the Wharton School of Business—very impressive, I might add—marry her high school sweetheart, have two beautiful girls, and have a wonderful life with her husband.

I left college after a few semesters. I, as my dad said, majored in social atmosphere. I never disputed that. I took four years off, worked, and continued focusing on yet another relationship. I realized after four years that I needed to revisit returning to college. I had a new outlook: if I was going to have a great career, make a great salary, and forge ahead, I should probably get my degree. It’s amazing to me how much easier it was to relate the world to my studies after being out there for four years. I graduated magna cum laude with my Bachelor of Arts degree and would then undertake a lucrative career in the fashion industry (not what my degree was in). Working in retail, as they say, during my four-year sabbatical and during college, led me to my passion of the past twenty years.

My sister had moved away to Virginia with her husband. I knew if I was going to have a great career in fashion, I needed to move out of Scranton, Pennsylvania. I ended my seven-year relationship and moved to King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. It had one of the largest malls in the country and was a great place to start a career in retail. Within a few weeks, I would meet my next relationship, and it would last for thirteen years. We’ll get to that later.

Now we were both out in the real world. Sis and her husband were living in Virginia, and I was right outside of Philadelphia. We were living great lives. Susie and Angelo had two beautiful girls, Shannon and Caroline, and then settled into their beautiful new home in Maryland, where they enjoyed being parents. My sister became a full-time mom after walking away from her lucrative career to undertake what became her greatest accomplishment and fulfillment: motherhood. Angelo, by trade a physician, proudly started his own company. Life was great!

I continued to rotate through the fashion world, working for amazing companies, and eventually relocated to New York City, which was my lifelong dream.

Fast forward to May 12, 2004.

My sister was going into the hospital for a simple gallbladder procedure. I remember talking to her early in the day, wishing her well with the surgery. She was in great spirits. As I drove home from work that day on the Long Island Expressway, my phone rang. It was Susie. She always asked if I was driving when she called. She hated when I would drive and talk at the same time. There was no Bluetooth or hands-free technology back then! That day, she didn’t ask.

I, of course, asked how she was feeling. She said, Not so good. She had this amazing strength in her tone, which she carried with her from that day forward. I knew there was something wrong. She wasn’t just my sister; she was my best friend. I just knew when something wasn’t right. What she was about to tell me would forever change all of our lives.

She said, I have cancer.

I remember the whole world stopping as I drove, praying that this couldn’t be true. She then asked me, Oh my goodness, are you driving? I am so sorry. I always ask but forgot today. Call me when you get home. I don’t want you to get in an accident.

I, of course, said, We need to finish this conversation. Reluctantly, she stayed on the phone.

She proceeded to tell me she had colon cancer. It was already in stage four.

How could this be? No symptoms and stage-four colon cancer? I was crying so hard I physically hurt. This was my big sister at forty years old. We had lost our mom a few years before. Sis was everything to me. In her amazing strength, she explained to me how she and Angelo (since he was a doctor, he knew more about the scans and results being viewed and discussed) sat and listened to the fatal diagnosis, crying and feeling their wonderful life was being given a death sentence.

I asked Susie if she had told Dad. She said she hadn’t called him yet. After losing our mom, we didn’t