The Dignity of Trust: Building Community through Reliability and Truth

By Nathan McKie

Any activities that involve associations between people require that there be an acceptable level of trust. The ability to make accurate assessments about the reliability of others will determine, over time, how trustworthy they are. While it takes a long time to build trust, it takes even longer if trust is lost.

This book is

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stratton Press
• Release date: Aug 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781648955365

Nathan McKie

Nathan W. McKie Sr. brings a rich experience in dealing with people in various career and personal environments. His father had him selling light bulbs door-to-door, which exposed him to the challenges of cold-call selling. He worked beside farmhands and was very active in the 4-H Club, even winning a national contest. In college, he worked as a camp counselor and sold formal favors to sororities and fraternities. After graduating college, he went into the air force and completed a four-year stint, reaching the rank of captain and receiving the Air Force Commendation Medal.In 2016, after a career of entrepreneurial ventures, corporate managerial positions, and volunteer service, he founded a nonprofit venture designed to foster social entrepreneurship. By creating solid relationships and building trust, it is believed that a sense of community can be achieved in urban and rural settings. The Dignity of Profit: Creating Community through Entrepreneurship (2018) and The Dignity of Service: The Power of Social Entrepreneurship (2020) were published in order to inform readers about this project and to encourage them to become involved in making a difference.

Book preview

Chapter 1: How important Is Trust in Our Lives?

Reagan’s Character

Learning from History

The Vine and the Holly Tree

Trust Springs from Truth

Things Requiring Our Trust

Chapter 2: What Does It Mean to Trust Someone?

The Necessity of Learning to Trust

Apathy Rules

Worldview

Other Components of a Trusting Relationship

Trust and Our Culture

Societal Issues—Lack of Concern

The Importance of Integrity with Regard to Trust

Part II: Obstacles to Trusting Others

Chapter 3: Poor Directions

Chapter 4: Detours

Practical Effect

Good or Bad?

Chapter 5: Potholes

Chapter 6: Roadblocks

Chapter 7: Breakdowns

Part III: What to Do When Trust Is Lost

Chapter 8: Overcoming Obstacles to Trusting

Connecting Obstacles to Motives

Flush Out the Root Causes of Their Motives

Deal with Anger Issues

Show Concern

Look for Opportunities to Rebuild Trust in Small Ways

Focus on Possibilities for Success

Chapter 9: Is It Really Possible to Restore Trust?

The Challenge of Restoring Trust

Something Needs to Change

Relationships vs. Transactional Involvement

What Happens if This Doesn’t Work

Part IV: Can We Make a difference?

Chapter 10: Is Our Trustworthiness Enough?

God as the Source

Be a Person of Integrity

Adopt a Worldview Reflecting Your Values

Have the Courage to Speak the Truth

Have Compassion on Those Who Are in Need

Most of All, Be an Effective Witness to Your Faith

Chapter 11: Making the Connection to God

From Trustworthiness to Discipleship

Seeking Community as an Effective Means to Draw Others Closer to God

Trusting God to Help You Lead Others to Him

Trusting the Spirit to Produce the Fruit

Chapter 12: Getting Beyond Self

Where Is Community in All This?

So What Is the Challenge?

Appendix A Jobs Where Trust Was Broken

Appendix B Two Real Stories about Trusting

References

Preface

To the best of my memory, my first shot at writing a book began in the mid-1990s with an effort to provide wannabe entrepreneurs with some important information if they wanted to start their own business. I was in my early fifties and had been an entrepreneur several times over. The latest was essentially a spin-off from a manufacturer that I had been working for. I actually wanted to consult with the prospects after my first experience, but I realized that (1) most entrepreneurs feel like they have everything they need (except money) to make it on their own, and (2) they wouldn’t have the money to pay me anyway. So I put the idea on the back burner and went to work for someone else.

The more I started new businesses and kept getting slapped around, the more convinced I was that I had something to offer. The book that I wanted to write in the nineties was going to be about the pitfalls that await those brave souls who were determined to do their own thing. I actually drafted enough pages to fill a small book, but it was missing something. Most people don’t want to read about a lot of problems that they might experience. They just want to jump in and start making money. Of course, it doesn’t usually work that way. Success in small business is a very elusive commodity.

So my next steps were in consulting. First, I was a business broker, which led to another business opportunity. The next was in retail helping businesses raise money through promotions or to go out of business. In this book, you will find some of the issues that I had to deal with, which had nothing to do with whatever business I was in. Those experiences were why I ultimately decided to write this book.

Trust is extremely important to all of us. You can’t get away from the need to be able to trust others. You can’t even get in the bed and pull up the covers without having to be concerned with whether there is something that might go wrong. Wiring might short out and set your house on fire. Your dog might bite the mail carrier, and you could get fined or worse. You could get in your car to go somewhere, and it won’t start. How do we navigate life’s highways and byways without freaking out under the weight of all this pressure?

We are going to look at some ways to deal with this paranoia, but there aren’t a lot of surefire solutions. I’m going to share my suggestions along with some other important points relating to trust issues. Many of us vacillate from not trusting enough to trusting too much. Finding that comfort zone in between is where we need to be.

There aren’t a lot of people who I feel I can put my trust in. I’ve still ended up getting burned many times. P. T. Barnum, American showman and circus promoter, is credited with saying, There’s a sucker born every minute. He certainly should have known because he used many hoaxes in his performances. They weren’t scams though; he just wanted people to have fun. There have always been hucksters. Merriam-Webster says that these are people who sell or advertise in an aggressive, dishonest, or annoying way. Now that’s someone I want to hang around with.

As I am writing this, there are some challenging things that I am going through. Being betrayed by people whom I thought I could trust is troubling me greatly. I make my feeble efforts at forgiving them, and then ask God to help me forgive. Some of the people who let me down were people who supposedly were all in on the proposed project. The first time I got a sense of where this was headed was when I put out a request for help demolishing part of the interior of the building we were taking over. No one showed up! It went downhill from there. When I had been asked about what I needed from them, I told them that I needed volunteers and trainees to get prepared to be workers in paid positions. I got very few volunteers, even though the purpose of having them was to give them some exposure in the working world as Christians. The trainees came from various places, but only a couple came from the efforts of the church members. The whole purpose of this project was to help the local churches avoid drying up and blowing away. They just couldn’t seem to get that surviving is not enough. It is hard to thrive when you are just trying to keep the lights on and keep the pastor paid (unless you have a volunteer).

So this rant is about trusting these churches to follow through on what they said they supported. I think this is indicative of what goes on in most churches today. My two previous books spoke of call and service. Most church members seem to forget (if they ever really knew) that faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead (James 2:17, NIV). Instead, some Christians argue that this verse tells us to do something that is contrary to Ephesians 2:8–9 (NIV), which tells us, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Now, I’m not a bona fide theologian, but I have done enough study to know that these are not contradictory. Therefore, they are not a source of argument. Jesus even told his followers as recorded in Matthew 7 (NIV): Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven (v. 21). This is actually following a parable about false prophets where he was talking about the trees that bear good or bad fruit. He ends that section with this: Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them (v. 19). Now, it does take some connecting the dots, but it is clear that the will of His Father is that we produce good fruit as evidence to our faith.

I will provide you with an understanding of how trust is important, what it means to trust someone, what some of the untrustworthy people are about, and how to be able to function in a world full of people who may not be that honest. On the other side of this, I hope to provide you with some ways to make it through life without losing faith in anyone or anything. That’s not much of a life. Don’t get too bogged down in this. You may even have some fun looking at the people who just can’t stand to do things the right way. In any case, it is my desire that you become acquainted (if you haven’t already) with the one true Source of trust.

Introduction

We all have probably had a trust failure at one time or another. It could have been by someone else, by us, or both. You may be thinking, Not me! In a narrow view of the term, perhaps we haven’t. By that I mean we really let someone down. We may have failed to pick up something at the store when we were asked to do so. It likely wouldn’t rise to the level of trust failure unless it was medicine or something like that. For the most part, we would be forgiven for our memory not kicking in when it should have.

On the other hand, if we were supposed to pick up a child after school and didn’t, there would be a mark on our record, so to speak. If we did that as a teenager, we might get grounded or lose driving privileges for a time. As an adult, we might not get off so easily. In Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning writes about a man who was in an alcohol support group due mainly to the fact that he left his two-year-old daughter in the car in freezing temperatures while he was in a bar for several hours. The girl lost some of her toes due to frostbite. That was more than a trust failure—it was inhumane.

It wouldn’t be true for me to say I have never been guilty of forgetting to do something that I was asked to do. My wife and I did leave our youngest son at the church once. It wasn’t a major issue though. We were going out of town and went by our house to pick up a few things. It was then that we remembered we had one less passenger than we were supposed to have. There were no tears or repercussions from it. Most of the incidents we were a part of wouldn’t have involved trust.

My view of trust (or loss thereof) focused on someone intentionally violating their trust with another person or being involved in something that caused them to forget their responsibility. Perhaps I’m trying to excuse myself from criticism, and you can judge that for yourself. For my part, I have strong ethics when it comes to my family and those to whom I have made a commitment. Further, I don’t even care to capriciously do anything for which I could be judged to be untrustworthy.

Most of my life, I have been involved in some sort of sales position. There were a couple of jobs where I was responsible for performing some physical tasks on equipment that was part of my tools. It wouldn’t have been acceptable for me be lackadaisical about my responsibilities. I was out of town often, and I made sure that I checked on my family as I was travelling. I made sure that cars driven by my family were in good shape, especially when I was away. I could go on, but my point is, I have done my best to be a reliable, responsible, trustworthy person for pretty much all my life. Being an only child probably contributed to that since there was no one else to blame for things that I did.

Background

Now that I have tried to absolve myself of any accusations about my being a hypocrite, I want to lay the groundwork for the premise of this book. Maybe I will come up with some things that I did that rise to the level of untrustworthiness by the time I get to the end of this book. If that becomes the case, I will revise this session to reflect that revelation. Otherwise, it will still be here upon publishing.

There were some cases when I was growing up that I will skip because they didn’t have a major effect on my outlook. What I want to focus on is a series of events that prompted me to address this topic as a part of a book. I will start with something that happened when I was in college and go from there.

High School

The schools I attended prior to college were small, and most people in the town where I was reared knew each other. That, of course, included knowing a lot about their business as well. I wasn’t a particularly popular boy, but I was very loyal to those I felt connected to. Okay, I was probably a nerd. I made good grades and sought to excel in whatever I attempted. My parents were very interested in my learning how to be successful at tasks I undertook.

Boy Scouts was the first activity that I became involved in. Essentially, every boy in my small hometown was also involved. As I recollect, it was in that group where I was first disappointed by not being included in the advancement process. That made a big impression on me, and it has affected me for all my life.

It seems that I was almost more involved in relationships with adults and with teenagers in other towns when I went to high school. To some degree, that was due to my involvement in many activities. In particular, the 4-H Club activities brought me into contact with people whom I wasn’t involved with on a daily basis. I was asked by the county adult leader to be a part of demonstration events, and I jumped at the chance to broaden my horizons.

Being connected to others who aspired to achievement caused me to become more competitive. I think it was more a matter of seeking to better myself rather than to be better than others. Competition, if it is fair, can help to push us to greater heights. I believe we become our best when we are committed rather than just involved. In the case of 4-H Club activities, I won a district contest, three state demonstration contests, and a national demonstration contest. I was also a part of a state livestock judging team that competed in the national contest (it wasn’t my finest hour, but a great honor nonetheless).

My mother pushed me to be involved in church youth fellowship activities and to become a counselor at a church camp. It was at that camp that I