The Perish of Dreams

By Ricardo Lebrija

Its all about the rush, about this flow of adrenaline taking over your senses. Its about compromising your every action and every thought, ignoring protocol and decency in the name of insanity, of losing yourself in a moment of perfect joy.

Winning or losing is just a consequence that would be dealt with after the fact; ending on top is the only cure for exasperation but seems more elusive than the latter. Losing seems to be the commonality that defines this madness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 9, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524575878

Ricardo Lebrija

Born in Mexico City, Mexico in 1966 and nourished in the bosom of a big loving family, Ricardo Lebrija grew up to become a chemical and sound engineer, prompting a 25-year career in radio and television producing, directing, writing, and performing. As an avid traveller and connoisseur of human relations, Ricardo has had the privilege of discovering the world first-hand, knocking elbows with countless cultures and experiencing the joy of being in places imagined only in dreams. He lives in Los Angeles, California, where he still searches for that elusive love, that glimpse of heaven, that spark that fills your heart with the fire that makes life worth living.

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Copyright © 2017 by Ricardo Lebrija.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2017900459

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-5245-7589-2

                Softcover        978-1-5245-7588-5

                eBook             978-1-5245-7587-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 03/06/2017

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1: The Gambler

Chapter 2: The Will

Chapter 3: Water Is Life

Chapter 4: Underground Creed

Chapter 5: Love Is In The Air

Chapter 6: One Man Show

Chapter 7: The Solntsevskaya Snatch

Chapter 8: This Is Who You Are

Chapter 9: A Double Miracle

Chapter 10: The Plan

Chapter 11: To Be Or Not To Be

About The Author

For my Father, forever in my dreams…

CHAPTER 1

THE GAMBLER

It’s all about the rush, about this flow of adrenaline taking over your senses. Compromising your every action, your every thought, ignoring protocol and decency in the name of insanity, of loosing yourself in a moment of perfect joy.

Winning or loosing is just a consequence that would be dealt with after the fact, ending on top is the only cure for exasperation but seems more elusive than the latter. Loosing seems to be the commonality that defines this madness.

It’s a decease that progresses from the first moment it enters your life and slowly destroys everything you have. Like cancer, but the saddest part is that gambling is something you choose, is something you can actually control, if you wanted to. It affects everyone around you, it demolishes your entity from within and then it moves on to every person close to you and does the same to them, like a plague.

I was caught up in a downward spiral, I had been for years, and I was so far down that I barely recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. I was alone and almost out of money by then, well out of pocket money that is, I owed a substantial amount to a group of very bad people. So my finances had been in the red for a very long time.

My days were spent trying to make new friends so I could eventually get them involved in this skim, destroy their lives and move on to the next group. I was like a locust devouring everything in my path, but even in a huge city like Chicago everybody knows everybody and the word had already spread about me.

I didn’t do it on purpose, it wasn’t my intention to destroy somebodies life, it was just the means to get what I needed to keep feeding my addiction. This uncontrollable urge to bet and this unfounded faith that led me to believe that I would be a winner, that eventually I would hit it big, pay my debts and live the life.

I could see the bottom of where I was headed and there was no stopping, no slowing down.

Hey Buddy, we are closing down. You have to leave! the bartender said while tapping me in the back.

Apparently I fell asleep on the counter after the alcohol just flooded my brain, I tried to wake up but everything was spinning around me. I just wanted to sleep.

Hey, I’m not going to say it again. Common!’ the bartender insisted. This time he tapped harder.

I had no option but to comply. I tried to get up and walk towards the door but instead I ended up on the floor next to the stool I was sitting on.

Shit! Jimmy help this guy out! He’s to drunk to walk the bartender said to the bouncer standing at the door.

The bouncer helped me up and basically carried me to the door and pushed me outside. I fell to my knees. Everything kept on spinning. After a few minutes I was able to concentrate enough to look around and try to figure out where I was.

I tried to get up again, but I only had enough will to crawl next to a dumpster and I passed out.

My mind was wondering, looking for a different path than the one I was walking then, going back to better times, to a skewed time line departing from where my life had gone south. I was back in college, I was a popular kid because my family was wealthy so I had the option to choose my friends. I was welcomed at any group I wanted but I chose the easy path, the one that seemed better at the time.

Beautiful girls with heavenly bodies, friends in high places, in socially prominent families, drugs, all the toys you would want and the will to play with them. Temptation is not even on the table, you are taken in just by peeking. I was hooked.

Trips to Atlantic City, to Vegas, or anywhere there was action, clubs, girls, game. I couldn’t get enough. It all came easy at first, my family supported my studying that seemed to get increasingly expensive with the passing of the months, my cost of living was going thru the roof. What my family would soon realize is that the money wasn’t being used for studies but for gambling, partying and whatever was on the menu that weekend.

When my parents found out what I was actually doing and that my grades were nowhere near a descent average I was cut off. That was when the frenzy started, leaving my devious ways was not an option, so I started to get involved with the wrong crowd, bookies, loan sharks, criminals, anyone who would lend me money to feed my addiction. Soon after, I was in debt up to my eye balls to a very nasty crowd and they were going to collect one way or another.

I eventually found a way to get my hands on the family money and nobody could stop me from taking them down with me. I didn’t take me more than 5 years to loose everything and even leave my parents homeless. Since I was an only child there was nobody to stand up for them against my greed. They ended up in an assisted living facility in Chicago, paid for by someone else in the family, they never revealed who it was for obvious reasons. They both had afflictions that would eventually cost them their lives, although I am sure the worst one was the heartbreak I gave them and the anguish it gives a parent to see their son fall from grace.

At that point it was irrelevant to me, my soul was so grim, I didn’t even cry at their funerals. I was a monster whom to all that mattered was money and having more to gamble away.

I didn’t think I had a conscience, it was beyond me.

Conscience is for people that have feelings I used to think.

But I guess somewhere inside of me, deep in my sub conscience it was hidden. Locked inside to protect itself. My conscience, my soul.

So every time my mind had a chance to wonder around in my brain it found a way to show me what I could have been if I would have chosen the right path. My dreams were all about what I didn’t have, all the things that I neglected, that I exchanged for this false idol.

To me, they were nightmares, constant reminders of what I should have been, but when you are so deep in so much shit nothing shines bright, everything is the same color gray.

I eventually woke up to this terrible sound exploding in my ears.

Hey wake up and start moving or I will have to arrest you and bring you to the station the officer yelled at me while he banged his baton against the dumpster I was leaning against.

Yeah, yeah I said while my head was pulsating to the rhythm of my guilt.

I slowly got up and started walking to the street. The sun was already up and my eyes were trying to compensate so I could see clearly.

Move along, I don’t want to see you around here the officer said while I was walking away.

I stopped at the corner and grabbed on to a light pole so I could stay on my feet while my body embraced the fact that I was standing up. I was struggling trying to figure out where I was, what day it was and what had happened the night before.

My first reaction was to reach out for my phone.

My phone! my mind jumped as if my life depended on it.

I searched my pockets trying to find it but it was nowhere to be found. I had my wallet, my empty wallet. I still had my cards in there, but no cash at all.

Shit! Shit! I yelled in desperation while grabbing my head that was still pounding.

I tried my best to remember where I lost it, or who had taken it. Maybe they kept it at the bar as hostage so I would pay the bill that I am sure, was more than I could afford.

I turned around to look at the place, but the cops were still in the parking lot and I just couldn’t picture the day starting worse than to end up in jail.

I looked around trying to get my bearings. I had to start walking somewhere, but where? Where was I going to? I owed three months rent in my apartment and I knew that if I went back there, the landlord would be waiting for me.

I needed to rest for a bit, get my head straight and figure out my next move.

A hotel room I thought, but how?

I wasn’t sure that my credit cards would have enough for such an expense.

Shit, fuck! I yelled while grabbing my head. If I could only get thru this headache, I could actually think and resolve this.

Everything was spinning around me while I was trying to walk straight headed nowhere while suddenly I felt someone yanked me from my shirt and spin me around. They punched me in my stomach which thru me to the ground gasping for air.

Get up you piece of shit! someone yelled while they pulled me up by my arms.

I was still trying to breath when they sucker punched me and I passed out.

They were trying to wake me up, a bucket of cold water actually did the job their punches couldn’t. I was strapped down to a chair in the middle of a warehouse with only a bright spotlight on top of my head.

I couldn’t feel a thing, it was just one pain that grounded my senses to the fact that I was still alive. I just didn’t knew for how long.

Good he’s awake! I told you the water would do it. You just kept hitting him that voice sounded familiar.

Hey Johnny! Welcome back! How are you feeling? the voice asked politely.

I couldn’t focus enough to see clearly, but the voice led me to know who it was.

Mickey? I asked a little confused.

Were you expecting Santa Claus? he asked with this sarcastic tone.

What’s going on? I asked.

What’s going on? Mickey turned to look at his goons.

What’s going on? he asked sarcastically.

They just looked at their boss and laughed.

What’s going on is that you were supposed to pay me last week and I am still waiting Johnny he said with an angry voice.

I’m going to pay you back Mickey, I always pay you back! I desperately said while spitting out blood from my mouth.

Well the word on the street is that you are broke Johnny, and I don’t want to be the one left with my hands on my ass Mickey said while he got as close to my face as he could, he even spit on me a little.

I turned my head while he was doing that, trying to get away from his spit. He didn’t like that one bit.

Oh! Am I spitting on you? I am sorry! he turned around and signaled his goons.

The biggest guy smiled and punched me in the face. I felt my left eye exploding while I lost vision on it, as if someone would have just turned off the monitor on that side.

You like that better? Mickey asked.

My brain was still bouncing around my skull trying to re booth and come up with something to say.

I’m sorry Mickey. I’ll get the money I said while expecting another punch.

Oh I am sure you will, because if you don’t I’ll hang your balls in the back on my truck

I will Mickey I said.

Mickey looked at me, grabbed a towel from the table next to me and thru it at my face.

Clean yourself up! You look like shit. I’ll give you one more week, after that you are a dead man! he said while smirking.

Then he turned to look at his goons and said.

Get him out of my sight!

The goons untied my hands from behind my back, grabbed me from my armpits and lifted me up from the chair. I couldn’t stand, so they dragged me to the truck and thru me in the back.

If you get the truck dirty, I’m going to make you clean it up with your tongue asshole one of the goons said.

I took the towel and placed it on my face so I wouldn’t get any blood on the seats.

They closed the doors and drove out of there. They drove for a few miles and stopped. They opened up the doors and pulled me out of the truck. They thru me on the sidewalk and drove away.

I was sitting on my ass, bleeding all over the place, my clothes were all dirty and bloody and I still didn’t have any money,

Great, now I’m not just a bum, I also look like one I thought.

I couldn’t go to the ER so I did the only thing I could do. I needed to head out to Mandy’s place. Mandy was my girlfriend, well, sort off. She was a nurse I met a few months ago when I ended up in the hospital for basically the same reason I was in need of her attention today. As soon as we saw each other, sparks flew.

I was lying in one of the beds in the ER with my nose broken, my upper lip busted, a pair of broken ribs and a torn pinky that was hanging off on the side of my hand. She opened up the curtain and as soon as she walked in and I saw her 5'5" curved body rocking that tight nurses outfit like I’ve never seen, stretching those pants as far as the seems would take them, the shirt wanting to burst open pushed aside by those luscious breasts that seemed to pop out antagonizing me, and that face that reminded me of Aphrodite, perfect everywhere, even in the color of her bright blue eyes and up to the final period that delimited her sensuous lips. Everything dissipated, even the pain went away and all I could feel was my heart on jumping out of my pants.

I could tell, right away, she felt the same way for me, she couldn’t stop smiling even when she thru a towel over my privates to cover my innuendo. The doctor came in and took care of my stitching and my broken nose and left her to finish cleaning me up and patching me down, which to me sounded like the perfect position.

We started talking, laughing and one thing led to another. We ended up in the maintenance closet two doors down from my cubicle at the ER.

I just couldn’t get my hands off of her and she was caught up in the same whirlwind I was. I just tore up her outfit while I was kissing her lips just by mere reaction because they were completely numb after the Doctor injected them with something and I couldn’t feel a thing. She jacked my fly open and pulled it out, she was as anxious as I was to complete what our bodies were clamming. I pulled her up to a table and I was in, buffing and sweating, looking at her body, getting more aroused as I smelled her breath, her sweat, her crotch filling up my senses.

It didn’t last long, but to me it seamed like a lifetime. I was in heaven for a moment and she was my angel.

We dated for a few months but my lifestyle wasn’t very orthodox and I wasn’t boyfriend material, I ended up consuming her too. Draining her bank accounts and pawning everything in her apartment I could get my hands on. She stuck with me thru thick and thin but everything has a limit and I reached hers.

I still see her sometimes, but she tries to stay away from me and she’s right. So that day when I showed up at her apartment and she saw me waiting in the hall outside her door all bloody and beaten up she almost called the police.

No Mandy, please, I need your help. I can’t go to the ER, I have no money and no explanation for this. Please I said it the only way I could, begging!

She looked at me doubting what to do, I know she cared about me but enough is enough. She looked at her cellphone and then looked at me. You could tell in her eyes that she was heartbroken seeing me in that condition, sitting down on her floor all broken up.

Ok Johnny, I’ll help you out, but if this is a trick to get into my wallet or steal something, I’ll call the police, I won’t hesitate she said very serious like.

I could tell she was shivering when she said that. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything to her, she was my only friend, the only one that really cared for me unconditionally.

She opened up the door, helped me up and we walked into her apartment. She laid me on the couch, dropped her stuff and went into the kitchen for some supplies. She cleaned my cuts and bruises and she tried her best to fix my eye that was almost popping out of it’s socket. She stitched my eye brow that had a huge cut and was bleeding uncontrollably.

I don’t know Johnny, you need to go to the ER. You need a Doctor, I’m just a nurse she said seemingly worried.

Don’t worry Mandy, you are doing great. You are all I need I said.

Who did this to you? she asked concerned.

Then she thought about it some more and said.

You know, I don’t wanna know.

She raised her arm and stood up, walked to the kitchen and stood on the edge of the window.

I can’t do this Johnny, I don’t want to be involved in whatever you are involved in she said.

I promise you won’t I replied.

That’s what you’ve been saying to me since I met you. The only thing that’s going to fix this is you. You know that! she said with this condescending tone.

I know Mandy. I know.

She walked back to where I was, looked at me and said.

You can stay here tonight, I’ll bring a pillow and some blankets so you can sleep on the couch. But tomorrow you will have to go.

I understand I said.

I’ll be out of here in the morning.

She walked into her bedroom and brought out a pillow and a couple of blankets.

There’s food in the fridge if you get hungry. I am tired and I need to go to sleep. Please don’t do anything… she paused doubting how to put it, but I knew what she meant.

Don’t worry, I promise I won’t take anything I said.

She just stood at the entrance to her room for a moment looking at me with those beautiful eyes, I’ve always known that she had a weakness for me, I don’t know why because I had disappointed her so many times, but I kept getting this feeling of belonging every time she looked at me. She probably just feels sorry for me. So I smiled at her, she smiled back, turned around and walked into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her.

I took my shoes off and laid on the couch with my head on the pillow, that smelled like her, and covered myself up with the blankets. Before I could even think about it I had dozed off.

The next morning I woke up early with this terrible pain in my eye. I was afraid that it wouldn’t go back to the way it was. I just knew it was damaged beyond repair. Mandy was still in her bedroom, so I decided to take off without her noticing. I didn’t want to give her any more problems. So I put my shoes back on, stepped into the bathroom to relieve myself and checked if I had all my things. Ha, I forgot I only had my empty wallet with me. I thought about taking some food from the fridge but, something stopped me from doing that. I just opened the door to the apartment and walked out. I tried to close the door as quietly as I could.

The door was half wood and half glass, one of those beveled ones that you can’t see thru. I thought about Mandy for a second while I was standing outside the door, I raised my hand, kissed it and send her the kiss thru the glass and walked away.

The funny thing is that she was awake waiting for me to leave, as soon as she heard the entrance door close, she stepped out of her room. She saw me leaving her the kiss and she sighted. She felt bad for kicking me out, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

I know I don’t deserve her, she’s the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life. The only one that stuck by me, even after the things I did to her. I know she loves me, I love her too, that’s why I had to walk away.

Besides I had to find a way to resolve this, I had a week to get that money and no way to get it, so I thought I would go see the only person who could do something for me. My ex bookie Shadow. He was a homie from the hood, he grew up in one of the toughest neighborhoods in Chicago, he wasn’t a big thing, he was five foot six and a hundred and fifty pounds. He was the kind of guy you would pick on at school. He had this big Afro and always wore his pants down low.

I headed to his crib on the south east side of town, in Calumet City. My Ventra Card was still working so I was able to get there by the afternoon. I wasn’t sure if Shadow would be glad to see me, we had not spoken for a while and last time I saw him it wasn’t on the best of circumstances.

He used to handle all my sports betting, until that wasn’t enough and I started to ask him to bet on things he wasn’t that comfortable with. Dog fights, street fighting, even results of local elections. You don’t wanna know how crooked my ways were and how much I was down the rabbit hole. Anything that seemed to have odds was a good thing to bet on.

It became devious enough to make someone like Shadow nervous, a guy who had been a bookie for over 10 years, but he stuck with me because I seemed to be legit, I don’t know exactly what it was that led people around me to believe what I was selling, maybe the confidence it gives you when you believe that you can own everything, anything, anybody. That false assertion that fools your brain into believing that you are worth it, that everything around you is beneath you.

Whatever it was, Shadow was sold, so he kept backing me up on everything I asked him. I dragged him down with me until everything went south. It had been a few weeks since I saw him last. Since the day that blindfold came off, the day that he saw the truth and realized what he had gotten himself into.

Needless to say he was not happy about the whole thing, so I wasn’t sure how he would react when I showed up at his door. It was an uncertainty that I was going to have to deal with. I was out of options, out of money and running out of time.

It took me a while but I was able to make it to Shadow’s doorstep that afternoon. I knocked on the door and waited for a few moments, there was no answer, so I insisted, but there was still no answer. I stepped back from the building and looked for some activity inside.

I remembered that Shadow had this hideout that he would use to lay low, so I went around the building to where the entrance was. It was a door, low on the wall, hidden behind this line of bushes. I looked behind the bushes until I found the door, pulled it open and stepped inside. It was a tight space going down to the basement.

I got down the stairs and Shadow was waiting for me, he jumped at me with a bat in his hands and was just about to hit me when I yelled.

It’s me Shadow! Johnny!

Shadow stopped and looked at me in the pale light, the bat was still in his hands raised up above his head, ready to swing.

What the hell are you doing here Man? I almost killed you he yelled.

I know, it’s a good thing you didn’t. I want to live, at least for a little bit longer I said while my voice and whole body just trembled.

Man, you are fuckin’ crazy. What the fuck are you doing in my house? he asked surprised.

I missed you Man I said hoping he would feel sorry for me.

Get the fuck out of here Man Shadow said while he raised the bat again.

Wait! Wait! I need your help Man.

Shadow looked at me with these crazy eyes.

Are you fuckin’ kidding me? After what you put me thru? he yelled again.

Relax Shadow! I really need your help Man! They are going to kill me! I replied scared.

No, I’m going to kill you. They can kill you afterwards, when I’m done Shadow said while he swung the bat over my head.

The bat went right by my ear, I felt the air swiping by, until it hit the ground.

I turned to look at Shadow, he was breathing heavily while he looked at me. Then he closed his eyes and turned away, picked up the bat and walked to the couch.

God damn it Johnny. What the fuck did you do know? he asked almost going out of his mind.

Put the bat down Shadow! Everything is cool!

No, everything is not cool Man! I should have killed you when I had the chance. That would have been my gift to you he went on.

I know you’re mad at me Man, and you are right. I’ve done some shitty things. I am sorry about that, but I really need your help.

Shadow turned around and looked at me, I could see the hatred in his eyes.

Why would I help you? Probably the same people trying to kill you are looking for me too

This has nothing to do with you Shadow I assured him.

You crazy mother fucker! He said while he was massaging his forehead.

I’m in deep shit Man, please.

Yeah! No shit! he yelled while he threw the bat to the ground.

Shadow sat down on the couch on the side of the basement and took a sip of a bottle of Tequila he had next to it.

I slowly made my way to the couch in front of him and sat down. He turned to look at me, he stared for a few seconds and raised the Tequila bottle and offered it to me.

I grabbed the bottle and took a gulp.

I can’t believe you are here Man! After what you’ve done Shadow said with disbelief.

I know Man, I am sorry. You know how this thing is, this disease I said.

Yeah! It’s my fault. I should have seen it coming.

I gave the bottle back and he took a gulp.