Born to Raise Hell

By Lisa Bruce

Child abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism, drugs, depression, and shame, are just a few of the everyday situations that Dr. Lisa Bruce became well acquainted with. Struggling to find guidance and support, this book details the challenging life that she not only endured, but overcame. From the beginning, you will see a life destined for trouble and question how could anybody survive, let alone transition to lead a normal life. This book is a written account of a lifestyle that appeared to be leading to disaster, yet we see God had other plans. This is a true testimony to the power of His divine will. Read this book and gain profound insight into the mind of a woman who was born to raise hell.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781514459171

Lisa Bruce

Coming from a background of child abuse, domestic violence, homelessness, alcoholism, and spiritual poverty, Dr. Lisa Bruce experienced the transforming power of the gospel in 1990. Transformed for a purpose, she went back to school to become equipped for her spiritual assignment. Over the next 15 years, she earned her Doctorate degree while studying psychology, biblical theology, Christian counseling, and organizational leadership. During that time, she embarked on a life-changing journey that led her into a deeper level of purpose. Dr. Bruce is an ordained minister and the former Co-pastor of Community International Church. She’s a Christian counselor, author, and the CEO of Spiritual Eye Publications; an online e-book publishing house. As the founder of Common Thread Ministries, she works both inside and outside of the church. C.T.M. is not just a ministry; it’s a global movement that’s transcending culture and accelerating all around the world. Dr. Bruce has authored five books, sharing from her 25 years of experience in over twenty denominations and various religious segments (including Catholic and Protestant) worldwide. Her unique style and presentation has given her the ability to cross racial, social, organizational, and denominational barriers to empower and equip the body of Christ.

Book preview

PART 1

The Little Girl Diaries

STAGE 1

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Parents are often referred to as the great impressionists because many leave a mark on the human soul so devastating from which people in society are still trying to recover.

When referring to his mother, Reverend Al Sharpton said, The way that you know someone loves you is when they invest in you without any guarantees. Did anyone ever invest in your life? What happens when a child grows up in an environment where there are no positive role models? Or no one cheering them on or seeking the best for them? Or when a parent becomes envious because their child took a path that they hadn't chosen? What happens to a kid who grows up in a home where both parents are dysfunctional and he's robbed of his ingenuity until he has nothing left?

While listening to a televised interview I became fascinated by one author who talked about the impact that both of his parents had on his life. To his father he said, Thanks for teaching me the value of reading and studying at such a young age, for being a strong example of living your mission and purpose, for exemplifying what it meant to follow a path of the heart and the will of the Creator. To his mother he said, You told me since I was just a little boy that I was special, and that I had something unique to bring to this world. No matter how many times I disappointed you, you refused to let go of what you believed for it was through your unconditional love that I realized that we're all special, and we all have some unique gift to bring. I was almost in tears because that was so far from my story.

While there are traces of dysfunction in every family, I felt like he was dealt a winning hand (when it came to his parents). Life is like a card game from the moment we emerge from the womb; we never know what type of parents we're going to end up with. For many of us the deck was stacked against us, while for others, it worked in their favor. So you simply have to make the best of the hand that you're dealt. Learn from every experience, take nothing for granted, and strategically reposition yourself (change how you play your hand or play the game) so you can come out a winner!

In his book Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World, Dr. Phil explored the challenges of living within a society where the rules have changed dramatically. He refers to life as a game where we have to become players or risk getting played. With every card game, you usually have a diverse set of characters coming together to use a variation of skill-sets, guided by a psychological scheme. Whether one chooses to use good showmanship, a team alliance, a bluffing technique, a scare tactic, intimidation or manipulation, we all come to the table (of life) with different objectives, and no one pulls from the same hand. Family interactions often work in the same way. One minute children are surrounded by what they perceive is a loving parent; the next moment the deck is fixed, and they're being forced into a compromising position.

The hand that I received wasn't the one that I would have chosen for myself. It is what it is, and I wasn't about to let my less than impressive hand destroy my entire life. Instead, I decided to take the hand I was dealt, analyze all of the wrong moves and use that knowledge to propel me into my future. Much to my surprise, when I started to use the same techniques that I did when I mastered the game of spades, my life started to turn around. In the past, whenever I had less than a desirable hand, my partner had my back and we strategically worked together. T. D. Jakes said, It doesn't matter what you were given, you have to learn how to work that thing. Whenever we played spades, we ended up winning nearly every game in spite of the cards that we were dealt. As time went on, I started to realize that I was never meant to play the game of life without partnering with my Creator so I learned how to take the hand I was given and use it to my advantage.

1

Released From the Womb

Who you become...depends on what you're able to overcome.

After the sperm fertilizes the egg, it locks into position to take form as a human embryo. As the fetus grows while being contained within the uterus, a day comes when it must exist outside of the womb where it must leave one environment in order to grow and thrive within another. The ultimate purpose of a mother's womb is to temporarily house the fetus until it's time to release it into the earth. After the baby exits the womb, it goes through multiple stages to take shape in the realm of purpose.

The book of Psalms says, You formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb [139:13]. Like a potter, God shaped every vessel before it was positioned in the womb (on the developmental bed). The baby is like a seed placed in the dirt to go through an incubation process until the fetus can push its way through the uterus to live a life outside of it. Some people refer to the birth process as getting your anatomy on in the dark so you can enter the world in your birthday suit and learn how to swim in the real world.

The process of the unborn fetus is like getting dressed for an important event (held in your honor), you will generally need a place of seclusion to cloth yourself before you are introduced to a highly anticipating audience. Once you leave the dressing room you enter another environment to engage the people. Physical attire is not the only thing you have to be mindful of, but rather, the affect that you have on the crowd. In the same way, when the baby exits the womb room, it is thoroughly established with flesh, bones, blood, muscle, tissue, cells, and organs---fully attired (when born without any abnormalities) to meet an highly anticipating audience (mother, father, siblings, grandparents, family, friends, visitors, and so on.). After the baby is clothed in seclusion (for nine months or so), it is ready to be introduced to the world. As years go by, the baby will be exposed to different stages of development---it is expected to flourish physically, psychologically, and or spiritually, in preparation to take its post in life.

Nothing is ever that simple. When two people get together sexually and the woman becomes impregnated, few think about the impact that they will have on the unborn child. Nor do we consider the levels of dysfunction or how the pathology of these parents can possibly stifle the psychological development of the child or derail their purpose. In her book, The Solution, Lucinda Bassett refers to the influence that childhood experiences have on us when she talks about the core story which results from early programming and life exposure. Bassett wrote, Our Core Story is what shaped each of us into who we have become. While genetics play a significant part, so does the environment along with all that we endured in our childhood and young adulthood, both good and bad.

What's your core story? When thinking about my story, there were many psychological misfires and diversions along the way. After we exit the womb, we all enter what I call the nurturing diversion. Like an alien dropped in foreign territory, we have landed in a world where very few people recognize our need to be reconnected with the Creator from whom we originated. From the time that we leave the hospital, we're subjected to the psychological pitfalls within the nurturing process, which often serves as a catalyst designed to put us on a diversion course that can blind us to the reality of our purpose while imprisoning us to the reality of those around us.

I'm reminded of the movie about a female patient who was artificially inseminated to carry an alien creature. After the baby (a girl) was born, the parents whisked her off to a suburban cottage to teach her about life. By the age of two, the baby demonstrated some uncommon psychological traits. By age seven, she was completely separating from the family norms. By sixteen, she was clearly moving on a different track, following a voice from within that her parents suggested came from another planet. While her family had a hard time embracing this new reality, they came to terms with the fact that it was already loaded into her DNA; she was destined to be guided by it. In the same way, God has hardwired all of His children to respond to Him---to be led by Him---so we can do great things!

The thing that determines every individual's course in life is whether he is emotionally or spiritually driven. Oftentimes, society provides an illusion to keep us on a diversion course, chasing the American dream, or as I like to refer to it, the American Scheme---a dream inspired by the beliefs of those deeply entrenched in the ideology of consumerism. Perpetuated through the use of attractive advertisements, magazine ads, newspaper images, online marketing, and television commercials which is designed to create a false sense of fulfillment, to cultivate the need for materialism. For most of us, the American Dream became a part of our belief system before we had a chance to dream on our own. And now, a culture of self-seekers was created, who are driven by their psychological appetites outside of their mission and purpose. With all the distractions, many individuals remain oblivious to the divine inclinations that reside within their alien nature. Why? Because they're chasing a societal scheme when they should be walking in a spiritual mandate.

What does this explanation have to do with my story or even your story for that matter? It has everything to do with it! How we see the world, ourselves, and the roles that we choose to play are all infused in our nature through our experiences. Every system is designed around a particular scheme to solicit our participation. We've all been drawn into the American Scheme (at different levels) where we, as parents, children, politicians, preachers, teachers, business owners, and so on, have devised sub-schemes as a form of coping. That said, there's no way to really tell anyone's story without including the impact that society and the nurturing process has had on them.

After the baby separates from the placenta, it is thrush out of the womb to go into unfamiliar territory. On June 9, 1963 the little girl who would come to be known as Lisa Ramona Bruce emerged, only to be placed in the hands of people who would hurt me emotionally, psychologically, and physically. My parents were totally unaware that they would be used to hinder my progress and push me into my destiny. They had no idea that their words would continue to haunt me and their aggressive tendencies would leave a lasting impression deep down in my soul. Like many parents, they didn't think about the damage that they caused. In fact, some of the things that they did to me happened to them, and neither one of them realized they had the ability to push their way through the dirt to take hold of a new set of behaviors.

There's a big difference between being called a mother or a father and actually performing the duties that are associated with each role. After the father sows the seed (during conception), the mother usually carries the fetus to term. After the baby is born, the woman becomes responsible for the act or actions of mothering the child, while the man takes on the role of fathering the child. Both are entrusted with the task of nurturing, training, educating, protecting, and supporting the child in order to foster proper development. Like many children, I was reared in a way that instilled insecurities, self-doubt, and shattered my self-worth. No...I'm not a victim! I'm a victor, and by the time you finish reading this book, you'll know why.

T. D. Jakes said, You can't blame your history for not grabbing your destiny. So this is the story of a girl who grew into adolescence, totally frustrated by her dysfunctional upbringing and the world around her. This girl was embraced by people on the drug scene, inducted into gang affiliations, abused by the people who should have loved her, targeted by a sexual predator, battered by the one who said, I do, shunned by her peers, ostracized by the church and despised for the tenacious spirit that gave her the ability to push her way through the dirt and step into a place of purpose.

Each experience influenced an inner strength that I did not know I possessed, and it shaped my voice through the use of written expression. My family roots encouraged a deep sense of awareness about people, society, and religious institutions in particular. They made me sensitive to the needs of the manipulated, deceived, abused, and intimidated. You never know how much you can take until you're pushed over the edge. You never know what you're destined to become until pain, sorrow, and or trauma shape you in ways that transform you into a therapeutic agent. The Dalai Lama once said, The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life. So don't look at your pain or suffering from a negative standpoint; rather, let it become your teacher.

God took me off the diversion course and called me to be unique and creative. He called me a woman of God---when I was moving in the opposite direction. He told me to live, when people were trying to kill me. He called me blessed, when each day felt like a curse. He called me to come forth, when I was stuck in a traumatizing cycle. He called me, when people thought I was the least likely to succeed. He called me to an educational track, when I was a high school dropout. He called me to minister when I didn't believe I had a voice. I know what you may be thinking. Why would someone call you what you have yet to become? Well, it all goes back to the story of the seed, which is often regarded as insignificant until it is planted in the ground and grows into a mighty oak tree. In the same way, God sees our potential before we've even blossomed. That's why He relates to us according to who we are--not where we are (in the area of our development).

God called me a conqueror when I felt like the one being conquered. He told me to get up when people were trying to pull me down. He told me to leave dead religion and get back to my spiritual roots. He told me to pick up my bed (of affliction) and walk into my destiny. In other words, take up the thing that once held you back and walk without any further limitations. God removed the appetite of addiction and replaced it with a burning desire to serve Him. God called me, loved me, nurtured me, delivered me, healed me, ordained me, and equipped me to raise hell (uproot everything that tried to take me under) so I could speak life into your situation right now!

2

Seven Years Later

For many, time magnifies old wounds; for others, time allows for various stages of healing.

From the time the baby leaves the hospital, the parents are left to their own devices with little or no information to help them navigate through the parental process. When the little bundles of joy are whisked off into the sunset, many are exposed to damaging influences that will follow or haunt them for the rest of their life. You see, it only takes a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years for a young child to be marred by a devastating wound that can last a lifetime.

It had been seven years from the time I was placed in the care of my parents. Now I was running behind my two-year-old brother, trying to catch him in an attempt to buffer the noise. The environment was unpredictable, cold, dark, psychologically reserved, aggressively charged, and emotionally detached. We were taught to be seen, and not heard; to be present physically, but disconnected mentally. While children are very inquisitive, I quickly came to realize, if you open your mouth, it could cost you---big time.

Whenever my mother was physically present she was emotionally absent; like an unplugged lamp, wedged in the corner of a room, not being utilized in the full capacity to which it was intended. The environment was loaded with negative triggers which influenced emotional and physical aggression. My parents were rearing a family through the lens of their former trauma. My father (Bruce) lost his sister as a young man, and his father was strict and psychologically abrasive. My mother, along with her little brother, were abandoned by their mother, left to be reared by her parents, while her mother remarried and started another family. My parents had been deeply wounded, and they had no idea how their issues would affect their children.

Most of the time, I couldn't understand what I did wrong. I was frustrated, confused, scared, and I felt like I was all alone. When I saw my mother, I often fantasized about the hug, kiss, and the words, like, I love you---that never became a reality. My father used humor to break the ice (figuratively speaking), then he cracked ice in a tall glass, and poured the vodka that would set him ablaze---like a towering inferno---burning everything in its path. This psychological inferno would continue to burn for the next seven years, while my brother and I would feel the sting of inflamed emotions, the crackle of aggression, with the intense heat of physical and mental negligence. In the end, our lives would be scarred by psychological and physical abuse. As we both tried to get beyond the trauma, my brother chose to live in denial, while I was engulfed with rage.

The Scriptures refer to a time where everyone's work will be tested by fire, to see if it can survive extreme heat in order to be counted worthy of the Creator's approval. In this picture, we see a reflection of God's grace working through humanity. For the destiny that was instilled in me would far exceed the test of time, and despite the devastating effects of child abuse, domestic violence, addiction, and religious corruption, being under fire gave me the ability to stand with my head held high. You see, my mission was confirmed in the fire, taken from the ashes of my pain---authentically birthed in the midst of great travail to bring me into a state of authenticity. Your authentic self is who you are at the core---without any societal mask. One minister said, Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be while embracing who we are.

What's the deeper reality behind who we are? Lucinda Bassett wrote,

Your core story can become a catalyst for success beyond your wildest dreams. The very challenges and struggles that you faced during childhood and into adulthood can become the motivations that are shaping you today and guiding you to your mission in life. In order to achieve this mission, you must look intimately and honestly at your Core Story, understand how it has affected you, and make a conscious decision to use it for your benefit.

As children grow and thrive, words take on different meanings which in time either become a psychological treasure or an emotional roadblock. In order to uncover your true identity, you must be able to see clearly---not necessarily with the use of a Bible, a Koran, or the Torah because humanity has all the necessary data locked inside of themselves. All of the evidence of the things that plague us is stored in our subconscious mind; filtered through our emotions and perceptions---staged through our actions. So whether you embrace the Creation story, scientific or evolution theory, one thing is for sure, women have taken on the daunting task as carriers who handle and transport fetuses so they can be shaped by the fire of human experience, where they will either, die or thrive---be empowered or disempowered by the circumstances of life.

When thinking about a carrier, a carrier is quite different from a creator. The creator is the manufacturer behind the scenes who envisions, drafts, replicates, and prepares the product for reproduction. While a woman possesses all of the machinery for reproduction, fully equipped with eggs waiting to be fertilized, a womb to house the growing embryo, a water sac to protect it through each trimester, and a placenta to ensure that all the right nutrients go directly to the unborn fetus, she's not the manufacturer of the equipment. But instead, the woman received the machinery from her Creator---to carry out a specific function. The carrier's ultimate task is to house, transport, nurture, and guide the child into areas where he will begin to identify and follow his Creator.

Let's observe the components of a Xerox copier to see what it reveals about the reproductive process. The copier has the internal capability to replicate documents that are placed on the scanning bed (reproduce a copy of the original). In the same way, the human womb duplicates the seed placed on the uterus bed (the platform that copies or replicates the material within the seed). The copier's productivity, which is directly linked to the manufacturer's use of it, was designed to scan, carry, and transport a copy of the original document so it could be used for a specific purpose. The Xerox copier is said to be, A complicated device with a very basic principle driving the process. It includes, electricity, a system of lenses, a metal drum, and a dark powder which all connect to serve a specific function, in which the efficiency of the machine relies on the interconnections of intricate parts with the induction of a blank sheet of paper, used to bring the image to life.

All of humanity is a reflection of our Creator's intention. While many individuals struggle with the grim realities associated with a baby that's deformed or mentally retarded or has missing limbs or is blind and some people think, if God is a creative genius, why would He allow a child to come into the world at a physical or psychological disadvantage? Why would He allow parents to abuse their children? Sexually molest, manipulate or exploit them? Roman 8:28 says, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. While everything that we go through doesn't always seem fair or productive, it all serves to provide us with different experiences.

Have you ever sought God with a clenched fist and asked Why? I did, and to my surprise, most of the answers came on the other side of the trauma. During a television interview, Del Way talked about the sorrow he felt when his wife developed cancer and died. She was the love of his life, and after she was gone, he asked God "Why? to the point of exhaustion before falling to his knees without any legitimate response. As he reminisces today about that traumatic season of his life, he has come to realize that it was all a part of God's plan to take him spiritually higher. Robert Schuller said, When you ask God why you're not looking for an answer; you're looking for an argument." Have you ever argued with God?

Stevie Wonder became blind after he developed retinopathy (detached retinas), but many people who knew him said music was always in his blood. By the age of ten, he was a self-taught musician, fluently playing the harmonica, piano, and drums. At twelve he made his singing debut, and from that point forward, his music career took off. Today, he's still going strong, and he's received over twenty-four Grammys throughout the course of his career. Whenever we feel like we're at a disadvantage, there's something inside of us that gives us a greater advantage. As in the case of Nick Vujicic who was born without arms and legs. The doctors told his parents he would never be able to lead a normal life and he would be a tremendous burden. Mr. Vujicic defeated the odds, and not only does he get around, he goes golfing, fishing, swimming, and he even attended a