Beyond Addiction: Sally Discovers How To Think For Herself

By Alexander T. Polgar

In this last of the four-book series on addiction Sally describes how she grew beyond her need to conform to group or “tribal” pressures. While being tribal provided her with a sense of security, it came at a considerable cost. No longer willing to pay the price, Sally found better ways of coping with life’s challenges than having others tell her what to believe, value, and how to behave. Sally discovered how to think for herself. Learn from this story all of the many benefits that come from being your own person, free from negative controlling influences that hold you back.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sandriam Publications Inc.
• Release date: Aug 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781777166953

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Beyond Addiction

Sally Discovers How to Think for Herself

Alexander T. Polgar, Ph. D.

Sandriam Publications Inc.

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Beyond Addiction: Sally Discovers How to Think for Herself

©2020 Sandriam Publications Inc.

183 St Clair Blvd.

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

L8M 2N9

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www.atpolgar.com/sandriampublications

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No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-7771669-5-3

Printed and bound in Canada

Cover: Workhorse Design Studio

Also, by

Alexander T. Polgar, Ph.D.

Conducting Parenting Capacity Assessments: A Manual for Mental Health Professionals

Chronobiology: Strategies for Coping With Shift Work

Because We Can – We Must: Achieving the Human Developmental Potential in Five Generations

TWO: One Destined to Addiction the Other to be Free

Freedom: Sally Gets Sober and Starts to Grow Up

Finding Purpose and Meaning: Sally Survives Her Brief, Nasty Dance With Psychiatry

Dedicated to all past and present victims of tribal oppression,

hatred, and violence.

Contents

Breaking the Tribal Chains

Chapter 1 Tribalism

Chapter 2 The Myth of Hard-Wired Tribalism

Chapter 3 Instead of Progress, We Settle for Change

Chapter 4 The Prodigal Son

Chapter 5 Nihil Sub Sole Novum: Nothing New Under the Sun

Chapter 6 The Benefits and Cost of Tribalism

Chapter 7 Reality Instead of Platitudes

Chapter 8 What Will it Take?

Chapter 9 Being Social Without Being Tribal

REFLECTIONS

Introduction

A Working Hypothesis

Competition

The Indigenous Canadian Experience

Structure and Content

History of Drug and Alcohol Use

Insidious Biology

It’s All About Prevention

On Being a Developmentalist

What is Your Conceptual Framework?

References

Other References to Tribalism

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Breaking the Tribal Chains

I am Sally, and this last book completes the trilogy about my journey from life as an addicted addict to abstinence from all intoxicating legal and illegal drugs. Of course, when I started, the trilogy was meant to be three very readable books, which I hoped would help people like me and those who care about us. That was until I noticed this stone in my shoe. At first, I ignored it, expecting to get used to it, but that did not happen. The stone became increasingly bothersome until I could no longer stand it and had to do something about it.

You guessed it: the stone in my shoe was my constant butting heads with various tribes during my life-journey. While not a pleasant experience, I was at first able to shrug it off. This became increasingly difficult. The more I thought about these experiences, the more I got to understanding what was going on, and the more upset I became. Then my curiosity kicked in and, as is now my very familiar habit, I started reading anything I could get my eyes on about tribes. I quickly learned tribes have been around forever, and they do very bad things to their members and to other tribes. Worst of all, I came to the realization that I had been, and was still, in a tribe. This way of being did not sit well with me, and I set out to drastically change it.

This book therefore, is all about tribalism although you would not know it from the title. The word tribal, and how being in a tribe holds us back, is not included in the title. I was told that people would not understand the idea and, as a result, would have no interest in reading this book. Since my interest is to make everyone aware of this topic, I compromised. I made the title more appealing by focusing on the benefits of growing beyond being tribal. The greatest benefit to me, as it will be to you, is discovering how to think for myself.

The trilogy then became four books. In this last book, I describe my gradual awakening and how I broke the chains that were holding me prisoner, keeping me stuck at being tribal.

Most people, including smart people whose books I read, seem not to be aware of just how problematic tribalism is to us as humans. The first chapter, therefore, is all about what it means to be tribal, and that it is caused by our obstructed development. It goes way beyond a nation divided. In the second chapter, I go after those people who, mostly without realising it, play a big role in obstructing our development. They use the myth that tribalism is in our nature, that we are hard-wired for it, to keep us tribal with. That means that there is no hope of getting past it. Of course, their myth is nonsense. I and many others have gotten past being tribal. In the third chapter, I was all excited to write about my discovery that there is a big difference between change and progress. Because most people don’t know this, they settle for change and never even know to look for progress - one of the reasons we continue to be stuck at being tribal.

The fourth chapter is my favourite one in this book. It is about the religious story of the Prodigal Son. I always liked the painting of it and have often wondered what the real message of the story is. I think you will like what I think the message is or at least find interesting. I won’t spoil it for you here. You will have to read it for yourself.

The fifth chapter is an important one because I found out easily, just by looking, that there is nothing new about our problems being caused by being developmentally stuck at tribalism. Various people have talked about it for at least three thousand years. This, then, got me thinking about what we find so attractive about being tribal to have remained stuck there for so long. That is my focus in chapter six.

The destructive use of, in fact reliance on, platitudes (feel-good) but not true statements), is the theme of chapter seven. It is one of the main reasons we remain developmentally stuck. Instead of facing the reality that we mostly only have unachieved potential, we make up pleasing fantasies about how great we are. Those speaking platitudes include important, smart people who should but don’t know better. In chapter eight, I wonder what it will take for us to realize, accept, and do something about most people being stuck at the tribal stage of development. I’m hopeful recent times just might be the perfect storm we need to finally accept tribalism as the problem and start doing what must be done to get unstuck. But to get unstuck, we need to know what that looks like. Since I have been unstuck for a while now, and I know people who have been for much longer, the last chapter, nine, is all about describing what it looks like. My plan is to show how being unstuck improves the quality of people’s lives and to invite you to come along and taste the freedom.

Like in the previous three books, this one also ends with my alter ego, Dr. Polgar’s, reflections. Please, indulge his almost preaching style when making some of his points. I believe he is desperate to get the most out of this last book, probably thinking he won’t get another chance to influence how you think about the human condition and then what you do about it. Do have a look at his references, especially the philosophy book that reveals just how long some very smart people have identified tribalism as the cause of our human misery. Yet it continues, unless…

Chapter 1

Tribalism

Getting clean of all intoxicants, poisons, including tobacco and caffeine, did strange things to me. I became aware, like never before, of everything around me. All my senses came alive and I experienced the world not through a haze but through clear and brilliant sunlight. At first, it was really very weird, even scary, mostly because it was so new. Then slowly but surely, I started to like it, even to love it. For the first time in my life, everything became real.

As I said before, being real takes some getting used to, and there are many potholes on the road to starting to become human. That’s why when I got straight, I talked about life being different rather than better. It