The Human Comedy Irish Version: Book One of the Series

By Tim GV. Murphy

A brilliant Irish comedian, Hal Roach, believed humor is able to cure all ills. As I happen to share his opinion, I will try, starting with this first book, to give you lads a good laugh. Here I will describe, the way I see best, the cracked-up old ideas that, when we weren't looking, brought humanity to its knees. Mind you, some of you lads won't like all the jokes presented in this book, but our personal feelings must come in second place when it comes to humanity as a whole. As it becomes evident as the book progresses, the need for all of us to stop joking and messing around with this world has become more pressing than ever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Nov 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781546284949

Tim GV. Murphy

Tim GV. Murphy is a newbie in this mighty game. Being Irish, he really likes the sea and the water, even though he swims worse than a brick and sits gingerly even in the bathtub! He likes seeing people smile, and he’s dedicated a lot of his time to making people laugh and forget their own problems for a while. He also likes helping people overcome their fears and start to think for themselves—though not necessarily in that order! With that in mind, he wishes you a pleasant read and hopes you’ll find his first book even remotely entertaining. Enjoy!

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© 2017 Tim GV. Murphy. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  08/08/2023

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8495-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8496-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8494-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017918034

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Author’s note

Acknowledgements

Preface

Chapter 1: The Human Origins

The Birth of Man

The Nature of Man

The Relationships of Man

Chapter 2: The Human Hypocrisy

Education

Sex

Marriage

Overpopulation

Pollution of Earth

War

Religion

Chapter 3: The Man Is God Theory

Chapter 4: The End of Man

Afterword

The world nowadays, seen and described by an Irish lad.

Author’s note

This book is dedicated to all the people of the world, regardless of nationality, ethnicity, skin colour, sex, or way of thinking. Whether you are six or three feet tall, overweight or underweight, or have a perfect smile or no teeth, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if you are as bald as a soccer ball, have a lion’s mane, penniless or a millionaire: this book is 100 per cent for you. Now that you have this book, I would like you to take it easy because, the way I see it, it is meant to be an alarm bell—a wake-up call addressed to all of us; at the same time, it’s an effortless way towards personal happiness. So don’t just read it; study this book and see if it can help you in any obvious or subtle way. Don’t accept or reject the ideas presented here lightly; look at them carefully and see if they apply in any way to you. Also, don’t forget that even if we -all people- are part of the same species, we are at the same time different, each of us being unique and having our particular way of seeing things.

Acknowledgements

Thanks to all the people who made this book possible through their direct or indirect help, encouragement, and suggestions. Cheers to all my mates who didn’t bitterly complain about me missing all the important pub meetings while I wrote this book. Also, my complete gratitude goes to Camelia, who, without complaining, stoically supported me through all those crazy years. Again, thanks to you all!

Preface

Hi there, my dear reader! What’s the story? How are you doing today? Before we start, I’ve got some tough questions for you, and if the answer is yes, I will try, with this book, to give you a good laugh. Do you want to have some craic about how dumb we are as a species? Do you want to find out what big clowns we are? Do you want to look at all the silly philosophies of the world and discover how stupid and weird they are?

Do you? Good! If you are ready, then let’s start this book. Mind you: if you are weak, faint-hearted, embarrassed or insulted easily, this book might be a challenge for you. I’d recommend those easily offended put the book down slowly now and go back to reading The Sun—especially that third page. Yes, lads, the one with the big-breasted ladies… You would love that, wouldn’t you? Or maybe watch a few episodes of the best and longest-running English soap in existence—Coronation Street? It’s tempting, isn’t it? Or, better still, a nice drinking session in the local pub, getting yourself hammered and watching second-hand football.

Now don’t get ahead of yourself, thinking I’m some kind of a man with a PhD under his belt or anything. Not at all. This is the view of a simple Irish man who’s just a tad more curious than the norm and finds our way of life a little too ridiculous and hypocritical. So don’t expect to find some absolute and mind-blowing new truths in this book, or some brand new and shiny ideas that, once implemented, would change our lives overnight for the better. No, we will look at how we live nowadays and try to have a good laugh. Mind you: if I find something that’s entirely wrong, halfway wrong, or bizarre, I will try, using the humble Irish way, to offer a solution the way I see it best.

Ready? Excellent! Now, to better understand how silly and funny our ways of life are and the depth of our failure as a species, we will start directly and logically—not that logic is, or ever was, Man’s strong point. So, to properly understand the idea and what we are dealing with, we will start by dividing the main problems into categories.

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Chapter 1

THE HUMAN ORIGINS

The Human Origins is a very pompous little title—the title of a big mystery that nobody seems to know how to solve. Why? Well, let’s be honest here: most of humanity couldn’t be arsed to ask themselves any of these elementary questions, let alone look for the answers to them. All the people in the world—I mean the ones who care about those things—are claiming that they know the truth about the origin of humanity. All of them have many theories that, they say, explain clearly and without any doubt how humankind came into being. And yet, if you have the guts to take a good look at most of them, you will find out that the harder you look, the funnier they seem to be. You only need to get a bit closer to smell the rat!

I will start with some questions that popped into my mind: How did Man come into being? Who or what made Man? If Man evolved on his own, how did that happen? Why did the first man appear? When did the crazy event occur? What is Man, actually?

Suppose you belong to the relatively small percentage of the existing 8 billion people with the will and the balls to ask themselves these very questions. In that case, you will find that the answer varies greatly, often contradicting one another. You are never going to believe it, but there are no fewer than four primary belief systems out there. Yes, ladies and gents, you read right—four of them. I know, it’s bloody ridiculous, no matter how you look at the problem at hand. The fact that there are no less than four shows how silly and misguided we all are. But, of course, each of those belief systems claims it has the true answer to the big riddle while all the others are dead wrong. Now, who to believe? In which of those four theories can a normal Paddy like me put his trust? Honestly, I’ve no idea, so the best I can do is reveal them here so you can have the chance to think about them yourself.

There is a religious belief system: the Creationism theory, a mystical and superstitious little idea that, by its very definition, doesn’t encourage logical thinking at all. We will call it the Ninja theory here because all its representatives are dressed in those ridiculous black or white night dresses and are trying hard to make our money, our balls and our hard thinking disappear. The adepts of this theory base their beliefs on the words of a who-knows-how-many-thousands-of-years-old book referred to as the Old Testament, some of which is quoted word for word even now, in 2023. Weird!

There is a scientific point of view: the Evolutionism theory, which I will call here the Geek theory because all its representatives are scientists and other people with university degrees and PhDs who are, by definition, library mice. Ever since it was formulated, this theory has been a big, sharp thorn in the black-and-white-silk-gown-covered hides of the ninjas, because it shook the academic world and encouraged the people of the world to think for themselves. Oh, my dear... Blasphemy! Haha!

The third belief system is called the Interventionism theory. It belongs to a group of people who, somehow, didn’t take a shine to the previous two theories and argue that the ninja and the geek theories are both wrong. Can you believe that? The cheek of them! However, I will call their idea the Alien theory because all these people argue that someone in the past visited our planet and altered its natural course, as we will see later in the book.

Surprisingly, there is a fourth opinion! It’s called the Man is God theory, and it considers the rest of them irrelevant. I will call it the Spirit theory here because it’s ancient and the least discussed and accepted in our modern era. The representatives of this little theory appreciate and respect the rest of them but don’t take them seriously, because they are only relevant as a scientific curiosity. According to these people, every lifeform in this Universe is just the physical representation of the real us – conscious energy beings – and we are using this physical plane of existence to experiment with life, training, and evolution. I’ll dedicate a whole chapter to this theory because many people have never heard of it, even though this idea is not new. Also, the representatives of this theory propose a larger, more complete view of Life itself; therefore, a more comprehensive explanation is necessary.

Now that we know what we’re dealing with, we will take it nice and slow, starting with the first subchapter. We will go through the first three of Man’s core belief systems individually, and you will have the opportunity to look and wonder at how dumb Man truly can be. We will also have a go at the three main questions about that birth, and I will try to explain how, when, and why Man came into being.

The Birth of Man

How?

I will start with the first theory: the ninja theory. Firstly, let’s have a good look at the definition. According to Wikipedia, our all-knowing friend, "creationism is the religious belief that the universe and life originated from specific acts of divine creation, the way it’s described in the religious books".

That definition is simple, but its implications are not. For starters, it doesn’t say anything about how Man came into being or what it means by divine creation. To fix that, I thoroughly researched using the ninjas’ primary source of wisdom. According to the ninjas’ main book, the Old Testament, Man was made by an all-powerful creature named God. Strangely, it doesn’t say who named him God, how he got this very short name, or if he gave himself this nickname: why God, and not John, or Pat, or Mike? Not only that, but the way the book was written implies that there was more than one God, which means that Man has been made by at least two all-powerful and all-knowing creatures named God. That means that Man was created by a team—unless the lonely all-knowing and all-powerful God was talking to himself about making Man, which would be so much weirder. To be honest, the text implies that there were more than two gods, which means it wasn’t just one God or two, but a crowd of them. Of course, now it doesn’t matter how many they were, because we are here to see how they created Man, not to count them. We will consider how many there were later in a different subchapter.

Eventually, after an eternity of sitting on their all-powerful and all-knowing arses, doing nothing but twiddling their thumbs, that team of gods suddenly decided, for reasons I will discuss later, to create Man. Obviously, being all-powerful and all-knowing, it was very easily done. However, the said gods probably had a long-term plan for the new creature from the beginning because, according to the crazy old book, they made the male first. Why? No one knows why, though they probably could’ve made the female first just as easily. If you think about it, that’s perhaps why the male half of this crazy species named Man not only thinks that it deserves the lion’s share of things but also believes its members are entitled to run down, exploit, and prosecute the female half. Yes, ladies and gents, as we all know very well, this is a thing that has happened on a daily basis for so long that today, to our terrible shame, it has reached the point where gender exploitation is seen as a regular thing.

Have you ever wondered, even for a second, what would’ve happened if the book had said that the female was made first? Well, I’d say that this world would’ve looked much better because most of the males of this species think with their balls and use every muscle in their body, except the one that matters most: the grey one.

If we think about it, it probably doesn’t matter why they made the male first. The certainty is that, the way it’s written in the book, those gods made the first man out of some sort of dust or clay. Yes, you read right, out of a particular variety of topsoil. Of course, probably a different kind than that in my front garden, or the one we usually find packed in bags at our local Garden centre, but topsoil, nevertheless. Typically, any modern geneticist will have the weird and blasphemous tendency to