Perspective Parenting: A Mindful Approach for Single Parents: A Mindful Approach for Single Parents

By Caroline Smith

Looking for a handbook on how to be a single mom to young children? Look no further. Perspective Parenting is a concise guide for the modern single parent raising one or more children. Take a peek inside the life of a single, work-at-home mom of three. Caroline Smith shares her successes and her mistakes in parenting and will help you s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Caroline Smith
• Release date: Dec 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781087936390

Caroline Smith

Dr. Caroline Smith is an independent specialist educational psychologist with extensive experience of working in the field of autism. Having formerly been a Principal Educational Psychologist working in local authority settings, Dr.Caroline has worked closely with the parents and teachers of pre-school and school-aged children attending mainstream and special schools. Also co-authored 'Special FRIENDS' a new 2015 addition to the FRIENDS materials focusing on the needs of young people with ASD.

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Introduction

In 2016, there were approximately 11 million single parents in the US. 8.5 million of those were single mothers and 2.5 million were single fathers. Staggering numbers aren’t they? First point of this book: You are not alone. Many single parents wonder how they can effectively act as both mom and dad without going completely insane. It’s not as hard as it may seem, and this book aims to help single parents navigate the rough waters of childhood.

I come from a pretty stable two-parent household. I consider myself to be a generally happy-go-lucky person, with a generally great life. Where things weren’t so great was in my marriage. I was with my ex-husband for fifteen years (I was literally thirteen when we started dating), and we were married for seven of those. Seven years into our relationship, we brought our amazing daughter into the world. We had started having troubles just before I got pregnant, and becoming pregnant was something of a surprise. We patched up most of the leaks and decided to tie the knot when our daughter was two months old. My ex worked in the oil and gas industry which meant he traveled...a lot. I was prepared for that when we had our baby and got married, but I suppose I thought he wouldn’t be traveling as much since we had a new family. I was completely wrong about that. He would be gone for work for days, weeks, and sometimes months at a time. So, I’ve felt like a single mother longer than I’ve actually been one.

We did the on again off again thing for years. Our relationship eventually became toxic for both of us. We would have patches where we did pretty well for a while, but he eventually left us (in the middle of building a house) when our son was eight months old. I know what you’re thinking. But it gets worse: two weeks after he left, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. Obviously, our patchwork of the leaks wasn’t done very well (note that I’m authoring a book on parenting and not relationships for that very reason).

Needless to say, I’ve been doing solo parenting for most of the time I’ve been a mom. I’ve also worked in education for a while and seen the effect of single parenting households on children. I see the toll it takes on both the parent and the child(ren) who don’t have a second parent to turn to for help and support. BUT, it doesn’t have to be that way.

So many people think of parenting as a chore; a headache; punishment given to us to suffer through for our wrongdoing in life. How horrible for a child to have to feel like their parents are just putting up with them until they can kick their kids out at eighteen and ship them off to college. I’m not saying all parents feel this way, but it certainly seems that this is the message we as a collective society are putting out to our kids.

Parenting should be considered a gift. Just as we are able to give our children the gift of life, so, too, are we able to give them gifts of our knowledge and experience to help them in their own futures. This is doubly true for the single parents in our midst.

I have known so many men who look for life partners that are just as strong as their (single) mothers were. It is an affirmation of the job we do as mothers that our children want to find someone like us. That is the ultimate compliment.

I have been blessed with singular and amazing children. I would love to think that it’s my sole parenting skills that have led them to be these conscientious and kind human beings, but I know that’s not completely true. They have been surrounded by adults who have talked to them since they were a newborn (I never bought into the baby talk), and who consider them as whole people, not only as children.

Even though their dad isn’t around, all three are surrounded by positive male role models, including their grandfather, great-grandfather, uncles, godfathers, and countless family friends.

When none of the men are around to help, I have had to learn to do things on my own. By seeing that I am capable my children feel capable, and in return, I get to raise confident and independent children.

In a nutshell, the whole point of wanting to write this book was to be able to convey to parents of all ages that you don’t have to depend on a partner for your success as a parent, your happiness or survival, or your child’s. I think it’s imperative for single parents, especially, to realize that the monumental task of parenting is more of a slow uphill climb than a steep and impossible mountain to tackle.

More and more over the last few years, I’ve had other parents ask me how I’ve been so successful raising such smart, self-aware children. I don’t think what I’m doing is a secret, but I thought it’d be easiest to put some of my strategies down on paper. What I am is a single mom still trying to figure out the way parenting is supposed to work. What I’m not is a helicopter mom or a mom who demands the best of everything. I make mistakes and I expect my children to as well; we’re human.

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