What Shall I Do?

By Becky Erkkila

Looking back, it was amazing how my brain processed the whole incident. Even though I had repeated my statement numerous times to the police, family and friends, it was as if I was telling a story about someone else. Becky Erkkila is courageously sharing her story to enlighten others about the domestic violence victim mentality. Through her challenging experiences, she has come to realize that whatever situation we are in, the vital point is to perceive what would be the best thing for us to do at the time. Whether you are trying to discern the truth about your present situation, seeking confidence for yourself to go forward with a decision, frantically struggling to defend yourself, or convincing yourself that you are of some value, what you need most is a clear answer to "what shall I do?" I pray reading this book will bring light to your "what shall I do?"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645590613

Book preview

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What Shall

I Do?

Becky Erkkila

ISBN 978-1-64559-060-6 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64559-061-3 (Digital)

Copyright © 2019 Becky Erkkila

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

Preface

Growing Up

First Marriage

Divorce

Second Marriage

End of Marriage

Separation

Kidnapping

Saved

Moving Forward

New Life

Shifting Focus

Finding Joy

About the Author

Synopsis

This is a true story of triumph, courage, and the will to not only survive, but thrive! Becky’s heartbreaking story will change you forever. Discover her miraculous journey of hope after being beaten, raped, and left for dead.

The story is captivating and inspiring as it teaches and brings self-reflection. Becky shares her insights as the victim and describes her part in this tragedy. She explains the things she has learned being the victim and recognizing the state of mind she was in at the time. She teaches the signs of domestic violence in a thought-provoking fashion.

Becky shares how she went from being torn down mentally by her first husband to controlled, manipulated, and abused by the second. She describes the steps she took to crawl out of her deep hole and move on with her life. By changing her mind-set and recognizing her dysfunctional thought process, she has been able to bring success in all areas of her life, and she shares these understandings.

The perception demonstrated in this manuscript brings enlightenment to the confusion surrounding why victims stay in abusive situations. It answers some of those hard questions that families of victims ask. It brings hope to what seems to be a futile circumstance.

Becky teaches how one of the most important things she’s learned in life is that challenging things happen, but we get to choose how we respond to them. There is nothing so hard that the Lord can’t help us through and enable us to become a better person as a result of it. By looking for the miracles, being grateful, and serving others, we can find true joy and happiness.

Sometimes it takes hearing someone else’s experience before we understand what we are experiencing ourselves.

Preface

I consider myself an average person that has experienced difficult things, just like everyone else. Why write a book about myself then? Through overcoming my hard things, I have gained understandings that I hope might be of help to you.

My intention in sharing my story is to give hope. All of us experience challenging things in our lives. How we work through and process these experiences determine our level of happiness and success in life.

Whether you are trying to discern the truth about your present situation, seeking self-confidence to go forward with a decision, frantically struggling to defend yourself, or convincing yourself that you are of some value, what you need most is a clear answer to What Shall I Do? I pray that reading this book will bring light to your What Shall I Do?

There are three parts to each chapter of this book. The first part is my story, the second part is reflections on things I’ve learned, and the last part is thoughts that might help you improve your life. My hope is that from what I’ve learned, you can glean understandings, and by implementing them in your own life, you will increase your joy and happiness.

Chapter 1

Growing Up

I’m Becky, a 5' 4" blonde with piercing blue eyes. I always have a quick smile and love striking up conversations with anyone. Even though I love being around others, I still need my alone time. Since I am married with ten children, sometimes that alone time comes in the middle of the night. I’ll take it gladly though because if I don’t take time to connect with my Father in heaven, I become confused and frustrated. My strength and perception come from Heavenly Father.

As the eldest daughter of a family with ten children, growing up was always an adventure. Many years were spent in a small town in Southern Idaho. It was surrounded with mountains and a gorgeous lake. Walking to school in the cold winters brought frostbitten fingers and icicles hanging from my hair. The summers were warm with fields to explore and animals to chase.

While in Idaho, my dad spent four years building this beautiful big, three-story dream home on a two-acre corner lot. I even helped at times. One day, lots of people came to help put up the main frame of the house. It was exciting and a little nerve-racking to hold the thirty-five-foot walls while the men bolted them down. When it was finished, it was everything my mom had dreamed of. It had an open floor plan with tall ceilings and an area above the kitchen for plants to hang down. Upstairs, my sister and I had our own bedrooms, a bathroom, and a playroom. The boys were downstairs with more bedrooms, a bathroom, family room, and a storage room. My mom even had custom drapes made. This was our Christmas present the year we moved in as my parents had invested everything into making this dream come true.

My days during this time were always full. Sundays were for worship and learning about God. After church, I might get to sneak in a nap with a homemade meal and family time to end the day. My weekdays were filled with school, homework, piano lessons, and jobs. In the evening, my family ate, read scriptures, and prayed together. Then to treat myself at the end of the day, I would hide under the covers and read an exciting Nancy Drew mystery novel until my mom insisted I go to sleep.

One particularly exciting week, I walked into the laundry room to see my mom clinging to the wall, sweat pouring off her brow, and shaking uncontrollably. I saw panic in her blue eyes as she ran to the bathroom. Before I realized what was happening, she was yelling, The head is coming out. The head is coming out!

My dad yelled at me to call the doctor and picked up my mom and rushed her into their bedroom. My little brother was still in his crib in their bedroom. He kept saying with wonder, A baby! A baby! Dad whisked Mom and the baby off to Utah to get checked and for some much-needed rest.

The rest of the week ended up being filled with wonderful memories. My fun aunt came to care for us. She made bread, cooked, cleaned, and played with us. I felt like just one of the kids, no pressure to babysit or keep the house clean.

The most memorable thing, however, seems very simple now. Money had been tight, so we ate potato soup quite often. My sweet aunt brought a beautiful big box of succulent oranges. It was like Christmas! Here it is, almost forty years later, and I still remember biting into that sweet, juicy piece of heaven.

As time progressed, my parents were unable to keep their dream home. My dad hurt his back and was unable to work for a time. Then when he was able, there was no work in that area for carpenters. So, off we went to the next adventure. We moved before my ninth-grade year to Northern Utah.

High school was filled with fun times. I loved learning and getting good grades. My favorite memories are all the dates I went on with my brother’s friends. I remember going to several concerts. I think my favorite was Chicago. I was mesmerized by the trombone player. I could have stayed and listened all night long.

As high school came to a close, I began thinking heavily about what I wanted to do when I grew up. I actually didn’t like the thought of growing up. I mourned on my eighteenth birthday. I realized the fun time was over. Here comes a life of responsibility. (If I could, I would be a frowny face emoji here.)

I did have dreams, though. I wanted to attend college and become a dental hygienist. I thought it would be great fun to have roommates and do my own thing. After college, I wanted to do a service mission, possibly in Russia. That sounded exciting and exotic. Then I wanted to travel. I had dreamed for years of taking a trip through Europe. I wanted to see the old castles where the lords and ladies lived with all their servants. I have always been intrigued with cathedrals. I love the exquisite old artwork, gorgeous stained glass, and magnificent architecture. I just knew my life was going to be amazing and full of adventure.

Reflections

My childhood has definitely helped mold and shape who I am. I am grateful for the good and the challenging times. They have made me who I am. We don’t usually voluntarily change for the better without some heat and pressure, similar to a piece of coal turning into a diamond.

I have to say that the number one thing I treasure about my childhood is the relationship I have with God due to the things I was taught as a child. This amazing relationship I have with my creator continues to grow stronger each day. I communicate with him many times a day as I seek guidance, peace, and love.

I realize that some of the friends I attracted as a teenager were a result of how I felt about myself. I had a low self-worth and did not feel of value enough to be treated with kindness and respect. I had several friends that were friends one day and then mad the next. Another friend was very possessive of my attention. The way I was treated as a child by the other children at school and church was the beginning of these feelings. As I grew into adulthood and married, I attracted the same types of friends and spouses. It was like an open emotional wound that attracted similar experiences throughout my life, until I recognized it and sought for healing.

I think when we have emotional wounds that aren’t healed, it attracts additional hurt. It’s like spilling soda on your carpet; instantly, it becomes a dirt magnet. It seems easier to stuff the hurts deep down inside and hope no one, including ourselves, remembers them. Recently, I was doing a forgiveness exercise where I wrote multiple times that I forgive the kids that hurt me as a child and release them to their highest good. I felt such a burden being lifted. I think it helped heal those experiences as a child and some of my adult experiences as well. It was an amazing, freeing feeling.

Being part of a large family was a big influence in shaping who I have become. I learned responsibility by tending