Angel Wing Begonias

By Bucky Williams—Hooker PhD

Angel Wing Begonias is a collection of the authors intimate reflections on living and the struggles of those who are participating in this thing called life. It contains poems, reflections of the authors life, and those he has known throughout his life.

It is a book that will touch your heart, provide easy reading to simply enjoy, and give you cause to ponder. Make yourself a nice hot cup of teacoffee is fine tooand sit back to get your soul massaged.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524540050

Bucky Williams—Hooker PhD

Dr. Bucky Williams-Hooker, who prefers to be called Bucky, got his PhD in spiritual metaphysics. He had thirty-four years of providing mental health and addiction work both as a therapist and RN. He specializes in grief resolution and mindfulness. This is his third book, where he shares his pain from repeated rape as a young child to his struggles as an adult who admits that he is a “wounded healer.” Bucky has served as advocate and spiritual healer for those who have lost, even momentarily, their way and need a warm smile, good advice, a lifting hand, or a warm embrace.

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 by Bucky WIlliams-Hooker.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2016914437

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-5245-4007-4

                 Softcover         978-1-5245-4006-7

                  eBook               978-1-5245-4005-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 09/15/2016

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Contents

My Own Begonia

A Letter To My Parents

Invocation

Worth Noting

Foreword

Welcome

A Caring Son

Somewhere

Text Talk

Gonna Make My Mountain

Look At That Face

A New Car

Tomato Pie

Cucumbers

Weather Vane

Let Us Shine In Our Moment

Simple Miracles

Hands

Chocolate Pecan Pie

Facing Fear And Anxiety

Mr.Sandman

To My Dear Friend Reeko

Changes At The Park

Dancing Trees

A Proud South Carolinian

Peach And Raspberry Cobbler

So I Won’t Feel Stupid

Differences

Creamy Coconut Pie With Chocolate Chips

The Circle Becomes Complete

About Criminal Justice Reform

Typhoon

Torment

Spicy Beef And Turkey Burgers

Baptized By Fire

Once Upon A King

You Matter

Metamorphosis

Love Still Wins

It’s Not A Nursery Rhyme

Of Coffee, Barbecue Sandwiches, And Peach Ice Cream (And Almost Pecan Pie)

Of Love Begotten

Youth Role Models: A Story

Confession To Ellen And Kathy

Beef Duke Wellington

Mrs. Ruth

A Tale of Many Cities

We Could Never See Tomorrow …

What Could Be Better?

Welcome, Rain, Welcome

Spicy Meatballs

The Golden Girls

Sermon

A Wonderful Lunch Sandwich

Just Random Thoughts

For The First Time

Nessum Dorma and The Modern Prince

To Lenore:What A ‘Mechiah’

On The Occasion of the 20th Anniversary of My 42nd Birthday

The End or The Beginning?

To The Aunties

Change of Seasons

What If Bees Leave?

Clinging Onto A Thread

Delicious (!) Jalapeño Relish

The Honorable President Jimmy Carter

Give Love Away

A Simple Fresh Tomato Sauce

Release, Oh Holy Release

God Bless The Child

The Cycles of Life

He’s Just Bones Anymore

You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown

Revelation: A Personal Story

Dew Drop

Loving Mary Tyler

Shattered Things Made Whole

Panis Angelicus

Allow the Tears to Flow

No Other Options

Ageless, Beautiful Soul

Chicken Patty Hors D’oeuvres

Focus On The Brilliance

My Turtle Sculpture Birthday Present From Joe

Rains

The Circle Becomes Complete

Taking A Nap

Triceratops

Children Will Listen

My Snowflake Addresses My Spirit

A Barbed Wire Life

A Letter To My Pastor

Goodness Grows Here A Sermon Delivered at Homecoming, The Children’s Home, May 2016

I Know What The King Is Doing Tonight

Fini

A stampede of buffalo

And natives wandering in pursuit

The medicine man

Ready to sit and smoke the peace pipe of healing

And a monarch butterfly

Passes by as the sun begins to pass overhead

Mysteries of life unfold

And sweep the underbrush away so that your toes touch the earth

Unburdened by anything

Joyfully releasing the struggles and strife of a well-worn path

Free, unquestionably, the moon approaches

That seeks to cast things in a new light

One

Just one more time in spirit world.

My Own Begonia

Rain drops roll down the leaves and stems

Of my own personal Angel Wing Begonia

Which I call Susu

Because that was Susy’s nickname

She is about five feet tall

And towers over my head when on the top of the small table

That she sits upon

Directly in front of me when I sit on my rocker

I love her for so many reasons

Some are deeply personal

And I smile when those memories flood me

And she catches my thoughts

And uses them for fertilizer

Growing skyward

Reaching toward the stars.

This book is dedicated to

Claude Norman Hooker

and

Christine Baker Williams Hooker

My Parents

Who gave life to four children

Who did their best to raise them

And, despite everything,

Always loved them.

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. Exodus 20:1

A Letter To My Parents

Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

—Exodus 20:12 (NIV)

Dear Mama and Daddy,

I am dedicating this book to the two of you because I love you regardless of the unanswered questions I have from my youth.

Our family life when I was a young child was one of chaos and great, great pain for me and my three sisters. We were hurt tremendously because of each of your own individual shortcomings and inability, perhaps unwillingness, to take care of us. Neither of you sought help for your problems which prevented you from being good parents, role models we could look up to.

There is so much about those years that I will never know. I don’t know if you were both at fault, or if the blame lies primarily with just one of you. But I do know that Kathy, Susy, Ellen, and myself suffered because of your neglect, addictions, ambivalence toward the job you took on when you decided to have children.

I do know there were efforts you both made to make us happy and secure. But ultimately you failed us. I have a picture in my mind about some of the things you did to fail us. But I don’t know how or why those things happened and I will never know because I, as an adult, never confronted you to get the whole story; I know bits and pieces of what each of you have said went wrong, but I don’t know the truth.

Because of you we never had a happy childhood. We were often left in the hands of live-in housekeepers and relatives while you were God knows where doing God knows what. We never had any roots we could anchor to form healthy self esteem, healthy relationships, learn security, being protected, and loved. Because of the choices you made, and those you didn’t, we never knew what family meant. We do know how it felt to be continually shifted from place to place, caregiver to caregiver. It wasn’t fun being a child, your children, not knowing that stability and happy feelings, and being safe from harm.

I’m now 63 years old and these things still haunt me sometimes. When I was 10 years old we were placed in a children’s home where we lived until I graduated high school, at which time I had to leave there. It was then, Daddy, that you began to support me, and only then because there was no where else for me to go. Fortunately we started to grow close and I convinced you to make a home for my three younger sisters. I give you credit for trying to make up for all those lost years and for your starting to show love for us. But all four of us had scars from our earlier years.

Mama you couldn’t provide a home for us but you did do many things during those years when we lived at the Home to show us love. You made sacrifices to try and show us love. Later on, when we were able to reconnect with you, you did your best to show love for us, even when it was difficult to do so.

I am writing these things as part of my own healing, and because once we became adults you both worked hard at finally showing us love. And we started getting close to each other. Although you separated when we were small children and we never had the knowledge of two parents, we finally, as grown ups got to know you and love you.

I am sorry that both of you had the kinds of lives you had. I wish you had been well, happy, and had a better life. But I’m glad that as we grew up we got to know you better. Because I know now that I must put these things behind me, accept love as you were able to give it, I dedicate this book to you. Now that your earthly lives have ended, I hope, I trust that you are both at peace. I am not sure about what I believe about the afterlife, but I pray that you are happy.

Despite my childhood I thank you for giving me life. It is a good life that I have. Perhaps, I hope, when it is over that we will be reunited and can be a family. Maybe that’s fantastical theology but it’s what I hope and pray for. I have forgiven you for whatever happened to us as children and, if there’s truly a heaven as my feeble mind constructs it, we will get a chance to start over. Meanwhile, may your spirits be dancing!

Love,

Your son Bucky

Invocation

Good Morning

Blessings to you!

Countless goodness falls your way

As you face each new day

With hope

For new opportunities

To love, to find acceptance

And know new beginnings

To experience wonder in your world

The goodness in your heart

Grace in your spirit

Peacefulness in your soul

Breathlessness in the beauty

That surrounds you

Everywhere you look

Pervasive joy in your relationship

With others who take space in your heart

Who say Good morning

To each other as they

Go their separate ways and part

On their separate paths work

And come back when the eve’n sun sets

Worth Noting

I got my junior high school education at the on-campus school at The Children’ Home in Winston-Salem, NC where I lived from sixth grade through graduation from high school.

We all had the same teacher for each class; uniquely, we had the same teacher for English each year from grades six through nine. Her name was Ruth Dinkins. She was tough - tough as nails, and even sat us according to each nine weeks grade point average. This was, of course, embarrassing to people at both ends of the scale.

But she was an inspiration to me. She brought out in me a desire to learn and be smart that no one else had before. And to be truthful, she made me competitive enough to want that first seat in her class - and I always had it or the second one.

I didn’t realize until this morning, about fifty years later, where my love of writing comes from.

It comes from her teaching.

So, I believe that

An Honorary Dedication

should go to

Ruth B. Dinkins

Teacher extraordinare!

Foreword

Angel Wing Begonias

My sister loved a variety of house plants. The one she loved the most was the Angel Wing begonia. She took excellent care of her plants and they responded to care by providing her with their own unique beauty. But this begonia that she loved was by far the most beautiful, with its full green, uniquely shaped leaf with its showy pink flowers.

Like she did and from her passion grew my passion.

She taught me everything she knew about raising plants. How to care for them.

She passed away in her thirties, way too soon for anyone, but with her zest for living, her death affected our families lives in such a painful way that it was nearly impossible to live without her. But over time our pain turned to missing her, remembering her life with such precious memories, including her love of Angel Wing begonias.

I have one which over time has grown to almost three feet tall and blooms frequently. They are hard to find in stores and I looked for one for several stores with no avail until I came across one at a roadside market out in the country. I even named the plant Susu, which was her nickname when we were small children.

I honor her life with this book by calling it Angel Wing Begonias, because it is filled with memories of my life which I share with her wherever she is today. Hopefully that place, which I call Heaven, will be a place where she can raise plants and share her joy of them with others who are there.

Angel

Wing

BEGONIAS

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Welcome

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Welcome to the world

The world of beauty and caring