Happy Children A Complete Guide to Smart Parenting through Divorce

By Dani Sullivan

Researchers estimate that 40%-50% of all first marriages will end in divorce or permanent separation, and about 60% – 65% of second marriages will end in divorce. Although divorce has always been a part of society, divorce has become more common in the last 50 years.

A separation or divorce is a highly stressful and emotional experience for everyone involved. Still, children often feel that their whole world has turned upside down. At any age, it can be traumatic to witness the dissolution of your parent's marriage and the breakup of the family. Kids may feel shocked, uncertain, or angry. Some may even feel guilty, blaming themselves for the problems at home. Divorce is never a seamless process and, inevitably, such a transitional time doesn't happen without some measure of grief and hardship. But you can dramatically reduce your children's pain by making their well-being your top priority.

This book is written to advise parents as to how to help their children through their divorce. With those recommendations, the parents will discover that the divorce process need not be as painful for their children as conventional wisdom suggests. They will also find that they have become better parents and that their children have a much better chance of living healthy, happy, and successful lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: vincenzo nappi
• Release date: Sep 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201177089

Dani Sullivan

Dani Sullivan, MSW, RCSWI, is an educator, clinical social worker and the founder of Intentions Therapy. They have worked as a macro social worker, focusing on community advocacy and organizing for social change. They established the Intentions Therapy Practice in 2020, since using an interdisciplinary approach to offer a space for self-inquiry, exploration, and healing. This is their first book.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

The vast majority use the common aphorism, About portion, all things considered, don't make it, as their mention for separate from rates. For this, the separation rate in the United States is often referred to as around 50% for first, 67 % for second, and 74 % for third relationships. These proportions are not only hard to precisely measure, yet are presumably very minimized.

They don't consider the divorces that happen in states that don't trail such insights (as for California or Colorado).

The breakup rate depends simply on lawful, enlisted conjugal associations however doesn't tally gay connections or unmarried, cohabitating couples with progeny.

Saying the truth, the Children's Fund says that one out of three American kids is destined to divorced parents.

Separation knows no limits. Couples from different ethnic, religious, economical backgrounds experience the difficulty of relationship disintegration. In these cases, the most diminutive casualties are the kids, and an important part of the examination on descendent of separation supposed the conviction that the cycle frequently influences them. In the U.S. more than 1,000,000 kids need their parents to make the best choice.

The furtherance of a breakup brings to a family will be a change for all children. Divorce can be a crush for them, yet there are many things parents can do to make the experience less tremendous and difficult. That is one motivation behind why this book centers around how the kid and the folks experience separate at the children's different ages and formative stages. Then, the book gives parents fundamental recommendations about how to deal with normal circumstances with the child and helps for what to do and how to do it to alleviate the torment of separation for a kid.

For all parents reading this book who are going through a separation, kindly recollect that there isn't anything more regrettable for a kid than feeling as though that he has lost a family, on top of the common change and despondency that joins the family new lives following a breakup. Even if your love with the other parent will fundamentally change through the divorce cycle, you will both remain parents forever.  Although divorce will change your family plan, you as parents must make a concrete effort to remake a type of new relationship for the kid, and this will be your new family.

Separations are never equivalent, and also families are not equivalent by the same token. Therefore, doesn’t exist a key for making kids jagged this pill. In any case, my aim is that this textbook will guide you through each progression of your divorce. The tales are true, although I have modified recognizing information and particulars to protect the personal information of individuals included. The recommendations are well informed, and they are tried in time tested cases by genuine parents. I am sure you will follow this book with great consideration and hold its message attentively; your efforts will go far in supporting your child through this extremely difficult time.

CHAPTER I

Be a family

The potential negative effects of divorce on children are well known and attested in lots of books and documentaries. During times, there have been many studies on the repercussions that divorce has on children from different well-respected sources like the Harvard University Press, Journal of Early Adolescence, Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and others . The largest part of articles underline that children, after divorce, may have more difficulties at school, more behavioral and social problems, more fighting with their parents, a lower self-esteem. There are also indications that kids of divorced parents (so-called children of divorce) could impact negatively their adulthood, where these experiences can seriously affect their lives and love relationships. Once adults, children of divorce frequently report having commitment difficulties due to memories of their own parents’ bad relationships and breakups.

These adults may also have communication and communicative issues and lower trust levels in their relationships because their parents did not forge those features.

However, these high risks are general and are not referring to any individual child. Numerous studies acknowledge that many children of divorce function just as well as their partners and companions. Some of them may manage even better than children in unaffected homes, especially when there is chronic violence, fighting, or other problems. But as a whole, children of divorce are statistically more at risk for several (possibly long-term) dysfunctions. By deciding to divorce, parents inevitably increase the chances their children will experience such problems. It’s not an assurance.

Parents frequently get defensive when we discuss the increased risks for their kids. These parents ask:

Aren’t the negative effects on kids worse if the parents stay together in a bad marriage than if they divorce?

Surely, it is not healthy to grow children in a household where parents are constantly in conflict or are violent. The negative effects on these children, however, are very different from those that happen when parents choose to separate. For instance, a kid from a divorced family may feel abandoned by their mom and dad who has moved out of the house. A child from an intact family with volatile parental interaction will not experience abandonment but perhaps will feel a great deal of stress or tension, irritation in the home, and ultimately anger toward their parents.

The bad news is that all children of divorce pass through some pain and loss from the divorce of their parents. This is not open to discussions or preventable. Every time, even when there is some relief (for example in cases where there was direct abuse, neglect, or continual conflict), ‘children of divorce’ will try to adapt to the inevitable family changes. Anger, depression, confusion, and sadness are all regular. Case: when a parent (mum or dad) puts his or her six-year-old child on the school bus for the first time. The parent is aware that this kid will unavoidably experience some pain at school. Perhaps there might be a clash with a bully or maybe the child will experience rejection by fellows or even to be called a mean name. Adults know this risk exists so they put the kid on the bus anyway because the mom or dad knows that pain is part of life.

In separation to some pain is unavoidable, but parents are able if they want to reduce it for their kids. However, it takes a great deal of responsibility and effort from both parties, ex-wife and ex-husband.

For many divorcing parents, it is just too difficult to work cooperatively during this time of anger and conflict, that’s why they fail and consequently, their children suffer. Sometimes happens that one parent want genuinely try to co-parent peacefully but the other parent is still angry, so sabotages, and turns ugly. So indeed children suffer.

Is true that the ones contemplating divorce do not make the decision lightly. They often wait for months or even years, wondering what to do and how to act. Many parents delay divorce, wondering if the couple should stay together for the kids’ sake. These adults usually worry their kids might suffer from the divorce. However, the real question is not "Will the divorce affect my child?" but How much will the divorce affect my child?

Luckily parents are good at controlling how much divorce will hurt their children. There are divorcing couples who successfully communicate and co-parent during and after the divorce. We can learn from this good example. These parents can reduce their kids and help them see the positive aspects of their new lives.

Avoid Negative Words and fight in front of the kids

On the off chance that