Yes. I Can Handle Three Things, for Now: A Better Way to Spectacular Success

By Glenn Cossar

The benefits of working towards success do not have to be at the expense of our peace of mind or complete exhaustion. The good news is that achieving just three things in life can be enough to attain a clear and purposeful direction.
Glen Cossar, a business planner and life coach, shares real-life stories combined with practical tools that encourage happiness seekers to simplify choices and follow specific steps that allow attainment of goals and joy. While demonstrating how to become strategic instead of fearful, Glenn motivates others to focus decisions and actions, create a clear plan of action, and apply a values-based review of the plan to ensure its effectiveness. Included is valuable insight on the magic of three things, why speed bumps slow us down, whether emotions are useful or important, how to set boundaries, and why now is a great time for everything.
In this intuitive guidebook, a business planner and life coach offers stories and tools that inspire a transformation in thinking that ultimately allows attainment of a life filled with unimaginational successes and joys.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Oct 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781504309523

Glenn Cossar

Glenn Cossar was born in Sydney, Australia. During a corporate career, he held successful roles in middle management working for NSW State Government agencies and later consulting for private-sector businesses, chiefly in people management. He currently works as a consultant who is focused on business and life planning and helping individuals develop strategies for personal development and career growth.

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Copyright © 2017 Glenn Cossar.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5043-0951-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-0952-3 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 10/14/2017

PREFACE

T oday I made a promise to myself. My promise was to stop stuffing around with my life and to make it count in the greater scheme of things and achieve all my life goals! Exclamation point – right here and now! Wow, I feel really good now that is off my chest. I can also hear a growing chorus of Com-mon Glenn, do you really think by calling this out you will actually make it happen?

Seriously, on a day-to-day basis I am enthusiastic about setting up a plan for something to happen and then like a lot of people, I can crash mercilessly. Then within the next half hour I am screaming … help! Get me out of here! and this is killing my life! Finally, I say OK get a grip boy-yo, first a coffee and maybe some cake, time to re-group, I can do this, I CAN do this! Then some real planning can begin.

Yes there are many things that can drive us to despair, none any less annoying than excessive choices, procrastination and cumbersome paperwork. Or to put it another way, to have so many things to think about and decide on, that our lives have become a burden of our own making. Such a massive burden, that it has made our lives a bad choice between either misery or despair.

This does not need to be the REAL choice. I ask instead;

How can we make sure our lives are focused on achieving great things made through a series of decisions based on good strategies?

The kind of things I welcome hearing from my clients are How can I live happily and also work in the career that I have studied for these past six years? or, How can I seek out a good job by working hard and still have happiness and balance in my life? or even How can I finally create a supportive environment that helps myself and, or my family thrive? I want both. and at times a hard question such as How can I overcome the effects of the crippling illness that has hit me so hard in the prime of my life and taken away any hope for good things to happen for me? I also welcome offering, the support and acceptance that can provide the very opportunity that brings joy back to those who ask for it and are prepared to try again. I call these moments points of curiosity. They can be very positive.

What I am aiming to give you in this book is a fresh approach at deciding what to do, now and or soon, in your lives so that you can have a clear and purposeful direction. This clear direction can then lead to achieving real results towards your chosen goals and in turn, real joy in your lives at the same time.

I firmly believe that pleasure, enjoyment and fun are things all people are entitled to expect, sometimes, and possibly very often. We all know pain and suffering is prevalent, but we don’t have to deny joy in order to deal with our pain.

The benefits of working towards success, and working hard at taking on many demanding activities to achieve success, does not have to be at the expense of our peace of mind, or to work so hard that the result is that we are exhausted and become incapable of doing anything else.

Three things can be enough

This fresh approach I offer, is to simplify your choices by doing the following;

1. Focus tasks, decisions, and actions to Three, for now. Three is enough for anyone to make real progress on, and not to be overburdened to a state of high anxiety or worry.

2. Work with a clear Plan of action based on the concept of, Three being enough. Particularly, when matched with a very strategically guided process to make those actions influential towards chosen goals. Success is often closer to a reality, than ever before.

3. Apply a Values based review of your Plan(s) to support and continue the benefits that flow from a simpler and directed approach to life’s complexity. In this way you can achieve balance between work and play as well as greater confidence to achieve your life goals.

I shall expand on this in the book. It may have the potential to change your life.

A ‘little bit’ about me

My own personal working life saw me starting with part-time study whilst working in the very Technical College I was undertaking my studies. A regular job I held was, setting up desks and chairs for others to sit their final exams and to keep records of those exam results to later issue certificates. From this beginning I continued my studies and working on my own career prospects. I quickly realised that I wanted more for myself than just surviving the day-to-day and I was fortunate to progress my career at a pace that saw me managing others at a relatively early age. I was influencing business and human resource policy, practices and strategies at the highest corporate level. This spanned nearly forty years of my life, so it took some time to apply what I learned by trial and error and to stuff-up several opportunities along the way. In my later years I was reporting to CEOs of up to and over a few thousand employee strong organisations. During this period, in both the private and public sectors and some voluntary capacities I enjoyed working on many business projects, mainly in people management roles. I was fortunate to do some interesting and fulfilling work and to be learning from some wonderful mentors. I have many stories of people over coming difficulties through simplifying their life choices, and each story has a meaningful message to offer. I shall share some of these with you here. I offer my view, and my voice and I know very well that yours will be different and I ask that you consider my view as an additional perspective to your own.

I have been very fortunate to have gained both, a formal tertiary education and a very practical suite of experience in People Management (Personnel or Human Resources) and Executive and Business Management. However, the most satisfying working experiences I have been privileged to undertake, involve the opportunities to coach individuals and teams to reach their own chosen goals. It is by supporting people to achieve their business goals and personal development that I draw on, over this past forty years for my current consulting work.

My fondest wish

Life has so many wonderful things to offer us all. I have had the benefit of growing up in Australia, from 1955 to the present, in a society that has allowed me to thrive. Even with the many biases and well known obstructions that still do exist in my home country, I have enjoyed a full and interesting life so far. My few tourist visits to other countries around the world have added to my life experience in ways I never thought they would.

Whilst I do not claim to be an expert authority on anything, I have found a way to progress things I feel are important, and still have joy and fun in my life. Not everything I have attempted has been successful and I have had my share of very sad and failed experiences. These failures remain part of who I am, but they do not hold me back. Rather, it is the failures I have experienced that have taught me just as much as the successful moments have and I now treasure both.

I am pleased to offer to others an approach, that I feel, was very effective for me to balance so many conflicting energies. My fondest wish is, that you too can achieve this balance in whatever methodology you adopt and that you begin to enjoy all the joy and happiness life has to offer. If my words help, I am doubly pleased.

Glenn Cossar

DEDICATION

T his book is dedicated to my greatest loves:

Carla, for she believed in my ability to write, and I believed her, such is the true nature of abundance.

My wonderful daughters, Melanie and Elise, who are my strongest critics and also my strongest source of support. You both hold fast my heart and mind and will always be my inspiration and my guide post for reality. The pride I have for how you both have grown and the love we share knows no boundaries.

Timo and Janet, David and Anna, from a childhood friendship that began over fifty years ago, through life’s disasters and triumphs you have been there for me. There is no greater gift of friendship than acceptance. Side by side we stand, brothers and sisters together, this has been simply the best of times.

My immediate childhood family, Mother Beryl, Father Edward, sisters Sue and Wendy, brother Scott, you all set the scene for a boy and young man to constantly question and challenge his surroundings and were there to cheer, hold my hand, cook food for me and provide support for my heart and soul when I needed it most. Mum, most importantly, taught me how to love unconditionally. This was a legacy of abundant proportions and this she did by simply living this one value, for all to see, every day of her life.

My grandsons, Jacob and Noah, are both a light of inspiration that burn with an energy that is endless and shines brighter every day we share together, a treasure that I count and recount just to prove to myself they are real boys.

To those people who are more than company, who are equal participants on this un-ticketed ride with me. My extended family, friends and fellow travelers, revelers, partners in adventure, providers of tea and pie, angels of care, colleagues in toil, confidants of ideas, muse of inspiration and dealers in confidence, cheeky smiles, warm hugs, playful scams, and all that represent life’s lessons and joys for me. I thank you and celebrate your generosity and acceptance. I am forever your friend. Please always remember how precious you are to me. Much love to all, with the hope of a shared understanding to those who may relate to and enjoy my words.

CONTENTS

Preface

Dedication

Chapter 1:   Yes, I Can Handle Three Things for Now

■   How to Use This Book for Your Own Success

■   Glenn, These Three Things are not Consistent

■   A Point-of-Curiosity

■   The Life-Coach

■   Strategies

■   The Magic of Three Things - What, How and Why

■   Why Should we Introduce Something as Trivial as Play in a Serious Planning Exercise?

■   The Good Fairy’s Wand (just another way of looking forward)

■   Why Three is Important for Everyone

Chapter 2:   Setting up a Plan – Why do I need to do this again?

■   Speed Bumps Slow us Down

■   Deliberate Steps

■   Goal Setting

■   What, How and Why

■   Not all Change is Hard or Unwelcome

■   I Can’t do Any of This. Everything is Just Too Hard

Chapter 3:   Why Don’t People Understand me? Why Don’t I Understand Them?

■   I Just Want to be Happy. You know, Just Like Everyone Else

■   Our World-View

■   Negotiate, you Mean Compromise, Yeah?

■   Rebuilding the Village

■   Are Emotions Useful or Even Important?

■   Respect, Dignity and Compassion = Value Supports for a Brilliant Life

Chapter 4:   Some Great Tools, I Always Knew About but Don’t use, as Often as I Should or Could

■   Tool #1 The Budget

■   Tool #2 The Diary

■   Tool #3 The Journal

■   Tool #4 My To-do-list

■   Tool #5 Three Sector Analysis (TSA)

■   Tool #6 A Trusted Friend (gaining a different perspective)

■   Tool #7 The Pub-Test … the toughest measure of reality you may ever use

■   Tool #8 De-clutter … everything

■   Tool #8 Creating Good Habits (not Bad Habits)

■   Tool #9 Random Acts of Kindness

■   Tool #10 Mindfulness and Meditation

■   Tool #11 The Affirmation

■   Tool #12 Thinking About Wisdom

■   Tool #13 Setting Some Boundaries

■   Tool #14 The Life-Plan

■   Tool #15 Regrets???

Chapter 5:   Confidence, Courage and Bravery

■   The Reluctant Hero

■   My Rules for Confidence

■   Three Fs Flight, Fight and Freeze response to Stress

Chapter 6   Love and Relationships

■   Family, Friends, Then There is That Thing Called … … Passion

■   The Breakup How do I Cope With yet Another Failure?

■   Is Love Important in my Business?

Chapter 7   Bullies, Because They are Everywhere

■   The Bully is Everywhere!

■   The Impact of Bullying

■   So What to do About These Bullies?

Chapter 8   It’s Never too Late. Now is a Great Time for Everything

■   Abundance and Scarcity

■   What is Really Necessary?

■   Now is Always the Best time to Start … … … … … … ANYTHING!

Chapter 9   My Amazing Life, So Far.

■   Thanks … To be Given Often

■   Map your Progress, Also Often

■   Celebrate All Things Good in Your Life

Post Script - My Final Three Values – for Me to Live By

About the Author

Acknowledgements

References

CHAPTER 1

YES, I CAN HANDLE THREE THINGS FOR NOW

T hroughout the book, I provide examples of how real people and events have successfully used my approach of Three things for now and my coaching techniques. What I have included are insights into what I see people experience in their everyday lives through my career and consulting business over the past few years.

I present some personal stories to make my approach more relatable. Whilst each story is completely fictional, the scenarios these characters find themselves in are based on real-life occurrences I have had the privilege of witnessing and being part of. I have changed names, blended situations, changed business names, and combined some aspects of different clients so that what is presented are composite characterisations of the real people I have shared many life experiences with. I value the trust afforded to me by others, and I have not shared any information provided to me personally as I respect the privacy and confidentiality entrusted to me. For this reason, the composite character of Tom gets a big serve, as do a few others. Try not to judge them too harshly, or even at all.

Some clients don’t always see things to fruition because they move on at their own pace or stall for long periods, which is natural and normal. Whilst many achieve success, continuity is not always the final outcome. With other clients, we pick up and start part way through a process. I have combined these for a complete example, specific event, or story here for the book. So these real situations are not written exactly as they were experienced. I have also added or taken away some aspects of the shared experiences whilst working on a client’s business or life plan, so the intended outcome is my client’s alone. If you do recognise yourself, ssshhhhh, don’t tell anyone. It is purely coincidental and not intended, or I have yet to have the pleasure of meeting you.

■ How to Use This Book for Your Own Success

Summaries and Tools

You will note that each chapter has a summary. This is a place where readers can jump ahead, progress their individual plans and actions, and then return to the broader text to explore each chapter in greater detail. This detail adds to the summary and, hopefully, strikes a chord of resonance with you, enabling you to put your plans into action. Chapter 4 details several specific, practical tools I advocate for all readers. Feel welcome to jump forward and backward across each chapter as you are interested in what I offer. You may simply explore my characters and their adventures in goal setting and success achievement. I hope readers treat this book as a resource to access regularly as they experience changes in their lives and when specific matters present themselves.

A Whole and Happy Life Is not Segmented nor Compartmentalised

My approach applies equally to business planning and life coaching, so please consider each example as fitting perfectly with your personal focus at relevant times in your life. I do this purposely because I feel every individual is complex and whole, and cannot be separated from work and play. Contrary to some popular beliefs that such separation is necessary to better manage our busy lives, I believe in embracing the whole person, living with integrity, and seeking balance as the way to success.

You may be curious regarding chapter 6, Love and Relationships, and how it possibly relates to business planning. But believe me, relationships are complex, and no more so than when running a business. The skills of communication and empathy relate strongly to both personal and business situations, particularly when many fumble and fail. So I offer suggestions that recognise our wholeness and remove the need to block out the workday/workweek from our lives in order to relax. With a different perspective on how to live life to the full and make a good living income at the same time. I contend that we need not make these mythical separations, nor should we try to segment ourselves. We are more capable, resilient, and creative when we access all our experiences and skills together and live as a complete and whole person. And so, with these thoughts, this book asked to be written, and who am I to contradict a book, right?

A Narrative for Success

I offer these narratives as examples to be read as if they might relate to your own circumstances. Please take time to consider the examples offered and the positive steps embedded in each story. If any of the tools and methods are relevant to your current situation, I am happy you can make use of them. Each chapter has something to offer and relates to issues that affect us all, either in our business dealings, in our personal lives, or both.

The tools referred to earlier are being used by the real characters portrayed as fiction by me in these pages and they are improving and enhancing their lives. Whilst not always spelled out, you may spot them being used in my stories, and this may give you ideas of how to make the best use of them. Adaptations are always a great way to use tools and guides and to move forward with your own style, so please feel welcome to adapt anything I suggest here.

If you do read from cover to cover, I hope you recognise a path that took me from a feeling of helplessness in my own life to one of contentment. Much of what I write is a reflection of myself as much as an insight given to me by others. We all have many lessons to benefit from during our lives. These lessons often appear unexpectedly, but I believe purposefully. Our teachers may not be obvious either, because they are disguised as friends, combatants, acquaintances, work colleagues, and the like. These life teachers look like the local greengrocer or DVD store owner, or maybe our neighbour or that mum who helps out at the BBQ fundraiser every spring. Sometimes they look just like us. If we are awake and aware of these teachers, the lesson may be more of a delightful realisation than a harsh wake-up call. Embrace it, and you will be delighted that someone has given you a wonderful and lasting gift.

I hope my stories and words offer some engagement and insight into another perspective worth considering.

Hold on, Tom, Just Hold On

People often just hold on to their current positions in life, can’t see a way forward, and they are in fear of falling backwards. I feel there is always an option to explore that brings us back to progress. A few examples may show better what I mean.

My first example is Tom and his unique business needs. But this could be you in your business and/or life adventure. You simply need to change the field of business or topic to suit yourself. Tom grapples with this new task of planning for the future as a way to finally start doing the things he always wanted to do but could not decide what to do first. Until he discovered some timely advice about three things!

Tom ran a great lawn-mowing business and was very proud of his achievements to date. However, he was not happy about how much work he was doing and how lost he felt. Tom did a lot of self-talk and knew positive thinking was a real thing. But no matter how much he told himself, Hold on, Tom, just hold on, it did not make him feel any better. Nor was his business improving as a result.

Tom reached out for some acknowledgement of what he was feeling and had trouble finding someone with whom he could talk about it. He was looking for someone he could sit with and discuss what he was experiencing. This was something he desperately needed. He knew several friends who were always there for him, but they also had lots of unwanted advice. Right now, the last thing he wanted was to feel like he had failed because he did not follow their good advice. He also did not want to confirm what he felt and feared most … that he could do nothing right. Tom felt trapped and was very unhappy.

Past advice from close friends had always been given with love and support in mind, but its impact on Tom was always devastating. He wondered, How can I be so dumb when all my friends can cope so well? How did I turn out so bad, so stupid?

Tom, of course, was making things worse by worrying about his difficulties, and this was not helping him to cope. He knew that because a previous counsellor had told him so. But this was what he did when he overwhelmed with the everyday and often complex tasks of just living in our modern world.

But if Tom could bring himself to make a start with a few simple steps, I felt he could not only make his life a lot easier, he could also bring his business to the level of success he really wanted. Tom was soon to learn that three things for now were enough, not only for his business, but also for his life. Tom also did not need to compromise on either the quality or the pace of his progress.

Too many things all at once, can be overwhelming when you are not prepared, or in recovery from a previous trauma. Life was not supposed to be this hard, was it? Surely not.

Three things for Tom to Think About

Tom and I got up and went for a walk, the day was bright and sunny and Tom made a comment along the lines that, Today was far too chipper and cheerful for the way he was feeling and this was just not fair. That day we discussed his situation over a coffee and we talked about what he felt was impacting on him right now, and what he felt was preventing him from moving forward. Tom had struggled with too many things for far too long and was very tired.

As well as needing a weekend of rest and recreation, what he needed most was a new way of doing things.

Tom was not sure what I could do for him, because as he put it; Glenn, mate it’s not rocket surgery you know. To which I must have looked a little puzzled and he then added; You know, a bit like combining rocket science and brain surgery, they are complicated things Glenn. Cutting grass is not complex, but it has provided me with a living, and I do enjoy the outdoors and working for myself. If I apply myself it can be with hard work and I take the responsibility very seriously for my customers. I chuckled at the joke and made a note to use this one again sometime, then I asked Tom the following Three things:

1. What would the best of Tom look like in 5 to 10 years into the future, achieving what, doing what, and how?

2. What, right now, is getting in the way of this?

3. How much are you prepared to work on this, to get what you want?

Yes, you may have heard these, or similar, questions before, but I have a different way of dealing with them. See later in the book for both the questions again and the answers, no I won’t tell you what page, you need to find it yourself. Hint: it’s about 40 pages away, with some interesting stuff in between.

Tom and I talked a bit more about how he feels about himself and his situation and if he had ever thought about adopting a mentor or a personal coach. No, I have always searched my own thoughts and felt that I did not need anyone telling me what to do … Ah thanks. Was Tom’s initial answer. Said with a smile.

I suggested to Tom that this is very common thinking, and that whilst help is often available, a large number of people never seek help or they only ask for help indirectly whilst raising general topics with friends and acquaintances. This meant people were not facing their issues directly with someone who could assist them in a time of need.

Sadly, some never ask for help at all, even at a time of crisis and when things can only get worse, without intervention!

I discussed, with Tom, that some popular ideas about coaching were not about telling people what to do and more about supporting people to determine their own actions and plans. The familiar image of a hard talking football coach or even a personal trainer yelling in the hapless exerciser’s ear, whilst jogging along the treadmill, are some that come to mind.

Not all personal trainers are as heavy handed of course and they do achieve great results in a much more dignified way by offering "Directive Support or by being a Coach" and not someone you must take orders from in a boot camp.

But I still have that image of the poor, out-of-condition jogger and his screaming coach by his side counting every calorie and every footstep. Yiiikes, that would certainly piss me off and prompt me to say, as Tom did at my first try of offering help; Ah … no thanks mate, I got this.

Asking for Help, can be More Difficult Than Offering it. Life-Coaching may Help

Directive Support is my preferred way to go. This is how I describe my approach to Life-Coaching as well.

In a true team-focused approach, it is possible for people to enlist a coach to work on a range of issues applicable to a business as small as a sole trader and for them to have a very effective Business-Plan, that is every bit as detailed as one for a larger corporation. Similarly, a very personal Life-Plan for a single person still allows them have all the control, along with all the responsibility for their own success.

And yes, they take responsibility for all their failures as well as their success.

Tom was very quick to dismiss the need for always seeking help by saying; I am my own person, I don’t appreciate being told, how to live my life, and I know what is best for me, what would you know about me anyway? and How are you able to know what I need most? Do you think you can read my mind? Tom was not being rude at all, he was just letting me know how he felt. I listened carefully to his concerns.

This was something I had seen and heard many times before, but just as every person is different, so too are all coaching opportunities different and each person is entitled to be respected not only for them as a person, but also for their story and how their situation has evolved for them.

You will notice, I only ever do things once! said Charles

I shall come back to Tom a little later, but for now it is a good place to explore a point of view held by many but one that is not sustainable for real success.

Consistency as a guide for perfection, was a view held emphatically by Charles for his business dealings and was based on his own personal values. But it demonstrates how, by even holding good values, it is possible to make big mistakes.

Don’t change horses when crossing a river so said a wise general in the heat of battle, (based on an ancient proverb, where the source and author is apparently, lost in time)

Accepting help is not always an easy thing to do, especially when we have a history of strength and achievement. For most people we expect that a successful life continues for as long as we do, with one success following others, because … well … It worked so well before, why not again! Charles would announce this often so that everyone could benefit from his lessons. Somehow there are people who do not believe him. Charles that is.

Charles had been a successful surgeon for over 25 years at a major private hospital and had fallen into a particular view of life based on his own perspective. This single minded view was that only one style of work or approach can suit every situation he met in life. He felt and believed strongly, that when applied with hard work and dedication his style based on fear and consistency will always succeed.

I refer to this observation as a pattern of success. Unfortunately, not all situations respond well to a single methodology, no matter how successful it has been in the past and to blindly replicate a proven pattern without assessment of what is different, can have disastrous results, no matter how comfortable it feels.

Fear, and the Path to Disaster

Charles, refused to see reason when disciplining his junior surgeons and subsequently, had to answer to his Hospital Board for a grievance of harassment against him.

What worked well for Charles in the past was to bully staff and stakeholders by using intimidating language and raised voices to coerce others to his point of view and for them to accept his decisions without question. He would often refer to his prior success. His favorite quote was I value proven results. If you want to end a patient’s life by practicing new unproven techniques then this line of work is not for you! At times he felt he needed to be very firm and would raise his voice and almost scream Look if I have to tell you this one more time, it’s time for you to think about washing bed pans for a career, because without the self-discipline I am teaching you, you have no hope of becoming a surgeon. If you don’t like what you are hearing, I suggest you finish up now! No. I mean it, get out of my sight. This is not a place for slackers I have lives to save.

Charles also saw fear as a valuable motivating force and could be heard saying Fear is what keeps us alive, never forget that. If I frighten you it is because I want you to be better at your job, not because I want to hurt you. OK?

For some reason this fear, that Charles admired, became his mantra and justification for him being a bully. What he failed to understand is that fear is actually the opposite of motivation. Fear is the single force that stops us all from becoming greater than what we are right now.

Fear can fuel feelings of procrastination, and even being frozen to the spot and not being able to move forward because we may fail or may make a fool of ourselves. Fear also makes us susceptible to giving over our lives and our life direction to others, because we see the others as having the direction we lack and the strength they deserve and we do not.

Had Charles realised that the positive spin on fear is that it is a catalyst for a natural energy that wakes us up from inactivity and procrastination, only to tell us we are in big trouble and must change our ways. However, fear is not a force that offers sustainable support for progress, nor is it a productive teaching aid. In this way Charles has a glimmer of insight, but he missed the message entirely. So too, do many others who enlist fear as a substitute for reason and problem solving.

That positive message is that fear is what happens when you fall asleep at the wheel of your own life’s ship and realise something is going wrong! That feeling of dread that fear instills in all of us can be overwhelming. But if we are able to stop our thinking process for a count of between 6 and 10 and then just accept that OK, fear just woke me up, now what am I going to do next? and this new question needs a new answer. We can then hold true to our values, our hopes and dreams and use the energy that fear just gave us, to make that next step a positive one.

With this additional energy we can overcome the debilitating effects of fear, and shift our focus to action that leads to success. We do this by doing something positive.

I contend that it is love, and respect that keep us alive and that fear will drive us temporarily towards action, but without a direction for that action, which is driven by our values and a generosity to achieve something positive, we shall surely head recklessly into disaster.

When we are experiencing fear there are Three things we can do to make a course correction, because that is exactly what we need to do. These Three things are;

1. Stop, immediately what you are doing and check your actions against your values. If you recognise you are compromising your life values, then you need to look for a better way to resolve whatever it is you are doing,

2. Check your actions and review what plans you have in place that will achieve your goals. If you have no goals and no plans then make some,

3. Proceed with caution after checking your plans against your values. If in doubt ask a trusted friend for advice to check if you are on the right course. Asking for help is a great place to start anything.

This moment of having no goals or plans, could be because you have completed something significant, like three years of university, or have been recovering from a debilitating illness, or completed a world trip across several continents, or spent several years of dedicating your life to raising young children, or supporting a loved one back to health or similar. Such moments of opportunity do come around from time-to-time and we can feel lost or directionless when that significant thing has just finished.

When this happens it is time to stop and think about new and exciting goals for the future and then to initiate a purposeful plan of actions. This will give us something to look forward to and to marshal our energies into focus. Yes, often we feel fear. The trick is to do something in the face of this fear. More about this soon. For now, back to Charles.

Charles and his Famous Consistency and Fear Philosophy

Charles, maintained what he referred to as Consistency and held great value in his proven practices, especially when critical milestones were reached. Charles was in fact afraid to vary from his consistency because he had no idea what could happen if he ever attempted something different.

Charles again could be heard to say; In metaphorical terms, don’t change horses when crossing a river, no matter how tired that horse may be, the river could turn dangerous at any time and you can fall whilst changing mounts. When you are on a good thing, stick to it! Charles saw strength in keeping focused and also was determined to have no changes once a plan was initiated and not to vary it, in any way. He resented others making any changes against his wishes, no matter who they were. Such changes made him fear he could fail.

Apparently, Charles was unaware of history’s Napoleon, legend has it that when the French Emperor was faced with a similar scenario he failed in battle because he had horses shod with summer horse shoes instead of those adapted for winter ice and snow. When, in the thick of a blizzard his horses collapsed and his enemy advanced rapidly. Napoleon was soundly defeated. He failed because he was afraid to change a successful method in the face of a different situation.

This focused and driven attitude held Charles in a position of some respect and influence by his senior management. It meant that he was highly valued for his ability to get results quickly and decisively. His consistent approach was also regarded as a strength by the Hospital Board, who did not understand the true and positive application of this word ‘consistency’.

The better use of consistency, is about others finding comfort in a leader’s predictability of style and not in the illogical treatment of the unexpected.

A strong leader can offer a consistent approach to their staff, reliability in being calm and confident in the face of conflict and decisiveness after the application of reasoning. But to stick with one tool, such as a hammer because when pounding nails it always worked best. This consistent use of a hammer was very bad form when securing something that needed screws or to be firmly fixing a splint to a broken leg for another example. This is the wrong use of consistency.

Unfortunately, for Charles he had gathered many bad habits amongst his winning ways and because his approach was essentially regarded as reasonable, he failed to see the potential damage done by continuing to apply bully and fear tactics when supervising his staff.

Simply because this approach had worked in the past with some people, his complete loyalty to everything he did in the past meant that he continued with his destructive personal attitudes and never properly reviewed his own performance. After all, he was the most successful senior surgeon he was personally aware of!

The matter of the harassment charges against Charles was eventually put before a tribunal who determined he was guilty of all the charges and a resolution was made for appropriate disciplinary action to be taken. Later, mediation was needed to keep him in his role without incident. This mediation included his introduction to an Executive Coach.

As Charles had proved to be a valuable senior surgeon still worthy of being kept at the hospital, I was engaged to support Charles in his future dealings with staff so that this harassment was not repeated. The final outcome of the matter was that the Hospital retained a valuable, and rehabilitated, manager. They also retained valuable junior surgeons who could later replace Charles when needed.

To assist Charles in this process of rehabilitation we worked together on a change management plan that included several strategies based on lateral thinking. This change in thinking allowed him to develop a more flexible approach in the future, without being a bully or using intimidating behavior towards staff and patients. Charles had trouble adapting.

Charles was never comfortable in accepting help, but eventually saw that he did not always have the best answers to every situation. He accepted the fact that he did need support from time-to-time and that different methods are also needed, especially when he faced the unknown and difficult scenarios.

Managing Within the Unknown

When people are frustrated enough, with their proven methods not working for them, or aware enough to see that what they are doing is not working, then they can change and improve. The alternative is to make things worse by retaining poor practices. By blaming others or even by lashing out and becoming violent and abusive towards others, verbally and physically, is one way this poor behavior is presented.

Charles’s approach may have worked before, but that did not mean that these strategies are always relevant. Also, by Charles attacking people who brought this to his attention he was ignoring an opportunity to listen to their observations and to improve and build on his consistent approach. A more productive and helpful reaction could have been to hear a different point of view being offered by others, regardless of if they were younger and less experienced. He could then have reached out for help and review his proven techniques in a new light. These are moments when a Business or Life Coach can really help, as they have both impartiality and that much needed different perspective.

It is important to note that no matter how successful a previous method was, the unknown is always out there on the horizon. The only way to approach that unknown with confidence, is to have a winning approach of how to manage change and not to rely on previous successful or apparently successful past practices. Those Three things, include;

1. Collecting facts, not assumptions, particularly about what resources we have at our disposal,

2. Being curious about options, and then

3. Being courageous about making decisions, based on some sound values.

The additional success in this case was that Charles, eventually, was accepting of assistance, even if it only came to him after some heavy retribution, and the combination of genuine contrition for his past poor performances. Charles did combine this with a willingness to improve.

For the rest of us, we can look for help when we need it and benefit from such help straight away, guilt free. We can enjoy reaching our goals a whole lot sooner than having to struggle and put on a brave face or to push through holding on to our previously held methods for success!

And so it is in times of crisis we can, and some do, reach out for help and seek sympathy or even forgiveness instead of support. There is a big difference here, so be aware of what it is you are asking for.

Asking can be Both Positive and Negative in Outcome

The help we