Shhhh . . . S = Sad, H = Hurt, H = Helpless, H = Hopeless, H = Humble, a Suitable Title for All My Life Secrets.

By Umnia de Amaani

The book starts out by talking about a childhood upbringing that led to dysfunctional family events, poor choices, and abusive treatment throughout a young girls life. These negative situations helped influence a young mind and her perspective on the world. After dealing with a tremendous amount of tribulations, she was broken. Knowing that she only had herself to rely on, she found her courage and vowed to be strong in order to find her path and become successful.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: May 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781982202279

Umnia de Amaani

This book is about a hard working, married, mother of two. She was born into a dysfunctional family, which left her dealing with many difficulties and challenges throughout her upbringing. She found herself stuck in a hole of emotional darkness. However, she was determine to pull herself through her hard times by finding her self worth with dedication and learned to move forward in a positive direction. Filled with despair, tears in eyes and pain in her heart, she was able to achieve some of her highest goals.

Book preview

SHHHH …

S = Sad,

H = Hurt,

H = Helpless,

H = Hopeless,

H = Humble,

a Suitable Title

for All My Life

Secrets.

Umnia de Amaani

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Copyright © 2018 Umnia de Amaani.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Balboa Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0226-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0227-9 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/13/2018

Contents

Chapter 1 The Beginning

Chapter 2 Setting the affect

Chapter 3 Fighting Consequences

Chapter 4 Poor Decisions

Chapter 5 Deepening the Wounds

Chapter 6 Feeling the Hatred

Chapter 7 Unwanted

Chapter 8 Numbing Effects

Chapter 9 Beaten, Battered and Bruised

Chapter 10 A Sign of Light

Chapter 11 Working towards the goals

Chapter 12 Finding My Path

Chapter 13 All for Something

Judge life by the life in front of you, not by what you have been through or have dealt with in the past.

This book is dedicated to the individuals that stop and realize life in front of them. There is still time to be more than a victim.

Chapter One

The Beginning

Get started. That’s what the front of a composition book said. A gift from a co-worker, as I expressed my interest in telling my story. Still, I contemplated on whether I should. If I shared my story that meant that I had to be open and honest about things that I had spent my whole life storing away. It meant that I had to find the light I needed to shed into the darkness of my past. I had to really think about the things that I wanted to share and how I or others in my life would feel about me sharing my past. How hard would it be to relive the nights filled with fear and cries for help. Was it time to place my mind back on the fights, screaming, yelling, struggling days and pain that it all brought into my life? Do I want to bring it all back? Do I really, want to bring back the memories of some of the innocent, weak willed days of my life? The answer was Yes! It is time to let it go. Let it go for good. So, here it go’s…………………..

It was June 1, 1984 at approximately 2:40am, when I was born. A light skin baby girl, with brown eyes and no hair at the time. Six pounds, eight ounces and 19 ½ inches long. With the sound of a new born baby’s cry’s filling the room, I was handed to my mother (19) and father (16) to begin with the path that I was meant for. My parents had met a few years prior to my birth at a local park. They were introduced to each other through a mutual friend.

Their love was strong, but over the years, their young immature partying days had become a strain on their relationship. Lust turned into infidelities, which then led to the on again, off again couple. My father spent his time working, when he wasn’t at home with us. I had an older brother, from a past relationship of my mothers and a sister that was two years younger. My brother spent a lot of time with my grandmother (my mother’s mom), so it was often just my sister and I.

Memories fill my head of times spent with my father’s side of the family. Love, music and good old Puerto Rican food were often the comforts there. They were good people that not only knew, but understood the definition of family. My father had two brothers and a sister that was about my age. A close Puerto Rican Family, that came to the United States trying to live a good life. The thrill of new possibilities was on the fore front of their minds. Their love for each other was seen easily in their eyes and words towards each other.

Unfortunately for them, they had no idea and could not prepare enough for the type of negativity that one person would bring into their lives. My father was the type of guy that everyone wanted to be around. Sweet, funny and charming with the ladies. He loved playing the guitar and Bruce Lee was one of his ideals, but most of all he loved his family. He would do anything for them, as they would