How I Wrecked My Life: And the Lives of Those Around Me

By Craig A. Taelman

What would you do if your entire financial world imploded? This book is built around the author's experience with his financial collapse and bankruptcy, but many of the lessons can be applied to divorce or other life crisis situations. How I Wrecked My Life is group therapy without the group if you are reading it alone. It is a thought provoking format for group discussions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9781512798036

Craig A. Taelman

One moment, the author was living in a 7,200 square foot home with two kitchens, a sauna, steamroom, and two koi ponds. A month later he was sleeping on the floor of his mother-in-laws home. His insight into his financial failure will forever change the way in which you think about people who have failed at business.

Book preview

Prologue

"Bankruptcy (2) is a legal status of a person or other entity that cannot repay the debts it owes to creditors. ‘The word bankruptcy is derived from Italian banca rotta, meaning broken bench, which may stem from a custom of breaking a moneychanger’s bench or counter to signify his insolvency, or which may be only a figure of speech."

For the duration of this book, when I refer to bankruptcy, I am talking about not only those people who have legally declared bankruptcy through the court system, but also those people whose debts exceed their assets. For people who have experienced bankruptcy (either method), it is devastating to one’s psyche and demoralizing to the entire family.

In my mind’s eye, I was a person with impeccable character, honor, family values, and a work ethic unmatched by any mortal. That work ethic would insure that failure would never knock at my door, or so I thought. I feared failure, so I worked constantly in order to avoid it. Failure, however, didn’t just knock at my door, it burst through my door with such intensity that within weeks, I went from being a millionaire to sleeping on the floor at my mother-in-law’s house.

Within weeks, the family I cherished imploded from the pressure I exerted on them. My wife was loyal, which was more than I deserved. She lost many friends during my business failure; she lost her dream home; I lost all of our money and, with the exception of helping me decorate model homes and our kitchen & bath center (she did not get compensated monetarily), she had nothing to do with the business. My son, who had been working with me, and his wife uprooted themselves and moved half way across the country. My daughter became so upset that she began losing her hair. I had vendors I couldn’t pay, loans on which I forfeited, sub-contractors who helped to build my business that were left without jobs and not paid for work performed, and employees who had to find other jobs.

Through this misadventure, I learned a great deal about myself, about other people, and about God. I learned which people loved me unconditionally; I learned which people I could trust; I learned about the true character of people (including myself). I learned to love God more and to listen to His Word. It was through listening to His word that I was motivated to write this book. I don’t profess to be a great writer. I have, however, acquired practical knowledge from experiencing bankruptcy, the loss of my businesses, and realignment of my life. I have knowledge that may help you get on the proper path towards God; I have knowledge that may save your marriage or a friendship; I have knowledge that may save your business or your job. I have a story for you.

This is my story. I hope that you can learn from my mistakes so that your family will not have to feel the pressure that my family felt. Learn from my mistakes so that you will never have to suffer as I have. Learn from my mistakes so that those around you will not have to endure the pain and loss as I have burdened those around me. I am sure that sub-contractors or suppliers to my business who lost money will have their opinion on my business failure. It is possible that their view on topics on which I have written about will vary from my perspective. This, however, is my story. I hope that you will find the information presented will be helpful to you in rebuilding your life.

Life is short. Relationships can be tenuous. Money is a commodity. If reading this book helps you deal with any of the above areas, your time and money will have been well spent.

There were slightly over 1,000,000 bankruptcies in 2008 and more than 1,500,000 bankruptcies in 2010 in The United States. The chances are high that someone you know has filed for bankruptcy in the past 7 years. As we shall see, there are a multitude of reasons why a person would need to file for bankruptcy. There are a multitude of reasons why less judgment and more assistance is needed in many cases.

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I will give you a brief overview of my businesses and how they failed miserably during the housing crash of 2006-2013. First and foremost was my lumber company that my father helped to found in 1964. We sold our wares mainly to large commercial contractors, our remodeling company, other home builders, and our own home building company. Looking back, I should have concluded that a local, one lumber yard operation was a buggy whip. That is, a business that has seen time pass it by. We were heavily leveraged and we were always struggling to pay bills and payroll. The big box stores had taken a large portion of the market and the multiple lumber yard operations were able to spread management expenses over many stores.

It was difficult to make any sales during the recession (which was actually a housing depression). It was even more difficult to get paid for those goods that we did sell. We had extended credit to many builders and we were owed hundreds of thousands of dollars for which we could not get paid. Obviously, this caused a cash flow problem that only got worse as the housing crisis continued.

We relied heavily on installed sales in order to stay profitable. We could install a storm door or we could completely remodel a client’s home. Room additions, kitchen remodels, and bathroom remodels were our bread and butter businesses.

In fact, installed sales were such a huge part of our business that I decided to take installed sales to the next level and open up a home building company in 1993. If installed sales helped the lumber yard to stay profitable, larger dollar sales from new homes would add to our lumber yard’s profitability. For a while, the new home business helped the lumber yard to survive through some tough years by adding extra volume. We became one of the larger home builders in the county. So why did my world come crumbling down?

In 2007, we decided to open a kitchen and bath show room on the busiest retail strip in the county. The showroom opened in 2008 and sales increased slowly. The additional sales needed to support the increased overhead never materialize as we entered the unfortunate economic housing bust that began in 2006-2007. The $100,000 a year rent at the center and our inability to generate enough profit to pay back the loan we had taken out at the bank to open the kitchen and bath center had a huge negative cash effect on the business.

In addition, I was attempting to run a mult-million dollar combined operation using an antiquated book keeping system that was difficult to operate and didn’t give me the data that I needed to run the operation. Since the lumber yard was marginally profitable, it was impossible to purchase the proper computer software and hardware that was essential to run the businesses efficiently.

The other problem was me. I was hustling to make sales, building houses, and trying to manage people. I was ineffective at most of the above tasks. I allowed subcontractors to charge me what they wanted to charge. I should have used work orders dictating what I was willing to pay subcontractors. The system was skewed the wrong way. Due to my inability to control costs, I lost money on homes that should have been profitable. My son and I had identified this problem and my son had written computer programs to control the costs, issue work orders, and streamline the quoting process. Unfortunately, we identified the problem and created the solution too late to save the businesses. In addition, I had built too many spec homes that weren’t selling as quickly as I needed for them to sell. I was paying up to $18,000 a month on interest on spec homes, some of which were 4 years old. Once the model homes stopped selling, the cash flow in my new home business plunged. The perfect storm was brewing. What’s worse, I didn’t see it coming until it was too late.

As you read this book, you will see dramatic changes in the writing style, emotions, and clarity of thought. The failure you are about to read about caused me to have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I had difficulty sleeping; I had anxiety about what had happened; my thought patterns were not clear; I was acting atypical. The symptoms lasted to some degree for approximately 6 months. During those 6 months, I felt like I was lost in a wilderness of confusion. Matthew 4 (RSV) tells us"

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And he fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread. But he answered, it is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’

I was tempted in many ways following the collapse of my businesses. I was told that I should blame the economy; I was told I should be mad at God; I was told that I was a horrible person for allowing the business to fail. I was accused of things that I didn’t do; I was humiliated by people that I thought I knew.

Through it all, I kept faithful in my belief in God. I continued to read the Bible daily. I asked God for forgiveness. I crawled forward. It was prayer that helped me to regain my sanity, self-esteem, and my life.

When you experience a traumatic experience, you can turn your anger, frustration, or anxiety inward, outward, or upward.

Turning your emotions inward can cause a great many problems. It can eat at your soul; it can cause you to become sick, it can lead to drug or alcohol abuse, it can kill you. Why would you adopt this self-destructive behavior? If your self-pity becomes too great, if you feel defeated, if you have bottomed out in life and you can see no way out of your situation, turning on yourself becomes a self-defeating option.

Turning your emotions outward causes you to blame everything and everyone around you for your problems. You strike out at your friends and your family. Eventually, you cause those people who care about you the most to turn away from you for their own self-preservation. You can become isolated, depressed, and mean.

There is really only one way in which you should turn your emotions. You should turn your emotions upward. Only God can offer you forgiveness for your actions; only God can give you the strength you need to endure; only God can give you the hope to move forward with your life.

After wrecking my life and the lives of those around me, I am getting my life back on track and I hope to help those whose lives I wrecked.

I cannot begin to tell you how vulnerable I felt during the crash of my businesses. I had no money, fewer friends, and a lot of remorse. I took many nasty phone calls; I received numerous law suits, and I endured insults thrown my way. You may believe that I deserve what I received. I suppose that there is a case for that opinion. From my view point, pressure, and state of mind it felt as though I was being assaulted at every turn. It is true that I could have changed my cell phone number or moved away. I chose not to take either of those options as I didn’t want to run away from my responsibilities. Maybe I chose the more difficult path to follow, but it is path that I believe I was supposed to follow.

This book concentrates on my life and what I have learned. It is not meant to minimize the effect that my business failures had on others including my sub-contractors, vendors, clients, and my family. I have tried to apologize to everyone who was negatively impacted by my business failure. If I missed one of you, let it be known that I am truly sorry. I hope to one day, in the future, I can tell you How I Fixed My Life – and The Lives of Those Around Me.

(Note: The famous person referenced at the beginning of each chapter has his own story to tell, but it does not necessarily relate to the title of the chapter or it’s content.)

PART 1

Chapter 1

TSALMAVETH

Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want:

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters;

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names’ sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff,

They comfort me. (KJV)

Failure and fear. Those words summarize my state of mind in 2010. I had failed my wife, I had failed family, I had failed my business associates, and I had failed God. I was afraid of running out of money, I was afraid I couldn’t provide food for my wife and me to eat, I was afraid about what the future would hold for us. I was a wreck. Financially, I was bankrupt. We don’t often think about the emotions of historical figures, but I assume that Lincoln felt like a failure and he was fearful about his future in 1833.

After the collapse of my businesses, my wife Sally and I immediately decided that we would sell the home that we had built together. Here is my accounting of my feelings from my journal when we began to pack up our library in preparation for moving….somewhere.

(Sunday, November 16, 2010 – a month after the fall of my business) This was one of the most difficult days of my life. Sally and I went to the home that we had designed and built as our retirement home. We began the task of deciding which books from our library to pack up and take with us (wherever that may be) and which books to donate. To my wife, books were like friends. Each book she decided that she could not take with us was like leaving a friend behind. The intense emotion, tears, and grief she expressed tore me apart. Seeing my wife, my best friend, in that kind of distress sent me into a deep and dark depression.

We had amassed a library with thousands of titles. We had walls of bookcases in the library; we had floor to ceiling bookcases in the hallway, we had books in boxes. We had books separated by category. It took hours to sort through the books. When the selections had been made, I asked Sally to go and visit a friend and